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Perhaps, as a person who has dealt with emotional problems both of your own and of family members, you might use your potential to help others. You may have some natural insight into psychological issues (probably from empathetic observation of family members suffering emotionally throughout your young life), so perhaps you may be able to heal yourself as you help others heal by volunteering. You may also discover that you would like a career in counselling or psychology, etc. A lot of professional counsellors and psychologists have become what they are because they suffered issues themselves as younger people. Or maybe you'll discover something completely different that you'll like to do.
I second the advice about working hard, keeping your head down and having a definite (but somewhat flexible) goal. It keeps your mind focused on the task at hand. There are a lot of great online/distance college and university programs that would enable you to work while earning a formal education- maybe check some out to see if anything piques your interest.
As for the moto, don't be too determined to keep it part of your life at the moment if it means you have to sacrifice other things in your life. It's extremely expensive to participate in at any level (at least where I live in Canada) and can really cause financial problems if your not careful. You can also get injured, which could severely impact every other area of your life. Remember, you can stay in touch with moto friends and stay in the loop and come back to it later when you're ready. Best of luck in life- you've got what it takes!
Learn to be happy in any situation and you will always be happy. Life is about dealing with what life throws at you and finding a measure of joy in that situation.
Everyone exists in some type of prison, for those with anxieties and depression, their skin is the prison walls, for others the walls of their home, a loveless marriage, a job they hate.....but it’s the people who wake up and battle the day and can sleep well that will be ok tomorrow.
Never worry so much about tomorrow that you forget to live today!
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If you want to raise your credit score do what others have suggested and get a couple of credit cards and use wisely. I use them daily and never pay a dime of interest.
When you are feeling on track a good woman will make your life very enjoyable
Be careful if you take the college route. The expense can be astronomical and if you do not major in a field that will provide a job once you are out and decent wages to pay back the student loans you will be n major debt for years
And in regards to Moto. It is a hobby and an expensive one. As enjoyable as it may be to you it does need to come second to making a living and relationships
As far as parents go, not many people can say they had perfect parents. Don’t let them infect you but also don’t forget who they are. I would hate to see you have regrets once they are gone.
Best of luck young man
A long time ago I did not know it but my ex had signed a couple of those $1000 checks that come in the mail that start a loan in my name. She did not tell me and they were never paid. Credit went to shit and I gave up on it and for years just payed cash.
To start rebuilding my credit I had to go and buy a cheap used car at stupid 25% interest. Buy and never pay late. A couple years later bought a new truck. I found having a credit card and not using or using and paying it off every month helped. My 1st CC I had to give them $500 and got $500 in credit.
Positive things help in a positive way.
while in high school I had a bus boy job in a restaurant. Got minimum wage but every day I was given 10% of the waitress tips so I had cash and just deposited the checks into a bank account.
My senior year out of the blue the local MC shop noticed that I worked on my own bike and did everything myself so I could race every weekend. Basically was the shop rat doing tire and brake pad changes and mechanics taught me so I learned and moved up the ladder by going shop to shop and after about 5 years was a flat rate A tech. I wrenched for 30 years and started a couple part time businesses doing suspension and building motors for pro riders.
One shop I worked at was doing inventory throwing a pallet full of new old stock parts in the trash so I had them put all the parts in my truck. I started selling parts on eBay and did well so I started buying old inventory from MC shops and that was doing so well I stoped wrenching and have been selling every since.
Working in the MC Industry just fell in my lap and hard work and not wasting $$ by hardly drinking and not doing drugs got me where I am today.
If you are under 30 and can't code in some language, you are behind already. This skill will literally apply to anything in the future. For instance, someone mentioned operating machinery. But the machinery of the future will all be AI controlled. So if you can program the machine to do what needs to be done, that will be the "machine operator" of the future. In fact it even is now for large farming operations.
Also, put away some cash for an emergency life situation.
Be thankful that you have the capacity and the physical and mental ability to “Do” things and don’t ever take that for granted.
Good luck dude! Lots of good advice being posted... use it and shit’ll buff out! Ha!
Start thinking about what you want to do with your life.
In the meantime, bust your ass for your uncle and be the best goddamn grocery store employee the world has ever seen.
Do that and opportunities will come your way. The world always has a shortage of passionate, hardworking people. Keep your head up.
He could join the military and get paid to go see the world...and shovel a fresh layer of dirt on Ebola treatment centers in Liberia. Getting paid to get away from a toxic family situation could be a great thing. After four years he'll have all the money he needs to go to school on my and your taxpayers dime. Earn it, don't just stick your hand out for it. That's where the entitled bullshit enters the room.
- see a Dr. and Psychologist. Filter through what they say.
- maybe try to be a mechanic for a local hotshot. Being around bikes is a beautiful thing.
- read up on cognitive thinking and anxiety tricks
- exercise
- try to do at least one thing you enjoy every day
- don’t get serious with a girl/guy/whatever until you are feeling better and can make good choices
- there are gonna be bad moments, they will pass.
- don’t try to kill it with alcohol or rec. drugs, I tried. (well, a puff now and then helps me, but I’m old. Advise against it at your age.
We are animals, time to forget about the nest and parents for awhile, work on yourself.
We have an issue with our oldest, 23, transgender, BPD, OCD, no skills. This kid is screwed for society.
Been brutal on my wife and I, and depression.
Unlike my oldest, it sounds like you have a lot of strengths and capabilities.
Use your head and you will be fine.
Riding a motorcycle or even working on them is great therapy.
Good luck
To the OP, you're at a huge advantage to have both clarity and recognition of where you're at in life (money, age, family - attitude towards it all), as a lot of people your age (and much older) are total victims that can't help themselves to literally save their lives. First thing I'd say is to stay the hell away from drugs. They come at a huge price of money, and even more so, motivation. Secondly, travel. Save up enough to go...and go. You're at the prime of your life to do so, so make it happen ASAP. Even if you stretch it our for a couple years, you'll still be young enough to do whatever it is you want to do career-wise, and you'll likely have a much better idea (and perhaps opportunity) of whatever that ends up being. There are even ways to make a little money while you do it: look into crewing a yacht; teaching ESL (English as a second language), get a gig working a seasonal hospitality job in some foreign country, etc. EDIT: Last note on the travel suggestion: you can get a DR or KLR650 pretty damn cheap and travel while you ride. No, it's not moto, but still a cool way the see the world. With sites like couchsurfing.com (not to be confused with other couch sites), you millennials or whatever you're called now have one hell of an opportunity to travel cheap and meet people while doing it. Example: https://advrider.com/index.php?threads/tanning-a-ginger-tip-to-tip.7974…
Like others have said, I'd avoid college (I have degrees I don't use) unless you know exactly what you want to do and need the degree(s) to get there. I'd also avoid jumping into a trade at this point, again, unless you know what you want to do. Don't be swayed by money.
...and on that note, I'll leave you with a quote: "And then there is the most dangerous risk of all -- the risk of spending your life not doing what you want on the bet you can buy yourself the freedom to do it later." -Randy Komisar
Stay strong, don't be afraid to ask your doctor for help and move forward.
Once you are able to get that help the rest of your life will be much smoother and become clearer as to what you want to do. Personally, I would explore the utility world a bit.....I started out on the end of a shovel digging ditches for residential natural gas installations, worked my way to crew foreman and got experience running equipment. Hard work and not much pay but the knowledge and experience was well worth it. In my early 30's I decided to work smarter not harder and found my way from the ditches to the office world. I learned a meter reading software and now work for the largest "Electric Utility" in the NW and have an awesome career. I can go anywhere and make a nice comfortable living doing what I do.
Try to look for industries that aren't going to be going anywhere like utilities, medical, engineering, etc... these are fields that no matter what happens in life of the worlds economy they aren't going anywhere.
Best of luck brother and when I was in my funk a saying stuck out to me.... "Tough time don't last, tough people do".
First off, you can continue to ride, just find an old 2-stroke that doesn't cost a lot to maintain. Learn to fix everything yourself on it and don't worry about all the aftermarket stuff. Keep it stock and affordable.
Credit - To begin rebuilding your credit, have one credit card and only one credit card. Have a limit where you are able to pay it off every month and not a penny more. If you buy anything with a loan, make damn sure that monthly payment fits into your budget, and have a firm budget. Build your savings so you have 2-3 months of living money in case something happens. You may have to life very frugally to get to the point of having that emergency backup, but it will be worth it. Don't touch that money unless you have to.
Now the job/school/life
If you were a good student and you know what you would love to pursue, I'd say start with a 2-year college while working to get all of the basic studies out of the way. You should easily qualify for student loans or grants. If you take the loans, make damn sure that the degree you leave school with will support the amount you end up with when done. In other words, if you are getting a culinary degree, don't have $80K in school loans upon graduation.
If you're not a good student, you have two really solid options.
1) Military - full-time or National Guard. This will allow you to think about what you really want to go to school for. Then, when you are ready, it will be paid for.
2) Trades - I like this option the best. You will make great money when you hit the Journeyman status or whatever the highest level is. It will take years, but the money while getting there won't be bad either.
Along the way, take time to stop and smell the roses. In other words, do some traveling or stuff that won't break the bank and will allow you to just relax and not worry about the stressors of life.
You got this, just take it slow and think about your decisions A LOT prior to making them. As you know, one bad one can really F--- things up.
Pit Row
Things did not go well after that.
At age 20 I decided it was time to get my shit together. I was very depressed, had no ambition, goals, happiness, hated my life, blah blah blah. Motocross made me happy though.
At 21 after working like 14-15 hours a day I bought my own house, and now I’m 22, own my own house with a big ass garage, quit my second job to concentrate on starting my own business and working towards getting into the IT field full time which is something I enjoy.
Literally at the age of 19 and 20 I remember having a gun to my head sitting by myself wanting to end it all. Now I’m a happy as fuck and driven to succeed. Never would’ve thought I’d be where I am now.
I would advice someone like you, no girlfriend/wife, nothing to leave behind, to go after 100% what you want. Go ALL IN. Do not fear losing. Learn from it. That’s all losing is, it’s a lesson. Start your own business doing what you enjoy. Or get a job doing what you enjoy, weather you have to relocate and work 12+ hours a day, you will thank yourself in the long run.
Life will throw you a lot of curveballs, while you are only one year younger than me, a lot can change in one year. I recommend you researching an influential figure in my life named Gary Vaynerchuk. Listen to his podcasts. Reflect on your thoughts and decisions. Figure it out. You have lots of time. You’ll be in a total different place 1-2 years from now. You’re already very self aware and sound intelligent enough to do what you want. That’s a plus. Also separate yourself from negative people and surround yourself with people who are positive and pick you up. Good luck buddy.
You want. Or stay in and retire at 41...
Uh or....join the reserves. Got good health insurance buy a lawn mower. Cut grass and land scape for
Yourself. See where it takes you....just paid a landscaper some good coin last week and he is constantly busy.
Military is like the moto community. Everyone builds each other up. Big time comradely. And you instantly connect with new people who are in all over the world. And you see people all the time from different operations you were involved in both in the army and outside the army. It’s a great experience for a driven young man like yourself.
To the OP, we go the direction we face. You don’t and likely won’t get there right away, but as soon as you know the outcome you want, begin working towards that. Face that direction and off you go. As others have said, work hard, work smart, and become an above average person, as that’s what leads to above average results in all aspects of your life.....and if you ever borrow money, keep it to a mortgage. When you don’t have payments....you have money. Best wishes to you.
I have about 60 hours of college but no degree. I make more money than most people but not finishing my degree has closed so many doors for advancement that I really regret not finishing what I started. It really sucks to be an expert in your field but have to take marching orders from some young college graduate who knows very little.
And why did I quit....because I wanted it all right now; new motocross bike, street bike, ski boat, etc. so I quit and got a job as an operator in a chemical plant. Like most young people I couldn’t see past tomorrow and had no long range goal for my life. You need to harness your intelligence, focus on the long term and overcome the obstacles in your life.
I think the best advice I read in this thread is to have a positive mental attitude. Seriously. Find something that you are thankful for every day and say it out loud. State your long term goals. It works, I swear! I’m not a naturally a positive, upbeat, everything is peachy kind of person, but my wife is. And after being together for almost 28 years she has transformed me.
Like Dimetime said, make a goal or two. Goals should be SMART: Specific, Measureable, Attainable, Realistic, and Timely. In other words, "I am going to have $104.00 in the savings account on September 20, 2018. I will do this by placing $26 from each of my next four paychecks into savings." It fits all of the criteria above. An example of a bad goal would be, "I want to own a boat." (Not specific, maybe not realistic, not time-bound.) Or, "I want to be the CEO of a company next year (probably not realistic).
For your purposes, I'd suggest goals like saving money, repairing your credit, removing toxic people from your life, finding a career, getting a degree or certificate, etc.
I agree that you should not get married until much later in life (most people should, in fact). This means you should also probably stay away from any long-term girlfriends because those become wives before you know it. On the other side of the coin, if you find a really good woman who can help you get straight and will not give up on you, then don't let her go. It's really tough to know the difference, so choose carefully.
On a very, very fundamental level, learn to love yourself. Dude, this is the most important thing in the world. Be able to look yourself in the mirror and say, "I love you, man. I'm going to do the absolute best I can to make you happy." If you don't believe that, keep saying it until you do. Focus on the positive and let the negative float away.
Good luck.
If you can get a handle on your anxiety, I'd like to add another recommendation for considering military service for a few years. In your situation, it offers a lot of benefits. Steady pay, free healthcare, room & board, potential for promotion and advancement, and a chance to learn a skill and get tuition assistance on Uncle Sam's dime. The retirement system has changed in the past few years, so if you get out earlier you can now take a 401K with you (the old system gave you nothing unless you did the full 20 or got some type of disability).
A motocross racer is a good fit for military service in many ways. We are in better shape than most kids and can deal with "exciting" situations. We all know what it feels like to hit the ground and get back up. Not all young people have those traits.
Also keep in mind there are hundreds of different jobs - when you join, you sign a contract that guarantees you a specific job (unless you fail out of the school for that job). At least when you join the Army that's how it works!
I served for 21 years and it has allowed me to race all over the country over the years thanks to my different duty stations.
And once you are in, you can join Veteran's MX Foundation and we will help get you hooked up with riding spots and friends!!! It's a community within a community, and it's pretty cool.
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