Anyone Regret Not Having Kids?

Its never to late for the father, I had our first at 44 and my third at 50. My wife is 12 years younger.

Just remember pregnancy after 40 for the girl can have issues.

We waited because we met later in life and then partied for 10 years.

Whether waiting was good or bad, I have 3 beautiful boys that drain the bank every week.

My wife and I are both 30 and are thinking no kids. We are both professionals (dentists) and are hoping to buy a second office soon. Point is, it just might not be for us. We constantly get told or asked “when you have kids” or “when will you have kids”. It is the normal thing to do but if you don’t want to then don’t.

Some great information and relatable content in this thread. Some of it can't be comprehended until you become a parent. I have never been so exhausted and fulfilled at the same time.

Im a cool uncle. My dad stuggled with addiction and some other demons. He turned his life around but it took a toll on my mother, my sister had a hard time getting pregnant and had to go through ivf. But now she has two and they are friggin awesome. My mom got the grandkids she always wanted. I love kids and worked as a swim instructor during highshool and some college but it isn't for me I don't think. I met a girl a couple years ago and I swear she could be the one. She asked me to move accross country with her and to much surprise I said no. Now two years removed and we can't get away from each other, either me flying to her or vise vera. I get sick when I see her and I have no clue what that means. We've both tried to be with other people and it just hasn't worked.

Thanks SMF, but it probably isn't as good as I make it sound. It was more just a matter of being in the right place at the right time, and to be honest I think that 99% of us would have made almost the exact same choices.

I was DONE with having more kids. My 2 oldest were going to be it, did the snip, etc. And our younger kids were only 'supposed' to be with us for a few weeks at most. But after about a day and a half I knew in my heart that I selfishly never wanted them to leave. I was still hoping that at least one of their parents cleaned their act up because I still felt that they deserved to be with their bio parents if possible, but after it became clear that their addictions were stronger than their desire to parent I knew that it was my duty to parent them for the rest of their lives. But again almost anyone who is a parent would have likely done the exact same thing, they just haven't had the same situation arise.

It's been a struggle at times because both of our younger kids had some serious issues to work through. Our daughter suffered from some pretty severe PTSD-type things, and it took us a LONG time to reinforce that she no longer had to be the primary caregiver for her younger brother. They were only 3.5 and 1 at the time but she was the one who changed his diaper, made his bottles, and all of those other things when they first arrived to us. They even had their own 'language' to communicate with grunts and groans, as our son was not really able to truly 'speak' until well after his 3rd birthday. Our youngest son was born addicted to meth and heroin and has some physical issues that will last his lifetime because of that. He's done amazingly well and even graduated high school on time with his class, which is something that I never would have thought possible way back when he first came to our family. He is 20 now, and he still lives at home with us but he is working full time and just about ready to leave the nest so I count that as one of the most successful things that any of our kids could ever do.

In the end the challenges that they had to overcome helped my wife and I become better people, and also helped our older children understand that life is not always easy for everyone and that they can really make a difference in the world by sharing love and kindness. All of our kids are definitely quick to share nearly anything that they have with people and I think that it is because of the way they all had to come together to support each other as a family.

So yes, I sometimes do regret not having a couple more kids but maybe it wouldn't have been the dynamic that we enjoyed and things might not have turned out as well as they have. I'll never actually know but looking back I almost feel a little bit selfish for not at least trying.

There are plenty of things that I am not very good at in life, but I think that parenting is not on that list. Or maybe, as I like to joke with friends, they all just turned out pretty good IN SPITE of my wife and I.........!

I have 2 kids and often I fantasize about how much easier life would be without them. I find it odd that some parents seem to gush with pride, even though their offspring has severely underachieved.

To each their own but I agree with vtecs post above, but then let's face it the vast majority of people never achieve anything to shout about, just surviving seems to be an achievement for some.

Man, i don't know whats, worse this one or your marriage post

Nothing worthwhile is ever truly easy. Of course having kids is hard. It’s a lot of work!

That’s what makes all the amazing moments worth it!! And there can also be goodness and tenderness in the down/hard times too!

It’s like climbing a mtn. At the top is the most beautiful views you can ever experience. But yeah the climb isn’t easy. Which make the views worth it! But the climb also is filled with amazing experiences. Sure some dust and dirt. But also campfires, s’mores, intimates talks.

That’s my analogy.

It’s not for everyone! But what an experience and views to DIE for.

Why wouldn't there be jobs*? Declining birthrate and shifting views on immigration in the US means there will be plenty of work to be done 18 years from now.

*assuming nuclear war doesn't eradicate life on Earth.

Because technology is massively deflationary. Barring any sort of intervention the amount of people who will be displaced from their job by AI and other emerging technologies will absolutely shock our system, and it’s coming fast. This isn’t a 20 years away problem, this is happening now and will only accelerate exponentially from here. We’ve already seen the trend accelerate rapidly with Covid, hundreds of thousands of workers are not going to be going back to their old jobs because they simply don’t exist anymore, the only reason we’ve seen a rise in prices at all over the last decade has been loose money by the Fed. If that QE stops we’re going to see the massive price deflation that technology creates, and they can only combat it with more and more aggressive stimulus. Have you noticed that with the last few recessions the “emergency” measures to stabilize the economy have become policy? This will continue after Covid, central banks all over the world are trying to fight the inevitable and losing. It’s also peculiar to me that magically as production processes (particularly with food) have become more refined, the price of goods has somehow remained stable rather than decreased. That isn’t a natural phenomenon, that’s pure manipulation.

What this all means for future generations I have no idea, but the risk of job retraction is very real, and something that’s very much on my radar.

I work in industrial automation, I design machines to replace people. There will always be work to be done, it just will be different kinds of work. Automation also tightens the margin between foreign and domestic production so restoring jobs is more attractive. Edit: meant reshoring production.

Imo automation is alot like climate change. It will happen to some degree and it will cause changes, but its not the end of the world. However ignoring it or being dramatic about it just doesn't help, we need to be serious about.

Imo the biggest threat to the Middle class in the US is market manipulation and wage stagnation because of greed not automation, that is just a scapegoat.

How do you rate other people's intelligence? Are you rating yourself as above average? What's the scale, you "feel" like other people are dumber?

I think that I respect your decision not to have children even more now. Bringing race and xenophobia into this discussion proves that your feelings that not everyone should be allowed to have children are valid.

You are right that the skillsets change which is why I said that the issue should be addressed in a serious manner.

Getting back to the topic, using societal collapse as a reason to not have kids is just an excuse. If you don't want to have kids that is totally fine with me. I have actually become a bigger advocate of telling people NOT to have kids since I had mine. It's a huge job and responsibility and if it doesn't completely change your life you probably aren't doing it right.

Read 3 pages and still waiting to see who regrets or doesn't not having kids

You seem like a fun Dad...

Sounds like you're using education as a way to determine intelligence, which isn't very accurate. People with more money can afford a better education, but that doesn't mean they're more intelligent. Also people who start their own businesses aren't necessarily smarter than their employees, they may be greater risk takers, but that's not a good indicator of intelligence either.

I know several people who are over educated beyond their intelligence.

It takes two to make a baby and after reading some of these responses I can see how that would be a major hurdle for some.

I'm more grateful for my kids every day. Its amazing to watch them grow up and learn new things every day. You'll be hard pressed to find an emotion better then the one you feel when you're kid spontaneously hugs you and says "I love you."

The big thing to consider is that your time is no longer your time. Its their time. My wife and I are great about letting each other get out to do things like workout or meet a friend for a beer. But that's time away where the other one has their hands full with dinner, bath, bed etc. I was never a selfish person with my time so there wasn't really a big adjustment from 0-1 or 1-2 for me, but I'm conscious enough to recognize that I can't do what I went when I want.

I switched jobs when my daughter was 1.5. I was gone too much I loved my job but it wasn't worth not reading my kid a bedtime story 6 months out of the year.

Be ready to make personal sacrifices. They are worth it should you decide to have kids.

i don't like the IQ thing but I feel you should at least have the financial means to support said kid before you even think about having one. There are to many "parents" who cant afford the1st child they had but keep on having them and feel its societies job to support them for some reason......

I'd rather pay for everyone's birth control than pay for their kids.

Welcome to Nazi eugenics 101........

You do understand that IQ is a subjective measurement with cultural bias built in, don’t you?

It's not a liberal or conservative issue. It isn't political at all. Apparently you have been taught to view life in that manner?

You are promoting eugenics, nothing more or nothing less.

Again, I applaud your decision not to reproduce. Between your earlier thinly veiled racist tropes and your silly viewpoints of deciding who should have children based on your subjective criteria, you shouldn't be spreading that to impressionable youth.

No way. Wake up every day and do whatever I want. Go fishing, go travel. My friends who had kids were all locked down and miserable. Having kids is so over rated.

You're right, please, please don't have kids. They're not for everyone. Thanks !

What was your screen name before you got bounced last time?

I’ve done a lot of cool shit up until having kids. Now I still do a lot of cool shit with kids. It boils down to what kind of person are you. Sounds like you shouldn’t have kids and thats ok. I waited until I was a little older to have kids. Got all my younger wilder party days out of the way. Was able to be selfish and do whatever I wanted. Had a blast and wouldn’t change the path that’s been paved before me. Nowadays, nothing makes me happier than taking my kids everywhere with me. Especially taking them riding.

I’ll be 34 next month and had my first kid at 27 so he’s 7. I also have a 3 year old and 10 month old.

When I was younger I was always a little different. I had absolutely no fear and I fed off of adrenaline. I can honestly say I was never afraid of dying. That sounds so weird to say.

Now it’s my biggest fear (other than losing a child) only because I know I have to be here for them. Out of all the things I’ve been able to accomplish throughout my life nothing has given me more joy than experiencing my children’s “firsts.” First steps, first words, first time riding a dirt bike. All of those things have brought me more joy than I could ever imagine. Watching my little 10 month old daughter take her first steps while giggling is absolutely surreal.

Watching my 7 year old turn into a little boy is so sad yet so amazing. He was in the back yard driving the side by side today and I just couldn’t believe he’s already at that point. It seems like just yesterday I was changing his diapers and watching him take his first steps.

On the flip side, kids are definitely tough. They are temperamental, expensive and a lot of work. You will certainly learn what patience is while having a kid or three.

I wouldn’t change having them. I would absolutely never say I regret having them because that would be so far from the truth. I can guarantee every parent here remembers the first time they saw and held their children. There is absolutely nothing better in life than having a child.