Godspeed OCScottie.

ProKawi24 wrote:

Same here, been in this chair as a paraplegic for 21 years now. There's quite a few of us in chairs on this site. People don't...

Same here, been in this chair as a paraplegic for 21 years now. There's quite a few of us in chairs on this site. People don't see all the "behind the scenes" shit that we go through. Bowel & bladder care / accidents, I've pissed or shit myself at the office on multiple occasions and it's embarrassing. The back pain from the injury, shoulder pain from pushing a chair all day, lifting myself into my truck, the bed, shower, toilet, etc. Leg spasms, urinary infections, losing your independence and that sinking feeling when you go somewhere or to someone's house and you have to deal with stairs you can't get up. Dating - finding a good chick to see past the chair and all that crap that comes with it I just mentioned. It's a tough life no doubt. I've found myself on many occasions thinking about just ending it and finally getting out of this chair.

People always say taking your own life is the most selfish thing you could do, but to me I always thought it was more selfish for people to make me stay alive and deal with this Hell every day just so they didn't have to go through the pain of me being gone. They aren't the ones waking up every day not able to feel or move half your body, they don't have to lift themselves into a chair every morning and deal with the constant physical and mental/emotional pain that we do. I miss riding my bike every day. I have dreams of me riding all the time and wake up crying every time because I miss it so much and want the dream to never end. That's something people don't see us dealing with. I got sucked into the world of opiate painkiller, taking percocet & oxy every day until it sucked everything out of me. Getting off of all that was the worst, miserable time I can remember. The problem is, once the meds our out of your system, the pain is still there and sometimes the Dr's just can't do much else about it. Surgery after surgery, physical therapy, etc. It's just something we're forced to live with and try to put on a smile for those around us.

But we're also some of the toughest sob's there are. We choose to keep fighting every day and trying to find the good things in life to keep us going. I just hope Scottie is feeling a little better today. Not gonna lie....I've written a few of those notes myself with the intent of going through with it. I think sometimes just the ACT of writing the note and putting yourself in that mindset can be a bit of a relief, almost therapeutic. Getting those emotions out and releasing some of the pain.

Scottie - if you read this and I hope you do, just know you've got so many people here that love you, cherish your friendship, and would do anything it takes to help. We've been through so much of the same shit, if you ever wanna talk on the phone or text or email you can reach out to me buddy, I'll be here and I know exactly how you feel.

ridge wrote:

RIP Scottie.