Help Getting Over Long Term Relationship!

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11/3/2021 5:31 AM

I'm really struggling with this one to the point where I just don't want to live anymore. I know that sounds cliche and weak but it's honestly how I feel.

I'll be 42 years old and I've spent the last 18 years of my life with this women. We have been through a lot together and she had helped me get through some rough patches in my life.

We had struggled a bit this past year or more and I put a lot of effort into trying to better myself on being a better partner and get our relationship back on track. But in the end it wasn't enough and it was all over a couple weeks ago.

I just can't picture going on without her. I've been through some adversity in my life and managed to work through it and come out the other side. I just feel like I got nothing left in the tank to get through this one. I've barely eaten and have no desire to do anything, I'm just loosing it. My family is really concerned I'll do something to end my life.

We don't have kids, only our dog who is like a kid to us. So I now come home to an empty house and there's just nothing there...I've never felt more alone in my life I can't even describe the true feeling. The dog went with her as he's always been moma's boy but she also says I can still have him whenever I want to see him.

I mean I know what I have to do, get up and get back out there and meet new people...continue on with life, she was just one girl. I know this and it's what my younger self would have told someone who's going through this. I just don't have that drive now and it feels like I never will.

On top of this I was recently laid off so I can't even focus on work as a distraction. I started looking for work the other day and just got flooded with the feeling of what's the point.

This is a strange place to share something like this I know, I'm just getting desperate and had to vent and reach out for some help. I've talked to a therapist and although it helps a little I was looking to get feedback from real people who've been in this situation.

Thanks boys


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11/3/2021 7:00 AM

I feel your pain and 100% understand what you are going through. I kept one photo of the ex and got rid of everthing. Its been 30 years and i still think of her occasionally. Its hard and it will take time.

I really dont know what to say that will make you feel better. Be strong and surround yourself will good people.

Ill always be here if you need to talk.

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Non Gratum Anus Rodentum

11/3/2021 7:05 AM

Time heals all wounds. Hang tough for now and youll find a direction when the time is right.

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11/3/2021 7:11 AM

Go join a gym. Went through similar and not far off in age, she even got our dog too. People always say to take some time and get back out there, don’t. Take the time and and do you. Do stuff you used to like doing when you were younger. Get into the gym and you’ll start feeling better about yourself. Is it lonely? Yeah it is sometimes, but friends and family help and when you’re not looking for someone to replace her someone right will come along, but if you’re not feeling good about yourself then you’re not going to attract the right one.

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2018 KTM 250sx
Instagram CamaroAJ

11/3/2021 7:21 AM

Been there done that. Time heals everything. No way around it.

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11/3/2021 7:27 AM

First of all, it's ok to be down in the dumps, we are all human and need time to recover from major changes in life. You don't need to rush out and meet new people either. Take some time for YOU and really explore what you want, including work and what you want to pursue there.

That said, no one human on this earth determines another persons worth or purpose to live. Don't let someone hold that power over you, you have the power to move on and better yourself and you'll get to a point where you are confident enough to do that. I wish you all the best! One thing I've learned, we are all going through some nasty stuff in life (I am currently). No one is exempt.

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11/3/2021 7:33 AM

Scars come with livin

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11/3/2021 8:13 AM

Everything feels helpless right now and for awhile but in a time you will realize that there is so many other options in life that will make you happy and you will reflect back on this time and be a better man from this temporary struggle. You are not even half way through life yet so there is a lot of really good times ahead which is hard to believe in your current state but always true.

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I don't have to be as smart as you hope to be some day anymore. wink

11/3/2021 8:19 AM

I don't want to make light of your situation, but sometimes a little humor helps:

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Braaapin' aint easy.

11/3/2021 4:20 PM

Thanks for the words boys, means a lot and looks like some sound advice. I'm still here for the moment but it's hard as hell.

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11/3/2021 4:44 PM

Markturbo wrote:

Thanks for the words boys, means a lot and looks like some sound advice. I'm still here for the moment but it's hard as hell. ...more

Nothing could be gained by taking your own life. All the pain you are feeling right now is normal. And it sucks. Who wants to sit around, and feel the pain of a lost relationship? But it's not worth taking your life because I promise that if you stick it out, time will help. It may take months, maybe longer. It took me a year and a half to get over one person, and it was hell. But you'll look back and be glad you stuck around because in your own time you will feel better. Don't take a permanent action for a temporary problem.

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11/3/2021 4:46 PM

Hey man,
It’s tough. I remember when my first long term gf and myself split it took a long time for things to feel normal. There was no escaping it, the minute I would wake up till I went to bed it was on my mind and just picked away at me. Good news like a lot of things after some time it slowly started to get a bit better and then to the point where it was all good and I started enjoying life and going out with friends again.

You will get through this. I don’t have a bunch of good advice but with that said someone mentioned your in Canada (I’m on mobile can’t see locations) I am too. Ontario near Barrie. Shoot me a message I’ll send you my number if you want someone outside your circle to talk some bs, bench race whatever.

Keep your head up.

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11/3/2021 6:17 PM

It's a band that I'm a fan of. Grow up...not the time or place.

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11/3/2021 6:25 PM

Find the nearest yoga studio, and sign up for the next “beginners” class.

It is something to do.

It is constructive.

You will be the only dude, surrounded by a bunch of chicks who are taking care of themselves.

After your first class, you will feel good about going and doing something.

You will feel good because yoga makes you feel good.

You will feel good because 30 chicks will be saying “that dude has some balls” as you walk outta class.

You will be counting the hours until the next class.

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11/3/2021 7:41 PM

It’s not odd turning to Vital to vent. My wife was on an operating table a few years ago. While I was in the waiting room looking for pics of dirt bikes to distract myself, I found Vital. I’ve made a few friends here so, that’s also a bonus.

In regards of being down in the dumps and, depressed many of us had been there. Thoughts of suicide were pretty common for me after my grandfather took his life. I won’t go into the details of that but, things do get better. Feeling like it won’t get any better and, what’s the point is just that. It’s just a feeling.
My only advice is, take your time. Focus on employment, come up with a routine that’ll keep you busy. Break down the day with things you can do from the time you wake up till the time you sleep. Include taking the time to make healthy meals, exercising, going for walks, drives. Consume yourself in hobbies you enjoy. After awhile, you’ll realize
you’re in a better place. That’s what worked for me.

Suicide only leaves your loved ones pondering over the if onlys. If only I moved my grandfather from California up here with me sooner. If only I called more. That became my cycle that lead to my negative thoughts of suicide. I can promise you, it does get better and, suicide is never the answer.

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11/3/2021 8:14 PM
Edited Date/Time: 11/3/2021 8:31 PM

Hey MarkTurbo, man...was thinking of you last night. Gonna be a long pull but your heart will heal. Before you know it and it does happen...another fine lady finds you.

I will be easier as time goes by....

Hang in there brutha.

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Non Gratum Anus Rodentum

11/3/2021 8:47 PM

You being a emotional mess right now is a perfectly normal feeling after a long term breakup. Lack of appetite, motivation, depression….pretty common for anyone with a heart/soul. Like others have said time will heal. I suggest you try your hardest to find something to keep you occupied. And if at all possible don’t let a bottle be your friend right now. It’s one major depressant and that’s the last thing you need.

I saw that she took the dog. Maybe go get a rescue pup to keep your mind focused and give you a purpose to get up and out of bed, outside and walking and seeing/interacting with people.

If you ever get to feeling so down that you can’t come back, you need to get on that phone right away. Anyone and everyone will want to help you. Wether it is friends, family or even total strangers on a help line. Make a call and don’t go down the dark hole that you’ll never come back from. Lots of good life out there and this may be the beginning of something more beautiful than what you lost.

Viral is a great place to share your feelings. There are a lot of good people on here and it feels good to to vent to someone who cares. Best of luck to you

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11/3/2021 9:11 PM

Hang in there Mark. Been where you are at. Not over a woman , but had those thoughts. Talking to people and praying that the thoughts be removed really helped me. Glad you are reaching out. Like Kenny said , talk to people and get out of your head. What ever it is , that evil force in our world wants to get you alone. It wants to take you to a negative place where you do not belong. And as I was told years ago , it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Your heart will mend. Get out and ride if you can. Hard to think about anything else when you are riding. Guess it’s getting cold where you’re at though. Take care of yourself my moto brother.

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11/3/2021 9:41 PM

"I saw that she took the dog. Maybe go get a rescue pup to keep your mind focused and give you a purpose to get up and out of bed, outside and walking and seeing/interacting with people."

Yep I was surprised nobody mentioned rescuing a pup/dog till Kenny just did.

You could save two lives and a dawg will make you smile again and help take your mind off her.

Like others have said so no need to repeat, what you're going through is normal and part of this Rollercoaster of Life. We have all been there in the dark times and I too am extremely worried about my future as my girl battles cancer and I am 63, so my options don't look that good.

You're still young and there are plenty of great women out there just waiting for you.

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11/3/2021 11:07 PM

I really get sick to my stomach hearing someone talking like this.

A friend who I grew up with was having mental and marital issues. He would always comment Ill just kill myself and get all this shit over with. That went on for about a year. I got another dirt bike so I could go racing again with him doing hare scrambles. As kids we had our first MX race in 1974 and unfortunately my last hare scramble with him.

He was going to have a meeting with the lawyer on the divorce. He called me at 3 pm and I told him to just go there get it over with and think about the riding trip he and his buds were going on in the morning and to call me after the lawyer visit. He said if it doesnt go well I will just go home and kill myself.

I got caught up in my life and didnt think much of him not calling thinking they were getting loaded up to ho riding the next day. Sure as fuck his son calls me the next morning saying he had killed himself.

I was so mad at myself for not thinking of what he said and maybe I should have tried to call someone about it
I couldnt go to my friends funeral because I was so mad at him giving up..
I cant think of my friend because of what he did.

I know that sounds selfish and wrong of me thinking that way but I just cannot get over what he did.


My other friend who I also raced with since 1978 crashed his harley into a telephone pole and died.about 13 years ago
I think of him every day usually around 520PM his old racing number.

Not that my opinion matters but please get help please.



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11/4/2021 1:47 AM
Edited Date/Time: 11/4/2021 4:13 AM

Same answer applies no matter your age IMO.

Exercise your ass off, pickup a hobby and start doing anything that has a social outlet..: not to meet someone, but to talk to people and open the opportunities up.

Nothing good happens from anything that sounds like no, or can’t, or not sure. Be a yes guy.

And that is just going to make the time go by quicker, which is the obvious difficult part. Fill your life up, you’ll have fun and have less time to think about the downs, and maybe you’ll meet someone too!

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Cheers, Crush
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11/4/2021 4:27 AM
Edited Date/Time: 11/4/2021 4:29 AM

Some of us are herd animals. Some of us are comfy being lone wolfs. Naturally, being alone feels bad to a herd animal. If that is you, then it would be nuts to feel great about things just now. Your pain is what's right at the moment. And as cliche as it is, this will change. All things do. Tough as it is, embrace it.

There are great suggestions in this thread. Yoga. Gym. A bike. A rescue dog

Don't: Eat too much.
Do: Eat well, you're worth it.
Don't: Hit the bottle.
Do: Exercise.
Don't: Check out her socials.
Do: Engage in positive discussions about thing that matter to you.
Don't Check out her friend's socials.
Do: Get a dog. The rescue dog idea is a winner.
Don't: Watch shitloads of TV.
Do: Let things go.
Don't: Go around unshaven or messy. (Unless you rock that look . . . )
Do: Watch GREAT movies.
Don't: Get into a keyboard war with anyone. If you make a comment and someone replies with something outrageous, let it slide. That's so empowering.

I am alone. I am sitting here engaging with strangers, but kindred spirits. This is a good place to share, to vent, to ask. I have been in a funk for a year, as finances shrunk due to stoopid decisions. One of the best things I did was to get off dating sites. For me, searching the sites for a match highlighted my being single. Focussed on what I did not have.

You might want to jump straight back into it. You may not. There is no right or wrong answer there, just take note of what you do that helps you and makes you feel good and what you do that does otherwise. Sit back and observe yourself and treat yourself like you would your best friend.

'cause right now, that's you.

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11/4/2021 5:26 AM

Thank you so much to everyone of you! Reading all of your comments really does help and I will continue to reread them over and over for motivation.

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11/4/2021 5:45 AM

Hang tough Mark, and do what makes you happy, refind yourself and your passions. The idea of
getting a dog is a great starting point...

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11/4/2021 7:57 AM

On a serious note, definitely chase the fitness thing, it’s super rewarding. Mtb and lifting are great for me. Helps with moto too.

On a less serious note, best way to get over one is to get under another grin

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RPM Performance
CT
783

11/4/2021 9:06 AM

Oh also-definitely dog. I got my little velociraptor about a year ago while pulling out of a really bad spot mentally. He always makes my day better, and even got me running again to get us both some exercise. Photo

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RPM Performance
CT
783

11/4/2021 9:10 AM

Hey, at least you don't have kids with her. You never know; ten years from now you might have met a really great chick who turns out the be THE ONE - you know, actually the real ONE, not what you thought, assumed and believed the other girl was. You'll have fallen in love, started a family, have kids -the best thing ever, by the way- and come to realize that your life is far better than it ever had been in 2021. You won't know until time passes. Give yourself that chance.

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Braaapin' aint easy.

11/4/2021 9:25 AM

Markturbo wrote:

Thank you so much to everyone of you! Reading all of your comments really does help and I will continue to reread them over ...more

Glad to see you checking back in ! Say what you want about this place it’s like Bruce Brown said “dirt bikers are good people“. So much good advice in this thread. Venting in here and getting these guys opinions helped me get through the last 11 months with this injury I’m going through. I’m glad you reached out, even though this does seem like an odd place to get advice, there’s usually pretty good advice in here 😂. I need to follow some of the advice these guys have given you as well, completely different situations but I have thought a few times this last year that I’m tired of fucking waking up and over this shit. Some people might not get it but sharing what you’re going through with some like-minded individuals will help You’re young (I’m 61 so 42 seems young to me anyway). I’d say take these guys advice and concentrate on getting as healthy as you’ve ever been and focusing on the things you like to do, (and get a dog, nobody listens better than a dog 😎❤️😂) good luck to you and keep us up-to-date in here.

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11/4/2021 9:36 AM

PS-
Don't get consumed by the hurt and the frustration. That's just the emotions talking. Let your mind be the master for a while.

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Braaapin' aint easy.

11/4/2021 9:38 AM

Falcon wrote:

Hey, at least you don't have kids with her. You never know; ten years from now you might have met a really great chick who ...more

You are so right Falcon, my ex wife had a couple of young teen boys (the youngest probably led to the majority of the divorce, being a step-dad can be tough).

But yes can't imagine how much harder it would be with her taking children of your own, paying child support, alimony and having her badmouth you to them and now the kids hate you.
Had this happen to a close friend and yes it has set him back but I sold him a bike and we have a great time riding together like this upcoming weekend a 2 day Dualsport event.

So yes count your lucky stars you did not have kids with her.

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