Help Getting Over Long Term Relationship!

Last Braaap
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Somewhere over the rainbow, CZ
11/24/2021 9:05am
^
Oh it took them a while but the dickhead replies did find their way here after all. *slow clap*

I hope Mark is doing okay. The long silence got me a bit scared.
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early
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11/24/2021 9:44am
Dixon893 wrote:
Educate yourself in the ways of the woman. Do some YouTube searched Kevin Samuals, Coach great Adams and so many more guys. Once you understand you...
Educate yourself in the ways of the woman. Do some YouTube searched Kevin Samuals, Coach great Adams and so many more guys. Once you understand you will understand the female problems in our current culture so many men fall into the trap.
*Berlutti voice*
Sounds gay
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1
12/3/2021 1:53pm
Im still here guys. Everyday is still a struggle, but I'm still here, most days I'm still borderline. I did join a gym a few days ago and I find it's starting to help a little. I also went to see an employment councilor this week to help me find a job. I'm trying my best and going through the steps to get back on track but the pain is still there to be honest. Winter starting here in Canada doesn't help either, I'd love to up and leave and relocate to some place warm year round.
12
-MAVERICK-
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Ontario, CA
12/3/2021 5:00pm
Markturbo wrote:
Im still here guys. Everyday is still a struggle, but I'm still here, most days I'm still borderline. I did join a gym a few days...
Im still here guys. Everyday is still a struggle, but I'm still here, most days I'm still borderline. I did join a gym a few days ago and I find it's starting to help a little. I also went to see an employment councilor this week to help me find a job. I'm trying my best and going through the steps to get back on track but the pain is still there to be honest. Winter starting here in Canada doesn't help either, I'd love to up and leave and relocate to some place warm year round.
I'm not sure where you're located and I know winter can be tough, but have you tried any of the following: skiing/snowboarding, snowmobiling, ice fishing, ice racing, pick up hockey/beer league, cross country skiing, snowshoeing, etc.?

Winter isn't all that bad if you find something you like and dress for it. Plenty of health benefits and not to mention, plenty of people to meet. Oh, and ski bunnies. Smile
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The Shop

AJ565
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12/3/2021 7:30pm
EmaIl me. Ameade565 at gmail.
Shiftfaced
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Ruby Ridge, ID, USA
12/4/2021 7:13am
For what it is worth, I am under the impression that Falcon is still a mo-fo.

Just wanted to toss that out there.
4
2
12/5/2021 1:20pm
AJ565 wrote:
EmaIl me. Ameade565 at gmail.
I sent you an email
1
Falcon
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12/7/2021 8:38am Edited Date/Time 12/7/2021 8:38am
Shiftfaced wrote:
For what it is worth, I am under the impression that Falcon is still a mo-fo.

Just wanted to toss that out there.
Yes, I am. :-)

Don't forget the shit-eating grin while you look at the ceiling for one full minute each morning. It is phenomenally stupid, but it works. You'll start laughing at yourself, I promise.
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swordfish
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Somewhere, AB, CA
12/8/2021 7:04am
My soon to be ex wife just had a kid with the guy she had an affair with and left me for.
I’m pretty sure you will feel better after some time and will meet a nice lady. Put the work in, get disciplined and time truly does heal wounds.
It feels shitty for a while but eventually you will come to realize that this is just life and perhaps you are better off without her. Life is just a serious of triumphs and tragedy’s, you gotta roll with them and realize life goes on.
I have no interest in having any contact with my ex. I don’t sit around and reminisce about the good times. It was a period in my life, I learned some valuable lessons and have continued on without her.
First 6 months were pretty devastating, after a year I decided I was ready for a new relationship and I have not looked back since. Your ex is just another one of the many people that will enter and exit your life.
Enjoy your time and freedom while you have it.
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12/8/2021 3:13pm
swordfish wrote:
My soon to be ex wife just had a kid with the guy she had an affair with and left me for. I’m pretty sure you...
My soon to be ex wife just had a kid with the guy she had an affair with and left me for.
I’m pretty sure you will feel better after some time and will meet a nice lady. Put the work in, get disciplined and time truly does heal wounds.
It feels shitty for a while but eventually you will come to realize that this is just life and perhaps you are better off without her. Life is just a serious of triumphs and tragedy’s, you gotta roll with them and realize life goes on.
I have no interest in having any contact with my ex. I don’t sit around and reminisce about the good times. It was a period in my life, I learned some valuable lessons and have continued on without her.
First 6 months were pretty devastating, after a year I decided I was ready for a new relationship and I have not looked back since. Your ex is just another one of the many people that will enter and exit your life.
Enjoy your time and freedom while you have it.
Thanks buddy!
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seth505
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SD, CA, USA
12/9/2021 1:32pm
Markturbo wrote:
Im still here guys. Everyday is still a struggle, but I'm still here, most days I'm still borderline. I did join a gym a few days...
Im still here guys. Everyday is still a struggle, but I'm still here, most days I'm still borderline. I did join a gym a few days ago and I find it's starting to help a little. I also went to see an employment councilor this week to help me find a job. I'm trying my best and going through the steps to get back on track but the pain is still there to be honest. Winter starting here in Canada doesn't help either, I'd love to up and leave and relocate to some place warm year round.
How are you doing lately man? Really hope your mindset is improving and you can see that light through the tunnel. Please reach out to anyone (even us) if you are having a bad day.
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12/12/2021 10:33am
Markturbo wrote:
Im still here guys. Everyday is still a struggle, but I'm still here, most days I'm still borderline. I did join a gym a few days...
Im still here guys. Everyday is still a struggle, but I'm still here, most days I'm still borderline. I did join a gym a few days ago and I find it's starting to help a little. I also went to see an employment councilor this week to help me find a job. I'm trying my best and going through the steps to get back on track but the pain is still there to be honest. Winter starting here in Canada doesn't help either, I'd love to up and leave and relocate to some place warm year round.
seth505 wrote:
How are you doing lately man? Really hope your mindset is improving and you can see that light through the tunnel. Please reach out to anyone...
How are you doing lately man? Really hope your mindset is improving and you can see that light through the tunnel. Please reach out to anyone (even us) if you are having a bad day.
Thanks for reaching out. Some time has gone by now and I'm working on steps to help myself but for whatever reason it's been harder to keep going lately, almost like I'm going backwards. I've been going to a gym, reaching out more to faimly and friends, talk to a councilor, and although there not ideal ones I've had a couple leads on jobs. But fuck for whatever reason I've been having some pretty dark thoughts more recently, it's just like they start to take over and consume me...I just can't shake it no matter what I try. I just don't know what else to do and it's to the point I just feel what is the point if I just feel like shit all the time. I really wish I could just get over it and move on.
swordfish
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1950
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Somewhere, AB, CA
12/12/2021 2:59pm
Markturbo wrote:
Im still here guys. Everyday is still a struggle, but I'm still here, most days I'm still borderline. I did join a gym a few days...
Im still here guys. Everyday is still a struggle, but I'm still here, most days I'm still borderline. I did join a gym a few days ago and I find it's starting to help a little. I also went to see an employment councilor this week to help me find a job. I'm trying my best and going through the steps to get back on track but the pain is still there to be honest. Winter starting here in Canada doesn't help either, I'd love to up and leave and relocate to some place warm year round.
seth505 wrote:
How are you doing lately man? Really hope your mindset is improving and you can see that light through the tunnel. Please reach out to anyone...
How are you doing lately man? Really hope your mindset is improving and you can see that light through the tunnel. Please reach out to anyone (even us) if you are having a bad day.
Markturbo wrote:
Thanks for reaching out. Some time has gone by now and I'm working on steps to help myself but for whatever reason it's been harder to...
Thanks for reaching out. Some time has gone by now and I'm working on steps to help myself but for whatever reason it's been harder to keep going lately, almost like I'm going backwards. I've been going to a gym, reaching out more to faimly and friends, talk to a councilor, and although there not ideal ones I've had a couple leads on jobs. But fuck for whatever reason I've been having some pretty dark thoughts more recently, it's just like they start to take over and consume me...I just can't shake it no matter what I try. I just don't know what else to do and it's to the point I just feel what is the point if I just feel like shit all the time. I really wish I could just get over it and move on.
It’s tough to change 18 years of programming man. It’s gonna take time. It’s different for everybody. Take the time you need however long it may be. Embrace the anxiety and learn to identify the triggers and root causes. Maybe start a journal. Make it part of a daily routine where you can write down thoughts and review. Give yourself some goals and celebrate the accomplishment when you reach them, no matter how trivial they may be. Start to track the feelings of anxiety. Work on building new positive patterns. You really have to put the work in. For me it was quitting drugs and alcohol for around 6 months so I could work on my coping mechanisms instead of relying on other distractions. I went to a mindfulness coach and psychotherapist which really helped me understand my anxieties and triggers. I started to understand why I made some of the choices I did and worked on changing that. Maybe find a new hobby. I went back to the gym, cleaned up my diet and got in great shape again. Maybe look at some supplements to help. I started a great stack that really helped me manage my anxiety and depression. Look into NAC, L Theanine, Ashwaghanda, high dose vitamin D, B12. Just keep trying different stuff and see what works for you.
12/12/2021 6:01pm
My thoughts have really been stuck on calling it and checking out, I just got nothing left in me.
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Sprew
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USA
12/12/2021 8:09pm
You will be all right bro. Time. Everyone here has been through a rough patch. Keep talking it out. You got some good peeps here.
K-Dub
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12/12/2021 8:41pm
Hang in there buddy - sometimes just getting through the day is a victory
seth505
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SD, CA, USA
12/12/2021 10:40pm
Markturbo wrote:
Thanks for reaching out. Some time has gone by now and I'm working on steps to help myself but for whatever reason it's been harder to...
Thanks for reaching out. Some time has gone by now and I'm working on steps to help myself but for whatever reason it's been harder to keep going lately, almost like I'm going backwards. I've been going to a gym, reaching out more to faimly and friends, talk to a councilor, and although there not ideal ones I've had a couple leads on jobs. But fuck for whatever reason I've been having some pretty dark thoughts more recently, it's just like they start to take over and consume me...I just can't shake it no matter what I try. I just don't know what else to do and it's to the point I just feel what is the point if I just feel like shit all the time. I really wish I could just get over it and move on.
Thanks for the response. Sounds very difficult and I'm sorry to hear that. That said, just saw this David Goggins post an hour ago and I think you should read it and repeat many times. The mind is powerful, just gotta allow it to be.


davidgoggins

There are a lot of people out here who feel like they are in situations where there is no hope. While it may feel that way, you have to flip it and realize this is the exact situation you want to be in because it actually empowers you.

Imagine you are a family of 5 and you are trapped in a room, there is fire all around and the situation seems dire. While you all are sitting there feeling hopeless, there is that one person in the group who is sounding the wall, looking for the studs within the frame, to identify the 12-18” in which he can break the wall, climb through and get everyone out.

The feeling of hopelessness is designed to work against you not for you. It’s supposed to make you feel like you should throw in the towel, that there is no chance of winning here. But… all those feelings are exactly the challenge you are looking for. If you look at hopelessness as an opportunity to overcome an obstacle, you start seeing the situation as hopeful rather than hopeless.

We can all think of a football or basketball game, etc., when we gave up hope that our team could comeback from the beatdown in the final minutes and we decide to turn the channel or leave the stadium only to get to the car and turn on the radio to hear that in a sudden change of events, the game is now tied or your team pulled out a victory by the narrowest of margins.

There really is no situation that is hopeless if you have the willingness to continue to try. It is this small incremental change in how you look at situations in life that evolves and expands your mindset. You must always believe that it might happen in order to keep moving forward.

Stay hard!
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12/13/2021 3:54pm
Markturbo wrote:
My thoughts have really been stuck on calling it and checking out, I just got nothing left in me.
You have to hang in there brother. Do you have any friends for support in the local area?
Professional help? What kind of work do you know how to do? I guarantee you this, things change.
But you have to make a decision every morning that you want things to change and change for the better.
After that long it won't change overnight but it also won't change unless you make it change.
Even if you just get up, get dressed, and get out. IF you're feeling that bad about yourself, go
volunteer at a soup kitchen. I guarantee you see people with problems soooo much worse you'll
realize you can overcome this.
TM
Falcon
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Menifee, CA, USA
12/14/2021 7:59am
Challenge your bad emotions like they are the enemy. It's your heart betraying you. Ask your heart this: "do you really want to ruin my life, all over a chick?" No matter how important she was, the answer is, of course, no.
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12/14/2021 8:27am
Markturbo wrote:
My thoughts have really been stuck on calling it and checking out, I just got nothing left in me.
ToolMaker wrote:
You have to hang in there brother. Do you have any friends for support in the local area? Professional help? What kind of work do you...
You have to hang in there brother. Do you have any friends for support in the local area?
Professional help? What kind of work do you know how to do? I guarantee you this, things change.
But you have to make a decision every morning that you want things to change and change for the better.
After that long it won't change overnight but it also won't change unless you make it change.
Even if you just get up, get dressed, and get out. IF you're feeling that bad about yourself, go
volunteer at a soup kitchen. I guarantee you see people with problems soooo much worse you'll
realize you can overcome this.
TM
Thanks TM

I really only have a couple friends I've talked to about this as well as a couple family members. I do have some professional help as well but even with all of those in place I still find it hard, there's still so much free time to let my mind wander. I know everyone says it takes time because 18 years of sharing a life with someone is a lot to get over. And it's not just the end of the relationship, it's being out of work and now having to face the reality that I'm probably going to loose my house. It's just so much lose at one time, and even though I feel like I'm doing as much as I can to get back on track it just feels like it's out of my control, I feel out of touch with everything and everyone around me...disconnected.

I am starting to realize Im going to have to work on changing my mindset because I know it's holding me back, I realize it I just haven't yet been able to apply it. The more I talk with people I notice Im becoming repetitive in my negative thoughts, I guess Im still getting it all out of my system before I can move on. Hopefully now that I'm becoming more aware of things I need to work I can actually start working on them.

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12/14/2021 9:42am
I know it seemed rather harsh about volunteering somewhere but it was not tongue in cheek.
Right now you need to find something to feel good about. There's not much better than helping
someone else and seeing them happy from your efforts. Doing this will make you realize you
have something to offer and feel good about yourself. When you realize that there are people that
appreciate you, you will feel better about yourself. And you will build on that.
TM
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whyZ
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Phoenix, AZ, USA
12/14/2021 10:41am
Mark, Do you realize it's been over a month...42 days to be precise since you decided to reach out to us? That my friend is called winning. I think it's been made pretty clear that this isn't going to be easy, there isn't some horn that goes off when this all goes away. But you're doing it, one day at a time, it's how the march goes. Keep your head Mark, keep looking forward, there's an old say that I think is appropriate for you. "You never know what the good times are until you've experienced the bad." Pretty sure you've got the bad covered. Keep checking with us, you may not realize it but you are doing well..
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Brad460
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Richfield, WI, USA
Fantasy
12/14/2021 6:41pm
Markturbo wrote:
Thanks TM I really only have a couple friends I've talked to about this as well as a couple family members. I do have some professional...
Thanks TM

I really only have a couple friends I've talked to about this as well as a couple family members. I do have some professional help as well but even with all of those in place I still find it hard, there's still so much free time to let my mind wander. I know everyone says it takes time because 18 years of sharing a life with someone is a lot to get over. And it's not just the end of the relationship, it's being out of work and now having to face the reality that I'm probably going to loose my house. It's just so much lose at one time, and even though I feel like I'm doing as much as I can to get back on track it just feels like it's out of my control, I feel out of touch with everything and everyone around me...disconnected.

I am starting to realize Im going to have to work on changing my mindset because I know it's holding me back, I realize it I just haven't yet been able to apply it. The more I talk with people I notice Im becoming repetitive in my negative thoughts, I guess Im still getting it all out of my system before I can move on. Hopefully now that I'm becoming more aware of things I need to work I can actually start working on them.

Sorry if you’ve already mentioned this, but are you seeking medical help? Thoughts of suicide don’t just pop up because a girlfriend broke up with you..I suspect you have struggled with depression/anxiety for some time- Did this contribute to your breakup?

My wife has worked on a mental health floor for 15+ years at a local hospital, she has seen and heard it all. My only advice from listening to her over the years is to find a Dr that you trust and they will help recover. Often times the only solution is medication….not all the other well intentioned ideas above.
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jeffro503
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27635
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Location
St Helens, OR, USA
12/14/2021 8:55pm
Mark...... I'm sure it's been said in here already , but I'll say it anyways.

Some times the very best thing a dude could have happen , is a split with a current chick. Because that leaves the door wide open for the next one , that could possibly be better in every single way. I've had relationships end , and thought " I'm probably never going to find another chick as the one I just lost "......oh how wrong I was! Keep your chin up dude. You have no idea what you're missing. The sea is endless , until you really find the right one. Trust me , she's out there.
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1
ns503
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4598
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Location
NS Toolies, CA
12/15/2021 4:19am
Markturbo wrote:
My thoughts have really been stuck on calling it and checking out, I just got nothing left in me.
ToolMaker wrote:
You have to hang in there brother. Do you have any friends for support in the local area? Professional help? What kind of work do you...
You have to hang in there brother. Do you have any friends for support in the local area?
Professional help? What kind of work do you know how to do? I guarantee you this, things change.
But you have to make a decision every morning that you want things to change and change for the better.
After that long it won't change overnight but it also won't change unless you make it change.
Even if you just get up, get dressed, and get out. IF you're feeling that bad about yourself, go
volunteer at a soup kitchen. I guarantee you see people with problems soooo much worse you'll
realize you can overcome this.
TM
Markturbo wrote:
Thanks TM I really only have a couple friends I've talked to about this as well as a couple family members. I do have some professional...
Thanks TM

I really only have a couple friends I've talked to about this as well as a couple family members. I do have some professional help as well but even with all of those in place I still find it hard, there's still so much free time to let my mind wander. I know everyone says it takes time because 18 years of sharing a life with someone is a lot to get over. And it's not just the end of the relationship, it's being out of work and now having to face the reality that I'm probably going to loose my house. It's just so much lose at one time, and even though I feel like I'm doing as much as I can to get back on track it just feels like it's out of my control, I feel out of touch with everything and everyone around me...disconnected.

I am starting to realize Im going to have to work on changing my mindset because I know it's holding me back, I realize it I just haven't yet been able to apply it. The more I talk with people I notice Im becoming repetitive in my negative thoughts, I guess Im still getting it all out of my system before I can move on. Hopefully now that I'm becoming more aware of things I need to work I can actually start working on them.

My thoughts for what they are worth.

Around here there are all kinds of jobs available. They might not be (probably wouldn't be) what I would be looking for, if I was looking for a job. But I'm thinking if I was in your situation, I would take the best I could quickly find just in order to 'get out there' and start getting some money coming in and getting back some kind of 'normal' routine. A starting point. But keep looking for better, while doing it. Chances are once you get into something, you will come across something better that you can shift into - but in the meantime, at least with me & my head, just getting that working routine into your life can get your head in a much better place. Even if the actual work isn't what you really want to be doing for very long. Plus you'd be meeting more people while at it, without actually focusing on just meeting new people.
1
12/15/2021 4:52am Edited Date/Time 12/16/2021 8:33am
Hang in there Mark and you will get better.

I've been through it many years ago and it was hell but time heals. Once you find something to keep busy with you'll start healing quicker.

Keep checking in here...
2
Brad460
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4489
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Location
Richfield, WI, USA
Fantasy
12/15/2021 2:21pm Edited Date/Time 12/15/2021 3:26pm
Boomslang wrote:
Hang in there Mark and you will get better. I've been through it many years ago and it was hell but time heals. Once you find...
Hang in there Mark and you will get better.

I've been through it many years ago and it was hell but time heals. Once you find something to keep busy with you'll start healing quicker.

Keep checking in here...
I know in some cases this may work, but often times finding something to keep you busy does not cure clinical depression..It’s a real medical condition that needs medical treatment.

I worry if someone is given the impression they can just cure depression by not thinking about it can be dangerous and delay getting real treatment.

That being said, many can suffer from situational depression (such as a breakup or loss of job, loss of a dear pet)- In those cases time will heal, but you don’t typically consider ending your life (not a serious threat). From Mark’s comments I don’t think he has this type of depression..
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1
Gworm
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2795
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Location
Monett, MO, USA
12/16/2021 8:01am
Mark,
I haven’t been in your situation, thankfully, but my daughter has gone thru a nasty divorce, and I’ve spent many hours late at night trying to help her. I won’t go into it all, but she actually caught another woman in her house that he had snuck in after she went to bed.

It has been a couple of years since it all blew up and she’s still working on things, but is much better. Time heals.

I just got let back in here after being banned for talking politics, and I may get banned again for bringing up religion, but what the heck… I’m praying for you. Im not trying to push religion on you, but I’d suggest finding a nearby church and talking to the pastor. They are usually really good at counseling people through situations like this. Just give it some thought.

And like others have said, find anything to keep occupied, and keep your head up.
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12/17/2021 11:28am
whyZ wrote:
Mark, Do you realize it's been over a month...42 days to be precise since you decided to reach out to us? That my friend is called...
Mark, Do you realize it's been over a month...42 days to be precise since you decided to reach out to us? That my friend is called winning. I think it's been made pretty clear that this isn't going to be easy, there isn't some horn that goes off when this all goes away. But you're doing it, one day at a time, it's how the march goes. Keep your head Mark, keep looking forward, there's an old say that I think is appropriate for you. "You never know what the good times are until you've experienced the bad." Pretty sure you've got the bad covered. Keep checking with us, you may not realize it but you are doing well..
Fastest way to pop back is get your arms above your head with #1 finger. Go for a long walk like this double pump your arms. Watch yt vids of David Lee Roth- great positive spirit. Dlr us festival mv3 interview and the longer mtv us festival interview. Countless others and super funny radio interviews on yt with Dave and Alex. On yt learn how to control your mind ( use this to brainwash yourself ) 15 mil views dr joe dispenza. I knew most of this already. A big negative event happens . If you don’t move on after 2 weeks , you change your mood, then after more time your temperament. Then after years it becomes your new personality. That why people in the world r so un happy. Not knowing it and by accident I did this type of brain washing. Record VH interviews on cassette. Then listen to them all the time and there music. Which is a high positive spirit . Long story short me in 9th grade and a pal talked r way into the midway motor lodge where VH held court in the lounge during the day. Diver down tour it blew us away. Everyone at the arena said the concert changed there life. In a positive way.
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