MX/Riding and Divorce...

I take it she's not a motomom?

Women can't live with them, can't shoot'em.

Inappropriate? Here? You must be thinking of some other board.



(no, no experience, but my best wishes that you get to keep at least two of your main passions..your boys and your bike)

I'm sorry to hear it. I went through with two small boys, and an ex-wife tweeker in SoCal where the woman gets all. It's not easy, even if you're rollin' in dough (I'm a regular guy). I sold off everything, did a lot of SCAB work and started over. I just need to quit because I hurt myself, but that's with everything I do. I'm getting old so 5 MPH feels like 15, but if I fall it feels like 25. Good luck.

Dude, I hate to hear that....been there done that and am constantly workking on my present marriage to keep it together. The hardest part was the first 2 years of my 4 year olds life....Some women have an incredibly hard time acting sane after child birth....my wife hid her post partum deprssion for 2 years!!! To make things worse, I have a 16 yearold step daughter that pretty much hates me....I wouldnt trade my 4 year old for anything, but for my 15 year old son's sake (1st marriage)I wish that i would ahve had the maturity then that I have had with my 2nd wife...The divorce put him through hell and even though he has lived with me for 3 years it has really jacked his perspectives....She took him form TX to CA after the divorce, ( had a crappy lawyer) so I had very little influence on his life......I'll stop now cause i am jsut ranting, but it truly does make me sad anytime I hear of someone with kids especially young ones splitting.....hopefully things are forgivable and you guys can eventually work them out for your boys sake......Apologize for preaching ....good luck and take care of those boys

You got friends, right?

Go ride ONE LAST TIME as hard as you can. Wind those suckers out. Try a little Klotz nitro additive. It kicks ass. You need to work out all that angst and bitterness.

Then, after the fun, take to the local stealership and get a quote on what they're worth and how much it would cost to get em fixed up nice and what they'd be worth then. Then fInd a really good buddy to buy your bikes, gear, everything, off of you for one price. Lock, stock and barrel. Whatever "fair market value" is for a bunch of clapped out, seized up, slipping clutch, heaps-of-bolts. " title="Wink">

Then, tell the judge (while showing him your docs), I put em up for sale to satisfy this. I put em on eBay. This is all I could get. They were trashed, but you told me I had to sell, so I did before I had a chance to fix em.

Then, in a few months, buy em back. Fair market value.

(Mind you, I'm not advocating any fraud. Just saying it happens every day.)

I can relate to this.
My son and I raced/rode regularly before my seperation in 98'.
I came to the track and still let my son race after that, but told my buddies that I couldn't afford for both of us to ride.
A freind of mine started paying my entry fee because he wanted some competition, so I let him pay my way in a few times.
I soon realized after that, there was no way in hell I could afford to race any longer and I desperately needed lawyer money to defend one case and start another one with my ex-wife. How you are supposed to come up with this kind of money when 2/3 of your paycheck is going towards Alimony or child support, and the rest is going towards a hole in the wall apartment for me to live in, I will never know. I also was facing bankruptcy because of all of this and voluntarily had my car repo'd. I knew If I got a fresh start, maybe one day I could slowly get back into it.
So I sold everything, and my son and I got into BMX for the next 4 years. It was affordable to what I was bringing home at the time and it brought back *some* of the feeling of riding motocross. The best part of it, we could do it 2 nights a week, and got lots of exersize.
After 4 years of doing this, I finally got my finances back in some semblance of order and bought a couple of old 83' CR125s to fix up... started riding them again, and entered some vintage races with me and my then 16 yr old son. After a year of doing that, my son wanted a newer bike, so I sold one of the 83' CR's and went out and bought a well used 97' RM125 that we shared for a while. From there it has led me to where I am today with two modern 125's for both of us and we are back to riding / racing regularly again. He is now 19 and I'm 44. Life is good now, but I learned a hard lesson.
Good luck on whatever you decide to do - divorce isn't easy sometimes.

Man I hate to hear about stuff like this.

Is she even remotely rational enough to consider asking her to allow you to keep yours and the kid's bikes by skimping slightly on the monthlys? Probably not I guess. I lived this on the other side. My parents divorced when I was 11 and it tore me up. The only thing I had left that I enjoyed was my bike and it was at my dad's house. He did what he had to to keep me on one and that may be the one thing to this day that kept me from ending up alcoholic, drug addict, or dead.

If there's any way you can find to keep motorcycles as a part of your life and your kid's too, do it. It will help all of you to maintain your sanity through this. I know you don't need to hear this but try and remember that the kids have all sorts of questions about this, some you can't answer right no matter what you say. That and the fact that this will affect them for a LONG time means they need you and a good way to vent.

Good luck.

I've never been married and don't yet have children and I probably have no right to even comment on this, but I feel for you. I have no idea what the issues are/were between you and your ex, but the fact that you are reaching out on this board tells me something about you. Your kids are lucky.

One of the best things your kids mom can do for them is to do EVERYTHING she can to NOT break the bond you have with them. The kids are lucky to have an interactive parent that actually does things with them; especially physical activities. It's hard enough these days just to get kids away from the TV.

I like the BMX and e-Bay ideas too.

Good luck!

Man I feel your pain keep your chin up, keep fighting the good fight and try not to be bitter.

I went through this in 1999. My ex didn't care about anything but herself at the time. My kids then 4 and 7 were devastated as was I. Sadly because of finances everything had to go. Our family fun time was at the track and my son went to LL as a 6 year old in 98 so we were into to it pretty good..

My son went into a tailspin doing crappy at school and generally just had a bad attitude. To my ex's credit she realized what hanging out at the track with dad, his friends and his motorcycle meant to him. So after about a year and half she eased up on the child support and visitation restrictions enough for me to get him a used kx 60 and my daughter a pw 50. A couple of herniated discs keeps me from riding but I love being around it and watching my kids ride.

I traveled to races with my two kids by myself from 2000 though 2005. We had some great times we will never forget and though my daughter had a short riding career my son has done pretty well for himself all things considered.

In 2005 my kids mom remarried. He is a great guy good to my kids and actually started helping finance my sons racing when he moved from mini's to 4 strokes which was a much larger expense. Hell we have all traveled to races together these days.

Anyway without rambling do your best to work with your ex wife on compromises for your kids sake it wont be easy it took me about a year before I didn't want to choke mine. Realize that the money may not be there to enjoy the sport as you have in the past but the dirt bikes will help you and your boys continue that bond that you share.

Best of luck to you.

It's tough but it can be done. Maybe just some once in awhile trail riding. Hoever even if you can't ride the key thing is spending quality time doing something with your kids. Even if it's just going to a local park or fishing in a creek.

Having been through this I completely understand. Hang in there it gets better. I had to retire (riding) for a while. My ex took me to court 7 seperate times wanting more everytime I was able to get a foothold again. I got back to riding with an old clunker, (hey its better than nothing) and eventually recovered and now am able to get new/current bikes again. Just remember it does get better, just not tomorrow.

I've been divorced 10 years. The first 2 years after sucked for me financially but my income finally picked up because of the annual raises and things started to even out. All I can say is it really does get better with time... unless she's the type that will take you back to court every year after you get a raise.

Anyway.. keep the bikes if you can. Once you sell 'em it's really difficult to justify buying another later. Like someone said earlier, sell 'em to a friend if you have to and buy 'em back later.

Some good advice here . Mine was 3.5 years ago . I got lucky and my ex wanted the divorce so bad that I made her sign off on everything we owned . Yes Everything, even the house . She got the clothes on her back and her family hand me down antiques. She actually had to pay me child support because my two oldest kids chose to live with me . In Colorado the kids get to choose who they live with . I only collected for a few months . Then let her off the hook . I will never enter into marriage as long as I live no joint bank accounts or bills in the same name. Protect yourself from the start and it will make the enevitable break up much easier .

I went through this same thing back in '96. After twenty years of marrage, my ex decided she needed out. I ended up with my tools and stereo that I had before we got married, a 1971 Dodge pickup, a Chevy Citation with 180K miles on it, and my sons race bikes. She was getting 60% of my take home. I thought I was going to have to live in my car. After three months, I found a two bedroom basement apartment that had a garage that I could use. This let me have somewhere to put and work on the bikes (thankfully I can do most of my own mechanical work). I got a working membership at the local track (only thing that I could afford) so my two boys could ride. Then I got a job with one of the local promoters running the starting gate. This made it so I could afford to go to at least some races. We loaded everything in the back of the pickup (we stayed in a tent at the track) and went racing. After about three years, I was able to start buying one new bike a year for the boys.

I guess the story here is that you have to be creative. Go after sponsors, work your ass off, do whatever it takes. I wouldn't trade anything for the time I spent with my boys racing and working on the bikes. I even bought an old beater and started racing again after about six years.

I'm pretty lucky now because I have a wife that wants to be part of riding with me. We each have wheelers and I have two bikes and she has one. We also have nine grandkid bikes and take them riding with us.

It's been worth all of the grief...

BTW - About five years ago I found out that the local courthouse has a lawyer come in every other Thursday and will help you with legal documents. I represent myself now. I found out that if you paper someone enough they finally give up. I even filed a contempt of court on my ex for not providing the documents that I requested in the required amount of time (the secret here is to not be in the wrong). Her lawyer calls me Counselor Davis and I have sat in his office for hours talking about Wheelers (I hope she got charged for every minute I was there). Here in UT they have a agency called ORS (Office of Recovery Services) to collect child support. I turned myself in to them about five years ago so now if my ex has a bitch, she has to go to them, not me. That has saved me a lot of grief.

i wish i had something positive to say but i don't.

good luck.

I feel your pain man. Just do what you can for your kids. if they still want to ride you will find a way.
Other than that you don't want to hear my opinions on the ex-wifes or you might feel the same way but It would get me kicked off the board. So you know what I'm saying Basically. F-HER !

marriage = legal prostitution.

Pay now and/or pay later.

I might be exaggerating a little there, but it sure doesn't seem like it.

Here's a funny divorce story . I decided to take my daughter out to the track to ride the weekend after I found out the ex was cheating . I was really still upset and couldn't concentrate on riding . I ended up jumping off the side of a 60 ft table and landed in a 3 ft deep puddle I was covered from head to toe in mud . this was on my second lap . I decided to go load the bike up after that . " title="Laughing">

Divorced in 2000. The first couple years were really rough as I pretty much lost a lot in the divorce a house, boat, stock, 401k. I had to pay her lawyers fees, alimony and child support. I had a son with her and what really sucked was not being able to see him. The financial loses sting but does not compare to the lost time with my son. I was shafted and was given the standard 2 weekends a month because he was only 3 at the time. I went from living in a nice suburban home with all the amenities to living in the basement of an old house in a bad neighborhood with roommates. The good news is today things are much better I was able to make a full financial recovery and my son and I have a great relationship and I spend more time with him. I was shocked when his mom said it was OK he could ride because one of the reasons we split up was she wanted me to stop. We go riding all the time and are best buddies. It will be a major setback and you will have to make some adjustments. It took me a lot of hard work and overtime but eventually I made it back. Best of Luck

With divorce coming soon, I financed (read marital property act) a 2007 CRF450R, 2007 CRF250R, 2007 KX250F and enclosed trailer.
This was enough to push her over the edge and she filled for divorce.
My sons and I had our 3 new bikes, trailer, tools, and riding gear "stolen" during my divorce. We did not have insurance on them. After the judge ordered that all remaining property be sold and split equally we used the money to pay off the 3 bike loans and went our seperate ways.

My boys and I moved 290 miles away. We ride and race every weekend and never lost a thing to that bitch.

My advice is this. If you live in a state that has the marital property act law, finance everything your credit will allow and let it get "stolen". She will be 50% liable for repayment of the loans.

Of course you must do this PRIOR to divorce papers being filled.

The only time I would condone this type of activity is during divorce. Screw the system because it will screw you without remorse every chance they get.

Texas used to not have allimony but they finally caught up to the rest of the "theiving country". It only kicks in after 10 years of marriage, though. I just passed my warranty period last year so if it breaks now, I get to pay full price. It's probably cheaper just to have them disappear. " title="Laughing">

I thought I had it bad, but a lot of you guys have it a lot worse. I've been divorced for eight months, and because she cheated on me I pretty much got to say what I wanted to happen. I got to keep the house, keep my private track that I had built, keep my bikes, and I got the kids 50% of the time.

The other thing that helped is finding a really good attorney. I don't know if its like this everywhere, but here in Utah, typically you can "interview" an attorney for an hour, and you can ask them all sorts of questions about your divorce. I interviewed 7 attorneys before deciding which one to go with. The thing that helped with me was that we offered her a "nice" monthly payment, but her alimony has a lot of stipulations on it, like if she earns over 25,000 in a year it goes to half, etc. I have six stipulations on her alimony, but the good news is that she is getting married this summer, less than a year from our divorce. We took the fight out of her at the beginning so we did a "no contest" and I had my attorney write up the papers, which of course put a lot of things in my favor. I also payed her attorney bills so we could hurry and get it over with.

It is still the hardest thing that I have ever had to do, and I miss my girls like crazy when I don't have them.

Here's an interesting story, I had talked to a guy that had been married 5 times, and I asked him if he could go back and change something what would he do different. He said he would have worked it out with his first wife, but I thought that was interesting. I know that isn't the case with everyone. He also said that your just trading one set of problems for another set when you re-marry.

I know a couple of guys that have gone through some really nasty divorces and are re-married now and they say that their lives are so much better now, because they found someone so much better. There's light at the end of the tunnel.

Good luck and I'm glad you posted this.

[quote="mxdad":2gc9vjk8]My advice is this. If you live in a state that has the marital property act law, finance everything your credit will allow and let it get "stolen". She will be 50% liable for repayment of the loans.[/quote:2gc9vjk8]
In Texas you can do that when it comes to typical credit, but in real estate lending, you cannot take out a mortgage without your spouse signing off on it also. Meaning a married man cannot take out a real estate note without his wife signing a document detailing exactly how much liability they both are legally entering in to.

Sorry to hear about the split, and hope you get thru it all soon.

That really sucks!! I feel for you. Rather than spending tons of money on Lawyers, court costs, etc. try and reason with this woman whom you once cared enough for to marry in the first place. For the sake of you, your kids, and general happiness, it is better for all to come to an agreement and not involve the courts period. Try to explain how much better it will be for your kids if mom and dad can split peacefully. Being from a divorced family, I know how hard it is on the kids, especially if there was a battle. Mom is bitter at dad over X, dad is bitter over mom and it is impossible for the kids to not get involved. Open the lines of communication NOW! Once you figure out how much money it will cost to lawyer up, for both of you, add the pain and suffering of both you and your ex and the kids, it is always better to at least do your best to end everything peacefully. All that being said, I realize that some people can not be reasoned with, are not willing to talk, and only want to take you to the cleaners. If that is your case, then get the very best lawyer you can find. When you do go to court, try and stress the importance of your kids to the judge, find every study you can on the bonding effects that sports and activities such as MX have between fathers and sons. Even go so far as to get letters from other fathers and sons that you know at the track as further proof. Have all your ducks in a row sort of speak, so that you know you have done everything possible in your power to keep your father and child fun time hobbies. If all fails then without a wife and kids at home every night, take a pt night job for extra money and keep that secret so that you can replace all you have lost.
Oh yeah, in the future, not matter how well you think you know that woman, NEVER EVER share your finances!! Always have your own account. If you need to have a joint account, then do so ONLY for your bills, keep the rest in a seperate account that is YOURS.. Trust me on this one!!
Good luck!!

"Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." Robin Williams.

Damn after reading these “HORROR (whore) stories I feel real lucky with how I made out. She already had two sons (that’s how I met her at the track) and thought I “would grow out of it”. For a long time she supported me and was at every race, we had a good crew and had a lot of good times. Then one day out of the blue I got the “We need to talk” speech. Long story short I told her “If you’re not happy you know where the door is”. She moved out the next weekend…lol

It was tough for awhile but fortunately I did not have the kid issue. I can’t even imagine how much more that would hurt. My mistake was re-bounding into another relationship (two weeks) before getting over the last one. The re-bound didn’t work out real good although we are still friends.

Turns out as I get older I spend more time than ever working on bikes, jet ski’s etc and reaping the rewards on the weekends. The more toys you have the more time and $$ is being spent on them. I seriously doubt many women would put up with my devotion and time to this sport. That is why I just have a “friend” who knows her place and is very understanding.

I doubt I will ever re-marry as the statistics just aren’t that good.
If I did she would have to be:
1. Filthy rich
2. Very understanding
3. Be willing to sign a pre-nup
4. Like to ride or at least show interest in the sport

I really like being able to do whatever I want whenever I want. I cringe when I call my friends to go riding and they have to ask permission…That is just freaken crazy talk to me.


Good Luck with what you do, but you only have one Life and it goes by way too fast. Don't grow old and look back and say "what if"....

You guys got it all backwards. I stopped racing when i got married. Started back up when i got divorced. I raise my kids though.

One thing is that divorce and custody varies a lot from state to state. Some states are tough others are not so bad. Make sure you know where you state falls. I spent 9 months going through the court system only to get hosed in the end. I found that is has less to do with the lawyer you get and more to do with the judge. Same lawyers we had two different outcomes because of the judge the second time around.

I am very thankful that I do not have any kids. When my ex cheated on me at first I didn't believe it and was a dumbass and setup a separation agreement that dissolved her of all the current debt. Then she walked away and I was completely financially crushed.

But, I have been able to recover in the past 2 years and she has went to having no debt but a car when she left to no car (DUI crash) and loads of bills that she let pile up and never paid. She is having a lot of problems with her new guy (from what I have been told) and has moved twice already in the past 9 months b/c she can't afford her bills.

I was able to keep the house although it is worth less than what is owed but that is another story of what I did to try and help my ex during our layoffs when she wanted to pursue her "dream." I take complete blame for that b/c I knew at the time it was a bad idea but I let my heart rule over my head so no excuses. I will never do that again. lesson learned.

My current girlfriend is about to break up with me b/c I won't commit. I told her that I don't see a reason to get married b/c neither of us want children and I am fine seeing her only a few times a week or so. I like my free time and love my riding (which she hates). I care about her but after what I went through in my marriage I don't trust anyone not to do that to me again and I am not about to put myself in a position where I would have to rebuild from scratch again. I'm already to old to have had to do it all over again.