Losing a friend to drugs.......

jeffro503
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St Helens, OR, USA
Edited Date/Time 11/18/2012 4:15pm
I knew it was going to happen sooner or later and I just got a call from another friend , that my Friend Brad parnell just died last night from a drug overdose( Heroin ).

He was one of my best friends for about 22 years up until about 3 months ago. He fought the drug addiction for the past two years and lied to me and all his other friends time after time when we tried to help. 3 months ago , I had a falling out with him and told him to stay away from my property and so forth , as he was stealing things from just about everyone I knew. He started crying on the phone and it was one of the hardest things I had ever done , was to tell him to go away.

His parents were like my 2nd set of parents through some rough times in my own life. He left his 5yr and 8yr old boys without a father and he will be missed more than he'll ever know.

Today is just not a good day.
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HuskyEd
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Palmdale, CA, USA
3/11/2011 8:51am Edited Date/Time 3/11/2011 8:51am
Very sorry to hear Jeffro. May Brad RIP.

From what I've seen heroin is a nasty demon.
mx295
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Quartz Hill, CA, USA
3/11/2011 8:54am
Sorry about your loss.. RIP Brad
Moto East Mag
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Arlington, VA, USA
3/11/2011 9:11am
Man, that sucks. The grip of hard drugs is almost impossible to break. I've had a similar situation where a friend starting stealing crap from our house. I guess we weren't supposed to notice a full PA system disapeared when he went by our house alone to borrow a guitar amp.
It's a terrible thing to see. The drugs simply become much, much more important than friends, or even staying alive.
Sorry to hear.
jeffro503
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St Helens, OR, USA
3/11/2011 9:40am Edited Date/Time 3/19/2011 2:06pm
I just got off the phone with his sisters boy , and she is a complete wreck. She just lost her husband ( Brad's dad ) about 7 years ago in a jeep roll over / hunting accident to. This shit is hitting me pretty hard right now.

The Shop

jndmx
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South Kingston, RI, USA
3/11/2011 9:47am
Jeffro I'm so sorry to hear that man.

Quite a while back I lost 2 friends within a year to the same shit.....one to heroin and the other to crack.
There is nothing more frustrating and heartbreaking then watching someone you know and love be sucked dry by drugs.

Don't beat yourself up with any of that "I should have done something more" stuff.......when someone is in that spiral you can't reach in and grab them out no matter how hard you try.

Hang in there man and try to remember the times that you had with your friend before the drugs because that is who he really was.
txmxer
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Weatherford, TX, USA
3/11/2011 9:47am
sorry to hear it Jeffro.
gsxrcr28
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3/11/2011 10:27am
Sorry to hear that Jeff. RIP Brad


I have lost 2 friends and one nephew the same way, and most recently a close friend to suicide. Its very sad and strange at the same time. Just try to remember the good times you had with him.
Sherwood
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3/11/2011 10:31am
People can struggle with drugs their entire life. I'm sorry you lost a good friend.
TeamGreen
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Thru-out, CA, USA
3/11/2011 11:40am
jeffro503 wrote:
I just got off the phone with his sisters boy , and she is a complete wreck. She just lost her husband ( Brad's dad )...
I just got off the phone with his sisters boy , and she is a complete wreck. She just lost her husband ( Brad's dad ) about 7 years ago in a jeep roll over / hunting accident to. This shit is hitting me pretty hard right now.
Be strong, I can tell you are capable and you have a good heart, you can help others thru this very hard time.

We can't change these things; but, we can be there for those that are left-behind.

Jus' the way you've written about Brad and his family shows us that they are all lucky to have you in their lives.

Only the Best thoughts and prayers to you and yours during this difficult time.
jmar
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Oklahoma City, OK, USA
3/11/2011 11:55am
Very sorry to hear jeffro

Well Wishes
jeffro503
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St Helens, OR, USA
3/11/2011 11:57am
I have lost some great friends over the years , as most people have in their own lives. every time I see someone else that I don't know , post something up about someone passing away , I always feel a little sadness for them , but just like always.....you move on to the next thread and keep reading.

It's dawning on me now , what that person must feel like on the other end , who just posted their specific thread , and this feeling really , really sucks. I'll admit , I have some of the "I should have tried to do more" thing going on. And maybe I could have? I know i'm really disappointed in Brad right now , because I think it was a selfish thing to do. But I can't help but feel disappointed in myself because I think I could have done something a little more. tried harder i guess?

I know there is nothing I could have done , as his own family couldn't help him either. He was one of our "riding crew"....we all grew up together on these dirt bikes , and it was probably the one thing....that helped keep all of us together.

Our "group" has a get together for every live SX round , and we all made plans to make sure we got together tomorrow night for sure. We will all sit around , watch the race and talk about how much we'll miss Brad. I just really , really wish that he would of kicked the bad habits.....so he could be there with us.

Why I'm posting this on a moto board , I have no idea. I guess I look at this place as my home away from home , and enjoy talking to a lot of you guys. I can sit here and type all day , but I'm tired of being on the phone and talking......I'm just plain worn out right now.

Man , these days can really suck. But i just wanted to say thanks to all you guys who responded to my post. Just reading something is helping me keep my mind off things. So thanks again.
3/11/2011 12:46pm
Wow, sorry to hear that man.

I had a really good friend loose a brother to drugs this November and she went through similar stuff. I have never personally lost a close friend or relative to drugs, but even just seeing the pain in her family made me hurt for them, I can not imagine what it is like when it is someone that close to you.

It is different than loosing someone to an accident because of all the "what ifs" that it brings up.

Please don't let it get you down. Cheer up bud and try to remember the good times.
G-man
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Mesa, AZ, USA
3/11/2011 2:14pm
Hang in there Jeffro, I too have lost friends to hard drugs/lifestyle.

One guy I use to carpool to work with and I changed jobs and no longer stayed in contact as much (wish I had). He told me he met a girl in rehab and he sounded excited and happy about it. Turned out she was a “Black Widow” type and ultimately helped lead him to his OD.

His parents took it really hard as they are devout Mormons and I still see them once a year. I have his picture on my fridge to this day, it happened about 6 years ago.

Another friend from my hometown was in our regular crew of dirt bike buddies “growing up” in our teen years. Then one day he just QUIT riding and spent more time at the horse track, gambling, boozing and drugs. That was about 35 years ago and about 5 years ago I got a call he died in his sleep from all the abuse he did to his body.

It’s weird how life is, here my good buddy Jeff and I have continued on in this dangerous sport of motocross and many 500 miles trip through the desert and here we are still going on.

Just goes to show how which path you go on in life can determine your fate and there’s not much anyone can do about it, so don’t beat yourself up…..

So when you see your buddies tomorrow night have a group hug and have a toast to your friend and make sure you continue to do what you love in LIFE—RIDE!
flarider
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Daytona Beach, FL, USA
3/11/2011 2:38pm
Jeffro, sorry for your loss of a friend.

Please keep in mind, you are not at fault, you did nothing wrong.
When an addict refuses help, they've chosen their drug of choice over you, help and life.
It is not your fault.

Not sure how close you really were, but if you do feel bad or having a hard time grasping the situation with the "why's," might I suggest you attend a narc-anon meeting or two, it can really help you or someone else try to better understand the mind of an addict and how everyone came to this terrible point.

My condolences.
TeamGreen
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3/11/2011 2:45pm
flarider wrote:
Jeffro, sorry for your loss of a friend. Please keep in mind, you are not at fault, you did nothing wrong. When an addict refuses help...
Jeffro, sorry for your loss of a friend.

Please keep in mind, you are not at fault, you did nothing wrong.
When an addict refuses help, they've chosen their drug of choice over you, help and life.
It is not your fault.

Not sure how close you really were, but if you do feel bad or having a hard time grasping the situation with the "why's," might I suggest you attend a narc-anon meeting or two, it can really help you or someone else try to better understand the mind of an addict and how everyone came to this terrible point.

My condolences.
Please keep in mind, you are not at fault, you did nothing wrong.
When an addict refuses help, they've chosen their drug of choice over you, help and life.
It is not your fault.


Embrace this.

It's the ABSOLUTE truth.
Barrett57
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GB
3/11/2011 2:49pm
i didnt lose my cousin in a physical sense,but drugs killed him mentaly,

your are not at fault,theres is nothing you can do when people are in that deep.

my condolences.
Sherwood
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USA
3/11/2011 3:52pm
I would never tell anyone what to do in this situation but my situation was similar. My friends mom and dad lost their daughter to a drug overdose then a year later my friend and their son David was shot in the head by a crazy person. I tried my best to help them out when I could and it also made me get through the ordeal a bit easier.
mxav8r
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Atl, GA, USA
3/11/2011 5:17pm
He who has gone, so we but cherish his memory, abides with us, more potent, nay, more present than the living man. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery

I'm sorry for you Jeffro. Life just doesn't make sense sometimes....
HuskyEd
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Palmdale, CA, USA
3/11/2011 5:41pm
Well said oldfart. They have to want to help themselves before you can help them.

Hold your head high Jeffro, I'm sure you did all that you could. Don't second guess yourself up beat yourself up. Right now it seems like your friends mom could really use your help.
BUTCH
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USA
3/11/2011 6:22pm
jeffro503 wrote:
I knew it was going to happen sooner or later and I just got a call from another friend , that my Friend Brad parnell just...
I knew it was going to happen sooner or later and I just got a call from another friend , that my Friend Brad parnell just died last night from a drug overdose( Heroin ).

He was one of my best friends for about 22 years up until about 3 months ago. He fought the drug addiction for the past two years and lied to me and all his other friends time after time when we tried to help. 3 months ago , I had a falling out with him and told him to stay away from my property and so forth , as he was stealing things from just about everyone I knew. He started crying on the phone and it was one of the hardest things I had ever done , was to tell him to go away.

His parents were like my 2nd set of parents through some rough times in my own life. He left his 5yr and 8yr old boys without a father and he will be missed more than he'll ever know.

Today is just not a good day.
Sad indeed! Sorry for ya Jeff! I hope his family will have happer days in the near future. RIP Brad
newmann
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3/11/2011 6:26pm
Sad to hear Jeffro. Keep your head up though, no fault of yours. Here in Texas they are dropping like flies due to Vicodin/Soma/Oxy cocktails prescribed by quacks at "pain management" clinics. College kids get a free office visit if they bring a friend. Carloads drive from clinic to clinic and pharmacy to pharmacy. Mostly good kids and people. Our neighbors son, my good friends wife, and about a half dozen clients kids have passed away due to these "accidental" overdoses in the last few years. Doesn't seem as if any type of rehab, tough love, jail time or round the clock supervision works. Powerful shit, they don't even realize the state they are in. My neighbor has made it her mission in life to shut as many of the clinics as possible down and has been kicking some ass the last couple years.
gsxrcr28
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3/11/2011 7:07pm Edited Date/Time 3/11/2011 7:17pm
These guys are right about the blaming yourself issue. I felt the same way when my buddy committed suicide, we use to hang out a lot, go to parties, train mma, play pool, etc.... then his cocaine issue started to get way out of hand and he began to fuck up his life because of it. He was always hiding it though and eventually preferred to hang with other users. For awhile (and sometimes still do) I felt if I could have just spoken to him one more time I could have talked him out of it, but in reality there is nothing anyone could have done. I think it will always be difficult when you think about it but just try to remember the good times, it seems to help.
jeffro503
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St Helens, OR, USA
3/15/2011 9:14pm
Well....I guess this coming Saturday morning is Brads memorial. Been hard to keep myself going and keeping busy this week. I'm extremely bummed about my friend Brad AND what's going over on the other side of the pond in Japan.

Anyways.....i just wanted to say thanks to all you guys who responded to my thread here. I was in the real dumper when I originally wrote it. The only thing I can do now , is just keep moving on. I've been in this situation more times then I should have for someone my age. In the last 10 years....I have lost a lot of friends and family members.
jleews6
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Hardy, VA, USA
3/16/2011 5:54pm
Sorry for the loss of your friend but remember he took the drugs on his own and you had nothing to do with it. I think something that might help everyone is to spend some time with his kids and maybe take his son riding. If your that close with him and his family I think that would help everybody.
Just remember those two innocent kids are without a dad right now. It will make you feel better inside knowing that your making there life better.
Mike_Case
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Tualatin, OR, USA
4/14/2011 12:13pm
jeffro503 wrote:
I knew it was going to happen sooner or later and I just got a call from another friend , that my Friend Brad parnell just...
I knew it was going to happen sooner or later and I just got a call from another friend , that my Friend Brad parnell just died last night from a drug overdose( Heroin ).

He was one of my best friends for about 22 years up until about 3 months ago. He fought the drug addiction for the past two years and lied to me and all his other friends time after time when we tried to help. 3 months ago , I had a falling out with him and told him to stay away from my property and so forth , as he was stealing things from just about everyone I knew. He started crying on the phone and it was one of the hardest things I had ever done , was to tell him to go away.

His parents were like my 2nd set of parents through some rough times in my own life. He left his 5yr and 8yr old boys without a father and he will be missed more than he'll ever know.

Today is just not a good day.
I too knew Brad...His sister is my brother's Girlfriend...What a tragedy for him and their family...My heart goes out to them..
burn1986
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bossier city, LA, USA
4/15/2011 10:11am
Jeffro, I'm very very sorry for what you're going through, and your friend Brad. I hope and pray for you and his family. Again, sorry bro.
MsUniformLvr
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Vancouver, WA, USA
11/8/2012 3:40am
Brad was a great Guy. His. Boys were fabulous. And he spoke of you often. Unfortunately I didn't know of his drug habit, he told me he had cancer. I'm so sorry for your loss, think of the good times :-(
MsUniformLvr
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Vancouver, WA, USA
11/8/2012 3:44am
I believe the loss of his dad then Patty just killed him. :-(
Ryan Rider
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Riverside, CA, USA
11/18/2012 3:47am
Jeffro, I am a Certified Drug Counselor, so let me reassure U, there was little u could have done to change your friends behavior. It was not a "bad habit" as u said, it was most likely part of his brain disease and propencity for addiction. Studies prove that people with these Drug Addictions, are born with different Brain Receptors for Addiction. Heroine is a Schedule 1 drug, with the strongest addictive and harmful potential! Its a vicious spiral of abuse. I think the best u can do is be supportive to the Loved Ones, your friend has left behind. Maybe take the 2 little boys out for the day weekly, and create a Collage of the pics U have of your friends time with u. Remembering the good memories with your friend, are what is left of your friends' Lifetime.
My sincere condolences!
Spahnzuki
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San Diego, CA, USA
11/18/2012 12:23pm
Ryan Rider wrote:
Jeffro, I am a Certified Drug Counselor, so let me reassure U, there was little u could have done to change your friends behavior. It was...
Jeffro, I am a Certified Drug Counselor, so let me reassure U, there was little u could have done to change your friends behavior. It was not a "bad habit" as u said, it was most likely part of his brain disease and propencity for addiction. Studies prove that people with these Drug Addictions, are born with different Brain Receptors for Addiction. Heroine is a Schedule 1 drug, with the strongest addictive and harmful potential! Its a vicious spiral of abuse. I think the best u can do is be supportive to the Loved Ones, your friend has left behind. Maybe take the 2 little boys out for the day weekly, and create a Collage of the pics U have of your friends time with u. Remembering the good memories with your friend, are what is left of your friends' Lifetime.
My sincere condolences!


So true. I've witnessed the destruction drugs and alcohol cause first hand.

And you stole my dog!Tongue

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