Married people- do you have separate checking accounts?

OldPro277
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OldPro277 9/24/2018 6:44pm
9/24/2018 6:44pm
OldPro277 wrote:
We will be married 34 years next Saturday. We've always had joint accounts and combine all of our financials. My wife works her ass off,probably harder...
We will be married 34 years next Saturday. We've always had joint accounts and combine all of our financials. My wife works her ass off,probably harder than anyone I've ever met, however I still out earn her by 6x's. (probably not fair,lol) .
I've always been under the impression that once you're married, you become one breathing entity, just seems to work better that way---you know--- the "teamwork" mentality. Maybe I'm too old-school, but it seems to work better that way, share as much as you can. If you cant trust your spouse 110% ,then they possibly shouldn't be your spouse ??
brlatm wrote:
I just saw where you are located at, I'm literally sitting on Bell Point Rd right now, yep I'm sure you can guess where I'm at.
Really ??? Who this be and where you at?? I got all wrapped up in the Steelers showing how this "Fitz-magic" stuff REALLY is ,lol
brlatm
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brlatm 9/24/2018 6:51pm
9/24/2018 6:51pm
OldPro277 wrote:
Really ??? Who this be and where you at?? I got all wrapped up in the Steelers showing how this "Fitz-magic" stuff REALLY is ,lol
Sitting up where the Drilling rig just moved off of, out watching my boys work in this nice rain storm. I'm glad I'm in charge and staying dry!
OldPro277
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OldPro277 9/24/2018 6:55pm
9/24/2018 6:55pm
How'd you know Im on Bell Point ? Small world, ay?
brlatm
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brlatm 9/24/2018 7:17pm
9/24/2018 7:17pm
I saw Avonmore, PA. Just a wild ass guess!

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OldPro277
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OldPro277 9/24/2018 7:42pm
9/24/2018 7:42pm
Thats crazy--- I'm actually right across the street from where your rig is,unless theres 2 new wells along Bell Point
Electro21 9/24/2018 7:44pm
9/24/2018 7:44pm
NorCal 50+ wrote:
My wife is a stay-at-home Mom, who has a small income, while I pretty much make the money and pay most of the bills. She has...
My wife is a stay-at-home Mom, who has a small income, while I pretty much make the money and pay most of the bills. She has been on me for a long time to give her full access to my checking account, instead of giving her money when she needs it, which she says feels like "an allowance."
I see her point, but I transfer whenever she needs. And when I ask if I get full access to her income in return, she changes her tune and says I should just give her a lump sum at the beginning of the month. So really she wants control over her money and mine- she does the food shopping and does pay a couple of bills.
I hate feeling selfish for not giving someone else full access to my money (she's got a bit of an Amazon shopping addiction). But hell, having my wife being able to peruse every single purchase sounds like a total nightmare. I can see it now: "why did you spend $15 at the convenience store today. And what was this $50 at the bike shop? On and on..." Ugh.
I was married for 10 years to a stay at home Mom. I paid all of the bills and gave her the dreaded "allowance." However, her allowance was for whatever she wanted. All bills, gas, food, entertainment for us, etc was paid for by me. The allowance for whatever she wanted. I couldn't trust her with full access because she is horrible with budgeting. I should be totally divorced in a week or two. I have to pay almost $2500/month in alimony and child support and get by better now financially than when she was here. She felt trapped because of money and didn't like not having total access to the checking account.

I have a clearance so I have to make sure my finances are on point and was afraid she would mess them up.
BMSOBx2
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BMSOBx2 9/24/2018 8:18pm
9/24/2018 8:18pm
JPT wrote:
Coming up on 44 years in December and we've always had a shared account. Big ticket item? We discuss it. We've both always worked and put...
Coming up on 44 years in December and we've always had a shared account. Big ticket item? We discuss it. We've both always worked and put it all together. Now in retirement it's stil working fine.
Same here.
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oldblood
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oldblood 9/24/2018 9:44pm
9/24/2018 9:44pm
I control all of the finances, and have her on a performance based allowance.
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sumdood
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sumdood 9/24/2018 9:49pm
9/24/2018 9:49pm Edited Date/Time 9/24/2018 9:50pm
Married 31 years, I'm self employed, she drives a school bus. We've been on the "It's all the same pile" theory since day 1. Like others have said I don't think I could be with someone I couldn't trust with $. We go over everything regarding finances, and consider all our money as being in the "Same pile", regardless of which account it's in.
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NorCal 50+
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NorCal 50+ 9/24/2018 10:04pm
9/24/2018 10:04pm
oldblood wrote:
I control all of the finances, and have her on a performance based allowance.
Man, that's funny. That's probably how some women feel.

I should mention we have a shared savings that has a good bit of money in it, in which we combined our inheritance. So we share most of our wealth. It's just control of every last dollar that I make is the issue. We are at a point where I can't just go buy a bike if I want to, but I want to get there. It would be great to have a bunch of money just for bikes and fun stuff but I'm not there yet.
Shiftfaced
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Shiftfaced 9/25/2018 7:32am
9/25/2018 7:32am Edited Date/Time 9/25/2018 7:34am
newmann wrote:
Shiftface is a cult member! Those GMC's are the coolest.
You are correct! These things DO have a "cult-like" following. I just liked the look of the damn thing. For having been built 40 years ago, it still looks somewhat "modern" with the body lines and curved glass.

Your comment about the shag carpet is also on point.

https://www.gmcmi.com/motorhomes-for-sale/

"The Cult" that follows these things is aging, but well organized. There is a Registry for these rigs, and like "Car Fax", you put in your VIN, and they can tell you who has owned it, were it has lived, and any major work having been done to it. Of the 12,xxx original coaches made back in the 70's, over 9,000 are STILL on the road!

The ones that have not been "updated" still have that funky 70's look.

Ours has actually been updated. It was originally a light yellow. It was painted white about 15 years ago, and still looks pretty good. On the interior, laminate flooring has replaced the shag carpet, and the driver and passenger seat were upgraded to a white leather, electric seats. My wife kicks back with the feet up like a recliner as we roll down the road.

It is a cool rig, and I picked it up way under market value. Looking at the prices that are being asked on that GMCMI website, we might sell it next spring, or we might keep it for ever.

We shall see.
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omalley
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omalley 9/25/2018 9:44am
9/25/2018 9:44am
We combined ours right after marriage. We were mid-20’s and neither of us owned much or had much debt.
After 16 years we are calling it quits. I doubt I’ll ever get married again, but if I do, it’ll be separate accounts and we’ll split home expenses.

I think a lot of it has to do with your age/financial status when you get married. Early 20’s couple fresh out of college/military with nothing? Combining makes sense. 40’s couple with a divorce under their belt (or waited due to career) and their own assets? I’d have a prenup and separate accounts.
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scott_nz 9/25/2018 11:32am
9/25/2018 11:32am
omalley wrote:
We combined ours right after marriage. We were mid-20’s and neither of us owned much or had much debt. After 16 years we are calling it...
We combined ours right after marriage. We were mid-20’s and neither of us owned much or had much debt.
After 16 years we are calling it quits. I doubt I’ll ever get married again, but if I do, it’ll be separate accounts and we’ll split home expenses.

I think a lot of it has to do with your age/financial status when you get married. Early 20’s couple fresh out of college/military with nothing? Combining makes sense. 40’s couple with a divorce under their belt (or waited due to career) and their own assets? I’d have a prenup and separate accounts.
the seonc part is where we stand, i was 40 with a couple of houses and a business when we moved in together, (into a seperate rental) . its my first relationship like this, so i think ill have a seperate accounts for a while yet,
JRT812
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JRT812 9/25/2018 1:00pm
9/25/2018 1:00pm
Shared account, but we also have our own accounts that a small portion of money is deposited into on a monthly basis
NV825
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NV825 9/25/2018 1:00pm
9/25/2018 1:00pm
Married for 5 years and we have always had separate personal accounts and each transfer money into one joint account for bills and household related purchases.
KMC440
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KMC440 9/25/2018 1:18pm
9/25/2018 1:18pm
3 accounts ... yours, hers and household. Amount contributed by each to be determined.

Had a 4th for a while, dedicated to vacations and Christmas.

Pretty boring reply but that's it.
GeorgiePorgie 9/25/2018 1:40pm
9/25/2018 1:40pm Edited Date/Time 9/25/2018 1:46pm
Been Together 10 years. Married 2. We have seperate accounts. Cut the bills down the middle. I pay all the bills up front she pays later in the month.

Now that she went to part time during pregnancy I pay a little more. But it’s no big deal. Got a significant reserve chunk in case something happens. And injury insurance etc to hedge.

I make sure she Atleast stays part time so she gets her company 401k match.

But I’m also in the military and working toward my 20 year paper in case her retirement doesn’t capitalize. I hear kids are a full time job. And she just might stay home.....haven’t decided yet. Up to her. Whatever she wants to do.

Life is tricky! But we keep our accounts seperate and never fight about money.....
crashnuke
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crashnuke 9/25/2018 2:38pm
9/25/2018 2:38pm Edited Date/Time 9/25/2018 2:39pm
OldPro277 wrote:
We will be married 34 years next Saturday. We've always had joint accounts and combine all of our financials. My wife works her ass off,probably harder...
We will be married 34 years next Saturday. We've always had joint accounts and combine all of our financials. My wife works her ass off,probably harder than anyone I've ever met, however I still out earn her by 6x's. (probably not fair,lol) .
I've always been under the impression that once you're married, you become one breathing entity, just seems to work better that way---you know--- the "teamwork" mentality. Maybe I'm too old-school, but it seems to work better that way, share as much as you can. If you cant trust your spouse 110% ,then they possibly shouldn't be your spouse ??
OldPro277 and I are living the same life except I only have 32 years under my belt. The only exception is that my wife keeps asking me for approval anytime she buys something over $100. I tell her til I'm blue in the face to stop asking because it feels demeaning to her. We've talked about it so many times and it comes down to her feeling like she is not pulling her own weight. I tell her, "Listen, you gave birth and raised our son while continuing to work, you are Wonder Woman" . But it doesn't sink in and she keeps asking. She is a clinical psychologist and understands her own pathology but can't change it.
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OldPro277
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OldPro277 9/25/2018 3:36pm
9/25/2018 3:36pm
OldPro277 wrote:
We will be married 34 years next Saturday. We've always had joint accounts and combine all of our financials. My wife works her ass off,probably harder...
We will be married 34 years next Saturday. We've always had joint accounts and combine all of our financials. My wife works her ass off,probably harder than anyone I've ever met, however I still out earn her by 6x's. (probably not fair,lol) .
I've always been under the impression that once you're married, you become one breathing entity, just seems to work better that way---you know--- the "teamwork" mentality. Maybe I'm too old-school, but it seems to work better that way, share as much as you can. If you cant trust your spouse 110% ,then they possibly shouldn't be your spouse ??
crashnuke wrote:
OldPro277 and I are living the same life except I only have 32 years under my belt. The only exception is that my wife keeps asking...
OldPro277 and I are living the same life except I only have 32 years under my belt. The only exception is that my wife keeps asking me for approval anytime she buys something over $100. I tell her til I'm blue in the face to stop asking because it feels demeaning to her. We've talked about it so many times and it comes down to her feeling like she is not pulling her own weight. I tell her, "Listen, you gave birth and raised our son while continuing to work, you are Wonder Woman" . But it doesn't sink in and she keeps asking. She is a clinical psychologist and understands her own pathology but can't change it.
Crash, I go thru the exact same thing. She asks if it ok she buys this or that and it drives me crazy !!! She finds me all my Vintage racers (17 now in the garage) puts up with the UPS guy delivering boxes almost every day.(vintage mx parts,lol) I just wish she could feel at ease buying herself some nice things now and again. I did ,however, force her into buying a pair of those "red soled" shoes that were mentioned above because I knew she really liked them. Its got to the point that when I buy her something nice, I need to hide the receipt in my office and eliminate any evidence of where the item was purchased for fear that she would return them ,lol.
I guess this lack of trust is the part that really shocks me. If I couldn't trust my wife with our money, how could I trust her to raise our daughter or trust her to go out with her friends for the evening without banging a better looking guy, or any other scenario that involves unconditional trust.
Obviously some of these guys above were correct in not "trusting" their partner,Im not saying that its a no-fail system, but it has worked for us, and we are trying to instill those same notion to our recently married daughter and son-in-law.
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LoudLove
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LoudLove 9/25/2018 3:38pm
9/25/2018 3:38pm
Shared account since Day 1. We were more mature first-timers (she was 30, I was 37), and we soon became a single income household as she quit working to focus on her auto-immune disease. I've always brought home the bacon and paid the bills, while she focused on herself and raising our 3 boys. 18 years later she buys what she needs/wants, our kids make straight A's and have never been in trouble, and she's still damn good looking. So, yeah, it's a win-win!

Plus, when I was laid-up in the hospital after a nasty crash, one of the first things she said was "don't sell the bike". I mean, come on! How lucky can a guy get?
4
GeorgiePorgie 9/25/2018 3:42pm
9/25/2018 3:42pm
Yea I trust my wife. She’s listed on my accounts. And I’m listed on hers. We just never touch each other’s money. But never argue about it. It’s nice. She buys something nice I don’t care. I buy a dirtbike. She don’t care. I can’t feed myself. She’s a wizard in the kitchen. I can make spaghetti haha.

Really it probably doesn’t matter if you seperate or combine. It’s based on trust. My grandparents on my dads side combined money and my mothers side separated it. They did just fine all those years.
mattyhamz2 9/25/2018 4:38pm
9/25/2018 4:38pm
My wife and I have been married for 6 years and we had a joint account for a while, but never used it. We are about to open another one, but we've kept her money hers and my money mine. I pay rent, car and truck payments and my cc payments. She covers food, child care, phone bill and her cc payments. Has nothing to do with not trusting each other, I just pay part of the bills and she takes care of the other half. It works for us, but might now work for others.
mattyhamz2 9/25/2018 4:43pm
9/25/2018 4:43pm
oldblood wrote:
I control all of the finances, and have her on a performance based allowance.
Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing
ChubbyCat113
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ChubbyCat113 9/25/2018 6:11pm
9/25/2018 6:11pm Edited Date/Time 9/25/2018 6:12pm
Been married 2 years and we have separate bank accounts for the simple fact that I'm afraid to have all of our money in one place. I don't like the thought of having all of our money in one account and the bank get hacked or system crash then we have no access to money besides the cash stash. She is on my account but has to go in orndrive thru to withdraw, I'm not on hers because he bank is too far away LOL For the most part we split bills, she pays for her vehicle and I pay for mine and all other bills are split. If she runs short then I help out, if I run short then she helps out. I don't question her spending and she doesn't question mine. As long as the bills are paid then we're good!
fullfloater 9/26/2018 2:19am
9/26/2018 2:19am Edited Date/Time 9/26/2018 2:33am
Married 20 years and have been living together for 28 -- since Uni. I can't remember us ever having separate accounts or even considering it. She doesn't like handling money and bills so I've always done it. I worked during University so I paid the bills but she ended up making more money than me so all good! Makes BTO purchases a lot less stressful. Who cares? We spend most of our money on housing and kids. I had to convince her that a new KTM was a good investment but I just had to factor in the intrinsic benefits and boom. Money maker.

newmann
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newmann 9/26/2018 5:51am
9/26/2018 5:51am
Got home yesterday to a shoe catalog in the mailbox. Wife seemed excited. I bought another dirt bike last night.




Laughing
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OldPro277
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OldPro277 9/26/2018 12:17pm
9/26/2018 12:17pm
newmann wrote:
Got home yesterday to a shoe catalog in the mailbox. Wife seemed excited. I bought another dirt bike last night.




Laughing
And THATS the way its supposed to work !! Tongue
newmann
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newmann 9/26/2018 12:59pm
9/26/2018 12:59pm
newmann wrote:
Got home yesterday to a shoe catalog in the mailbox. Wife seemed excited. I bought another dirt bike last night.




Laughing
OldPro277 wrote:
And THATS the way its supposed to work !! Tongue
Actually, I kinda bought two. And some spares...Wink
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Timo_2824
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Timo_2824 9/26/2018 3:19pm
9/26/2018 3:19pm
Shared account since a couple of weeks before the wedding, been almost 12 years and 3 states/credit unions later no issues. I do understand that if you had money/assets before marriage keeping them separate or a prenup. We got married during college, so I had a pickup and dirt bike to my name...

On the flip side my wife's grandma's first husband died, she got remarried and her second husband kept all of the finances and titles in his name only. When he died he left everything to his kids from his first wife, they made her rebuy the house she had lived in for 30 years... Some people are just fucked up.
Hoseclamp
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Hoseclamp 9/26/2018 3:50pm
9/26/2018 3:50pm
Maried for 11 yrs and always had seperate accounts. But we both have access to the others so I guess thats almost the same as joint. I agree with the trust comments. She does all the bills and
I've always got spending money in my account. We never question each other on anything (including my guns) but will discuss any big purchases.

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