Divorce

Falcon
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Menifee, CA, USA
6/15/2018 11:03am
Take your time, don't panic or make rash decisions, and realize that it will all work out in the end. Hope for the best but plan for the worst.
I've never been divorced myself, but there was a time when we were 99% of the way there. I have two kids and it would have been a nightmare handling that. Your situation makes it so much easier for the rest of your life - even if you end up losing everything right now, you can rebuild. How old are you? I'm going to assume somewhere in the mid 30s if you were married for 8 years. Dude, if life is a football game you're not even at halftime yet. Go get 'em.
c0ncEpT
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1318
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Location
Harrison Twp., MI, USA
6/15/2018 11:28am
borg wrote:
My advice, having been through it, is to cut off all unnecessary contact with her. Even if it's an amicable split. The sooner she is out...
My advice, having been through it, is to cut off all unnecessary contact with her. Even if it's an amicable split. The sooner she is out of your mind the sooner the sting will die down. It does go away eventually but continued or even sporadic contact makes it take longer. The sooner you start planning your life without her the better.
Cold turkey. Sorry to hear it. I know it doesn't feel like it now but you will feel normal again and maybe a little wiser.
I agree 100%. The longer you even think about her the worse it will get. Take care of everything as swiftly as possible and never so much as send a text message again.
seth505
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10214
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SD, CA, USA
6/15/2018 1:42pm
Sounds like you're already considering the move and that could be great for you. Just don't rush into it and do it as completely reactionary, make sure it is the right move for YOU. I moved across the country to CA after a 6 year relationship (not married but still) and it was great for me. I probably never would have done it if that breakup didn't happen.
Electro21
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Location
Dumfries, VA, USA
Fantasy
6/15/2018 3:32pm
Get an attorney. Its expensive, but make sure you get a good one. If you or she moves out of state, it could change things drastically. Divorce laws vary by state.

Be as civil as possible and pay things as you think you would need to. Be the good guy.

The Shop

LoudLove
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2948
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Location
USA
6/15/2018 4:03pm
You guys missed the biggest problem: the man doesn't have a bike! Go get a bike, man! Ride that bike! Ride the living hell out of it! It's the best damn therapy out there. You know it, I know it, we all know it.

Am I joking? No sir, I am not. If you love moto/XC, there's nothing that re-calibrates your body & soul like seat time. Plus you'll meet new people, and moto people are the best! Not sure how old you are, but it doesn't matter. If you've got your health, the world is your oyster. Don't let the wife, or the situation, define you. Just envision yourself at the track, putting on your gear and mentally retracing your lines while the bike warms up on the stand. Remember that feeling? The anxiousness, the nervous excitement, knowing that you are about to do things 95% of America would think are absolutely insane! Once you slip the bike into gear, life's distractions fall to the wayside as your mind's focus narrows on the task at hand. The end of a day leaves you mentally & physically purified, in an almost spiritual sense. Ain't nothing like it.

To recap 1) buy bike 2) ride bike 3) ride bike more 4) rock the world!
VilloFan951
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1334
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Location
Moreno Valley, CA, USA
6/15/2018 4:45pm
So just to clarify a few things lol. She is the one who called it quits and apologizes a shit load which I understand and it sucks. I have not a dam thing she can take nor money and my credit is shit and so is hers so I don’t have to worry about that much. I trust she won’t be a bitch about it and if so I’ll be ready for it. I’m being nice if I talk to her so that helps. I’m only 28 btw. And if I could go out and buy a bike would have in a heart beat because I know that always helped clear my head. Thank you all for the advice I have been reading them as soon as I get the emails from ur posts. I’ve been trying to stay busy and not think about it which works a little bit not all the way.
Deja New
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Location
AU
6/15/2018 5:01pm
Deja New wrote:
You will get a million different answers to this so.... First things first my condolences as it sounds like it’s not a mutual thing.... I’ve been...
You will get a million different answers to this so....
First things first my condolences as it sounds like it’s not a mutual thing....
I’ve been devorced once too but I was the one to leave, I’d still like to give you a tip that helped me and it came from my lawyer.
Be the bigger person and the most important thing you can’t beat hate with hate only love can beat hate. When I asked her what she meant she said everyone gets sick of listening to someone bitch about someone else but if you only have nice things to say eventually everyone is on your side. I had a nasty break up my ex dug her heals in but i always treated her with respect and dignity in a way that I would want to be treated myself and the judge awarded me everything I wanted as I was never vindictive as it gets you nowhere remember you always want to be able to look at yourself in the mirror so never do anything rash.
Now if you still love her give her some room to breeth then remind her why she feel in love with you in the first place and number one with any woman listen to her and never but in even if she is wrong as a man you can be one of two things you can be happy or you can be right but never both.
Whatever the future has for you I hope its bright and brings you happiness even if it seems out of reach today.
Cheers and best wishes to you
I’m gonna go with this guys got the key to success.
Life is to short to be bitter.... couple of simple life rules to follow treat others like you want to be treated yourself and don't judge anyone without walking a day in their shoes. I remarried a few years back and am very happy got an awesome wife ( That rides moto sometimes too Smile ) and she's smoking hot got great kids and I'm happy my new wife she's always got my back and id do anything for her cause we all know happy wife happy life.
Deja New
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Location
AU
6/15/2018 5:05pm
So just to clarify a few things lol. She is the one who called it quits and apologizes a shit load which I understand and it...
So just to clarify a few things lol. She is the one who called it quits and apologizes a shit load which I understand and it sucks. I have not a dam thing she can take nor money and my credit is shit and so is hers so I don’t have to worry about that much. I trust she won’t be a bitch about it and if so I’ll be ready for it. I’m being nice if I talk to her so that helps. I’m only 28 btw. And if I could go out and buy a bike would have in a heart beat because I know that always helped clear my head. Thank you all for the advice I have been reading them as soon as I get the emails from ur posts. I’ve been trying to stay busy and not think about it which works a little bit not all the way.
i got separated at 28 divorced a few years later as here in Aus you have to be separated for 2 years before you can sue for divorce if the other party does not want to be amicable. Im 44 now and never been happier so don't dwell to much on today and keep positive thoughts for tomorrow as thats where happiness will be found and in moto Smile
VilloFan951
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1334
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Location
Moreno Valley, CA, USA
6/15/2018 5:13pm
LoudLove wrote:
Problem solved: https://inlandempire.craigslist.org/mcy/d/yamaha-yz250yz-250/6615652778.html Offer $1200 and set sail! You can thank me later. If under these circumstances $1200 presents a financial challenge, then the divorce thing...
Problem solved: https://inlandempire.craigslist.org/mcy/d/yamaha-yz250yz-250/6615652778… Offer $1200 and set sail! You can thank me later.

If under these circumstances $1200 presents a financial challenge, then the divorce thing is not your biggest issue...
Sadly it does create a challenge. I just got back to work after being out since November and I was way behind on my truck payment because of it so I have a shit load of catching up to do on bills. Once those r caught up I will be fine. But dam if I had that cash I’d pick that bike up tomorrow
Falcon
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Menifee, CA, USA
6/15/2018 5:18pm
Wow, you were young when you got married!

2 years from now and this will all make so much more sense. Just ride it out, work hard, straighten yourself up, get a bike when you can, and don't look back.

Oh, and nail her sister too. Gotta do that as soon as possible. Cool Hahaha...
VilloFan951
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Moreno Valley, CA, USA
6/15/2018 5:30pm
Falcon wrote:
Wow, you were young when you got married! 2 years from now and this will all make so much more sense. Just ride it out, work...
Wow, you were young when you got married!

2 years from now and this will all make so much more sense. Just ride it out, work hard, straighten yourself up, get a bike when you can, and don't look back.

Oh, and nail her sister too. Gotta do that as soon as possible. Cool Hahaha...
Hahaha I’m tryin to stay far away from her family. To much drama lol but yeah I was young so was she I think that was our problem. We didn’t grow up enough and I just loved her so much that was the step I wanted to take and didn’t think we would both change. But it’s ok I’m doing better then I expected and I have a girl I’m talking to I went to high school with and we were close friends so that helps
level
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Acworth, GA, USA
6/15/2018 5:59pm Edited Date/Time 6/15/2018 6:02pm
Dude you will look back in a few years and be like I’m so glad she left. If she was nagging or critical or a bitch or didn’t have sex then you will be lucky. I can’t stand my ex and was devastated when she walked out for no reason. Just came home and left because we had a small argument. We had a 2 year old. Best thing she ever did for me was leave me. Glad she did when my kid was young. We still talk daily but I can’t really stand her. She’s just mean and she treats me like shit. But it’s all for the kid. If we didn’t have a kid then we would never talk.
I don’t feel lonely because I have a kid and haven’t had sex or been on a date since we divorced 6 years ago.
Don’t know if I will ever be with anyone again. Too much drama.
KennyT
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Vista, CA, USA
Fantasy
6/15/2018 6:10pm
Falcon wrote:
Wow, you were young when you got married! 2 years from now and this will all make so much more sense. Just ride it out, work...
Wow, you were young when you got married!

2 years from now and this will all make so much more sense. Just ride it out, work hard, straighten yourself up, get a bike when you can, and don't look back.

Oh, and nail her sister too. Gotta do that as soon as possible. Cool Hahaha...
And if not her sister isn’t little Georgia available?

This is one positive. You are going to get to explore once the dust settles

Hearing about the work/financial situation. That puts a lot of stress on a relationship. I was married at 18 and believe me when I say $$$ were a issue when we were young. I never went without a bike/racing until I decided to hang it up later in life. If there was no riding I probably would have been gone early in our marriage once some bad shit went down.

Anyway who knows. Maybe you guys will separate, the finances will get back in order.... the economy is going apeshit, and maybe things work out in the end. In the meantime work on the hot sister (or any other sympathetic relative....sympathy sex is nuts!) or give Georgia a call. Over on the Moto board you should be able to round up her email ?

Good luck and hang in there
ohiomotoxer
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Cleveland, OH, USA
6/15/2018 6:10pm Edited Date/Time 6/15/2018 6:11pm
I have 1 word:
Prenuptial
GuyB
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35722
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Location
Aliso Viejo, CA, USA
6/15/2018 6:59pm
You’ve been a part of a couple for a while. Figure out what makes you happy and complete on your own.

In my case, divorce 1 (no kids, property, etc.) was as easy as it got. It still sucked, but after moping around for a while I got busy with mountain biking, snowboarding, and work. That helped a lot.

Divorce 2 (1 kid, wife managed to fritter away our property), was expensive (still paying “child” support for my 22-year-old son while he goes to school), but worth it.
6/16/2018 8:57am
I know you are feeling like hell.....Take care of yourself first.
She made her choice...Dont grovel, dont beg...get on with your life.
Buy a bike...even if you just look at it for awhile.
Add a few new friends and start making some great memories.
VilloFan951
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1334
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Moreno Valley, CA, USA
6/16/2018 3:18pm
Thnx again for all the advice and kind words? Lol but I’m trying my best day by day to be ok it’s definitely hard for sure. One minute I’m fine then the next something triggers thoughts in my head about her and I can’t stand it
6/16/2018 8:42pm
Yea understandable. Stay busy. And before you know it thoughts will be triggering your mind about a new woman.
peelout
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18394
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Location
Ogden, UT, USA
6/18/2018 10:03am
Falcon wrote:
Wow, you were young when you got married! 2 years from now and this will all make so much more sense. Just ride it out, work...
Wow, you were young when you got married!

2 years from now and this will all make so much more sense. Just ride it out, work hard, straighten yourself up, get a bike when you can, and don't look back.

Oh, and nail her sister too. Gotta do that as soon as possible. Cool Hahaha...
i have a funny story about the sister thing... i dated a girl (sister 1) for about a year on and off. things were finally starting to get serious and then she dropped me like a bad habit. maybe i was? anyway, her sister 2 was cute and i was doing some side work for her doing some mirrors and shower doors in her new place. we start talking and end up hooking up and dating for a couple years. sister 1 is fucking furious. fast forward about 5 years and i run into sister 1 at a wedding, she's with her complicated boyfriend. she comes over that night and we hook up for a couple weeks pretty much daily then just stop talking. so about 6 months later i run into sister 3 at the county fair, she wants to grab drinks. we did. we didn't hook up, i think we could have but i feel like i had already put the family through enough shit. that was all in my 20's (35). last week i hung a couple shower doors in sister 2's new house, but she's preggers and i'm in a perfect relationship.

back to OP... sell something and buy a cheap 2-stroke and get some moto therapy in. best therapy there is.
KennyT
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Vista, CA, USA
Fantasy
6/18/2018 12:17pm Edited Date/Time 6/18/2018 12:18pm
Falcon wrote:
Wow, you were young when you got married! 2 years from now and this will all make so much more sense. Just ride it out, work...
Wow, you were young when you got married!

2 years from now and this will all make so much more sense. Just ride it out, work hard, straighten yourself up, get a bike when you can, and don't look back.

Oh, and nail her sister too. Gotta do that as soon as possible. Cool Hahaha...
peelout wrote:
i have a funny story about the sister thing... i dated a girl (sister 1) for about a year on and off. things were finally starting...
i have a funny story about the sister thing... i dated a girl (sister 1) for about a year on and off. things were finally starting to get serious and then she dropped me like a bad habit. maybe i was? anyway, her sister 2 was cute and i was doing some side work for her doing some mirrors and shower doors in her new place. we start talking and end up hooking up and dating for a couple years. sister 1 is fucking furious. fast forward about 5 years and i run into sister 1 at a wedding, she's with her complicated boyfriend. she comes over that night and we hook up for a couple weeks pretty much daily then just stop talking. so about 6 months later i run into sister 3 at the county fair, she wants to grab drinks. we did. we didn't hook up, i think we could have but i feel like i had already put the family through enough shit. that was all in my 20's (35). last week i hung a couple shower doors in sister 2's new house, but she's preggers and i'm in a perfect relationship.

back to OP... sell something and buy a cheap 2-stroke and get some moto therapy in. best therapy there is.
How preggers is she? And nothings perfect Grinning

This is a perfect opportunity for a rare trifecta
peelout
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Ogden, UT, USA
6/18/2018 12:51pm
KennyT wrote:
How preggers is she? And nothings perfect Grinning

This is a perfect opportunity for a rare trifecta
Woohoo

i meant i'm very happily engaged, and she's about 7 months along lol

Electro21
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Dumfries, VA, USA
Fantasy
6/18/2018 8:46pm
Falcon wrote:
Wow, you were young when you got married! 2 years from now and this will all make so much more sense. Just ride it out, work...
Wow, you were young when you got married!

2 years from now and this will all make so much more sense. Just ride it out, work hard, straighten yourself up, get a bike when you can, and don't look back.

Oh, and nail her sister too. Gotta do that as soon as possible. Cool Hahaha...
Don't do this!!! Each state is different and you could be considered committing adultery. Virginia for example, doesn't have legal separation. Plus, I am active duty Army which also would put the hammer down. Remember, she may leave and be amicable, but hat can change. Especially if she catches with a hotter chick. Your best bet is to lay low and wait until the divorce is finalized before you start dipping your wick again. It might save you a lot.
Falcon
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Menifee, CA, USA
6/20/2018 3:42pm
Falcon wrote:
Wow, you were young when you got married! 2 years from now and this will all make so much more sense. Just ride it out, work...
Wow, you were young when you got married!

2 years from now and this will all make so much more sense. Just ride it out, work hard, straighten yourself up, get a bike when you can, and don't look back.

Oh, and nail her sister too. Gotta do that as soon as possible. Cool Hahaha...
Electro21 wrote:
Don't do this!!! Each state is different and you could be considered committing adultery. Virginia for example, doesn't have legal separation. Plus, I am active duty...
Don't do this!!! Each state is different and you could be considered committing adultery. Virginia for example, doesn't have legal separation. Plus, I am active duty Army which also would put the hammer down. Remember, she may leave and be amicable, but hat can change. Especially if she catches with a hotter chick. Your best bet is to lay low and wait until the divorce is finalized before you start dipping your wick again. It might save you a lot.
Good call, Electro.

OP, wait until the divorce is final, then nail her sister! Grinning
rongi#401
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southern, CA, USA
6/21/2018 11:33pm
Nail her mom bro

All jokes aside, when people tell you itl get better, you don't even absorb the advice because it's really tough to separate from your other half. In a year you'll read back on this post and think, "was that me writing this?"

dirtnapper
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5454
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Alberta, CA
6/22/2018 10:37pm
captmoto wrote:
Lawyer up. Suck it up, put your emotions aside get ready to fight. You need to know what you want out of this. You need to...
Lawyer up. Suck it up, put your emotions aside get ready to fight. You need to know what you want out of this. You need to protect yourself financially. I know lots of guys that ended up supporting their exes like they were still married because they folded up like a cheap suit with emotions. If she's a better income than you that can simplify things a little.
This is good advice.

It's probably hard to hear and you may not want to be told to "suck it up" but you do have to.

My brother handled his divorce this way ( no fight, gave in, played nice....) and it was and still is a disaster. She is trying to ruin him. It's really hard to watch happen.

Take care my friend, stay strong. Say a prayer if you think it will help you.
redrider400
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1535
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Homer, AK, USA
6/23/2018 4:41am
Just found out today that the wife is calling it quits after 8 years. I’m an emotional wreck, what are some of the things that have...
Just found out today that the wife is calling it quits after 8 years. I’m an emotional wreck, what are some of the things that have helped you guys deal with this pain. I don’t have a bike anymore so riding is not in the answers.
Right there with you man. Although we are trying to work it out. We are separating though. This was out of the blue for me and we've been married 15 years.
plowboy
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14556
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Location
Norwich, KS, USA
6/24/2018 10:06am
Sad deal bro. I don't have any first hand advice since I've never been through it (married 38 years next month). But, my mom was married 8 or 9 times...and I've seen friends split up. Be especially careful with partying and drinking. Nobody in a bad mood ever gets jolly when they drink. Like others have said....stay busy. A second job kills two stones with one bird...you're gonna need the extra money and keeps you too occupied/tired to get into trouble. It'll be ok in the end...and if it's not ok...it's not the end.
Drtbykr
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2058
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Location
Fredericton, CA
6/25/2018 6:28pm Edited Date/Time 6/25/2018 6:30pm
Na no kids. I think Hong’s would be different if that was the case idk.
DoctorJD wrote:
I got divorced back in 91' (no kids). Looking back, it was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Don't get me wrong...
I got divorced back in 91' (no kids). Looking back, it was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Don't get me wrong, it sucked, and I hate that I had to go through it. I hate that I made that kind of commitment only to have to end it.

She came to me one evening out of the blue and said she wanted to end it. I told her to take some time and think about it, and make sure that it (divorce) was what she really wanted. I told her if she wanted to work it out, I was more than willing, but if she wanted her freedom, I wouldn't stand in her way. I slept in another bedroom that night with plans on coming home the next day and getting some clothes and stuff.

I walked into my house the next day after work and shut the door. I could hear an echo going through the house. I walked into the living room to find all of the furniture gone with the exception of a sh*tty recliner that she hated. I didn't even have a bed to sleep on. I stood there and shed some tears, and that was it. That day I began the process of moving on with my life.

No sugar coating it, it'll be tough for a while, but it WILL get better. Best advice is what Spydee said: Keep busy, keep your mind (and body) active and try not to let it consume you. Get into the gym, or mountain bike, or hike, whatever you enjoy. If you drink, be wary and don't let it become a refuge. That's nowhere to find comfort (I know). After being married for a while, we develop a bit of codependency. Reach out to your friends. My friends were a Godsend during my divorce. Also, you've got to learn to be comfortable being alone again. That's probably the hardest part. You've got to learn to be you own best friend. If you're spiritual, dive deeper into that aspect of your life.

As a result of my divorce, I met my current wife of 23 years. She has given me two beautiful children, and has been my best friend and cheerleader. Thing is, when I met her, I wasn't even looking to get back into a relationship. It just happened. Don't ever lose hope.
Same story, same timeline. I drank about $30,000 worth of liquor.

DON’T DO THAT.

Sister gave me great advice, “you won’t find the answer in the bottom of the bottle”.

I didn’t, ended up having to quit drinking before it destroyed me.

What was weird is that I wasn’t actually too gay-gaaabout her, I just thought divorce was such a failure.

Talk to Professional’s, you feel so alone. Develop good habits, and be thankful no kids are involved.

It gets better, but wow, tough adjustment. Been married 26 years to a real sweetheart, two kids.
dirtmike86
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1212
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10/28/2015
Location
Grand Terrace, CA, USA
6/25/2018 8:00pm
Shit man didnt see this thread until now. Iam like 10 min away from you. If you have riding gear? hit me up you can ride my 350. Been in your shoes before.
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