Being a man

That section was awesome! Sorry to take things off the rails for a second, we have returned to the topic at hand. 

To get this back on track, here's one for you to tell your son,

Once in a while, take the time to have a beer with a friend!

TM

Sorry about the hijack brother.

TM

Never turn down a cold beer!

big list coming, in no particular order:

for the kid:

1. Be the guy that shows up. Excuses are easy, showing up is easier. Birthdays, weddings, friends kids birthdays, work promotion parties... just show up.. Spending every day with family and friends becomes every weekend with the friends becomes everyone at the weddings every few years. Then seeing friends one off more spaced out every few years. Next time everyone is together its probably for a funeral 20 years later. Show up when invited, always.
2. Pick up the phone. You never know when a buddy needs someone to just say hi. Or your sister needs to chat. A 5 minute call to say "whats new" goes a long way for a friendship.
3. Father Time is undefeated. Set a goal and get after it to live the life you want.

For you:

1. Father Time is undefeated. Your dads time will come, so will yours. It sucks. Cant stop it.
2. Re: parents death. It never gets better, but it does get easier. I miss my dad every day. But its easier today than it was seven years ago. Sun will rise tomorrow and people need you.
3. Leave instructions. Don't leave a mess for your family to clean up when your gone.

Ramblings:

I remember when my dad was dealing with his parents health and ultimate loss and how difficult it was. He told me some things about his own approach to the end of his life that he wanted me to do for him. It was hard to hear as a young man. But that day came. Low and behold that last time I saw him, I had to physically carry him. The strongest man in the world, needed me to pick him up to move him around. We made the most of that day, and I left knowing that was it. Got a call 24 hours later that he was gone. 

Probably the funnest night of my life was after my dads burial. Got hammered and listened to his friends tell some crazy stories about him and we laughed will into the morning. I always tell people that my dad didn't die, he lived. Not a lot of people can say that they truly lived. His friends confirmed it. He was THE GUY for his friends (see bullet number 1 on this post). 

So make sure you live, and make sure your kid gets the same message. My kids sure have.

"Well, raise another round, boys, and have another glass
Be thankful for today knowing it'll never last
And let's leave the world laughin' when our eulogies are read
May we all get to Heaven 'fore the devil knows we're dead"

I was told you become a man when you accept things you cannot control.

Know what you don’t know. 

Awesome thread. 
I thought I was a man; until now.

It is a lengthy read, but some good stuff.

If you are not familiar with this site you may want to check out some other stuff on there.

Great articles and some good topics in their podcasts.

How to Be a Man | The Art of Manliness

Lot of empathy vibes going out to you today. A lot of us older guys have been through what your going through and can unfortunately relate.

Sorry you're going through this brother

Tell us a good story about him when you're up to it brother! I found you won't know when the feelings hit, but they do and get less intense and less often allowing you to remember the good stuff.

TM

Sorry to hear about this Falcon. At least you were close by. When my parents passed away, I was in arizona, and they were in california. My mom was in a dementia home....

Thoughts and prayers are with you....

Emotions will hit you sometimes out of the blue(they still do me 7 years after my father passing away...)

Chin up... You just downloaded a lot of perspective on life.

Watching my father die was life changing . Anybody with a romantic version of death,...well....we can always hope that happens but it mostly doesn't.

 Losing your father is tough for anyone, but for a man to lose his Dad is devastating. He was the model for what you should be like. So very sorry for your loss. As many others have pointed out, it does get easier, but it never goes away. And truthfully, you truly don’t want it to. Those flashbacks and moments that you have that will be your dad speaking to you. 

Falcon, I do not know you. Interacting with you on this forum tells me your Father was a good man, who knew how to raise one. I am very sorry for your loss, I pray the Lord will provide comfort and grace to you and your family in this time of need. I will be praying for you brother. 

P.S.- Hope my grammar wasn’t too bad. 🤙🏻

My dads been gone 30 years. Think about him all the time. It  feels like he's still  around. The older I get the more I appreciate  him.  Grief is a process. Takes a while. Ive seen one or two people never get over it, but the vast majority do. Sorry for yor loss. Losing the old man sucks. 

Don’t know you falcon, but I was thinking about you today and wondering what was up with your dad. Made me think back to when I lost my dad 14 years ago and all the emotions involved with it. The pain will fade away and the memories will last a lifetime. Hang in there brother. You helped me out today , when I got to a steep hill on my mountain bike in the heat  , I thought about you and your pops again and I manned up and made it to the top rather than turning around. Thanks.

Advice for your son. 

 Pertaining to relationships. Is the fucking you’re getting, worth the fucking you’re going to get? In other words, don’t cheat. 

Don’t lose yourself to keep the peace in a relationship. Sometimes, keeping your peace means, losing the relationship. 

Getting through the passing of a loved one is tough. You never really get over it but,  the pain eventually turns into an opportunity to be thankful for the memories you have of that person. The things only you know. The memories only you remember. I’m sorry buddy. 

Well put.

Thoughts are with you falcon.

Heartfelt sadness for your loss. 

As for your patriarchal reckoning? I’m confident that your family is in good hands.

I inherited my smart ass, suffer no fools, take no shit from anyone, attitude from my dad. And stubborn redneck work ethic. 

Not much else.

Gained a great comfort in becoming very, very, independent as a result.

Was estranged from him for over 40yrs.

Surprised me when he left me everything, and executor of his meager estate when he passed. 

Always been a bit envious of those with a real dad.

Sounds like yours absolutely was.

My father passed when I was young (15) from Melanoma.  It was a five year battle in the late 70's, and it was a brutal time to be a cancer patient. 

I've spent every day since wondering (wishing) what advice he might offer given various circumstances that have occurred in my life over the years.  I also spent my life trying to collect nuggets of wisdom so that I could offer them to my own boys, now 26 and 30.  I wanted to make their life easier than my own.

What I have learned is that they are not me (and I am not my father), and that the wisdom I spent my life cultivating sounds very droll coming out of my mouth as I try to push my knowledge and wisdom onto them.  

I now think the wisdom of my father was that he listened a lot, and said little.  He parsed my words, and pulled out the dictionary a lot when I asked him questions.  After he passed, I often asked myself, 'what would he do given a  specific circumstance' when trying to make a decision.  And I have lived my life that way.

I thought I had lost something valuable.  But what I think now is that his passing gave me something valuable...self reliance.  All those times I sat and wondered what advice he might give me was an opportunity for deep thinking...and I came up with a solution,  not from his wisdom, but from my own.

I now think there is no shortcut to wisdom, and we cannot 'provide' it to our children.  The best we can do is model it, so they may see the outcomes of living a certain way.

I try to remember this lesson around my boys now that they are older.  Listen and provide, not wisdom, but guidance in how they might solve their own problems.  The challenge is that this has to occur on their schedule, and not our own.  And we have to be prepared to step up react accordingly when the moment arrives.  It requires a lot of patience.

My fear is that I came to this revelation too late.  But we always have tomorrow until we don't, so I try to resolve myself to self discipline and patience each day, in hope that my boys will see it, and want to develop their own.

**edit: Just saw your father passed.  My sincere condolences.