Posts
1772
Joined
4/1/2008
Location
Slidell, LA
US
Edited Date/Time
1/25/2012 1:03pm
Yeah, I know...if you have a serious, critical life-changing question why are you asking it on VitalMX, lol. I'm asking because I know there are some good peeps here that have served or are currently serving in the military.
Here's the situation: I have the laziest 17 yr. old kid on the planet. He should be graduating high school this year but instead is a junior because he failed a year. Last summer he went to summer school for 3 classes - failed one and passed the other 2 with the minimum possible passing grade (I'm guessing they were "sympathy passes" since he at least showed up every day). He has yet to even have a summer job. When it comes to earning money around the house, I pay him $20 to cut and weedeat the grass. He doesn't like weedeating and edging, so he tried to cut a deal where he only cuts the grass and gets paid half. He'll cut corners any way he can. Yet he's always looking for handouts so he can take his girlfriend out. He's about to hit 18 but doesn't drive yet since he can't pay for insurance. You get the picture - he's not a bad kid, not the criminal type, doesn't get in trouble - just doesn't give a shit about school and has zero responsibility or ambition.
So here's the deal: his copout is that since he doesn't like school, joining the army is his only solution. Now if it weren't for Iraq and Afghanistan, the military would be the greatest thing for him because it might actually make a man out of him. But my belief is that you only belong in the service if you are doing it out of a sense of duty to your country - not as a copout to get out of schoolwork or to take what he thinks is the path of least resistance. If he joins, there's no doubt in my mind that he is doing it for the wrong reasons.
I know that he has no idea what he's in for if he joins the service. Aside from the fact that I don't want to spend every day wondering if my kid will live or die that day, I worry about him not being able to handle the logistics of it (being away from friends, girlfriend, family, etc. and the life he is accustomed to) and either going nuts and killing himself when he can't handle it, or getting messed up in the head for life.
However, his girlfriend's brother (around 22-23 yrs. old) did two tours in Iraq and tells him stuff like, "Life isn't bad, we sit around and play video games every night. I was in Iraq at its worst and it was not big deal." Brags about his "head shots" and stuff when I'd be surprised if he ever really fired his weapon.
The point is that I think my kid is totally delusional about what life in the army will be like, and he'd be doing it for all the wrong reasons. And once he signs his name, there's no turning back.
Of course, I've never been in the service so I don't know shit about life in Iraq or Afghanistan, but I trust my perceptions a lot more than I trust his delusions. And again - if he did it for the right reasons and didn't come home in a bodybag or messed up in the head, I'd be damn proud of his service to his country and for sure it would give him a huge wakeup call and mold him into a man instead of the immature and delusional spoiled brat that he is.
So what I'd like to know is WHERE do I find the information to paint the real picture for him (which will probably lie somewhere between what I envision and what he envisions). I've googled, googled, and googled some more but can't really find any useful information. As far as talking to a recruiter, I'm sure there are some honest ones but also ones that will say what they need to just to get him to sign up.
Any help or guidance is MAJORLY appreciated.
Here's the situation: I have the laziest 17 yr. old kid on the planet. He should be graduating high school this year but instead is a junior because he failed a year. Last summer he went to summer school for 3 classes - failed one and passed the other 2 with the minimum possible passing grade (I'm guessing they were "sympathy passes" since he at least showed up every day). He has yet to even have a summer job. When it comes to earning money around the house, I pay him $20 to cut and weedeat the grass. He doesn't like weedeating and edging, so he tried to cut a deal where he only cuts the grass and gets paid half. He'll cut corners any way he can. Yet he's always looking for handouts so he can take his girlfriend out. He's about to hit 18 but doesn't drive yet since he can't pay for insurance. You get the picture - he's not a bad kid, not the criminal type, doesn't get in trouble - just doesn't give a shit about school and has zero responsibility or ambition.
So here's the deal: his copout is that since he doesn't like school, joining the army is his only solution. Now if it weren't for Iraq and Afghanistan, the military would be the greatest thing for him because it might actually make a man out of him. But my belief is that you only belong in the service if you are doing it out of a sense of duty to your country - not as a copout to get out of schoolwork or to take what he thinks is the path of least resistance. If he joins, there's no doubt in my mind that he is doing it for the wrong reasons.
I know that he has no idea what he's in for if he joins the service. Aside from the fact that I don't want to spend every day wondering if my kid will live or die that day, I worry about him not being able to handle the logistics of it (being away from friends, girlfriend, family, etc. and the life he is accustomed to) and either going nuts and killing himself when he can't handle it, or getting messed up in the head for life.
However, his girlfriend's brother (around 22-23 yrs. old) did two tours in Iraq and tells him stuff like, "Life isn't bad, we sit around and play video games every night. I was in Iraq at its worst and it was not big deal." Brags about his "head shots" and stuff when I'd be surprised if he ever really fired his weapon.
The point is that I think my kid is totally delusional about what life in the army will be like, and he'd be doing it for all the wrong reasons. And once he signs his name, there's no turning back.
Of course, I've never been in the service so I don't know shit about life in Iraq or Afghanistan, but I trust my perceptions a lot more than I trust his delusions. And again - if he did it for the right reasons and didn't come home in a bodybag or messed up in the head, I'd be damn proud of his service to his country and for sure it would give him a huge wakeup call and mold him into a man instead of the immature and delusional spoiled brat that he is.
So what I'd like to know is WHERE do I find the information to paint the real picture for him (which will probably lie somewhere between what I envision and what he envisions). I've googled, googled, and googled some more but can't really find any useful information. As far as talking to a recruiter, I'm sure there are some honest ones but also ones that will say what they need to just to get him to sign up.
Any help or guidance is MAJORLY appreciated.
No direction in life after high school is often one of the biggest reasons people join the services. The Pride and patriotism come later for some once they start living the life. Make no mistake though, Joining the Services is choosing a way of life, not just a career. In my 19.5 years in the Navy, I have seen lots of people that joined for no other reason than to have something to do and then turn into great Sailors. If you want to ask some specific questions about the Navy e-mail me at: stephensoj@lhd5.navy.mil I would be glad to answer any questions you have.
I had just turned 20 yrs old when I joined the Marine Corps because me and college life did not get along to well. I always held a job but just preferred to play with my friends than rather go to school. I did not see any battle action I was in between the 2 wars in the gulf, but the lessons that the military teaches you will last forever. I was very fortunate to get out of the little shithole town in the middle of the oilfields and actually go see the world for once not just another damn drilling rig. The friends that you make in the service will be friends for life no matter what. For me personally the military was the best thing I could ever do.
And the quote about just playing video games every night I don't think I would buy that one very much. There were a lot of 18-20 hour work days to be had, but when you got some off time you took advantage of it and went off base with friends and played.
Best of luck to you and your son.
Semper Fidelis
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Thing is, you can raise 2 boys the same way, one can progress nicely, one can be lazy and cut corners.
Point is, don't let comments like that make you feel like you failed as a parent.
Then again, come here for answers, you probably have thick skin and know that.....
Where does one even begin to start with that paragraph?
We worked out of respect and ethic around my father's house when I was a kid.
In my house neither of those things would fly, but I wouldn't be winning any popularity contests either.
The service can work wonders on youngmans attitude and direction he takes in life, with the current situation, I'd get together with him and maybe steer him towards the AF or the Navy, I'm sure it would be less stress on you both if he get's in. I'm kinda hatin' seeing these young kids getting killed for what I think is for no reason at all...
My eldest has been in the national guard since the summer of his Jr. year in high school. He joined after a recruiter did a session at our local school. He made the decision to join, and it has been great for the past 13 years.
He's been to Sweden, Kosovo for a year, and now he's in Afghanistan for 12 months. By the time he's 35 he'll be darn near able to collect a pension and move on to something else if he chooses.
Point being, the service has been great but it was his decision that made it that way.
I can say that after getting all the years of partying out of my system I started taking night college classes and I found out that I really enjoyed going to school after all. It was tough as by that time I had a wife an 2 small children and worked 10-12 hours a day but I ended up getting a 4 year degree and maintained nearly a 4.0 all the way.
I met a lot of good people in the military that I shared some heavy experience with and I got to see a lot of the world, in addition to getting some excellent training that gave me a huge jump into the civilian work force.
I believe that it can be a great experience. He will have to get his HS diploma or a GED and he might not get even with that.
Also, I kind of agree with dirthead...time to cut the strings and let him sink or swim. Sooner the better because the consequences only get more serious the older he gets.
Keep us updated on what happens~~
What Carrier did he fly off?
Pit Row
YZ, whats jrs reason for not liking weedeating and edging?
I laugh because I was raised until age 12 by my biological father who was really strict. I had chores to do as long as I can remember. Daily I had to sweep the driveway, 2 patios and the sidewalk and if any leaves were on the ground when he got home I got clobbered. Needless to say the place was spotless. Had to clean my room, make my bed (no longer do either but I digress) and I emptied the house trash and put out the trash cans. I also mowed the yards. Once a week in the winter and 2x a week during the summer. And this was all with a push mower (no engine) a push edger, hand clippers and a push broom. AND I was such a short kid that pushing the mower was really hard when I first started mowing at age 8. Not saying this is the way to do it as I believe I had too much put on me as a kid, but I think "some" chores should be manditory.
I did my time in the service and it has some things that may or may not help jr. But I dont think the armed forces is the answer. I think responsibility is.
They feed me, gave me a place to sleep, a job, some money and time to grow up.
Now here's my recommendation. The Navy is relatively safe, so you'll both sleep a bit easier, but the best reason to join the Navy is.... You'll visit another country every couple of weeks and you'll have money in your pocket.
During my enlistment I had friends in the Army and they we're stationed in North Fork Virginia and Germany for most their tour. Some people loved Germany, some didn't, but nobody liked North Fork Virginia. Being someplace you don't like sucks.
And.... the best advice I can give you. Make sure before he signs the papers, they have guaranteed him a school.
I have a cousin with a similar story. He enlisted in the Marines 16 years ago and now is a Major who speakes Russian and Portugese thanks to his Embassy duty tours.
I would not be suprised if the kid ends up POTUS some day.
!5 years ago I would not have given you a plug nickel for his future.
I wasted a lot of time and money in college because I was basically forced to go. Wound up as a carpenter and I really enjoyed that type of work. Got back into music and now am doing that full time.
Why dont you try and see if you can get him interested in something that he can make a career out of? Find something he really likes doing and figure out a way for him to get paid while doing it.
I was honestly lost up until a couple years ago and I'm almost 27. Sometimes it takes time to figure your shit out. But, he needs to be responsible while doing so.
I cant help out with the lazy thing. I've been many things in my life but lazy isnt one of them...
What are his interests?
The military teaches you to finish what you start and makes you responsible for your actions. Here I was a 19 year old kid and signing for a million dollars of test equipment. Pretty cool I thought.
But I would recommend the Navy also. I believe the Navy gets the highest level of training due to the fact you have to fix it yourself... What do I mean? Army and Air Force have different levels of maintenance and repair. An engine is jacked on a tank or plane they order a new one then crate and ship the broken one for repair. For the most part you troubleshoot to the component and replace it. The Navy is out to sea and it must get repaired while under way therefore they receive much more in depth technical training.
If he does decide to join make sure he understands that he should pick a job that is relevant to the outside world. Not as many opportunities out in the civilian workforce for a grunt or a rescue swimmer compared to an electronics tech, electrician, computer guru, or gas turbine mechanic.
Good luck!
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