Hey guys, I need some advice

The only thing you can do is just be there for her. If she calls you at 2 am crying, you gotta just be there for her and treat it like thats the only thing in the world that matters to you at that time.

AND DON'T TRY TO EXPLAIN ANYTHING..whoops..caps lock..just let others talk

Let her talk... let her cry... let her be pissed at you... get the picture???

I had something similar with a very good friend when I was in High School. She lost her dad in High School. I remember my mother telling me to ask her questions about her time with her dad. Like "what was your dad like when you were a kid?" "what was your favorite time with him?" Talking about the good things often softens the bad side. It worked for me. She went from crying to laughing and talking about her dad alive... rather than morning his passing. Might now work for everyone, but it did for my friend I think because her dad was a cool guy and they were extremely close. He owned an ice cream shop that he named after my friend - Robin.

Just my 2 cents...

OBTW... mx757... depending on how long you have been in Pueblo you might remember the place. It was a little ice cream shop on Thatcher Ave and South Prairie over by the golf course on Pueblo Blvd.

Sounds like you're a pretty sharp 18 year -old based on your inquiry and compassion.

You're gonna do fine. Sounds to me like your parents raised a pretty good kid.

Good luck, Michael.

She's going to be all over the map emotionally, just be there and be cool no matter which direction she goes off.

Make sure she eats, try to make sure she's taking proper care of herself.
Times like this, people get depressed and just forget or blow off even the simplest things, including financial stuff. Make sure she's paying her bills and not forgetting to do so.

and FYI, now is not the time to be asking for blow jobs either

People don't respond well to "I understands" in that moment. What they do appreciate is positive stories of how that person may have impacted your life. We can't fix the situation, but we can (as some have said) be a good listener. That will heal about half of her pain (just caring for her).

I do wish you well,



og

Put your arms around her and try not to say anything.

From someone who lost his dad (best friend) at a young age, I'd say just listen and try talking about the good times spent with him. It really helped me. It's been over ten years and I still wear people out talking about him.

She's also going to be going through a lot of different emotions and may make some rash decisions. Just keep standing beside her and it will settle over time. You're a good man for caring about her and wanting to help. It it will just take time to heal.

Like ol ger said. Only advise I can give you is DO NOT say you understand, because you dont. Dont compare losses you have to hers. I dont know how long you guys have been going out so I dont know how ell you knew her father, but dont try and prove your pain to her, dont make it seem like it is a great loss to you, even if it is.

Like oG and zookrider said.... DO NOT say you understand, because you don't.

Less than a month after I lost my brother, a friend lost her dog. She came to me in tears telling me that "now she knew how I felt." That really pissed me off. I felt for her in her situation (and didn't let her know how pissed I was), but comparing the loss of a dog to the loss of my brother just made my blood boil.

All I wanted was any story or thought that revolved around him, no matter how small or trivial. Being reminded of things I already knew... new stories from his friends... ANYTHING. The more details, the better. Polite and obligitory "I'm sorry for your loss" comments only made me feel like my mourning was a socially awkward inconvenience for that person.

REAL stories... no matter how trivial.

Also, it was helpful for me to be reminded that the pain I felt (and still feel) is relative to the love I shared.

There is one other thing you can do that will supercharge her healing. It is best used between husbands & wives so I hesitate to just throw it out there, but there are others here who might benefit from it someday.

When she is in her pain, put your arm around her in a comforting way. From your heart (very important) whisper in her ear "Would you allow me to carry that pain for you?" If done in the right way at the right time, it will knit her heart to yours for life. It is extremely powerful. No one has ever cared for her (or your wife's) heart in that way.

If they pull back in surprise "You can't do that, can you?" Just say (from your heart, not your head) "I'd like to do that for you. Will you let me carry part of it?" Soon they will be leaning their body weight against you - an indicator that they are willing to give you their pain. Don't worry - their pain can't hurt you. But it will go a long ways towards healing theirs.


regards,


oG

These guys got it right. Mostly listen, less is better.

Time is the only thing can heal a wound like that.