Posts
177
Joined
12/6/2019
Location
Grass Valley, CA, USA
Edited Date/Time
12/28/2019 9:35am
My wife and I are finally divorcing after 5 years of pretty much hell. I won't get into that, but we're trying to figure out living arrangements (we have a 5 year-old daughter). It's quite a quandary since I can't bear being away from my daughter but her Mom and I can't really stand each other anymore.
Economically, maintaining two properties is going to be really tough (she's disabled and doesn't work). So we are considering buying a property with two homes or structures. Problem is, my control-freak wife says I won't be able to bring another female to the place. (She doesn't want to sit there watching me cart home young hotties, which I can understand). So I'm faced with either struggling to pay for two properties so I can have freedom (and being separated from my daughter), or spending the rest of my days with my ex-wife monitoring me (but also living on the same property as my daughter, which I would much prefer).
Any divorced guys willing to share their stories and experiences with this kind of thing? I of course want to date after we divorce and not be forced to live like some kind of celibate priest (or forced to sneak around like a teenager).But the thought of living away from my daughter kills me- this is really a tough decision!
Economically, maintaining two properties is going to be really tough (she's disabled and doesn't work). So we are considering buying a property with two homes or structures. Problem is, my control-freak wife says I won't be able to bring another female to the place. (She doesn't want to sit there watching me cart home young hotties, which I can understand). So I'm faced with either struggling to pay for two properties so I can have freedom (and being separated from my daughter), or spending the rest of my days with my ex-wife monitoring me (but also living on the same property as my daughter, which I would much prefer).
Any divorced guys willing to share their stories and experiences with this kind of thing? I of course want to date after we divorce and not be forced to live like some kind of celibate priest (or forced to sneak around like a teenager).But the thought of living away from my daughter kills me- this is really a tough decision!
Custody arrangements could be pretty simple.
Not sure what your cash position is, but maybe look at keeping your house as an investment and get a tenant. The extra income could help you pay for the duplex/your current wife's new place.
That or buy a duplex near by and rent one side to a tenant. Your current wife could stay put where you currently live and the income from the tenant could help you make ends meet at the end of the month.
You'd still be away from your daughter, but you'd be able to have a life. You guys could share your daughter 50/50. One week at mom's, one week at your place all without affecting school.
Parents divorcing is never easy, especially with a little one. In the end, your daughter's well being comes first.
Hopefully you guys find peace.
I could also do the co-living on the property and have an apartment on the side. I don't want to drift into a life of casual hook-ups, but don't plan on being celibate either. And I don't really want to be all alone when I'm 80. So it's all a tricky balance.
I had some of the same feelings as you when I got divorced. In the end, I made sure to get as much official visitation as possible and ended up seeing both children nearly every single day. The time that I was away made me a better parent when we were together.
Both of my older kids have turned into fantastic young adults despite my early worries. They've never questioned my love and devotion to them in any way.
If they were living in a situation where my ex and I were constantly projecting our dislike for each other, I don't think that they would have turned out nearly as well.
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They each spent time with their girlfriend and boyfriend. But, they kept that aspect of their lives separate until the kids were a lot older and still keep their new partners away from each other out of respect. Why or how they made it work that way I'll never understand but, each situation is unique as is yours. I think MAVERICK is right though. A duplex if possible is a good option. You won't have to worry about being far from your daughter and your relationship suffering. Plus there is nothing wrong with spending time with whoever you may be dating at their house until your daughter gets a bit older. By then time may pass and your relationship with you EX may change. Maybe by then it won't be an issue in her eyes bringing someone your serious about around. Whatever happens I wish you the best.
There's always going to be small jabs, comments, dirty looks, etc. that will trigger you or her and result in fighting. Why? Because you got nowhere to go/escape.
It's very difficult to be civil when a relationship has been toxic for that long.
Ultimately, it's best to split and start living your own separate lives while co-parenting. It won't be easy, but in the long run everyone will be happy and that's what counts.
Kids don't want to hear or see their parents fighting. She's at the age where kids really start to remember stuff.
It might be a good idea to schedule a consultation with a lawyer.
Hope things get better for you.
My two cents... Don't Booze!!! Don't make your ex wife Angry... if it stays mellow? it's hers choice,
not the other way around... 🤞+ 💪
I’ve been through a very nasty divorce and my 2 cents is always and I mean always be the bigger person don’t get dragged into arguments especially in front of your daughter no matter how hard it seams.
Struggle now for the rewards later get as far away as you feel comfortable with. Your daughter will always love you make sure you tell her as much as you can. My son from my first marriage is now 18 and chose to live with me as kids are not dumb they know where they are loved.
When I got divorced I had my mortgage and paid her rent full for 6 months and the bond then 1/2 rent for another 12 months plus child support. Was tough as hell but now I have an awesome life with two little ones and and the most amazing wife. I always look to be positive and had a happy go lucky attitude. My ex after 14 years of divorce is still bitter and single most of the time.
If you guys don’t see eye to eye anymore avoid all Unneeded contact cut all the stressful situations out. Find new love and life will reward you for being the better man. Don’t let previous life choices ruin the rest of you life, make new goals and go for it....
Cheers Patrick
Stay cool but be firm about what you will and won't do and don't agree to any stupid demands like no other women on your property.
If today was any sign, it's going to be rocky to live close to each other. We only really quit fighting when I leave.
On Rogan, patriarchy etc.- I have had a lot of that talk. My status as breadwinner leads to "game on"-- since I have a career it seems it's okay to threaten to brutalize me financially. I never knew that paying someone's rent and bills was actually me just exerting my "patriarchy." (I'm gonna watch that Rogan clip).
I learnt you can’t beat hate with hate only love will trump hate all our mutual friend got tired of listing to her complain and be bitter. Let the love for you children beat the hate you have for your ex and your already winning.
Sorry got side tracked again congrats guys on how you were able to handle the situation.
Cheers Patrick
Get as far away from her as u can.
https://youtu.be/OpDlKyrB9Wk
The only thing I don’t like about this is the stability for the kid. She never gets to stay in one place for more than a day or two. I hate that but we both want to see her. When she gets older and is nine now I believe she will want to stay at one house more often.
It’s tough. You just have to do what you think is right for your situation.
My next piece of advice is to let time work things out. Don't make any rash judgements or choices; it may be hard to see now, but you will look back and realize that being patient will benefit you, your wife, and your daughter. It will take time for all of you to adjust, and there will be rough spots, but it will work out in the end.
Also, I don't think seeing other people at this point should be your focus. If you stay on the same property, and want to hook up with someone, go to their place. If your ex has a problem with you being gone for the night, that's her problem but it's important for the both of you to keep your daughter in mind. Do not let your daughter feel anxious about an already tumultuous situation. You and your wife are the adults, and so share the common interest of your daughter's well-being as the most important thing.
Pit Row
My personal opinion ... feminism is just a subgenre of modern populism ... it plays women out against men ... I’m for equality these days. Oh and homosexallety it’s just a sexual disorder no politic coretness any more on the subject from my side... it are a bunch of unshaved lesbienen who puch this agenda in de Unted Nations ( they just don’t like men )... also took Unicef out of my testement!!! Wan’t nothing to do anymore with everyting that’s ocean blue nor Euopean Union 🤮 That guy with that bad haircut is right, it’s all fake.
If you don't want to be enlightened 💡 don't look at this docu instead tune in on your fake 8 o'clock news. America, Europe or Down Under it’s all the same these days social inzenering by UN... it’s true.
I'm on a first name basis with local hotel desk people from all the times I had to bounce out.But I'm lucky in that I am super-close with my daughter and she knows that I will always be there for her- because I tell her all the time.
Hoo boy, it's rough- maybe I should get an RV and a piece of land to ride on and let her figure out a house.
As allready recommended in this topic find an ethical mediator and solve your problems in a more
private atmosphere/setting... Don’t do what I did and fight the ( feminist ) system, you lose everyting that biased it is.
As others have stated, co-habitation is a horrible idea. You need to accept the fact that you are not going to see your daughter every day. It sucks, but that is how it has to be. Sorry if this seems harsh. If I would have been given similar advice two years ago and actually listened, I would be far better off today. I have heard of too many stories similar to mine. One final point. My ex has done things post divorce that I did not think she was capable of when we were still married. Divorce changes people, usually for the worse.
I'm ready to pull the trigger on the trailer to park out in the driveway. It's going to be a shocker, but the cycle needs to be broken. A bipolar person (what I believe I am dealing with) will always loop you back in, so they don't lose their playtoy/support system. It's very difficult to break away when there is the guilt of the impact it might have on our kid. Some people will abuse you and demand you leave until you have to, then cry that they have been abandoned. It's so messed up.
But anything is better than the utter shitshow going on in my house. There is literally no limit to what this person will say to me in front of my daughter, but I'll leave it at that before I dump the whole thing out here.
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