Help Getting Over Long Term Relationship!

11/4/2021 10:31am Edited Date/Time 11/5/2021 9:03pm
Mark, I'm back in the USA the first week of Jan. I'll be back n forth across the country.

Wherever you are, we make a plan and hook up. Be it a SX or our compound, the treat is on me.

Here's my SA number + *********,* WhatsApp me....anytime..ill be waiting to talk.

Be strong, be positive, adopt a new pup...sure it's shit now but i promise you as time goes by you will become a stronger man and a better man.

I speak for all us Vitards...
8
11/4/2021 10:43am Edited Date/Time 11/4/2021 3:06pm
Just to expand on this a little, two days ago the police showed up at my house to check in on me due to a call they received that people were concerned about me causing self harm. The police called me on the phone asking if I was ok and that they wanted to come in and make sure I was ok. At that point I didn't realize there were already a couple police cars outside my house. The officers were really good about it and nice and calm as was I with them.

At this point I had to go to the hospital for an assessment as it was protocol. Around this time my parents showed up and the police allowed them to drive me to the hospital so I didn't have to ride in the back of the police car. I also had to give up my guns to them, I mean I get it and it's probably the best.

I waited for hours before getting to talk to a doctor and after doing so I was cleared for release. I went through a period of depression a couple years ago and I already have professional help in place that I use on an ongoing basis.

So yea needless to say it's been a pretty rough go the last few days. It's a huge mix of emotions and thoughts right now, I get small little glimours of hope and then the pain and negative thoughts come rushing back. I've spent the last couple nights at my folks house just to get out of my house but it's still painful here as we spent a lot of time and have a lot of memories here as well. The struggle continues.

Thanks again to everyone replying and sharing. I only have a few close friends that I have talked with throughout this but they are also busy with there own lives. And while I think they get it its almost like they don't fully understand the level of low I'm at...this is where you guys have come in, I really feel you guys understand and to share your stories and help out a complete stranger on this subject matter has really restored some sense of faith in humanity. Thank you all, it really does mean a lot!
16
11/4/2021 10:45am
Boomslang wrote:
Mark, I'm back in the USA the first week of Jan. I'll be back n forth across the country. Wherever you are, we make a plan...
Mark, I'm back in the USA the first week of Jan. I'll be back n forth across the country.

Wherever you are, we make a plan and hook up. Be it a SX or our compound, the treat is on me.

Here's my SA number + *********,* WhatsApp me....anytime..ill be waiting to talk.

Be strong, be positive, adopt a new pup...sure it's shit now but i promise you as time goes by you will become a stronger man and a better man.

I speak for all us Vitards...
Literally in tears reading that, the gesture alone, thanks brother.
10
11/4/2021 11:00am Edited Date/Time 11/5/2021 8:56pm
Boomslang wrote:
Mark, I'm back in the USA the first week of Jan. I'll be back n forth across the country. Wherever you are, we make a plan...
Mark, I'm back in the USA the first week of Jan. I'll be back n forth across the country.

Wherever you are, we make a plan and hook up. Be it a SX or our compound, the treat is on me.

Here's my SA number + *********,* WhatsApp me....anytime..ill be waiting to talk.

Be strong, be positive, adopt a new pup...sure it's shit now but i promise you as time goes by you will become a stronger man and a better man.

I speak for all us Vitards...
Markturbo wrote:
Literally in tears reading that, the gesture alone, thanks brother.
Edit- i removed my numbers as some knob kept sending me shity messeges late last night.
6

The Shop

agn5008
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Fantasy
11/4/2021 12:44pm
Markturbo wrote:
Just to expand on this a little, two days ago the police showed up at my house to check in on me due to a call...
Just to expand on this a little, two days ago the police showed up at my house to check in on me due to a call they received that people were concerned about me causing self harm. The police called me on the phone asking if I was ok and that they wanted to come in and make sure I was ok. At that point I didn't realize there were already a couple police cars outside my house. The officers were really good about it and nice and calm as was I with them.

At this point I had to go to the hospital for an assessment as it was protocol. Around this time my parents showed up and the police allowed them to drive me to the hospital so I didn't have to ride in the back of the police car. I also had to give up my guns to them, I mean I get it and it's probably the best.

I waited for hours before getting to talk to a doctor and after doing so I was cleared for release. I went through a period of depression a couple years ago and I already have professional help in place that I use on an ongoing basis.

So yea needless to say it's been a pretty rough go the last few days. It's a huge mix of emotions and thoughts right now, I get small little glimours of hope and then the pain and negative thoughts come rushing back. I've spent the last couple nights at my folks house just to get out of my house but it's still painful here as we spent a lot of time and have a lot of memories here as well. The struggle continues.

Thanks again to everyone replying and sharing. I only have a few close friends that I have talked with throughout this but they are also busy with there own lives. And while I think they get it its almost like they don't fully understand the level of low I'm at...this is where you guys have come in, I really feel you guys understand and to share your stories and help out a complete stranger on this subject matter has really restored some sense of faith in humanity. Thank you all, it really does mean a lot!
It’s great to hear your parents are there and supporting you. That’s a huge thing that a lot of people don’t have. Just remember and think about all the people who care about you. They’re the ones who will be with you til the end. And don’t think your friends are too busy. I can pretty much guarantee you any one of them would drop what they’re doing to come talk to you if they knew you were struggling.
2
TunaBro
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11/4/2021 2:33pm
Mark, I am really glad to see you posting this up and reaching out. That's what a community is all about. I wanted to mention that it is ok to not feel ok. There is nothing wrong with how you feel and even though it sucks, it will get better. I promise you that. Also, you are not alone. We are here and will continue to be. Take it day by day and eventually each one will better than the one before it.
8
Vet57
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11/5/2021 3:28am
Most all of us have gotten this T shirt at some time in our lives. Lots of great advice already given by good people. Most important thing is what a few have said which is take the time to focus on YOU. I know in hindsight it was the best thing I ever did given the same circumstance. Good luck...things will get better.
1
doofus
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11/5/2021 5:16am
Don’t know if this has been said but delete your social media accounts. It’s the best thing you can do, in a relationship or not. The girl I’m with now we split up early on and I would obsessively check her shit basically looking for something to hurt my feelings.
3
Falcon
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11/5/2021 9:24am
One more thing I want you to try. It sounds stupid, but it works.

You know how you can tell when someone is down? Their body posture, facial expressions and manner of carrying themselves clearly indicates a sad or depressed mood? And how you can clearly tell the opposite, when someone is happy? Well, physiologists say that it works both ways, i.e., that your mood affects your physical being, and vice-versa. In other words, if you carry yourself with a swagger, a smile, and a firm, erect posture, you'll feel better.

Here's your assignment: Every morning, stand up tall, look at the ceiling, and force yourself to put on the biggest, dumbest, shit-eatingest smile you can. You can even chant out "Falcon is a mofo for making me do this." I guarantee if you do that for at least one full minute, it will help. I was skeptical myself, but it works!
9
Kyle978
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11/5/2021 11:03am Edited Date/Time 11/5/2021 11:05am
Sound advice in here.

My coping mechanism during tough times has always been fitness. It helps especially in a break up because it gives you the endorphin release from the workout, the mental sense of accomplishment, diversion to your thoughts and you're improving your body - which increases confidence and gives you a sense that your next girl will be a massive upgrade.

As I'm sure you're aware as you have 10 years of experience on me, life is a rollercoaster with peaks and valleys. This is the Grand fucking Canyon in your life right now, but in the grand scheme of things it's just another fork in the road.

Personally, I have a unshakable sense of loneliness and unhappiness even when my life is firing on all cylinders and I'm surrounded by people who love and care. No matter what I do I carry a pain and dark cloud, and accomplishment in my career, fitness, personal goals etc. is the only thing that keeps me going.

Keep your head up, Sir.
1
Shiftfaced
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11/5/2021 12:05pm
Falcon is a mofo.
Falcon is a mofo.
Falcon is a mofo.
Falcon is a mofo.
Falcon is a mofo.
Falcon is a mofo.
Falcon is a mofo.
Falcon is a mofo.
Falcon is a mofo.
Falcon is a mofo.
Falcon is a mofo.
Falcon is a mofo.


That does feel pretty good.



Falcon is a mofo.
Falcon is a mofo.
Falcon is a mofo.
7
11/5/2021 12:52pm Edited Date/Time 11/5/2021 12:54pm
Falcon wrote:
One more thing I want you to try. It sounds stupid, but it works. You know how you can tell when someone is down? Their body...
One more thing I want you to try. It sounds stupid, but it works.

You know how you can tell when someone is down? Their body posture, facial expressions and manner of carrying themselves clearly indicates a sad or depressed mood? And how you can clearly tell the opposite, when someone is happy? Well, physiologists say that it works both ways, i.e., that your mood affects your physical being, and vice-versa. In other words, if you carry yourself with a swagger, a smile, and a firm, erect posture, you'll feel better.

Here's your assignment: Every morning, stand up tall, look at the ceiling, and force yourself to put on the biggest, dumbest, shit-eatingest smile you can. You can even chant out "Falcon is a mofo for making me do this." I guarantee if you do that for at least one full minute, it will help. I was skeptical myself, but it works!
Thanks Falcon I'll have to try that. I definitely feel and notice my sad posture.

I did hit the weight bench at the house today for a quick set of light bench presses but I'd like to get into a gym for the atmosphere.

I still really haven't been able to eat or drink much and I know that's not helping, it's just hard when I have no appetite.

I did make a phone call today to ask about some work, but nothing available. It was kind of all I could muster for today but I'll have to get on it hard here soon.

A friend dropped off our dog to me today, it was nice to see him but it was also sad at the same time. It was a mixed state of emotions with smiles and tears...fuck sakes.
1
11/5/2021 12:59pm
Kyle978 wrote:
Sound advice in here. My coping mechanism during tough times has always been fitness. It helps especially in a break up because it gives you the...
Sound advice in here.

My coping mechanism during tough times has always been fitness. It helps especially in a break up because it gives you the endorphin release from the workout, the mental sense of accomplishment, diversion to your thoughts and you're improving your body - which increases confidence and gives you a sense that your next girl will be a massive upgrade.

As I'm sure you're aware as you have 10 years of experience on me, life is a rollercoaster with peaks and valleys. This is the Grand fucking Canyon in your life right now, but in the grand scheme of things it's just another fork in the road.

Personally, I have a unshakable sense of loneliness and unhappiness even when my life is firing on all cylinders and I'm surrounded by people who love and care. No matter what I do I carry a pain and dark cloud, and accomplishment in my career, fitness, personal goals etc. is the only thing that keeps me going.

Keep your head up, Sir.
Thanks Kyle and I can relate to your state of mind too, keep up the good fight it sounds like have a good working plan in place.
2
early
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11/5/2021 1:18pm
Any kind of new activity that hasn't been part of your routine or hobbys for the last 20 years? Fishing, playing chess, cooking? Something you can take on as a fresh start?
1
Falcon
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11/5/2021 1:31pm
Shiftfaced wrote:
Falcon is a mofo. Falcon is a mofo. Falcon is a mofo. Falcon is a mofo. Falcon is a mofo. Falcon is a mofo. Falcon is...
Falcon is a mofo.
Falcon is a mofo.
Falcon is a mofo.
Falcon is a mofo.
Falcon is a mofo.
Falcon is a mofo.
Falcon is a mofo.
Falcon is a mofo.
Falcon is a mofo.
Falcon is a mofo.
Falcon is a mofo.
Falcon is a mofo.


That does feel pretty good.



Falcon is a mofo.
Falcon is a mofo.
Falcon is a mofo.
Heheh.
2
11/5/2021 11:13pm
Falcon wrote:
One more thing I want you to try. It sounds stupid, but it works. You know how you can tell when someone is down? Their body...
One more thing I want you to try. It sounds stupid, but it works.

You know how you can tell when someone is down? Their body posture, facial expressions and manner of carrying themselves clearly indicates a sad or depressed mood? And how you can clearly tell the opposite, when someone is happy? Well, physiologists say that it works both ways, i.e., that your mood affects your physical being, and vice-versa. In other words, if you carry yourself with a swagger, a smile, and a firm, erect posture, you'll feel better.

Here's your assignment: Every morning, stand up tall, look at the ceiling, and force yourself to put on the biggest, dumbest, shit-eatingest smile you can. You can even chant out "Falcon is a mofo for making me do this." I guarantee if you do that for at least one full minute, it will help. I was skeptical myself, but it works!
Markturbo wrote:
Thanks Falcon I'll have to try that. I definitely feel and notice my sad posture. I did hit the weight bench at the house today for...
Thanks Falcon I'll have to try that. I definitely feel and notice my sad posture.

I did hit the weight bench at the house today for a quick set of light bench presses but I'd like to get into a gym for the atmosphere.

I still really haven't been able to eat or drink much and I know that's not helping, it's just hard when I have no appetite.

I did make a phone call today to ask about some work, but nothing available. It was kind of all I could muster for today but I'll have to get on it hard here soon.

A friend dropped off our dog to me today, it was nice to see him but it was also sad at the same time. It was a mixed state of emotions with smiles and tears...fuck sakes.
Falcon is right. When I went through the loss of a relationship, the one thing I did was to make my bed, and open my curtains in the morning to let the light in. It wasn't some magical cure all; I still hurt and it was hard to do...but it gave me hope that one day I could open my curtains and mean it.

My phone number is 360-682-8494.

Just let me know it's you and I am willing to talk. Any time...

I don't even know you, but your life is worth a night sitting up talking. And I promise you, there are people who do know you who care even more. Hang in there, and if you need to talk, my line is always open.
11
Shiftfaced
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11/6/2021 7:12am Edited Date/Time 11/6/2021 7:31am
I love Tendencies comments above.

He clearly cares, and kicked the door wide open.

You want/need to talk? Here is the number, use it anytime of day/night that you need to.

That is sincere.

You want to get jiggy with it?

Put your number up, and see how many of us crazy mofos (Falcon) will call YOU!

You have an Army of Brothers behind you.

(I see in the other thread that giving a number out will be abused, so I take that back. Always a scoop of shit willing to ruin the strawberries, or however that saying goes.)

3
Kenny Lingus
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11/6/2021 8:01am Edited Date/Time 11/6/2021 11:03am
I'm not good at the "chin up buddy" stuff but a few things regarding suicide. When I was younger I overheard an older gentleman talking about suicide, not about him trying but general conversation. One thing really stuck with me. He said suicide is for cowards and is selfish. You're taking the easy way out instead of dealing with life's toughest problems and will forever make your loved ones feel guilty. No matter how alone someone feels, you're really not. The fact that you are talking about it openly is good because people that are serious about suicide don't talk about it, they just do it. Don't worry be happy!

Edit: That reads not as I intended so if there's any confusion I'm not calling anyone that tried or has committed suicide a coward. Just hearing a much older man when I was almost a teenager say that really struck a chord with me. He was in WWII and Korea so that may have something to do with his views. It can ALWAYS be worse.
1
2
PNWRider
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11/6/2021 9:04am
Mark, late to the party but wanted to chime in. Lots of good advice above and lots of folks who genuinely care about our moto brothers whether we’ve met or not.

Like most I’ve had several breakups over the years. One in particular really got me down as she moved on quickly and I was wallowing in pity, unable to move on. Another, similar. Both ultimately wound up in one way or another demonstrating that it was a gift to no longer be with them as they turned into train wrecks.

I got divorced in 2018 after 16 yrs with my now ex-wife. I’m the one who initiated it, but she probably would’ve if I hadn’t. Despite knowing 100% that it was the best solution, I went through a phase of complete loneliness and feeling like I had failed at something really big.

Yes, it was fun for awhile (chasing skirts and all that) but those only provided a temporary reprieve. Took some time to hang with friends and work on “me”. Ended up venturing out in the dating world when it was time and met my now-wife. What I realized is that what I thought I needed in a partner in my early 20’s was nowhere near reality…I just knew better in my 40’s. I also spent enough time dissecting what I did to contribute to the demise of my marriage to ensure I was a better partner down the road. The moral is I’m now with an amazing woman who makes me want to slap my younger self around and ask “what are you thinking “….Sure, still have disagreements and the usual stuff but we both recognize what we have and how much better it is than what we each had before (her previous marriage was similar).

I say all this to say that no matter how bleak it may look, I can assure you that something better is waiting for you down the road. When you find it, you’ll see what’s happening today in a much different perspective. At the time I lost my first true love, my perspective at the time had me thinking similar to where you’re at. Looking back, knowing how she and I turned out, I can only shake my head at those thoughts. Time is the only thing that will give you that perspective.

In the meantime, be open to help. Sounds like you are and like you took the police/hospital situation in stride. That’s good.

No matter what, remember there’s a bunch of us here always willing to lend a hand.
5
11/6/2021 12:13pm
Mark, its hard, your heart is broken, you may feel helpless and uncertain of your next move. Its happened to most of us and we've pulled through. I still feel pain at times from a old love.

You are a good man going through one of the worst things I can imagine based on past experience.

Here's the thing, justvin Vital you have a great support group. We are here for you.

Eat healthy , keep busy and lay of the drink.

I'll be back in Jan and will be around the country and ill want to look up up. By then you will have made progress.


Chin up ol fruit.....
4
11/6/2021 2:31pm
PNWRider wrote:
Mark, late to the party but wanted to chime in. Lots of good advice above and lots of folks who genuinely care about our moto brothers...
Mark, late to the party but wanted to chime in. Lots of good advice above and lots of folks who genuinely care about our moto brothers whether we’ve met or not.

Like most I’ve had several breakups over the years. One in particular really got me down as she moved on quickly and I was wallowing in pity, unable to move on. Another, similar. Both ultimately wound up in one way or another demonstrating that it was a gift to no longer be with them as they turned into train wrecks.

I got divorced in 2018 after 16 yrs with my now ex-wife. I’m the one who initiated it, but she probably would’ve if I hadn’t. Despite knowing 100% that it was the best solution, I went through a phase of complete loneliness and feeling like I had failed at something really big.

Yes, it was fun for awhile (chasing skirts and all that) but those only provided a temporary reprieve. Took some time to hang with friends and work on “me”. Ended up venturing out in the dating world when it was time and met my now-wife. What I realized is that what I thought I needed in a partner in my early 20’s was nowhere near reality…I just knew better in my 40’s. I also spent enough time dissecting what I did to contribute to the demise of my marriage to ensure I was a better partner down the road. The moral is I’m now with an amazing woman who makes me want to slap my younger self around and ask “what are you thinking “….Sure, still have disagreements and the usual stuff but we both recognize what we have and how much better it is than what we each had before (her previous marriage was similar).

I say all this to say that no matter how bleak it may look, I can assure you that something better is waiting for you down the road. When you find it, you’ll see what’s happening today in a much different perspective. At the time I lost my first true love, my perspective at the time had me thinking similar to where you’re at. Looking back, knowing how she and I turned out, I can only shake my head at those thoughts. Time is the only thing that will give you that perspective.

In the meantime, be open to help. Sounds like you are and like you took the police/hospital situation in stride. That’s good.

No matter what, remember there’s a bunch of us here always willing to lend a hand.
Thanks for sharing, that makes sense and sounds like what Im going through now. It's just when you are still in the thick of it it's hard to look forward that there might ever be something better ahead. Im still looking backwards and keep playing things over how I could have been a better partner and Im punishing myself over and over for fucking up.

I have the dog for the weekend and while its nice to see him he really is momma's boy and I know he misses her while he's here but I've been on a few walks with him over the last couple days.

I did have the TLR out today even though it was only about 10 degrees Celsius I didn't even really notice the cold. I caught myself riding reckless at times due to my current zero fucks state of mind.

Im really trying to keep my head up but it's so lonely, especially in the mornings and going to bed at night. A buddy came over last night and we hung out a bit and watched a movie, it helped but of course the loneliness just floods back in afterwards. And currently being out of work doesn't help at all, I really need to get on that.

Anyways boys that's all I really have for tonight. I still come back and read this thread multiple times a day just to help lift me up...so thanks again to everyone here.

3
Last Braaap
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11/6/2021 3:04pm
Markyboi, you forgot the important part of this process - the "Falcon is a mofo" drill becoming part of your morning routine. Cool

On the more serious note. Looking back always brings fucky times in my experience... but it happens, it's the part of the process. In my neverending strive to be perfectionist i am guilty of thinking what if i did something differently/prepared better for this and that... Never the less the nature of life is that if you expect right hook, life throws left hook and if you expect both hooks life kicks you in the balls and spits in ya face. You can't alter the past just let it flow thru you and find your way.

P.S. I'm really terrible at giving life advice but being lurker in this thread wasn't cutting it for me anymore. hope this helps. Sideways
2
1
TeamGreen
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Thru-out, CA US
11/6/2021 3:36pm
Mark,

I dig the openness and bravado you've shown by putting yourself out there. The fact that you are talking about it shows that you've got the common-sense that's needed to pull thru this crazy time in your life.

There have been so many great ideas, comments and all around "signs of support" in this thread...this conversation...

Just "get out there" and get busy again. Live life. Go ride...go sled...just...

Get out here and breathe a little. Be around people. Go LIVE your LIFE. Oh...and...I will see you at the races.

Stay Stoked!

Manny
6
Chance1216
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11/6/2021 3:45pm
Years ago, my cousin felt down because him and his chick split up. While he was with her, I tried reminding him you still have to keep doing all the stuff you enjoy.
He had an older RM 250 sitting there that needed brought back to life. He didn’t ride and, spent all his time eating out at restaurants, with her and, quit going to the beach.
They broke up and, I told him, think of all the money your going to save. Build that RM, get back in the water and, find yourself again. Focus on just you.

Well, he’s in a much better place now. Found a woman who adores him and, they don’t fight when he wants his own time. We reciprocate road trips. Either he flies up here to Washington so, he can drive to California with me and, we can ride together there or, I fly in to drive up here with him so, we can ride together up here. We look forward to doing those trips.

Sometimes, a relationship that ends, although it’s tough, is simply a stepping stone of what’s to come next. There could be great things on the horizon.
2
felpro
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Rouse Hill AU
11/6/2021 4:17pm Edited Date/Time 11/6/2021 5:28pm
I could be wrong . . . but . . . unlike children, the dog's feelings don't matter. Yours do. Don't take the dog for the weekend. There's a chance you're letting your ex decide what, when and where for you.

Again, I could be wrong. I am running on more opinion than knowledge of your situation. However, I have a lot of experience. With 12 years of family court with my ex deciding, despite court orders, when I will see our child and playing around with the times to simply maintain an impact on my life. The judges would urge her to comply but she always had a hold over me (and my new family) as she always had a little edge being the custodian of the girl. There was always a sense of loss when I took her back to their mum's at the end of the weekend.

Your situation may not be acrimonious (ATM) and the dog thing may suit you. IMO, get your own bloody dog!!! That way, It is not another thing you're missing when the dog disappears every other Sunday arvo/evening.

Hope that helps.
Muttly
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Mills, NM US
11/6/2021 6:12pm
Done with the ex girl and on to the next girl. A new psychopath will make you forget the last one.
1
6
M1000
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CA
11/7/2021 10:11am
Mark. Another Canuck here (Edmonton area). Many good comments on this vitalmx forum. You are reaching out to communicate. Excellent. Talking to others is big help. Had similar stressful time couple years ago. Little different (wife had stage 4 kidney Cancer). I Was at a loss. She is a strong women. Had amazing oncologist, and helped her with Immunetherapy. She never thought of worst case scenario. Her mentality, is we have problem with my body, and let’s fix this problem. She did what doctor prescribed, Immunetherapy drugs and exercise daily. She initially had surgery removed a kidney, spleen, part of the pancreas, and some lymph nodes. Then cancer treatment with Immunetherapy.This was in 2018. So far she is doing very good. Best shape of her life (118lbs). I was depressed. Thinking I might lose my wife. However we rallied together, and talking to friends helped me get over the depression (I wasn’t the sick person). Now we are both on same page, enjoy each day for what it is. Get living young man. There many good years ahead of you. This is character building time. Unfortunately you cannot buy character. You have to go through it. Experience it first hand. God Bless. Agree with Falcon, he is Mofo. Falcon is Mofo…Falcon is Mofo…..Falcon is Mofo…..👍.
2
Falcon
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11/16/2011
Location
Menifee, CA US
11/8/2021 11:54am
FAL-CON IS A MO-FO, FAL-CON IS A MO-FO!

(Sing it like a 2nd-grader at the top of your lungs in the morning.)
1
vtec_
Posts
68
Joined
9/16/2021
Location
Columbia, SC US
11/22/2021 7:42pm
dude..you dont have kids so no alimony/child care payments to worry about.

you're good to go!
1
5
Dixon893
Posts
58
Joined
12/8/2017
Location
Bay City, MI US
11/23/2021 7:57am
Educate yourself in the ways of the woman. Do some YouTube searched Kevin Samuals, Coach great Adams and so many more guys. Once you understand you will understand the female problems in our current culture so many men fall into the trap.
10

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