Since the topic came up, let's look at it.

sc961
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12/17/2008 8:57am
sc961 wrote:
Hey Ger, I'm one of the minority "so far" that shacked up, got married, had kids and stayed happily married. For the question out there "what's...
Hey Ger, I'm one of the minority "so far" that shacked up, got married, had kids and stayed happily married.

For the question out there "what's the difference between living together and being married", one word comes to mind.

Commitment

With out that, you have nothing. Some might argue you can have commitment without making it legal, I just happen to disagree.
jmar wrote:
Another Shacker. They are everywhere, living in our neighborhoods, teaching our kids in school. Who would have ever thought there were so many. Dam Shackers are...
Another Shacker.

They are everywhere, living in our neighborhoods, teaching our kids in school. Who would have ever thought there were so many.

Dam Shackers are tearing this country apart.


Hey Jmar, where are you from the Sooner track, area 51 and those riding places? Been there a few times in early spring to ride since it's not nice enough around here..

If you're close enough, maybe we need to go out and throw dirt on each other?
12/17/2008 9:07am
Silly argument really there are to many variables one being social change. Who knows if those marriages were happy? Women were less independent back then and less likely to leave an abusive relationship. This is the old "Oh things were much better back then" they weren't you were just to young to realize it. In 30 years somebody will be saying how great the 2000's were.
BMSOB
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12/17/2008 9:17am Edited Date/Time 4/16/2016 9:33pm
`ol Ger wrote:
Before 1970 it was illegal for a man & woman to live together if they were not married. Several decades have passed and let's look at...
Before 1970 it was illegal for a man & woman to live together if they were not married. Several decades have passed and let's look at what the facts reveal about "living together" outside of marriage.

In 1970 523,000 11%
1980 1,589,000
1990 2,856,000
2000 5,500,000 50%

With children:
1980 27%
1990 31%
2000 35%

50% were previously married
34% have never been married
16% had children while living together

There are five reasons that people commonly give for living together (shacking up). They are:
We want to find out if we are compatible with each other.
We do it because it makes good sense financially.
We don’t like to live alone (companionship).
Everyone else is doing it (rationalization).
We’re going to get married eventually. We’re in love.

Welcome to the real world;

1. far greater chance for divorce. 49% of all couples that marry end up getting divorced. 75% of couples that shack up end up getting divorced. (Alan Booth and David Johnson, Premarital Cohabitation and Marital Success, pp.261-270).

2. Greater odds for conflict. Living together outside of marriage increases the risk of emotional & physical abuse. Pennsylvania State University study. According to the U.S. Justice Department, women are 62 times more likely to be assaulted if living with a man unmarried than if they were married. The Family Violence Research Program at the University of New Hampshire found that the overall rate for “severe” violence is nearly 6-times as high for cohabitating couples than it is for married couples (Journal of Family violence vol. 41).

3. Less chance for happiness. It is hard for a person to be happy if his or her relationship is built on the need to prove himself or herself. In a shack up arrangement, commitment is day-to-day and month-to-month. “If you make me happy. If we are sexually compatible..” People who marry “til death do us part” have quite a different level of commitment, and therefore quite a different level of security, thus a quite a different level of freedom, and as a result a quite different level of happiness. A recent study of 6,023 couples reported significantly higher levels of happiness in married partners than did cohabitating partners. The married couples report less depression, less anxiety, and lower levels of psychological distress. And, according to the National Institute for Mental Health, women who ‘cohabit” with men have rates of depression three times higher than married women.

4. Greater risk of adultery. Sexual faithfulness is one of the many areas that is negatively impacted for couples who shack up. This pattern continues into their marriage if they wed. A Michigan study shows that couples who waited to cohabit until after they were married (the correct way) were more likely to rate those relationships stronger than those who lived together before marriage. If a woman lives with a man prior to marriage she is more likely to cheat on him once they are married. 3.3 times more likely. Contrary to popular belief, the best sex is experienced by married people (The National Sex Survey of 3500 people, and then 1,000 people).

5. Reason number 5. Less likelihood of saying “I do.” A common reason couples give for shacking up is that they are going to get married anyway. According to Brown & Booth, only about half of couples who cohabit eventually marry. Other studies have shown similar or worse findings. Living together before marriage actually decreases the chances that a couple will marry. The odds are greater that they will not. Shacking up is a high-risk – low reward option.


Summary:

If you and your girlfriend “cohabit” your chances for

Divorce are 50% greater
Aggresion (domestic violence) is 50% greater
Of not Marrying is 50% greater.

Would you parachute out of an airplane if you knew one of every two parachutes would fail? Probably not. Adding an unnecessary 50 percent failure rate would probably make the bravest of us say “No thanks.” The wise choice is to marry first and then live together.

Here is a testimony hot off the griddle. "I am in a cohabitation relationship going on a year now and I love the person dearly but living together is just not enough for me anymore. I want marriage, but in a way, I think that he is just comfortable the way things are now and I feel as if he could make me wait forever. I will never do this again should my boyfriend and I break up. I just feel like I am doing all that a wife does and more and I don't get anything out of it. The stats scare me considering that we are currently engaged and I am just frightened. I don't even want to marry him now. I just want to move out and start over." tears... (used with permission).


regards,

`oG




Amen. Typical of Ger, he posts some bias source that explains his belief, gets called on it & has no reply. Take a break Ger.

Merry Xmas
Sinbad
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12/17/2008 9:23am
It seemed Ol' Ger had a good thread going before you dicks decided to attack him. If you don't like his biased source, give facts proving otherwise. Bunch of dicks looking for any reason to bash a religious person.

The Shop

BMSOB
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12/17/2008 9:43am Edited Date/Time 4/16/2016 9:33pm
Sinbad wrote:
It seemed Ol' Ger had a good thread going before you dicks decided to attack him. If you don't like his biased source, give facts proving...
It seemed Ol' Ger had a good thread going before you dicks decided to attack him. If you don't like his biased source, give facts proving otherwise. Bunch of dicks looking for any reason to bash a religious person.
Hey dickhead, maybe you're new to this internet thing. You post crap & get called on it it's up to you to prove your facts. Go back to lying about your profession. Logic doesn't suit you now STFU.
Sinbad
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12/17/2008 9:47am Edited Date/Time 12/17/2008 9:48am
Sinbad wrote:
It seemed Ol' Ger had a good thread going before you dicks decided to attack him. If you don't like his biased source, give facts proving...
It seemed Ol' Ger had a good thread going before you dicks decided to attack him. If you don't like his biased source, give facts proving otherwise. Bunch of dicks looking for any reason to bash a religious person.
BMSOB wrote:
Hey dickhead, maybe you're new to this internet thing. You post crap & get called on it it's up to you to prove your facts. Go...
Hey dickhead, maybe you're new to this internet thing. You post crap & get called on it it's up to you to prove your facts. Go back to lying about your profession. Logic doesn't suit you now STFU.
Ol'Ger already posted his "facts", what else does he have to prove? Do you want him to do a scientific study on it himself and post it here? If you feel he is wrong post facts proving otherwise if not eat a dick and shut it.
txmxer
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12/17/2008 9:52am
Sinbad wrote:
It seemed Ol' Ger had a good thread going before you dicks decided to attack him. If you don't like his biased source, give facts proving...
It seemed Ol' Ger had a good thread going before you dicks decided to attack him. If you don't like his biased source, give facts proving otherwise. Bunch of dicks looking for any reason to bash a religious person.
BMSOB wrote:
Hey dickhead, maybe you're new to this internet thing. You post crap & get called on it it's up to you to prove your facts. Go...
Hey dickhead, maybe you're new to this internet thing. You post crap & get called on it it's up to you to prove your facts. Go back to lying about your profession. Logic doesn't suit you now STFU.
Sinbad wrote:
Ol'Ger already posted his "facts", what else does he have to prove? Do you want him to do a scientific study on it himself and post...
Ol'Ger already posted his "facts", what else does he have to prove? Do you want him to do a scientific study on it himself and post it here? If you feel he is wrong post facts proving otherwise if not eat a dick and shut it.
His facts prove nothing. Just statistics haphazardly pulled together to support a preconceived notion.

It is his preconceived notion that is more in question than his facts, although they may or may not be accurate as most of his facts stem from biased sources.
jgmxdad251
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12/17/2008 10:01am
It was that damn kid who posted a couple of days ago. blahblahblahblahCool
SEEMEFIRST
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12/17/2008 10:20am
CamP wrote:
My two best friends and I all shacked up with our girlfriends in 1990. Two of us married after three years and are still married today...
My two best friends and I all shacked up with our girlfriends in 1990. Two of us married after three years and are still married today. The other one broke up at the 13 year mark. That's a 66% success rate for the shackers. Therefore, I determine that shacking up makes your relationship 16% more likely to succeed than couples that marry into cohabitation. You'll be a happier, more complete person if you shack up with your girlfriend before getting married.
Add me to the list.

We "shacked up" for 7 years before we were "Officially" married. We acted married for 5 or 6 of those 7, and decided to have kids, and went and got some paperwork signed.

23 years together (16 official) next spring.
Racer92
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12/17/2008 10:25am Edited Date/Time 4/16/2016 9:33pm
SEEMEFIRST wrote:
Add me to the list. We "shacked up" for 7 years before we were "Officially" married. We acted married for 5 or 6 of those 7...
Add me to the list.

We "shacked up" for 7 years before we were "Officially" married. We acted married for 5 or 6 of those 7, and decided to have kids, and went and got some paperwork signed.

23 years together (16 official) next spring.
Well, in light of this revelation you should be ashamed. Your relationship isnt happy and you have issues that will require months & months of bible study to iron out.

Now that you are wearing that scarlet letter you should seek your place with the lepers and be shunned.

Go away, only perfect people allowed!
txmxer
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12/17/2008 10:30am
SEEMEFIRST wrote:
Add me to the list. We "shacked up" for 7 years before we were "Officially" married. We acted married for 5 or 6 of those 7...
Add me to the list.

We "shacked up" for 7 years before we were "Officially" married. We acted married for 5 or 6 of those 7, and decided to have kids, and went and got some paperwork signed.

23 years together (16 official) next spring.
Racer92 wrote:
Well, in light of this revelation you should be ashamed. Your relationship isnt happy and you have issues that will require months & months of bible...
Well, in light of this revelation you should be ashamed. Your relationship isnt happy and you have issues that will require months & months of bible study to iron out.

Now that you are wearing that scarlet letter you should seek your place with the lepers and be shunned.

Go away, only perfect people allowed!
why bother? He's going to get divorced soon anyway...either he or Cam...odds say so.

Spinner
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12/17/2008 10:35am
SEEMEFIRST wrote:
Add me to the list. We "shacked up" for 7 years before we were "Officially" married. We acted married for 5 or 6 of those 7...
Add me to the list.

We "shacked up" for 7 years before we were "Officially" married. We acted married for 5 or 6 of those 7, and decided to have kids, and went and got some paperwork signed.

23 years together (16 official) next spring.
Racer92 wrote:
Well, in light of this revelation you should be ashamed. Your relationship isnt happy and you have issues that will require months & months of bible...
Well, in light of this revelation you should be ashamed. Your relationship isnt happy and you have issues that will require months & months of bible study to iron out.

Now that you are wearing that scarlet letter you should seek your place with the lepers and be shunned.

Go away, only perfect people allowed!
txmxer wrote:
why bother? He's going to get divorced soon anyway...either he or Cam...odds say so.

And you know how to keep from getting divorced?

DON'T GET MARRIED.
12/17/2008 11:08am
bullshit - living together before marriage does NOT increase your risk of divorce. Studies show if the woman lived with her man before marriage, and never lived with a man before, their chances of divorce are LOWER than if they never lived together at all.

cut/past - to read entire article
http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2008-07-28-cohabitation-research_N…

Twenty or 25 years ago, if you were cohabiting and then married them, the marriage was more likely to dissolve and end in divorce," he says. "Today, that's not the case. You can cohabit with your spouse and not experience increased risk of divorce. We're making these finer distinctions that we didn't make before."

Teachman's analysis of federal data on 6,577 women whose first marriages occurred between 1970 and 1995 found that a woman who has lived only with her future spouse has no greater risk of divorce. But for women who lived with someone else in addition to the eventual husband, there is a greater risk of divorce, found the study, published in 2003.

Those aren't the only studies reflecting changes — researchers across the country, including at the University of Wisconsin, the University of Minnesota, Pennsylvania State University, Cornell University and others, are studying cohabiting couples. Among other recent findings:

• The odds of divorce among women who married their only cohabiting partner were 28% lower than among women who never cohabited before marriage, according to sociologist Daniel Lichter of Cornell University in Ithaca, N.Y.

• Divorce rates for those who cohabit more than once are more than twice as high as for women who cohabited only with their eventual husbands, says Lichter's study, to be published in the Journal of Marriage and Family in December.

• Cohabiting between a first and second marriage doesn't raise the risk of divorce — unless the woman brings a child into the marriage from a previous relationship. A man with a child from a previous relationship does not raise the likelihood of a second divorce, finds a study in the May Journal of Marriage and Family, in which Teachman analyzed findings on 655 women from the 2002 National Survey of Family Growth.

Other recent studies have shown that certain subgroups don't appear to experience negative effects from cohabiting, such as engaged couples who move in together or those who have already decided to marry in the future.

Some new research goes further, suggesting that living together may reduce risk of divorce.

"We showed women who only cohabited with their husband had lower rates of divorce than women who didn't cohabit and went straight to marriage," Lichter says. "There seems to be less risk than if you cohabit many times or if you don't cohabit at all." An academic paper on that lower divorce risk for cohabiters is forthcoming, he says.

His research on serial cohabitation analyzed data from the National Longitudinal Survey of Youth and found that women living with even one more man in a romantic relationship other than the eventual spouse increased divorce risk.

Sociologist Kelly Musick, also from Cornell, says the focus on cohabitation research is shifting.

"The emphasis in the cohabitation literature for a very long time was on trying to understand why couples who cohabit before marriage split up at higher rates than those who don't," she says. "More recent studies have tried to understand more about what it means and look at it more as a family form in its own right."

CamP
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12/17/2008 11:21am Edited Date/Time 4/16/2016 9:33pm
• The odds of divorce among women who married their only cohabiting partner were 28% lower than among women who never cohabited before marriage, according to sociologist Daniel Lichter of Cornell University in Ithaca, N.Y.


I wonder who knows more about this subject, a Sociologist from Cornell or a roofer from Ohio?
SEEMEFIRST
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12/17/2008 11:30am
SEEMEFIRST wrote:
Add me to the list. We "shacked up" for 7 years before we were "Officially" married. We acted married for 5 or 6 of those 7...
Add me to the list.

We "shacked up" for 7 years before we were "Officially" married. We acted married for 5 or 6 of those 7, and decided to have kids, and went and got some paperwork signed.

23 years together (16 official) next spring.
Racer92 wrote:
Well, in light of this revelation you should be ashamed. Your relationship isnt happy and you have issues that will require months & months of bible...
Well, in light of this revelation you should be ashamed. Your relationship isnt happy and you have issues that will require months & months of bible study to iron out.

Now that you are wearing that scarlet letter you should seek your place with the lepers and be shunned.

Go away, only perfect people allowed!
OK, I'm outta here!!!
Racer92
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12/17/2008 11:32am
SEEMEFIRST wrote:
OK, I'm outta here!!!
Wink
CamP
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12/17/2008 11:35am
SEEMEFIRST wrote:
OK, I'm outta here!!!
Hang on, wait for me.
dr516
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12/17/2008 11:50am
Hay don’t leave yet I want to post one for our side almost 17 years of marital bliss and we did not shack up first woooohooooo one for our side
SteveS
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12/17/2008 12:01pm
How many people only cohabit with their spouse?
BDOG
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12/17/2008 12:39pm
4 years co habitation and 10 years, this year, married - happily. Not sayin it is the right thing to do but not a curse. Depends on the people.
flarider
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12/17/2008 1:12pm
flarider wrote:

"Before 1970 it was illegal for a man & woman to live together if they were not married."


Excuse me?




Ahem.....
oldx
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12/17/2008 1:15pm
Ol Ger is so full of shit his eyes turned brown
Dean
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12/17/2008 1:27pm
flarider wrote:

"Before 1970 it was illegal for a man & woman to live together if they were not married."


Excuse me?




flarider wrote:
Ahem.....
At one time in America, living together out of wedlock was scandalous. Unmarried couples who "shacked up" were said to be "living in sin." Indeed, cohabitation was illegal throughout the country until about 1970. (It remains illegal in 12 states, although the laws are rarely, if ever, enforced.)

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1571/is_/ai_21161643



It's hard to believe, but apparently true.

The rest of olger's post is crap though.
mxrose3
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12/17/2008 1:53pm
I married at 20 years old. Never shacked up with her before marriage, because her parents were strict, conservative, religious, ect., and they wouldn't have it.
Boy was that a mistake - After marrying her, she turned into a total B*TCH, and I stayed married to her for 13 years (which was another mistake), and went through a 'war of the roses' style of divorce that still haunts me 9 years later.
I've been in several relationships since then, but I kind of doubt I'll ever go down that road again, without test driving first.
Sorry Ol'ger , but my personal experience tells me otherwise.

CamP
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12/17/2008 2:01pm
Here's and interesting line from Wiki with regard to cohabitation. Who'da thunk?

Opposition to cohabitation comes mainly from religious groups. Opponents of cohabitation usually argue that living together in this fashion is less stable and hence harmful. According to one argument, the total and unconditional commitment of marriage strengthens a couple's bond and makes the partners feel more secure, more relaxed, and happier than those that have chosen to cohabitation.[1] Opponents of cohabitation commonly cite statistics that indicate that couples who have lived together before marriage are more likely to divorce, and that unhappiness, ill health, poverty, and domestic violence are more common in unmarried couples than in married ones.[2] Cohabitation advocates, in turn, cite research that either disproves these claims or indicates that the statistical differences are due to other factors than the fact of cohabitation itself.
Spinner
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12/17/2008 2:02pm
Ger has a little notebook taking down names right now. And next time he talks to God, (and right after God says, "Oh, you again Ger. What the fuck do you want now?",) Ger's gonna turn in his list of names.
Sinbad
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12/17/2008 2:37pm Edited Date/Time 12/17/2008 2:37pm
Spinner wrote:
Ger has a little notebook taking down names right now. And next time he talks to God, (and right after God says, "Oh, you again Ger...
Ger has a little notebook taking down names right now. And next time he talks to God, (and right after God says, "Oh, you again Ger. What the fuck do you want now?",) Ger's gonna turn in his list of names.
Why do you people bash him for being religious? You do realize that according to the bible all people sin, so just because your religious does not mean you have to be perfect.
Spinner
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12/17/2008 2:44pm
Spinner wrote:
Ger has a little notebook taking down names right now. And next time he talks to God, (and right after God says, "Oh, you again Ger...
Ger has a little notebook taking down names right now. And next time he talks to God, (and right after God says, "Oh, you again Ger. What the fuck do you want now?",) Ger's gonna turn in his list of names.
Sinbad wrote:
Why do you people bash him for being religious? You do realize that according to the bible all people sin, so just because your religious does...
Why do you people bash him for being religious? You do realize that according to the bible all people sin, so just because your religious does not mean you have to be perfect.
Look Bucko, I'm not picking on the man for being religious. I've stated on more than one occasion that everyone has a right to choose as they believe. I pick on Ger because he's a bigot, a racist, and full of shit. No more, no less. I'm sorry you can't figure that out.
flarider
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12/17/2008 2:54pm
flarider wrote:

"Before 1970 it was illegal for a man & woman to live together if they were not married."


Excuse me?




flarider wrote:
Ahem.....
Dean wrote:
At one time in America, living together out of wedlock was scandalous. Unmarried couples who "shacked up" were said to be "living in sin." Indeed, cohabitation...
At one time in America, living together out of wedlock was scandalous. Unmarried couples who "shacked up" were said to be "living in sin." Indeed, cohabitation was illegal throughout the country until about 1970. (It remains illegal in 12 states, although the laws are rarely, if ever, enforced.)

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1571/is_/ai_21161643



It's hard to believe, but apparently true.

The rest of olger's post is crap though.
Thank you
JustMX
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12/17/2008 3:01pm
My statistics prove that if people HAD to be married to HAVE sex the divorce rate would triple.

Post a reply to: Since the topic came up, let's look at it.

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