Embarrassing moments picking up chicks

I was 19 and joined my first gym after working out at home for three years. Two months into my membership, I was working out at 6p (prime time) and had the urge to shit. I went in the rest room, put the obligatory layer of toilet paper on the seat, did my thing, and felt ready to go. The way the gym was set up, the stair masters and treadmills were all outside the restrooms. I’m walking by all the fine ass ladies doing their cardio and they are all making eye contact. Yeah, I’m the fucking man! Then, a stranger taps me on the shoulder as I’m strutting past the ladies and hands a 3 foot long section of toilet paper to me that was tucked into the backside of my sweat pants. All of this in direct view of the ladies that I thought were checking me out. I did what any self respecting young man would do. I fucking left without working out and didn’t return for two weeks and at a different time of day. Good times.

Who the fk downvotes these funny ass topics...get a life Francis.

Brings back a funny memory from High School.  Went to the movie theater with some buddies to watch Ghostbusters.

It's before the movie, lights still on, getting seated...and this unbelievable "out of my league" girl is looking back at me.  She's 2 rows below me, but is clearly giving me the gaze.  I smile back.  She then asks "Is your name Gary?".   "No!", I blurted out, "It''s Ted"

And that was it.  She says "Oh, Ok" turns around and sits down to watch the movie. 

Stranger next to me looks over and says "Next time, your name is Gary"  

My dad had a bitchin' 1987 Honda VFR700 in the most incredible Sapphire blue color. One day, he let me borrow it, and I rode with some friends down to Mission Beach in San Diego. Clear blue sky, girls rollerskating down the boardwalk, etc. 
No sooner had I pulled up in the parking lot and taken my helmet off, but the most gorgeous, perky little curly-haired thing I had ever seen cruised up and asked me, "Oh my GOD! That bike is amazing! How much did it cost?"

I blurted out, "Nothing! It's my dad's!" 

She was like, "Cool, thanks." ...and turned away. Bullet, meet foot. 

I think it's called, "Podiacide".  You shoot your foot til ya die.

First date.  Took the gal to the movies.  Afterwards, sitting at the light in my hot rod Gran Torino (thinking about nasty stuff)...I decided to impress her.  At the exact moment I nailed the pedal...I looked in the rear view and saw the fresh gravel pinging off the cops windshield.  Followed immediately by the blue light of "You're fucked".  

She wasn't that cute anyway

I have had no game for most of my life, but when I was 18 or 19 I had a fake ID, and I had a buddy that used to always want to go to the club and try to hit on girls. He would mostly strike out. I hated the environment, you can't hear what anybody is saying, so you are trying to talk to complete strangers by just yelling in their ears and I didn't really enjoy it. It was pretty pointless to even be there. One night though I had some extra liquid courage and I actually got a number. I remember being pretty excited when I woke up the next morning and there it was crinkled up in my pocket.  "867-5309."

So, did you call Jenny?😂😂

Ok, this one's kinda long. Forget what I was driving but there's this cute meter maid across from me at a red light and we both smiled at each other. We end up both going to the same parking lot up the street and I figured hat the hell. I walk over to her little police mobile and and say "I don't normally do this but the way you smiled at me I thought you might like to go out sometime?" She gives me her # and a few days later we are on our way out. First thing happens she says she wants to pay for everything tonight. Not real into that but OK. So on the way to El Torrito, she askes " I'm into girls also, does that bother you? No, but if we're out for the night I expect that it's just you and I, do what ever you want when we're not out. So I'm out with lady with a badge, I'm using a fake ID, I think I was still 19 maybe early 20, and the odds of getting lucky tonight seem to be going up drastically. There are some girls sitting at a table near that know both of us. One sends me a note saying "why are you out with her, she's horrible and I didn't even think she dates guys" So this girl wants to see the note and I'm like no this can't be good so I just trashed it and said It wasn't something she'd want to read. So she's irritated and starts talking to some guy to make me mad. I say, hey this isn't working here. let's go to another bar and start fresh. We both agree that's best. I go the head and come back and see her giving the other guy her #. I say fuck it, I go straight to my car and head to another bar without her. Next day, I'm at work and get a call that I stole her purse and a patrol car is going to show up and arrest me if I don't bring it back asap. I go look in my car and sure as shit her purse is in it. I go drop off her purse and good riddance. A year later some girl is trying to hit on me, while we're dancing she says you don't remember me. No, no I don't. She tells me about that night and still wants to go out again. WTF couldn't leave that bar fast enough.

TM

40 years ago I was in high school, running a little late to pick up my girl for our second date.  Cop pulls me over going 45 in a 30...my dumb ass pulls into her driveway.  Cop asks why I'm driving so fast and I tell him I'm late for a date, where does she live?  Me, we are in her parents driveway.  Bastage still wrote me a ticket.  I see that girl (lady now) about every 3 or 4 years and she always asks if I've gotten any tickets lately.  

i've got a lot.  but this one is about an embarassing blind date.

i get set up on a blind date, and decide to keep it traditional and we don't swap pics. she sounds sweet and cute on the phone, nice voice and great personality.  show up to the nicest sushi place in town dressed to impress. i go inside to wait and get a text that she's just pulling up, she parks right in front of the main entrance and i walk out, sweaty and nervous but optimistic.  she looks cute enough through her windshield but when her door swings open the gravity of the situation hit me like a ton of bricks. as she steps, erm climbs, no, ROLLS out of her driver's seat the rebound of the drivers side shocks is enough to rock the weight of the car towards the passenger side and the wheels nearly come off the ground. saying she was big is the understatement of the year.

i'm like, fuck how can i get out of this? but my respectful upbringing talked me into sticking it out. of course, they sit us directly in front of the main entrance, it's a Saturday night so prime-time in my home-town. i see no less than 10 people i know over the course of the night including a super cute girl i dated less than a year before. there was no getting out of it and no shying away from the humiliation of being out with Ricki Lake. we finish eating and as i'm looking at the bill i see a glimpse of what i can only describe as a baloon with fingers reaching for my plate, but it's so fast i don't know what to make of it. i put down the ledger to see her finishing off the last 4 pieces of my Spider-Roll in a single bite. yada yada yada she follows me home and gives the best head i've ever experienced in my life..  

we never went out again, but would rate 8/10 because i didn't get to finish my spider-roll.

^ That's a whole other level of embarrassment, Peely. 

I used to work for a little magazine and one day we had a booth at some big event, and the two girls working it with me are some very...ummm...wild bisexual girls. After a while they suggest we all go to my house (my friend is with me visiting).

So we get there and we're drinking and just hanging out, and I'm getting a little flirty with one girl while my buddy makes a move on the other and gets a solid reject. So it's a little awkward as I'm figuring out these girls were interested in messing around with me, but not my buddy.

So things are looking promising, but I'm starving. So I go: "Hey, who wants a grilled cheese?" The one, hotter girl gets a disgusted look on her face and say "FUCKING GRILLED CHEESE?!" So she tells her friend it's time to go and they bolt out the door. I didn't quite understand why she got pissed other than it was a pretty lame suggestion. Kicked myself for a while after that one.

It's kind of a joke but I swear it really is true....big gals give the best head and psycho chicks give the best sex. I don't have any embarrassing dating stories but sure have some insane breakup ones. One sent a sex tape to my mom, another came to my work wanting to fight some chick she thought I was cheating with, I could go on. Psycho chicks are fun but once you reach your mid-late 20's they're just a huge liability. 

I was just about to say this exact thing! The big ones know how to suck one to infinity and beyond👍😂

I got a ticket on prom night on the way to dinner. Dressed in a tux, date was dressed to kill.

Speeding ticket for going 62 mph on I-5 on the way to the Poseidon in Del Mar.

Back then it was all 55MPH (to save gas).

My memory isnt what it once was, and i make no claims that i ever was any kind of player so nothing really pops into my head but.......

Anybody else hanging around in here just to see what pro125 comes up with????

Will it include any of the following?

Basketball, Russian mobsters, A van,  hot eastern European female dispatchers, Cr 125s, Fishing poles, a Frisbee, an El Camino Jimmy and/or Rosalyn Carter, a carnival game, Shoney's, Ms pacman, a video rental store, and Nudity on a beach

I feel like it could be the inspiration for a David Allan Coe song

Ironic that you were there to watch Ghostbusters ("Ray, the next time someone asks if you're a god, you say YES!")

Sounds to me like you didn't miss out on anything, those girls scream "strictly missionary." Hahahahaha

This thread cracks me up! 
This isn’t so much a “gettin’ shot down” story but it’s still funny and embarrassing just the same!
I met my wife (of 36 years now!) when I was 18, she was 16. She was half way through her junior year in high school, I was in my freshman year of college… 

Over Christmas break 1984, we were out together in my Pop’s pickup “parking” in a new residential development not far from my folks house. The streets were cut in but still dirt roads, with 3 or 4 new homes in various states of new construction.

 I noticed headlights coming into the development & told her “git’cher clothes on” someone’s headed our way! As we scrambled out of there, a police car passed, turned on the lights and stopped us as we drove out to the paved road!

I stepped out of the cab and spoke to the officer that was driving the patrol car as he approached, while the second officer went along the passenger side of the pickup and spoke to my girlfriend!

The officer asked who was in the truck with me and what we were up to? I told him it’s me and my girlfriend and “we were just talking”! He went on to explain that the PD had received complaints of lumber theft from the job sites in the new development and asked if I had any wood in the pickup, then clarifying with a “the kind ya build houses with”?! 🤪 
I immediately said “oh no Sir, NO wood in  this truck” (any longer anyway!) we were JUST talking! The officer says we’ll just need to see some I.D. for you both and we’ll all get out of here as he shined his flashlight into the back of the pickup and confirmed there was no lumber in the bed of the truck!

 I say “Yes Sir, no problem!” as I reach around to my left back pocket to retrieve my wallet and my I.D.! except OH SHIT my wallet is GONE from my pocket! I immediately start to panic and practically started frisking myself down, as I look down, I suddenly realize my wallet is now in my right front pocket!!? Wtflip? I don’t EVER carry my wallet in my right front pocket!!? Then, while standing there bathed in the bright white light of the Officer’s flashlight, and looking down at myself it occurs to me…                                                I had pulled my shorts on BACKWARDS!!!

 I look up at the Officer, and he has the biggest shit-eatin’ grin on his face and he says “Just talkin’ huh?!” 😳 😝❗️

Both Officers spoke briefly, then gave both our I.D.’s back to me and told me to head on down the road and to maybe find somewhere else to “talk” next time!

 I wonder to this day if those officers laughed about when they pulled Napolean Dynamite out of the pickup with his shorts on backward over the rest of their careers!!? 😎

We were at summer fest in Milwaukee in my 30s , been there about 8hrs . I was hitting up some ladies late night (shit faced )  the girl says " you know your shirt is inside out and backwards" I just laughed and walked away 

Went on a tinder date about 9 years ago. Picked her up and on the way to sushi, I saw my Celiac was starting to really spike in coolant temps but no smell. 
 

Park, it cools down. We eat, hit off, I’m giggling like a little girl that I finally found a goth Asian. We leave to go watch something at her place. I walk out and what im assuming is the entirety of the car’s coolant capacity is now a lake under the car.

I look under, over the bay, no blown/compromised hoses. Like ok, I drive it a block to the gas station and fill it up. No leaks? Sweet. Temps are normal for a few miles, same same.

Turns out the coolant pump shit the bed in a way that busted the housing.

I got a tow truck, she sat in the middle seat back to her place all awkward. Never heard from her after I left.

Another Tinder encounter like 3 years ago. Met this super gorgeous blonde. We’re messing around on the couch, playtime levels up.

Long story short, a little acorn squeaker of a fart 100% came out when she was demonstrating her dome game.

my reaction to this? 

*looks down 

“was that you?”

"Demonstrating her dome game."