dealing with suicide

MOTO459
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MOTO459
Edited Date/Time 1/24/2012 5:07am
Last Thursday afternoon, 8-13-09, my father-in-law, shot himself and took his own life. Was a total shock to the family as NO CLUES what-so-ever indicated he would do such a thing. The emotions are all mixed up in the family right now, anger, sadness and total disbelief. Big question of "WHY?" is on everyone's mind. May never know. But dealing with my wife as she has lost him is tough but we are strong and will go on. Anybody on this board had to deal with close relative committing suicide? And how did you cope with it afterwards?
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BUTCH
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BUTCH 8/19/2009 9:42am
8/19/2009 9:42am
Sorry to hear that 459. Stay strong.
DirtyFilter75 8/19/2009 9:47am
8/19/2009 9:47am
MOTO459 wrote:
Last Thursday afternoon, 8-13-09, my father-in-law, shot himself and took his own life. Was a total shock to the family as NO CLUES what-so-ever indicated he...
Last Thursday afternoon, 8-13-09, my father-in-law, shot himself and took his own life. Was a total shock to the family as NO CLUES what-so-ever indicated he would do such a thing. The emotions are all mixed up in the family right now, anger, sadness and total disbelief. Big question of "WHY?" is on everyone's mind. May never know. But dealing with my wife as she has lost him is tough but we are strong and will go on. Anybody on this board had to deal with close relative committing suicide? And how did you cope with it afterwards?
even if we had every situation is different. Figure out what is important to you and to her and devote as much time as you can to finding happiness and being close to those you love.

Sorry for your loss!
flarider
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flarider 8/19/2009 9:49am
8/19/2009 9:49am
First, I'm sorry this happened. Suicide is such a selfish act with no rational.

I STRONGLY suggest you all, as a group, get some counseling. I am sure you can find even free counseling. Likely if you called the local sucide hotline, they would have some guidance.

Maybe you can find some help through here
Suicide Grief Forum

But seek counseling

My condolences




ehr400
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ehr400 8/19/2009 9:50am
8/19/2009 9:50am
I had a close friend of mine do it a few years ago. No reason nothing leading up to it, just happened. There might have been more going on behind the scenes I didn't see but it is something you never fully understand.

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dirthead1
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dirthead1 8/19/2009 9:53am
8/19/2009 9:53am
Don't try and make sense of the act. Stay out of the shoulda, coulda, woulda line of thinking. Really the only person that knows why it happened, is the one that took their own life. Untreated depression and/or mental illness is usually symptom for the suicidal motivation.

Honor him for the person he was and what that means to you.

A suicide long ago in my family has very negatively impacted the three generations that followed. Amazing how the act of one person can have such a profound effect on people and families for so long and so horribly.

Be very diligent in keeping track of the people you love that are effected by this and where this takes them to.

fcr
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fcr 8/19/2009 9:54am
8/19/2009 9:54am
Yes I have. Time heals, we sought out counseling . I think about him everyday.
jtomasik
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jtomasik 8/19/2009 10:01am
8/19/2009 10:01am
Shit man. So sorry to hear that. Sometimes we humans are a weird creature. Best wishes to your and his family.
txmxer
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txmxer 8/19/2009 10:18am
8/19/2009 10:18am
sorry for your loss.
breck
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breck 8/19/2009 10:26am
8/19/2009 10:26am
My fathers brother did it after two tragic accidents happend to him ( getting 3rd degree burns on 95% of his body, they having his head crushed by a truck, recovered from both but in great pain I would imagine.) I felt that he must have been that bad, he had a right to. Not that I agree with or ever condone it, but sometimes a person has to know when to say when...

I'm not a fan of people who do it with no reason, or an easily overcomeable reason, but I'm sure whatever it was he (your father in law) had his reasons...

I'm sorry for your loss. provide whatever support your inlaws as well as yourself needs, and at the end of the day, VitalDrive is a therapy escape from the worlds issues...
DoctorJD
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DoctorJD 8/19/2009 10:40am
8/19/2009 10:40am
In 1991 one of my best friends committed suicide. One of the most outgoing, fun-loving people you'd ever know. It was a total shock to all of us, and we went through a range of emotions that I'd never experienced. I guess you can say that I still haven't come to terms with it. I drive by his house every day on my way to work as well as the creek where they found his body. I've gone through guilt, anger, pity, the whole nine yards, but ultimately, I've come to understand that it was his descision and I'll just have to deal with that. Sorry, no answers here, but my prayers and condolences for your families loss.
Kinetic1
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Kinetic1 8/19/2009 10:46am
8/19/2009 10:46am
Sorry for your loss. May the Lord bless you and keep you always.
zookrider62!
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zookrider62! 8/19/2009 10:56am
8/19/2009 10:56am
6 months ago my roomate killed himself. I find it easiest to not wonder why even though thats what you naturally want to do, you just end up running in circles. Also, try and focus on the good times you had. There is always counseling if youre having too much trouble with it. Hope youre okay
Dirty Britches 8/19/2009 11:09am
8/19/2009 11:09am
My mother did it on Christmas day.
I was upset, then mad, then upset, then confused, then mad, then sad...over and over. It's a selfish act and usually the person killing themselves doesn't think about the poor person who has to find the body in that gross position. The visions can haunt a loved one for the rest of their lives.
noob
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noob 8/19/2009 11:10am
8/19/2009 11:10am
Sorry for your loss.

Six years ago, one of my brothers wanted to end his life... and eventually died. I'm not sure how to label his death (which makes it more difficult to deal with) but ultimately, he chose to live in a manner that ended his life.

He was by far my favorite brother; smartest, funniest, and the most caring. I'm gonna stop typing now, 'cause I'm tearing up at work. But it's safe to say that he made my father seem like a casual acquaintance by comparison.

Keep your wife's mind fresh with positive memories of her dad... no matter how small or trivial.
zookrider62!
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zookrider62! 8/19/2009 11:11am
8/19/2009 11:11am
Dirty Britches wrote:
My mother did it on Christmas day. I was upset, then mad, then upset, then confused, then mad, then sad...over and over. It's a selfish act...
My mother did it on Christmas day.
I was upset, then mad, then upset, then confused, then mad, then sad...over and over. It's a selfish act and usually the person killing themselves doesn't think about the poor person who has to find the body in that gross position. The visions can haunt a loved one for the rest of their lives.
very true.
FishBone
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FishBone 8/19/2009 11:46am
8/19/2009 11:46am
some good advice in this thread ….

… be there for your wife and get counseling

I wish you and your family well ..
MOTO459
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MOTO459 8/19/2009 11:58am
8/19/2009 11:58am
Thanks for all the responses, takes a fellow MX'er to know one another. I also am sorry for those who posted who had experienced, but thanks for sharing your concerns. We will deal with this one day at a time. I am a firm believer that time heals many things, maybe not all things, but some things.Again, thanks for the responses.
SEEMEFIRST
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SEEMEFIRST 8/19/2009 12:12pm
8/19/2009 12:12pm
We've dealt with it twice in out family, and there are no single answers to this. Some of the children sought counseling after 1 of them, but talking with the family, helped most of all, for me anyway.
One was my Mom's brother, and I finally just talked to her without worrying about hurting her feelings, or letting her know what I was really feeling inside. She had many of the same feelings, and was suppressing them as well.

I believe it's more healthy to get thoses things off your chest.

I'm not saying to do this right away, but the confusion of it all lasts from now on, so only you'll know when the time is right. Remember, he did it...Not you.

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