Since the topic came up, let's look at it.

Before 1970 it was illegal for a man & woman to live together if they were not married. Several decades have passed and let's look at what the facts reveal about "living together" outside of marriage.

In 1970 523,000 11%
1980 1,589,000
1990 2,856,000
2000 5,500,000 50%

With children:
1980 27%
1990 31%
2000 35%

50% were previously married
34% have never been married
16% had children while living together

There are five reasons that people commonly give for living together (shacking up). They are:
We want to find out if we are compatible with each other.
We do it because it makes good sense financially.
We don’t like to live alone (companionship).
Everyone else is doing it (rationalization).
We’re going to get married eventually. We’re in love.

Welcome to the real world;

1. far greater chance for divorce. 49% of all couples that marry end up getting divorced. 75% of couples that shack up end up getting divorced. (Alan Booth and David Johnson, Premarital Cohabitation and Marital Success, pp.261-270).

2. Greater odds for conflict. Living together outside of marriage increases the risk of emotional & physical abuse. Pennsylvania State University study. According to the U.S. Justice Department, women are 62 times more likely to be assaulted if living with a man unmarried than if they were married. The Family Violence Research Program at the University of New Hampshire found that the overall rate for “severe” violence is nearly 6-times as high for cohabitating couples than it is for married couples (Journal of Family violence vol. 41).

3. Less chance for happiness. It is hard for a person to be happy if his or her relationship is built on the need to prove himself or herself. In a shack up arrangement, commitment is day-to-day and month-to-month. “If you make me happy. If we are sexually compatible..” People who marry “til death do us part” have quite a different level of commitment, and therefore quite a different level of security, thus a quite a different level of freedom, and as a result a quite different level of happiness. A recent study of 6,023 couples reported significantly higher levels of happiness in married partners than did cohabitating partners. The married couples report less depression, less anxiety, and lower levels of psychological distress. And, according to the National Institute for Mental Health, women who ‘cohabit” with men have rates of depression three times higher than married women.

4. Greater risk of adultery. Sexual faithfulness is one of the many areas that is negatively impacted for couples who shack up. This pattern continues into their marriage if they wed. A Michigan study shows that couples who waited to cohabit until after they were married (the correct way) were more likely to rate those relationships stronger than those who lived together before marriage. If a woman lives with a man prior to marriage she is more likely to cheat on him once they are married. 3.3 times more likely. Contrary to popular belief, the best sex is experienced by married people (The National Sex Survey of 3500 people, and then 1,000 people).

5. Reason number 5. Less likelihood of saying “I do.” A common reason couples give for shacking up is that they are going to get married anyway. According to Brown & Booth, only about half of couples who cohabit eventually marry. Other studies have shown similar or worse findings. Living together before marriage actually decreases the chances that a couple will marry. The odds are greater that they will not. Shacking up is a high-risk – low reward option.


Summary:

If you and your girlfriend “cohabit” your chances for

Divorce are 50% greater
Aggresion (domestic violence) is 50% greater
Of not Marrying is 50% greater.

Would you parachute out of an airplane if you knew one of every two parachutes would fail? Probably not. Adding an unnecessary 50 percent failure rate would probably make the bravest of us say “No thanks.” The wise choice is to marry first and then live together.

Here is a testimony hot off the griddle. "I am in a cohabitation relationship going on a year now and I love the person dearly but living together is just not enough for me anymore. I want marriage, but in a way, I think that he is just comfortable the way things are now and I feel as if he could make me wait forever. I will never do this again should my boyfriend and I break up. I just feel like I am doing all that a wife does and more and I don't get anything out of it. The stats scare me considering that we are currently engaged and I am just frightened. I don't even want to marry him now. I just want to move out and start over." tears... (used with permission).


regards,

`oG