We men get dealt a shit hand something’s always having to be emotionally tough… seems sometimes social media and the law thinks we can take anything and we’ll be ok.
I had a shit run the last 2 years and had to see a psych to learn how to express how I feel and be told so many of us guys never reach out and ask for help some of us find ways to get through it but I learnt a lot don’t.
I’m never one to complain as I believe I’m where I am due to all my own mistakes and actions… coming out the other end life’s amazing the right people seem to come into your life at the time you need them. Chance on here reached out a few times and that meant the world to me a guy I’ve never meet in person reaching out then a forum post asking where I was for another stranger was heart warming just when I needed it most.
People rush in to judge like I’m tatted up got a full beard and some will change the sides of footpath when they see me.. can make me sad but we all do it. No one takes the time to get to know anyone anymore we are quick to judge. If they did they would find a guy that love a laugh and help where he can and will cry like a baby at the movies and I can’t hold it back.
At almost 50 I’ve now learnt to ask for help it’s not a weakness but a strength to know when it’s all to much, Falcon help my dyslexic ass too and I love reading his stuff we never stop learning and it’s one hell of a ride this life we are given.
I’ve learnt to show my felling and how to express them and wear them proud on my sleeve. To many Dads out there that can’t see their kids or worse don’t want to. For those that read this and are dads it’s the most amazing gift and privilege you can have…. If you got boys teach them young you don’t have to hide your emotions ( and I don’t mean baby them or raise them in bubble wrap ) but if they are hurting inside due to social circumstances or depression teach them to reach out. My middle child was showing signs and I was lucky to see the signs now we see a psychologist together to teach him how to deal with all these emotions a divorce for example can leave on their young minds.
we might all be tough dirt bikers but go out and do something awesome for a complete stranger like pay for their coffee and see what giving instead of taking does for your soul. So if you have anxiety or deportation ADHD ( that can lead to poor decision making ) reach out and be a man with emotions no need to hide it and suffer by yourself.
Cheers Patrick
I lost my dad a 3 weeks ago and I wait til I'm alone to get my tears out ,usually once the family goes to bed I stay up a little bit later to look at photos and stuff.
Brother lost my dad to cancer almost 14 years ago he was my role model and best mate I never saw him show emotions though. And I will tear up doing something thinking man I wish I could show him.
reach out even if it’s just to us here if you hold it in it will eat you up. This world we’ve been thought to bury it deep inside but that only works for a short time…
jeremy thanks for sharing baby steps…. Shit times but the wounds heal and you’ll remember all the good times 🤎
Love this post Deja.
I am not an emotional person (outwardly) and it drives my wife nuts. My son (8) has got what they call "big emotions" and it is very difficult for me to adapt to it, it's almost a daily struggle for me to remind myself that it is healthy for him to wear his heart on his sleeve.
Thanks mate names Patrick nice to meet you… I have an 8 year old that taught me how to be the man i am today he is emotionally smart and picks up on everything feelings wise that would go over my head and I had to learn… I was a brick layer and the blokes are all tuff we don’t dear show feeling or emotion…. Just scream toughen up.
let your son guide you listen to what he says and your relationship will be nothing short of amazing…
The Shop
My father's sickness started with a stroke and then ultimately finding the cancer . When my mom called and said my dad had a stroke I immediately started crying ,we'll my son was nearby and said " dad I never saw you cry before" Looking back my whole life the only emotion my father showed was laughing or screaming .
They are the emotions I learnt as a kid too… now I don’t scream or shout or smack my kids anymore, found it didn’t work now if my boys get in trouble at school they tell me as it’s not my job as a dad to yell at them again it’s my job to teach them better behavior and to treat other as they wish to be treated. They have quickly learnt to trust me and tell me everything and now I ignor bad hab it’s and behavior and slightly over exaggerate the good. I tell the boys everyday how much I love them and how proud I am to be their dad….. Your kids will teach you so much if you take the time to watch and listen.
In box me if you ever need to let it all out you’d be surprised what it does to actually write it down or tell someone just how you fell inside..
And see sometimes I’m still learning and miss something as important as “my condolences for your loss” life one big lesson…. Hope you and your family are doing well under the circumstances.
Know this, I am proud of you.
Learning about yourself as you sneak up on 50 is a damn good thing.
Stay Stoked,
Manny
I’ve got an emotional and very talented daughter. I feel fortunate that we have her later in life when compared to most parents(she’s 16 and I’m 60/wife is 55)…it’s given us the power…the luck…the ability to let her be herself.
Just from your observations I can tell you’re rolling with it. Congratulations on that. Hug that little dude for me.
I hope to see you both at the races someday.
Manny
Thanks Manny…. Our brains are a funny thing mine doesn’t make enough dopamine and the paths get blocked with ADHD as a kid I blamed everyone else as an adult I own my mistakes I bet if I was a kid now they’d pump me full of Ritalin to keep me still. I enjoy reading your comments on hear as they alway come across as educated not just opinion ( nothing wrong with opinion )
Now at 50 with a 5 ( Tommy  
and an 8 ( Peter ) and 21 year old where I mad a ton of mistakes I’m teaching myself to get up be self driven motivate and wide open to others input and thoughts were as the younger me was a know it all and put my unwanted 2cents in everywhere. Mate if I stuffed up in life made mistakes poor judgment calls but they all brought me to here and now I learnt not to hide but to own them as I don’t want to remember for my biggest blunders but as the man I am today alway trying to be a better person.
color blind dyslexic ADHD CDO ( like ocd but I like the letters in alphabetical order ) I used them all as excuses…. Smoking alcohol and other abuses all bad choices I’ve made and at 49 I found out they all build dopamine I actually love my time with my psychologist she’s help with anger management and to why I made so many poor choices and to not use any as excuse but to learn from it and not make the same mistake twice…
Hi on life now i try to pass it forward and spread the love I now don’t drink or use anything and thrive on learning ( tell my school teachers that they’d freak out )
cheers patrick
Coming from someone I’ve never meet those few line that didn’t take you long to type down mean more to me then you’ll ever know…. Thanks
I have always been an emotional turd. You know..."emotions" are for girls and sissies.
My wife of 43 years is the only reason I'm alive and semi-tolerable as a human. She damn sure had a job on her hands.
Learning empathy and self examination doesn't come naturally (at least for me) but I'm enjoying the discovery.
I go to the Dallas SX pretty much every year, if you're ever at that round, send me a PM and we can meet up
The only times I saw my dad cry were when i was about 10 yo and he had to tell me when I got home from school that my dog had been hit by a car.
The other time was about a month before he passed away and his 14 year old dog had to be put down.
Dad helped me immensely when I was living my dream as a race promoter.
He was a master fabricator/machinist and kept all my water trucks and equipment running and then worked staging at my events.
It has been 9 years since he passed. I will be working in the shop on some of the equipment that I still have and use, and I will see some piece or repair he made and I start to tear up. Sometimes it is the silliest shit.
My dad was also a machinist and I followed in his footsteps and he handed down all the parallels and 1,2,3 blocks and all that kind of stuff so every day at work I'm seeing and using stuff he made. It creates a wave of emotions.
First I'd like to address this. I'd like to say how sorry i am that you're going through this. Having gone through this myself with my dad not terrible long ago, (not cancer but kidney failure) I found that sometimes you just don't know when and you break down in tears, many times it's by yourself because your alone with your thoughts. I will tell you that those episodes get further apart and then you can focus on the better times and smile instead of cry. It's a journey and the time line is different for everyone. Also being proficient in a machine shop I made my dad's urn and it was very therapeutic for me. I got to think about all the things he taught me working the machines in the shop.
Deja, as a guy we are expected to hold our feelings in. And at times it's good that we are brought up that way because sometimes as the head of a family we have to suppress our feelings to keep the family calm through rough times. But that is not all the time, we can and need to get our feelings out too. My wife has seen me cry like a baby on many occasion. It's not a weakness but a strength that we can care for someone or something so much that we lose our ability to stay calm. Showing our feelings is not a weakness but a strength that only people with strong confidence in themselves understand. It's the weak person that has to hide their true self because they are so insecure. If something in my life makes me sad or cry and someone else thinks they can judge, fuck them, they are not nearly important enough to my life to care. If they were important, they would support me rather than judge me. I'm glad your on a better path brother!
TM
Thanks for sharing. Was definitely one of those big feelings types for a long time and my dad who grew up rough always had a hard time with it. Resented it for a lot of years but ultimitely came to appreciate how hard he tried to meet me where I was. Simple fact of the matter is that in his generation and upbringing, showing emotion as a man was basically openly displaying the weak spot in the armor, and people wouldn't hesitate to take advantage of that (shit seems like it was just more rugged back in the boomer's childhoods). But normalized discussion on mental health and emotional in our current era has created a lot of safe space (oh god I said the thing) and I've watched him timidly ease out of his hard shell.
I think that being vulnerable and communicating your emotions in a system that has actively discouraged it for a long time is one of the braver things a dude can do.
Great thread. I think we (men) always worry about looking weak to reach out when actually shows more strength.
I’m glad you are doing well.
Greg
Pit Row
THIS belongs in the Hall of Fame ! For every person that has responded to this thread, 200 folks are understanding in a small way how to help someone in need in a real way. Patrick, this is a wicked Pissah of a thread . ( Sorry , I’m from Boston )
Nailed it 🤜🤎🤛
I almost cried when they brought us our steaks at the Hanger
See...I can get in touch with my feelings...maybe it's just my gut?
I thought you were crying.
I’m gonna be at recurrent starting on 9/11 of all dates. We’ll have to have another steak.
Awesome. If you had a lunchtime free there's a bad ass BBQ place downtown. B and C Creations. All the meats are great and some really creative sides.
The wife and I rented a cabin way up in the mountains near Florrissant CO. but we should be back by then.
No electric or cell service. Just bears and cats.
Honestly, the older I get the more I feel there is no room for feelings in my life, and less people that give a shit about them. My parents are both dead-- I have an ex-wife that is highly abusive, a daughter that needs me and a girlfriend who is very sensitive. Life is extremely demanding with work, being a Dad and other things I am involved with. There are days I wake up and think "I can't even do it today," but I have to push it aside. I have decided that what I think about a given situation means very little-- I gotta make things happen every day.
I spent the last 3.5 years unhoused after my divorce and keeping a career going and helping raising a kid while living in an RV was extremely challenging. I moved in a new place with my GF and was thrilled, then she promptly lost her job and is dead ass broke, with no idea how we will pay rent. My daughter is thrilled to finally have her own room but now it's at risk. Life never stops throwing things at you. I have had to be much more stoic in life.
I find when I express my feelings to my GF it usually makes things worse. I'll usually end of consoling her. For instance I felt she was being flirty with other men at a bar the other night and when I brought it up, it provoked a whole list of problems she has with me. I find little benefit to expressing my feelings in personal relationships as a man today.
Sorry if this doesn't fit the spirit of the OP or some of the responses on here.
You ain't that special pardner. Every swingin' dick here understands and feels yer pain. "Get up and do it again"...while letting the world kick you in the nuts.
Life can make you numb if you let it. What I read in your post...You have a daughter that needs you. If that's ALL you had...that's more than enough.
Ex-wife...fuggitaboutit. I'm guessing the only connection you have is your daughter and she LOVES you. Winner.
If you have to worry about your girlfriend...in any way...time to move on. That's the advantage of a "girlfriend". See ya.
You got this. It ain't no step for a stepper. Be the best dad you can and the rest will fall into place. I'm just knowin'.
Mate twice divorced on my end and that’s the reason for this post…. There are places and times to be the strong father husband partner but you also have the right to have feelings…. Jealousy is an ugly trait…. Me I know my girlfriend is my girlfriend and honestly I find it amusing when guys hit on her as she is loyal as they come… but I’ve had some tuff times won’t put it on a public place the shit that went and is still going down, but it’s your life get up tomorrow as it’s a new day and the first day of the life you can be in control of 😊 stress can be a relationship killer and lack of income can be stressful enough…
But as you can see you’re not alone and we fellow dirt bikers will alway have time for you. So many things in life are now so much clearer what’s important and what’s not. Hug your daughter and tell her you love her everyday.
wish you all the best mate.
Great words, Deja and Plowboy. I really appreciate it. I know there are many people going through way worse shit than me, including a lot of stuff I read on here.
Glad I got a vacation coming up.
Cheers to y'all.
I damn sure ain't making light of any mans burdens or emotional expressions. "Never judge a man until you have walked a mile in his moccasins".
"Give me the strength to accept what I can't change...the courage to change what I can...and the wisdom to know the difference.". The old folks knew some shit.
Those first words you wrote and treat others as you wish to be treated was drummed into me by my Dad and I live by it…
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