Posts
36
Joined
4/1/2008
Location
USA
Edited Date/Time
1/19/2012 12:35pm
Classic radio flashback epiphany! While attempting to clean the house today, I stopped to mull the lyrics of that old, old Bob Seeger song "Down On Main Street" playing in the background. Eek! Those damn lyrics aren't about some sweet, romantic ode to unrequited love from afar... they're actually deeply disturbing if seen from the other side. Sung to the tune with the same breathy inflections, for your examination, I give you Exhibit A:
Down on Main Street: The Dancer's Lament.
Of the nice guys
And the numbnuts
And the perverts
Who come to watch me shake my ass
There’s this one guy so weird in his boots and his beard
Outside steaming up the glass
As I twirl around my pole
To the audience’s glee
I can’t help but see this drooler
Staring straight through me
Down on main street…..
(Cue sad saggy guitar.. Beeeeeeooow…ne-ne-neeeoow ne-ne-neeeow… me-me-meeeow…)
He won’t watch the
Other dancers
But instead he
Seems to fixate just on me
And the hand
That’s tucked inside his
Greasy trench coat
Squirms about so creepily
I don’t know if he thinks persistence
Will improve his luck
But at least come on inside mister
And lay down a buck
Down on main street
(we-we-weeeeow, we-we-weeeeowwww, we-we-weeeooowwww...)
I don’t dare to
Turn around and
Make eye contact
As I scurry down the street
And this psycho’s
Close behind me
With his rum breath
How’m I gonna ditch this freak?
I guess some guys bop their baloneys
With my image in their mind
But so few are weird enough to
Tread this close behind
Down on main street….
(mow-ma-mow, mow-ma-moooowwww)
Now my head is
In his freezer
And he’s dancing
In a suit made of my skin
And the rest of
Me is slumped
Inside the closet
In Grandma’s dress he put me in
If I’d invested in a pitbull
Or some pepper spray
I’d be up there teasing strangers
For another day…
Down on main street….
(re-re-reeeeow, re-re-reeeoow, re-re-reeeeowwww....)
I don't know if I'll be able to sleep tonight now. Thank you, KTYD... thank you.
Down on Main Street: The Dancer's Lament.
Of the nice guys
And the numbnuts
And the perverts
Who come to watch me shake my ass
There’s this one guy so weird in his boots and his beard
Outside steaming up the glass
As I twirl around my pole
To the audience’s glee
I can’t help but see this drooler
Staring straight through me
Down on main street…..
(Cue sad saggy guitar.. Beeeeeeooow…ne-ne-neeeoow ne-ne-neeeow… me-me-meeeow…)
He won’t watch the
Other dancers
But instead he
Seems to fixate just on me
And the hand
That’s tucked inside his
Greasy trench coat
Squirms about so creepily
I don’t know if he thinks persistence
Will improve his luck
But at least come on inside mister
And lay down a buck
Down on main street
(we-we-weeeeow, we-we-weeeeowwww, we-we-weeeooowwww...)
I don’t dare to
Turn around and
Make eye contact
As I scurry down the street
And this psycho’s
Close behind me
With his rum breath
How’m I gonna ditch this freak?
I guess some guys bop their baloneys
With my image in their mind
But so few are weird enough to
Tread this close behind
Down on main street….
(mow-ma-mow, mow-ma-moooowwww)
Now my head is
In his freezer
And he’s dancing
In a suit made of my skin
And the rest of
Me is slumped
Inside the closet
In Grandma’s dress he put me in
If I’d invested in a pitbull
Or some pepper spray
I’d be up there teasing strangers
For another day…
Down on main street….
(re-re-reeeeow, re-re-reeeoow, re-re-reeeeowwww....)
I don't know if I'll be able to sleep tonight now. Thank you, KTYD... thank you.
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I'm hoping I will out live him. Do I have a shot?
Well here is a almost as disturbing rendition of crappy bob segar, but Metallica rules so they even out.
And, my dear Borg... ol'man is still hammering away and going strong. But if he ever tires of good cooking and bad puns, you're next at bat. Glass slipper optional. I can only promise you a few pages for your memoirs that no one would ever believe were true.
Metallica + Bob Seeger = hmmmmm. It's like the matter (awesomeness) and anti-matter (cheesiness) do keep the universe equal. Call the Hadron Collider people and tell them that we've found the answer, nerdy beeatches!
I've been away for far too long, and have badly missed the good folks at Motodrive (not to mention that posting awful rewritten lyrics here is MUCH cheaper than therapy).
https://youtu.be/Ld1l4Ud7jp8
Post a reply to: Bob Seeger's profoundly creepy classic...