Dadisms

You're as useful as a fart in a whirlwind.

Does a one legged duck swim in circles

Fits like socks on a rooster

“Are you retarded?”

“Eres hombre o que?”  ( are you a man, or what? )

He would say that when I couldn’t kick start my 50cc 🤣

He wouldn't say shit, even if he had a mouthful.

“Rolling like a dog with a broke dick”

“Like a cool breeze off a camels ass”

As @sumdood pointed out, warm in the winter, shade in the summer.

Fat girls give the best head because they’re always hungry. Just don’t put whip cream on it. She might bite the tip off. 

"I'll knock your clinkers down your chow pipe." (Carried down from USMC Colonel Grandfather). No, he never hit me.

Never put your pinky where you wouldn't put your dinky

Go grab me a switch. 😂

"Is the fucking you're taking worth the fucking you're getting"

Not Dad, but my uncle. "If the hogs ain't out, the windmill's busted."

Me, since I'm a Dad: "I ain't had this much fun since the hogs ate my little brother."

Drop your cocks and, grab your socks

Man, I heard that one a few times...

That or "Feet on the deck!"

Another from uncle Bryan, while we're standing in force 5 winds. "It's going to be a bit of a breeze today boys, hay ain't balling itself. "

Yep.

Should have been done with the intense shit by then ,at least. 

You couldn’t find your ass with both hands if you tried. - when told to find something but couldn’t  

I was born at night but it wasn’t last night. - when he thought we were lying

I can run faster mad than you can scared. 

GOD DAMMIT, DAMIEN!!! 

Grandma’s favorite way of saying, I fucked up. 

"Once you've committed to something, see it through." 

"Keep your head down and your ass up"   Get to work and do the job right until it's finished.

"You're telling Noah about the flood".  Kind way to tell a know it all to STFU.