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My dad died on May 9 2019.
Last year, when my mom was still living in the house that they built i felt this need to do a bit more then the once a week lawn mowing and casual gardening that I was doing for mom to take of her place.
I spent a solid afternoon pulling weeds ,trimming shrubs, tending flowers, dead heading rose bushes, all things my father had planted as that was one of his hobbies when he quit farming, gardening.
It was a week later when I realized the date I felt compelled to do all that, May 9th. I dont go to church, never have, but sometimes I feel like there is something...you know?
Agreed my brother. I spoke to the social worker and she was shocked that we were not given any notice or à time… I’ve rescheduled the meeting for Monday at 11:00.
We want to be prepared as I have a feeling they’re going to tell us that mum is not going to improve and suggest assisted living facility which will not happen.
We were promised so much (rehab/physio) when they were planning on transferring her to Belmontand she has been put in the “too hard basket” it seems and has honestly gone backwards both physically and mentally, mainly because of dealing with all these issues that have gone untreated (pain and associated distress).
Today she’s bright, happy, chatty, and energetic, perfect for some physical therapy but, there’s no one from PT coming to see her more than once a week and when they see that she’s not doing well they just say “we’ll come back next week”😡.
Thank you for letting me vent, as well as the amazing support everyone. I appreciate it so very much.
Keep charging.💪😌❤️💃
Praying for her!!!
Strength and prayer sent Ezza.
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Typical American stroke protocol wants you out of the hospital. Whether you go home, rehab, assisted living or a funeral home they just want you out. If your medically stable their work is done. In most cases rehab is priority. Doesn't sound like your mom's getting that. Why? Are the staff overwhelmed or is mom not capable? Seems like your lost in the system. Thats unfortunate but typical. "Squeaky wheel gets the grease." You know what to do.
We are actually in Australia but it seems like this is the case for mum re “time to go”. In the 4 and a half weeks she has been here, she has been out of bed 3 times and PT have had her sitting on the side of the bed 3 times.
It’s not entirely their fault as mum has had some issues preventing her from being able to do the therapy (either in pain or exhausted because of the pain) but, when she’s having a good day they’re nowhere to be seen.
She’s currently hooked up to the IV receiving fluids again as she’s massively dehydrated (partially because of the medication they’ve been giving her) and her bladder is completely empty
Again, we were promised so much with the transfer to this hospital but I almost wonder if they knew it was not going to be the case and were just saying what this for whatever reason?
We’re facing many battles with trying to get her back to how she was before the transfer, as well as getting her home once she’s in that state again. They’re not going to make it easy but I’m ready to fight for my mum.
Thank you for the messages, thoughts and or prayers everyone. It gives ke so much strength.
Keep charging.
💪😌❤️💃
See if there are any exercises You can help her with on the good days. Ask her PT person. I went through a very frustrating situation with my mom and lack of PT for similar reasons. After I got my mom home I ended up doing more PT with her than she had at the rehab place . ANd the PT was the only reason she was there. The PT and my mom feeling well hardly ever lined up . But after I started doing it when she was more up to it , we were able to do more. But she was already put very far behind from not moving for so long.
Range of motion and keeping her moving. even just moving her arms and legs while in bed . But ask her PT person.
I hope that Your mom feels better and is able to get back to pre stroke levels of activity. She is lucky to have You there for her. I feel bad for the people who do not have family there to advocate for them.
Mum has been doing great the last couple of days and showing just how hard she is fighting to get better.
She has a new physician assigned to her as they’re on rotation and move from hospital to hospital. He cane and saw mum and I this morning and had virtually no idea/knowledge about mum’s situation which I had to explain to him.
Tomorrow is the “family meeting”!which I’m not looking at all forward to but I’m going in there to fight for my mum.
I’ll keep you all posted.
Thank you for the support everyone… Keep charging.
💪😌❤️💃
I love the pics of her watching races. Sooo Moto💪🏼
Keep on keeping on…and…
Make Mobility Happen.
Sasquatch is absolutely right…do whatever you can to help her move about and become active again.
Keeping you and mom in our thoughts over here on our side of the big blue pond.
We’re also keeping an eye on your boys & girls from down unda. The Brothers Lawrence, young Mr. Minear and Kiwi Cole along with the men & women of Quad Lock Honda…all…are making you folks look like a bunch of bad asses!👍🏼
Stay Positive
Lean into your knowledge and keep mom on the move.
Your friend,
Manny
Thank you for the awesome words/motivation my friends. I’m going in with a new plan tomorrow.
There was a therapy doggo named Harley (Border Collie) that spent a minute with mum. She was stoked.
Keep charging. 💪😌❤️💃
When My mom was in the rehab , they had sold me on the PT parts. And the times that they did work with her they were truly amazing. My mom was friends with Janis Joplin back in the 60's before she became a big name. And my mom's PT person happened to be in a band and sung some of the songs that Janis Joplin sang. So during one of the PT sessions that they had the entire gym to themselves. They cranked up some classic Janis Joplin songs and my mom was grooving and LOVING it. the music gave her energy that I had not seen before. But that happened one time! And I could see that she would do better at home being able to sleep in her bed. So I brought her home after 3 weeks. She was in bed the entire first week after breaking a hip. Her Dr said just keep her moving, she just needs to get up and walk a little every day. And then when I saw the place slacking , I had a slot of the tools I would need to help her already from my own past injuries .
But it can be a TON of WORK to care for somebody so make sure You are ready for that when the time comes if she still needs that extra help.
I got some " homework" from her PT person and would get her to do the exercises whenever she was up to it. After I got her home, she had a string of UTI's that were difficult to get rid of that caused issues with the PT that happened at home with the people that were sent. My mom used to work 3-11 and was more of a night owl so sometimes we would do PT and get up and walk around at midnight or 2am. I made it my mission to give her every chance to get stronger that she wanted to take. And we made progress. And I've spent a ton of time with her that I am so glad to have done.
Just keep pushing and being a thorn in the side of the people there if You see something that needs to be done if its not being done. In the US hospitals are normally understaffed , I'm not sure how it is for you. But sometimes You will need to be patient and wait. But sometimes You will have to make sure You are the squeaky wheel so You get the grease that is available.
Just getting her to use her arms, and lift and bend her legs , moving through the range of motion will help her stay able to move easier. Sitting up on the side of the bed, if thats something they are OK with. Just don't push if she's really not into it. But even doing just 10 reps of moving her legs in really any way will be a help. But ask her Dr.'s or PT people so Your not doing anything that may set her back.
My mom also has had issues with dehydration. She loves water but will only take a sip or 2 at a time. So we made some slush with some electrolyte drinks that she enjoyed and it helped get her hydrated.
Stay positive and try and enjoy every moment You can! Try and stay in the present , and not get too hung up on what was , or what may be the future. Enjoy everything You can and push when needed. But try and have some positive moments too. watching races, comedy, music, playing games.
Sorry for the long message, I'm just thinking of things that have helped me in my helping of my Mum. And want to do what I can to help You.
My mom is now in a nice assisted care facility witch costs almost $7000/month I want to say, maybe 8.
I helped her to live in her home as long as I could but the last 8 months or so were rough as she had a UTI, eventually getting E Coli and something else i can't remember. I was doing her dishes and doing my best to keep the house clean
The last straw of being independent was when she shit herself (diarhea) before I was going to take her in for new hearing aids last December. The appointment was hard to get and I had already canceled one appointment already when she wasn't feeling well. Mom did not clean herself very well ...she smelled bad and when I looked at her legs and white shoes the shit had run down her legs. So I got a wet rag and went to work trying to clean her but it was a waste of time. I told mom that this is why she needs to go into assisted care as I do not want to be bathing her and I know you dont want me too either. She finally saw the light that she needed more care then I could give her.
That was a terrible day.
Sorry to hear that Sandberm but I totally understand.
Both my folks had to go to frail care, it was a hard call for my brother and myself as my folks did not want to go. They gave in after a bunch of incidents.
Ezza, hang in there friend you are doing a great job for your Mum. You must get the collie dog to your Mum more often, a doggy always brings great energy. You guys have got this.
It is a ton of work to help care for a parent as they decline. It's insane how expensive some places are. And I'm sure it was a difficult decision, perhaps the hardest one You've had to make.
Both my Mom and older sister were CNA's and together we cared for my Dad and he was able to pass at home in his bed. I learned a lot about caring for somebody during that time. But even with My sisters help it's been a ton of work caring for my Mom. More than a fulltime job. And still keep my shop running along. There have been weeks that I sleep only an hour or 2 per night 10 or 15 minutes at a time . And there are so many personal things that I had to make sure my Mother was OK with me doing. And my Sisters help with the more personal aspects. But it's still a ton of work with 2 people , even 3 . I have other sisters who have helped a little here and there and one amazing friend of my mothers and sisters who has become a good friend of mine now. Its like 3 or 4 full-time jobs worth of work.
For us, the right thing has been to be at home . But I know how much work it is, how mentally taxing it can be and it's not the right thing for everybody. When it's possible I think it's better to be at home. But that's not always what's best unfortunately.
You have my admiration for what you and your sister are doing. Your mom is blessed to have you.
It's exhausting, especially when it goes on for years. It's mentally draining watching the decline. Sometimes it feels like a permanent cloud of melancholy. Especially when they start telling you they want to die. My father did this often toward the end as he sat in his chair, in physical pain as his spine crumbled. Mom started doing it a couple years ago so much so that I had to tell her to stop, I didn't need to hear it over and over.
Mom is fortunate to have the money to be able to afford the place she is in as it is very nice as I have said before but we still have to advocate for her sometimes. Her care level is a 5 with 6 being the highest level of care. The higher the care level they asses her at, the more it costs. She has non hogkins lymphoma , can stand but not really walk, of course is incontinent, hearing aids and she has wet macular degeneration which she gets shots in her eyes every 3-4 months. She also takes medication to keep fluid from building up in her legs. The nurses are fantastic, very caring and mom freely shows her sincere gratitude to them which i am sure they appreciate. There is a doctor that comes every Thursday and checks on the residents. He is a great guy, very easy to communicate and work with.
Almost every day or at the least every other day either I or another family member will visit her. I know some residents rarely get visitors so sometimes i will stop and chat with them. When I bring my dog Willow with me everybodys face lights up as they give her a pet.
As Ezza says, keep charging 💪
Golf Clap to you and your team Squatch.👏
I'm glad to hear that Your Mum has a great place. I've found that most of the people working at those types of places are really good and really care. Its just a few here and there that can make for a bad day here and there. I remember my Dad talking about wanting to go home. That's what he was calling dieing. I can understand the emotions that you describe. I don't wanna get too far off the positive path in this post so I'll leave it at that. My mom passed away a month and 7 days ago. It still feels so fresh and I didn't wanna bring it up, and make have that derail the positiveness of people helping Ezza. But she was somehow always super positive , not looking forward to or being afraid of passing. And she took her last breath between my sister an me on the couch in our living room. She has always helped people and would be happy to know that I'm trying to help with my posts on here.
Your Mum is very lucky to have You and Your family visiting often. My mom had a roommate who only had a visitor every week or every other week. I ended up helping her when I could. I picked up some soda for her that she liked and did little things that I could do. My mom worked at a high end place when she was a CNA and she told me how a lot of people's kids would dump them there and never visit. That place even had condos that people could live in that had all the help of living in a full facility with more of the private feel of living at home. Those units were crazy money and my mom shared some amazing stories that her patients told her back then while she was working.
As far as the dog part. While in the rehab I was bringing my Moms dag in to see her everyday and as I was leaving there were always a handful of people who were having trouble sleeping so they were hanging out with the nurses at the nurses station. And they loved to see my Mom's dog. I would let them pet and hold her . And I could see how much it meant to them. One guy had just lost one of his dogs, they passed away and he had to give up his other because of his injury. And the way he lit up as he pet and asked questions about my Mom's dog. It was amazing and I'm so glad that I was able to help him like that. It's amazing what a visit from a dog can do!
My deepest and most sincere condolences to you and your family TRS, and thank you for sharing your story.❤️
Please don’t be sorry for the posts no matter how long, as I want you and others to be able to express how you are feeling and what you are going through just as you are all allowing me to do… Good or bad, I don’t want any of you to feel you have to ‘tiptoe’ in this thread.
I appreciate all the posts and am wishing all the best to everyone one of you.
Keep charging.
💪😌❤️💃
Pit Row
Thank you for that. I appreciat that . I wasnt trying to tip toe. I just wanted to try and keep my posts more positive thats all. Not that i think anything anybody else posted was not positive or was out of line or anything like that.
Ive been able to post about my mom on my personal facebook page so Ive been able to talk about it. Not that I dont want to talk about it. Im ok with talking about it. I just was trying to be respectful and keep this about your Mum and her recovery .
Early on when I started to see some similar things hallen with my mom that happened with my dad I started to think too much about the loss of my mom while she still had many years of life left to live. And I wasted too much of that time being sad about something that hadnt even happened.
I really didnt want to say anything that might have you worring about too far into the future than you need to. Living in the present and enjoying whatever version of my Mom I had each day was one of the best things ive done.
Of course plan for and be realistic about the future. Bit dont get so trapped in what will happen someday in the future. Or so stuck on the past, that you miss out on the day to day wins. Allow yourself the joy of having those goodyimes between the less than good times. They have made the rough times much easier to navigate.
Awesome post.
At 6 weeks I'm sure things are a bit raw. You've been in my thoughts a bit because of a post you made a couple/few months ago about taking care of your mom, so I noticed.
I'm a big believer in sharing is learning, but of course therapeutic. So I view a thread like this as helpful to anyone helping an aging loved one.
Yah I was helping her for about 5 or 6 years , a little more and more . A week after mum mom passed i had to put her dog down that had been with us for 16 years. I had a friend pass away a couple weeks after my mom from a fast moving flesh eating infection and then found out Monday another friend was killed by a hit and run driver when his vehicle broke down on the side of the highway at night . Its been alot .
Its nice to come on here and see the progress made by Ezza's mom and the positive comments that people leave for him. Reminds me of the good parts of the earlier days of helping my mom.
My mom always loved helping people. Somedays id ask her what she wanted to do. And she would say that she would like to help people. Like I said before if im able to help anybody by sharing or offering advice on here I know she would be happy to see me doing it. Knowing that shes still helping people .
Thank you so much for sharing your very personal experiences my brothers. Reading about them has been a massive help as I don’t have anyone else to talk to about being in this kind of “situation”.
Today there was a new experience for me which I embraced and am very thankful to have had… It was something I’ve been thinking about for quite while and It’s as if it was meant to happen.
I’m running behind on things that I need to get done, including making liver treats for the doggo, and will explain tomorrow.
Mum had an amazing day and is showing just how much fight she has (always had) in her.
Thank you the support everyone, it means so much.
Keep charging.
💪😌❤️💃
If there is anything that You think I could help with , or that is too personal to post on here ,feel free to private message me and I'll do what I can to help. Even if You just need to vent or whatever. Feel free to message me.
I'm so glad to see the post that she's doing better! Southwick should be a good one to watch this weekend, I had been hoping to get there with my Mum. She's a big fan of Jett. Well was. I still like to talk like she's still here with me . It feels like she is sometimes. But anyway, it should be a good race with all the MXGP guys that are here and I hope that You are able to watch it with Your mum. I'm not going to get out to see it in person this year. But I'll be glued to the app and TV. I've been praying and sending positive energy Your moms way. My Mom used to do Reki and I was never a believer in that stuff until I felt and saw too much to deny that there is something to it.
This made my day.
Sharing the Stoke.
Life doesn’t get more purposeful than that. 💪🏼
Brother Ezza... I just wanted to say I'm praying for your Mom and it looks as though she's doing better. Which is great to see! I hope you are well my friend. I don't come here very often any more , but when I saw this thread , I felt the need to say I was thinking about you and your mom..stay strong brother!
I’ve gone to write a reply multiple times over the last two days but just can’t find the words to express not only how incredibly grateful I am for the kind offer of support but, also to let you know that you are an amazing son that your mum is very proud of.
She will always be with you my friend.❤️
Is that what Miyagi was doing in the Karate Kid movie?
Kinda , but different. With Reiki You do not have to touch or be very close to somebody for it to work.
My mom did a test with me while I was having issues with my foot. She would do Reiki for a while and randomly stop and see how long it took for me to notice. And amazingly I was able to feel it every time. She hadn't told me she was doing it until the 3rd or so time that I was telling her how strange it was that I was having more pain and I hadn't been doing any of the things that would normally cause it. After she told me she had been experimenting on me I was a believer. I may look into learning how to do it myself someday.
She was also a psychic and read palms and other stuff. She organized some fairs with friends of hers. She showed me some of the stuff You can learn to read , but told me that when she has a really good connection with the person she's giving a reading she sees things like a movie playing. I was open to it being possible. But did not really believe it. Until I was at a wedding and read one palm, had a line form and was doing what my mom had shown me and then all of a sudden I touched a woman's hand and it was just like my Mom said. I saw a vision of her with one of my friends mothers that freaked me out. It wasn't anything bad that I saw. It was just that I saw anything. I've always believed that a mind is very powerful and the power of thought is stronger than most know. But the psychic stuff was never a thing I was sold on until after that.
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