Upgrade to enjoy this feature!
Vital MX fantasy is free to play, but Premium users receive great benefits. Premium benefits include:
- View and download rider stats
- Pick trends
- Create a private league
- And more!
Only $10 for all 2026 SX, MX, and SMX series.
You’re so focussed on the negative that you can’t see that there is help available, for free. A 10second google will get you a number to call.
You don’t live in a shack so you are a long way from the bottom.
Train yourself to think positively by starting your day with some gratitude for what you do have and the rest will follow.
Suicide so you can transfer that pain to everyone you leave behind? Go for a walk. If you talk to people out there, or just observe, you’ll very quickly realise that you are not nearly the worst off.
Boom, nothing to say that won’t be repeating what has been said, but you can’t do that to your family.
We all care about you on this board, but nothing like they do.
As was said earlier, read the Bible.
Praying for you.
I know that ending your life may seem an honest wish at this point Boom, but it is NOT ! You have a wife and children who desire nothing more than to provide some relief for the financial stumbling blocks that are tripping you these days. As usual, the more desperate the situation is, the harder it gets to find a solution. This scenario has plagued us all at times in our life, and the best thing to do is to take a deep breath and push forward. Your dependents need you , they may not talk about the situation very often, but they are well aware of the load you are pushing, and I can truly assure you that they are more than grateful every single day for the hard work you do to make life safer for them !
Hang in there, man. OCScotie had chronic pain due to his injury most of his life. He tried everything possible for many years until the pain was too much. I'm glad OCscottie and I became fb friends before he passed. He was a kind soul. We all go through dark times, and it sucks. No way around it, it sucks. But hang in there for yourself and your family. Reach out to who you can...like here and with your family. Talk about it.
The Shop
Free shipping: VITALMX
Luxon 4-Post Bar Mounts
$189.95 - $239.95
You and I know each other fairly well. I'm not sure if you remember but awhile back you were in a tough spot and I even helped you out (just a very small amount that I could help). You know I'm paralyzed in a wheelchair like OCScottie.
Let me tell you a little something that's happened to me recently and tell me if you still think your life is worth ending. This will also explain why I haven't been very present on these boards lately if anyone happened to notice and I've stayed silent until now....
September 2022:
My Fiance' and I sold our condo. The plan was to live in an extended stay hotel room. My parents and I bought 5 acres of land so they could build their dream home on it and we could build ours next to it. My parents would build their home and we would live with them while building our house. Not only does this allow us to sell the condo while the market was still hot but also save money not having a mortgage payment. My sister and her husband (now with 2 little kids) live next to them on 5 acres. We wanted to build a "family compound" together so all of us could live close to each other. My fiance and I were going to get married once our home was built and have children together. She was also on track to graduate nursing school by the time the house was done also.
Winter of 2022/23:
We have an usually wet winter. The ground is flooded, can't build on it. My parents house is put on pause. Covid still has a stranglehold on building supplies and prices keep going higher. Inventory is low. Building supplies are very difficult to come by and very expensive. We were supposed to be moving from the hotel into my parents house soon, but the house isn't close to being done yet.
September 2023:
My parents house is nearing completion. My fiance and I have been living in this hotel for a year now. I'm working 10-12 hr days, 6 days a week to afford this expensive ass hotel while now losing money from the sale of our condo and needing to still save money to build our house. Suddenly...out of nowhere my skin and eyes turn bright yellow. I become extremely lethargic. I have zero energy, can't eat, can't drink. I collapse at my work desk. Get rushed to the hospital. Turns out I have NAFLD (non alcoholic fatty liver disease). It's a rare genetic disease also brought on by severe stress. My hair was falling out in the weeks prior and I didn't even notice until now. I'm at the hospital being told I need a liver transplant otherwise I'll be dead in the next 24-48 hrs. My entire family comes to see me in the hospital to say goodbye. I could barely move or speak, but I help my Mom, Dad, and Fiance's hands all throughout the night thinking I will be dead at any moment.
The longest night of my life passes. Morning comes, I'm still alive. All through the next day I show no improvement but I'm still not dead. Suddenly around 36-40 hrs later I begin to show signs of improvement. I can start to lift my arms, I can speak whole words and sentences again. I can look my parents in the eyes and tell them I'm not done yet. I continue to slowly get better. The river of medicine they're flooding me with is beginning to work. My bloodwork is coming back showing improvement. My liver is still damaged but working on its own. Dr's can't believe it. They gave me a 15% chance of living yet here I am. As the days pass, I keep getting better and finally after 6 weeks I'm good enough to be released from the hospital and sent home. My family moved our stuff out of the hotel and into their "nearly" finished home. Still not finished but just passed inspection and legally allowed to live in the house. Our plans appear to be back on track and while I sit in the house recovering, my fiance (who I've been with for 9 years now) suddenly can't get along with my parents. She began to develop a problem with alcohol when we moved into the hotel that has progressively gotten worse and with the recent sudden unexpected death of our beloved cat "Calvin" who was only 4 years old and was my best friend, her drinking got much worse. With my sudden liver failure and moving into my parents house, there was one clear rule. NO drinking alcohol. This should go without saying and you'd think my fiance who I've been with for 9 years, lived with for 5, helped put her through nursing school, would be able to put the bottle down but no. She was spiraling deep into a depression where nothing else mattered. The house was far from her work so she ended up staying at her moms house during the week to stay close to work, visiting me on weekends. Suddenly, she stopped coming to visit me on weekends, saying she was "too tired" to drive out to see me after working all week.
This lasted about 4 months before I finally put my foot down and told her she needed to either come move back in completely, quite the drinking and lets move on with building our home, get married and move on with our lives....OR....it was over. Well, she decided she no longer wanted to be on this journey with me and we ended our relationship. Within less than a year I sold my home and was back living with my parents, I lost my health, I lost my best friend Cat (Calvin), and I lost my fiance. OH and I lost my job. I was now placed on permanent disability. I had been in this wheelchair since I was 12 years old and always had a full time job since I was 16, but for the first time ever I was actually physically unable to work anymore. Not just because of my liver....the story gets even better....
March 2024
During the 6 weeks I was in the hospital for my liver, my immune system was shot to Hell. The hospital bed they had me laying in was eating away at my skin. All my life since 12 yrs old being in a wheelchair I've NEVER once had a pressure sore...UNTIL NOW. While in the hospital, a pressure sore began on my ass. The left butt cheek area. It was small, but with my immune system shot my body wasn't able to heal it. I was also spending a lot of time in bed at home recovering from my liver as my strength and stamina were completely gone. This small wound began to get bigger and bigger. I noticed blood in my bedsheets one day and on the toilet seat. I jumped in bed to have my mom inspect it only to discover a hole in my butt cheek that was developing, bleeding. My mom being a nurse tried to patch it up, but since I can't walk, this small hole quickly became a large one and got infected. ONCE AGAIN I was rushed to the hospital, this time I was SEPTIC. Yes...I was going into sepsis now with a poor immune system from my liver disease and now had a large 2nd hole in my ass that was now infected.
I spend ANOTHER 6 weeks in the hospital. This time I get sent home with a Wound-Vac machine and a tube attached to my ass to drain the fluid while this wound slowly heals on my ass. The problem is...since I'm in a wheelchair, the location of the wound makes it EXTREMELY difficult and slow to heal. TWICE A WEEK EVERY WEEK FOR 2 YEARS I had to have a nurse (home healthcare) come to put a new bandage on my ass, replace the wound-vac canister, and clean out the wound. I no longer could shit on the toilet, I had to lay in bed on my side just to do my "bowel program". I could no longer take normal showers, I had to wrap my ass in plastic and have the machine held up outside the shower doors.
I DID THIS FOR THE LAST 2 YEARS
The wound was very, VERY slowly healing. Then...suddenly on January 23rd, 2026, I WENT INTO SEPTIC SHOCK. The wound had gotten infected (we believe from a dirty tool used by the nurse when they last cleaned out my wound). My temperature jumped to 104 degrees F, I was in cold sweats, shaking uncontrollably. Over the last 4 weeks I had lost so much weight I went from being a buff/strong 6ft1, 190lbs to now a frail 6ft1 155lbs. My mom took a picture of me in my hospital bed and it shocked the Hell out of me, I looked so thin, pale, weak and fragile. All the muscle I had built from pushing my chair and lifting weights was all gone. Here I was, back in the hospital fighting for my life again.
FEBRUARY 2026
I've been in the hospital a few weeks now. They killed the infection by flooding me with antibiotics and saved my life. At this point, I'll admit, I was begging to just be let go. I didn't want to live anymore. I was 37 years old, single, no wife or fiance anymore, no kids, no house of my own anymore, no job or career anymore to make me feel fulfilled and useful, nothing to truly live for or any reason to hold on anymore. What was I holding on to? NOTHING. But for some reason, I just can't die. I just....can't...give up. No matter how much physical pain I was in, no matter how much emotional and mental suffering I had endured, when I had NOTHING left to live for, NOBODY left to live for, no reason at all to keep going....I simply could not allow myself to give up. There's some tiny little voice deep down inside telling me to just HOLD ON. Telling me that one day things will get better. So I did...I held on. I stayed alive. They scheduled me for surgery to cut away part of my hip bone where the infection had spread to and fold over the skin to completely close up the wound. This would require me to be bedbound and stuck laying completely on my side in bed for the next 2-3 months. What other choice did I have? I could die...but I can't give up. I can't let go. Not yet. It's not my time to go yet.
MARCH 2026
I have the surgery in the University of San Francisco Medical Center, 2.5 hrs away from my home. I was admitted to the hospital in Sacramento, CA on January 23rd, 2026. Now it was the first week of March 2026, I just had 2 surgeries on my ass, and was being sent home to recover. I remember during the 2.5hr drive home in the ambulatory vehicle, looking out the back window, remembering how nearly 25 yrs ago to the day (my accident that paralyzed me was 2/25/2001) I was looking out the back of a similar ambulance as the feeling and movement suddenly left the lower half of my body. When I looked out the window as my whole life flashed before my eyes, not understanding what the hell was happening to me. Not realizing I was never going to walk again. Never going to feel or move my legs again. I was only 12 yrs old when my whole world came crashing down on me, and now here I am, 25 years later once again having my whole world collapse around me. I couldn't even cry, I had run out of tears. I have grown so numb and calloused to the pain that I can't even sob or find any other emotion other than to simply laugh. That's right...I suddenly burst into a rage of laughter looking out the back of this ambulance because what else could I do? How can life possibly get any worse than it is right now? I am at absolute bottom and I know there's nothing but a long road of pain and misery in my future.
Finally I arrive at my parents house. A hospital bed had been delivered. It's too large to fit down the hallway and into the bedroom, so the bed is setup right out in the middle of the family room next to the kitchen. So here I lie right now as I type this....laying in this hospital bed, 6 weeks Post-Op surgery. Next Thursday 4/9 I have a video appointment with the Dr to see if they'll approve me to sit up in bed and in my wheelchair. The plan is to allow me to sit in my chair for 15 minutes at a time. 15 minutes each day, increasing it by 15 minutes every day, as long as the wound continues to heal and doesn't go backwards. I have just started to post again on this website over the last couple days as I slowly start to get things back to normal in my life...but what is normal exactly?
I'm 37 years old. Paraplegic. Still healing this huge pressure sore on my ass that will take several more months to heal. I'm single, since my fiance left me I haven't been able to date anyone else. Besides...who would want me anyways? I don't have anything to offer a woman at this point in my life. I don't even have my shit together right now, my health being most important. And I am LONELY. I watch my sister with her husband and their kids enjoy the life I wish I had. I watch my best friend since college enjoy his wife and young daughter. While I lay here in this bed, healing a massive hole in my ass and begging for the day I can finally JUST be able to sit back in my wheelchair and get mobile again. I feel so weak from laying here...ALL the weights I lifted, my arms have lost all the muscle I gained. My shoulders hurt like hell. My back hurts like hell. Yet I continue to LIVE. Because someway, somehow, I feel like there's better days ahead.
OH and I forgot to mention that while I was in the hospital a massive tree crashed down during a storm and landed right on my pickup truck, completely totaling it. Yes...My 2014 Dodge Ram 1500 that was completely paid off was totaled by a tree that just so happened to crash down and smash my truck dead on. The insurance payout was so flimsy and instead of going towards a new vehicle, I have been forced to use it to cover my exceeding medical expenses. Yes, I have medical insurance, but it doesn't cover ALL of my medical bills. The money I got for my truck and the money I had saved for building my home has all but vanished due to my ongoing medical expenses. Luckily, I do have parents that have been able to provide me with a home to live in, but my dreams of building my OWN house are all but destroyed. I don't even have my own goddamn vehicle now.
I feel like all of my suffering and pain will someday result in peace and happiness. Maybe someday I could write a book about my life and navigating it in a wheelchair, if only I knew where to begin. I believe that this living Hell I'm living in will eventually lead to a life of happiness. I have no reason to believe any of this will actually happen...but I have to believe it will. I HAVE to. Because I don't give up. I never quit. I'll never give up. The same fearlessness and determination that drove me while racing MX is what drives me now. Sometimes I think about OCScottie and wonder if maybe it gives me an excuse to end things. If he couldn't live life in a chair, maybe it's ok for me to end things? I don't know how he did it...but I can imagine how since I was friends with him and knew what sort of things he has at his disposal. I could end it all tonight...go to sleep and never wake up. But I can't Maybe in some weird way, I find reason and purpose in living where he couldn't. He took away the chance and ability to see what the future holds, he took away the ability to keep hope alive. He gave up. No matter how bad things get, I have to believe better days are ahead. No matter what, I can't give up. I'll never give up, and I hope you don't either.
Ay my friend, reading your post brought tears to my eyes. I never knew what a rough time your are experiencing. I'm at work now, or about to start work so I'm keeping this short. I will pray for you Kawa and thank you for reminding me that there are folk out there who are in way worse positions than myself.
I believe that my family and myself will be in the USA in the near future. I'll look you up and would love to visit.
I gotta run now but will touch base with you later.
Be strong my friend..
If I had the money you'd already be here. Stay tougher than a 2$ steak !!!
During COVID, I started a thread to help Boom and, his family. His country was shut down and, he couldn’t even work to provide. Some asshole called him a beggar. It wasn’t even him that started the thread.
I’ve chatted with him a bit and, understand how hard it is there. He’s selling his personal stuff to pay for food and, utilities at this point. Since that last thread, his house has been broken into. His wife has been robbed in her car while out getting groceries. A friend of his, that persons wife was badly beaten and, raped. I hate to say it but, simply being white, you’re a target in South Africa.
Yet, he’s not on here begging because of that one asshole saying those things. For those who can help here’s his PayPal. Those that can’t that’s fine. It’s tough for a lot of us. Just leave judgement out of it. No need kicking someone while they’re already down. I’m posting this. Not, Boomslang. He’s trying to survive while working to get the hell out of there. https://www.amerikaners.com/
I’ll repost this along with his PayPal in the other thread just to cover bases.
You’re a strong person to say the least. Things will definitely get better for you. I don’t know if you’re a believer or not but this is my belief for the future …. Revelation 21:3,4 , Isaiah 25:8 , Isaiah 33:24, Isaiah 35:4-8 ….. I’m happy you’re still with us. Man you have a story. Amazing!❤️👊🏻
Don't take what you do have for granted brother. You're a great guy, we've known each other a long time and I was hoping my post would help you remember how no matter how awful things seem to be and hopeless your situation may seem, you can always get out of it and pull yourself out of the shit. There are always options. It comes down to YOU have to find some reason, any reason to just give yourself another day. Find hope in something, anything, even when all feels hopeless.
Scottie was in severe pain, physically more than anything. He was already taking an enormous amount of painkillers but his body had built such an incredible tolerance to them that they weren't very effective anymore. Personally, and this is just my opinion, they were effecting his judgement and mental clarity (ability to think rationally). Even though his physical tolerance was extremely high, all of the medications were having a severe effect on his ability to think and his emotions. This wasn't substance abuse, this was him simply trying to manage his physical pain, but I don't believe his doctors were treating him correctly. You can't just keep piling on more and more pills, you need to have other options. Unfortunately, in my opinion, Scottie wasn't being given the right advice and was lead down a very dark path. I tried to help and offer my support and talk him in another direction but again, I think all of the medication was effecting his judgement and ability to think clearly.
Roll with tbe Punches and get back up !
If you ever slung a Leg over a dirt bike
You get it !
" https://youtu.be/wz-VJl7UkB8?si=RRiQmWv1WJzp-tSp "
Dust off my friend , Spring up and
Lets Go !!
You have probably a hard time financially, but if you die, your children and wife will need to carry that burden alone. You can send me a D.M. and if you want we can exchange numbers and we can talk. Been at worse places mentally myself.
Is it mainly financially if I may ask? Maybe we can do something with Vital?
Have you seen the white cross highway in South Africa? It’s more than just financial.
Thank you Greg.
It’s not much, but you’re very welcome.
You are wrong Greg, that was huge. One of yours becomes 16 of ours. From my whole family, we say thank you.
It will come back to you in due course. You are a good man.
Don't wanna talk politics in this topic because it doesn't seem appropriate, the only thing I can say is that the ANC, or maybe it is just black South-Africa are shifting towards "Extreme-Black-Nationalism", where I feel that they wanna take revenge for Apartheid that their leaders sing stuff like "dubul' ibhunu" makes this theory even more plausible. Also they are pointing at the boeren for their farms while the government has already 70% of the exploitable land and they could easily give every black person who wants to become a farmer a piece.
Also if the food supply and stockpiles that are now there by the boeren are going down the drain due hostile take-overs done by black Afrikaners who don't know the craft, the government will get more power. They can nationalize farming (allow farming only under the state license, so that everyone is working for the government) and sell it like a communistic nation or import the food and distribute it on the communistic way.
Nelson Mandela has been in jail for years due to Apartheid, became president and never tried to take revenge with that power. Now this generation is screwing up all his work.
I’m just glad to help.
Pit Row
Thank you Nicholas.
Kevin, that will go a long way. Thank you.
Thank you Kenneth.
Hope you're doing well and things are looking up for you brother.
I just got the green light a few days ago to start sitting back up in my wheelchair. Thank God. As mentioned before I've been bed-ridden since Jan 23rd. Couple surgeries from a wound on my ass. 15 min day 1, then add 15 min more each day after until a full day is complete. I've been in my wheelchair for 25 years & re-learning how to use it after this long has been FUCKING WEIRD lol. The light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter! Just hope it's not another fucking freight train 🤣
Keep your spirits high my friend. We're always around for each other. I've seen your name pop up in recent threads so it feels good knowing you're still around 😁
Pro, do you have a brother lives in Escondido?
TM
No brothers. Just a sister that lives near me.
Hey bud, we are still in the same shite here but I have realised that we need to just focus on the stuff we can control and fuck the rest.
Loads of people are experiencing various types of problems. Heck man, you have been through the ringer and you are still chin up and kicking ass. You are stronger than I am bud.
05h55 here, I'm in the office with our fat ginger cat on my desk having his morning milk. It's great coming in early. I avoid the traffic, I get to mess around with my social media and catch up on the news from around the world (I don't read our local news as its upsetting, so I stay away)
Work starts at 08h00, so from 07h00 - 08h00 I get to plan the day and get things organised so when the crew arrives everything is pretty much ready for them.
Moving on, I'm so happy to hear that you are making progress. Geezuz, you sure have had it rough, I can't imagine being bed - ridden for months. That's gotta suck. Time for you to really start building yourself back up. You got this.
As i mentioned elsewhere, there will be an Asylum Centre opening up in Cape Town soon, so for now I need to keep myself planted and just focus on work. We are blessed with loads of work so I'm hoping that the owner will allow us to put in some Saturdays and Sundays for the extra pay. (As a matter of interest, the TAX man is a greedy pig here, Why? If I work four Saturdays in a row, that's double time pay and it pushes me into a different Tax bracket and then three Sunday's worth pay lands in the Tax man's pocket. How's that for getting shafted..
Have you been following the SX? It's been good and I hope Tomac can find his form again. I want to see that boys slug it out for the Championship. I'm rooting for Kenny, he has been trying for years to get a SX title and always falls short. Hunter is also a good dude and this is his chance to wrap it up, If Tomac wakes up then its gonna be crazy.
Anyways, I'm gonna run now but will catch up with ya soon. Take care and cheers.
Just an FYI, I'd love to see KR94 win a Cship, I really believe this is his last chance ever to do that in SX. Hunter still has a long career left but he'll have a rough go of it in the future with Jett back and Deegs coming up. ET has had a stellar career and has nothing to look back at with remorse, strictly well earned respect. All that said, glad to hear your attitude and outlook have improved! What do they say? You only lose if you quit?
TM
Yup...I'm pulling for Roczen to bag this. It will be a Legendary championship if he pulls it off.
Fingers crossed 🤞
Me, too.
Put me on that list too.
I guess since he's become an actual U.S. citizen I can now be a fan... 😉
Post a reply to: Please help...