Men’s Mental Health Month

Just gotta find that little ray of sunshine in the smaller things from time to time. Ain’t easy but, sometimes the small victories add up. 

Y'all don't want to hear about my problems. 

You got my number. I’ll listen fucker. 😉

What would you do for the mental health of a friend in excellent shape who just had a stroke? I know he's angry (possibly over the air force forcing the vaccine on him to keep his job, and his current condition). Half his body is paralyzed and he can't speak. Seems to be coherent to what's going on. 40 years old and should not have had any health problems. Only a couple years away from retirement. Has a wife, but no kids.

Honestly I'm pissed off over it too. It's BS that it happened in my opinion, and I think it was caused by that which shalt not be named.

Every cases is different. A good friend who I’ve known many years had a stroke back in 07. 1/2 his face was paralyzed. One side of his body was pretty useless. Over time and, constant therapy, he slowly regained his normal functions. 
He worked up to cutting his grass for exercise, eventually, worked up to riding a bicycle after crashing a lot and, started riding street bikes again. His reaction times were decent on the street bike but, he didn’t have the confidence he once had so, he found another hobby.  It took about five years for him to regain most of what was lost. The only lingering thing is he now has to sleep with a c-pap (spelling?) machine to help him breathe at night. There is hope regardless of how nil the chances seem. My friend was 36 at the time of his stroke. 
 

Fact even if a guy has Extreme Serious violent condition. The state mental  health system is the biggest joke ever.  My mom will tell you being  in ww2 in Holland wasn’t nothing compared to it.  And she had to live under ground with my uncles , Grandma and another lady with 10 kids. They machine gunned kids at the end of the war.  We monitored every billionth of every second of every minute of every day. My Dutch grandpa was a pow   He feared my dad a lot more than the nazis. Hated guns but bought a pistol and kept it loaded if my dad ever went after him.  People hv no idea what the kids go through.  Massive beatings , ko,d dozens of times , kicked & fly 20+ yards, whipped with a cow strap & metal rod.  My eyes changed from not needing glasses to near sideded, then far, then bifocals .  Massive stress of being killed . I got a severe case of shingles at 9 yrs old. It got worse every yr . I knew he wanted to kill me & my mom. So at 9 I searched for his hidden 1960,s hunting knife   And waited under his bed to slit his throat. I thought every detail threw on what would happen afterwards.  After a few hrs I just put the knife away.  It’s always about the poor guy that can’t handle his shit. Usually it’s war vets ,which I don’t get . They kill millions more of civilians but fight a man & they hv problem. Shooting someone is about the easiest thing you could ever do, if you hv to. I expected a week apology & never got it.  I may hv wished bad carma on him. God never changed anything so I went with the Indian Gods. He got dementia in 19 & thought I was leading 100k solders across the farm, kept seeing me there , hearing me, etc. even tho I was 2,000 miles away.  It’s at the end of his life so it’s not that big of a deal.  I,m the only 1 that genuinely loves him and never lived in hate against him. I figured that out as a kid not to live in hate against anyone. . No one cares about you , the state doesn’t even care . Care about yourself because no one else does. Back down in Chicago new job again. My back was out for a few days not healed all the way. But money & boredom u got tu , haha Keep truckin 

In the past few years I've Gooled "Suicide Kits".....I refer to it as the Retirement Package.

Even though one tries to focus on the few good things that life brings, the shit stuff is simply to much of a burden. 

The struggle continues and I'm not alone with the way I often feel. Just gotta keep sucking it up.

Having seen your posts about the stuff going on in your world, I wish I could think of something awesome and supportive to say, but worry it would sound silly. 

But here goes,

It may be of little consolation, but watching someone endure what you are going through is inspirational.

It makes so many of the things we consider big actually look trivial in comparison.

I sincerely hope for good news for you and your family soon.

Eh, I give up. 
 

Boomslang, I call it, “Plan B”.

Your friend has every right to be angry, as do you. With that said, being angry takes alot of energy. And Stroke survivors don't have enough energy to waste on things that can not be changed. Ask me how I know. What can you do for your friend? I'm guessing your not a neurologist, physical therapist, or psychiatrist so that's out. What you can do is be the best friend you can be. Support him always but give him space when he needs it. You'll never understand what he's dealing with so don't beat yourself up Iif you don't know what to do. I've had many friends visit me and i can look at them and tell they are thinking so hard for something inspirational or wise to say but they don't know what to say. I will tell them there's nothing you can say, but I see you trying and that means alot. The fact that I mattered to people was infinitely more beneficial than any of the dozen antis they prescribed me.  Your friends recovery is totally in his hands. Therapists will give him exercises, but he's gotta do them, thousands of times and the progress will be slow and frustrating. He's gonna get down, waaaaaay down, but if you and his wife hang in there with him, he will come up again. I have a perfect circle scar in the dead center of my forehead. One day when I needed to feel something different than despair I hot boxed a Marlboro red and buried it in my forehead. It was that or tie a rope around my neck.  It felt so good I  did it again, then again, then again. I'm proud of that scar. It reminds me of how difficult my journey was and still is and how complex the brain is. So my man, just be a good human to your friend. I have lots more to share so if need be. Message me. 

Jon

Thanks, fellas.

It's a bitch!

Hey bud, I had no idea but your post is spot on and positive. Life can be cruel but we need to push on. Stay strong brutha.

Seems many in here will have TDS for the next 4 years. I think they have medication for that.

How do you define your made up "TDS" issue?  Is it defined as someone who doesn't blindly love everything a specific man does? That would be a functioning adult.  Maybe we can leave this thread to staying on the actual topic of mental health, that would be cool.

....and right on cue after your post.   You have a customer already..... 😂

I used to be a wonderful optimist, but life wore me down for a long time. I still understood that life is what you make it, but I couldn't bear to keep making it good when it didn't seem like my efforts were paying off. 
However, recently my luck turned around and I finally had some things to be happy about. With that, I was able to readjust my mindset and I'm uproariously happy most of the time. I feel like I just woke up from a bad dream. Life is never perfect, but  it's rarely all shit either. Most of time it's all about your attitude and perspective. If you have a lot of trouble, keep on keeping on, as Boom says. One day, it will probably get better. 

They say venting anger is helpful.

Any other tools you used to readjust your mindset aside from the luck?

I bet most people can relate to this.  It really is about mindset but you also have to allow yourself to be human, realize there will be tough times and you'll get through them.

Working out more (both indoors and outdoors), forcing myself to not work 7 days a week, spending more time with friends and family (acknowledging that family members are dump people just like me too), taking the time to set smaller goals that lead to larger goals, getting an espresso machine (sound dumb but my wife really love starting our day making coffee together), taking mushrooms from time to time, and really just forcing myself to think more positive thoughts when the less positive ones creep in.

Oh, and realizing we're here for a short time, so fuck wasting any time not trying to make it a good time.

Yes, I remembered to go back to positive affirmations. Early last year, I saw the factors aligning that were going to turn into all the good things that eventually did happen. I said to myself, "2024 is going to be a good year." A few weeks later, I said to myself, "2024 is going to be a GREAT year!" I kept reminding myself that good things were coming, and it largely made me forget about the speedbumps that inevitably pop up in life.

Today, even though I'm not looking at so many things lining up, I'm already telling myself, "2025 is going to be a FANTASTIC year!" And guess what? It will be. 

I’ve got the workout part down. I rarely ever miss sessions. Currently two heavy leg days, one upper, two days of rowing, one is intervals and the other a 10 k. Averaging 20 miles of running outside per week and 20k rowing. All of my cardio is nose breathing. Dabbled a little with mushrooms. I dig em. I microdose cannabis before bed. 

I own a small truck repair shop which comes with a ton of stress. I have a terrible habit of focusing on all the bad shit. Crap is always going wrong even though my techs or myself aren’t making any mistakes. It’s just really frustrating. Been seeing a therapist weekly since July 2023. Feel like its helped a little. I’m fairly intense but don’t seem to fly off the handle as easy anymore. 

Fuck dude, 20 miles a week running outside?! My knees are in pain just reading that. I'm do a few free weight sessions a week in the gym + 2 4-5 mile treadmill runs but bike riding is my jam. I try and hop on and knock out 5-10 miles every day around sunset. If it's a good day I am able to mark that as the end of the work day (I start around 6 in the morning) but even on the days I have more to do... at least I was outside, riding my bike, and seeing a sunset.

I feel ya on the stress. I too own my own small shop and the stress is exhausting. I made a big shift last year to cut out all my shitty clients because they were taking so much from me time and emotion wise it wasn't worth the money anymore. Easily the best thing I've done business wise.

Glad to hear you dig mushrooms! I've been a fan for a long time, and I'm not one to push anyone to try anything, but I couldn't recommend something more.

(and congrats on the therapy – another thing that you don't realize how good it feels till you try it)