Question for Maverick or OScottie

ProKawi24
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9/25/2019 9:34pm Edited Date/Time 10/24/2019 11:20am
Hey guys,
I know there are other guys in wheelchairs but you're the only 2 I really know of and chat with so this question is for you both and anyone else in a wheelchair.

1st - as you may know I'm a paraplegic.paralyzed from the waist-down. I broke my back during an arenacross race in 2001 when I was 12 yrs old. Had a fusion surgery with rods put in from T-3 to T-10 (I broke T-4,5,6,7,8,9, all burst fractures). I later had the hardware all removed and a 3rd surgery to remove scar tissue and blue shark stem cells implanted. Long story short...it's 2019 and I'm now 31 years old. I have a great job in real estate working at a corporate office. Boring but pays well. I'm engaged to a wonderful women, she's a paramedic in nursing school, I drive a pickup truck, I race R/C cars to get my racing/adrenaline fix, I pretty much live a very normal life. My only connection to MX is watching it on tv religiously and coming here to the forums to discuss it. If I walked again tomorrow the first thing I'd do is buy a new bike and go back to riding.

So now on to my question...when you guys dream at night, are you always walking?

Every single dream I've ever had since my accident, I'm always walking. It's weird though because at the start of the dream, I always look down at my legs and I think to myself "I know I'm paralyzed, I know I can't walk...but I can right now." and the dream goes on. I don't fret over it, I don't think any more about it. At least once every week I dream about my accident and I try to fix it. I try not to screw up on that jump. I try to fix my mistake and not allow the accident to happen again but every single time it happens again. Every other dream I have is just a normal dream but I'm always aware of that fact that in real life I can't walk. My fiance told me tonight that when she dreams and I'm in it, I'm always walking but with a serious limp. She always has to come help hold me up but I'm never in my chair. She said it's like I have a severely damaged leg and can't walk straight. I found that interesting. Also - I'm 6ft1 tall and she's 5'8 and she said I'm always much taller than her like I would be if I could actually stand.

I was talking to my fiance about it tonight because last night I had a very vivid dream that I never had before. It was minutes before my race and I remember telling my dad I can't race because it will paralyze me. He kept telling me not to think about getting hurt and to focus but I kept saying over and over this will paralyze me, I can't do it. We have to quit now. Instead of trying to "fix" my mistake, this was the first time I was willing to just stop completely and give up everything. My dad said "ok but we have to sell everything and you can never ride again" and it broke my heart but for once I felt like I finally fixed it.

That's when I suddenly woke up in bed and I was breathing super heavy and sweating really bad. I reached down to grab my legs and I couldn't feel my hand touching them and I couldn't move them so I just broke out in tears crying. For a moment I thought I went back in time and fixed it. When I woke up the reality hit me like a ton of bricks and I realized it really was just a dream.

Do you guys have dreams where you're walking or in your chair? Do you ever have dreams of your accident? I'm not the type to go to meetings or see a counselor (even though I tried once - hated it) so my fiance thinks I should reach out to you guys here. I don't typically consider myself someone with PTSD because throughout the day I never have any problems with it at all. My dreams are the only times it's ever an issue or effects me. Whenever I have a dream like the one from last night, it kind of messes with me for several days though. Just curious if you guys or anyone else in a wheelchair from MX has any input.
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ocscottie
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9/25/2019 10:10pm
Always walking, in 35 years i have had maybe 1 or 2 dreams i cant walk. In a lot of my riding dreams (which i freaking LOVE!!) i cant put my feet down, so i just rail every corner feet up lol Never have anything associated with my accident and my dreams are full on HD borderline iMAX films that are SO REAL i think they are really happening.

People always ask me that question and are surprised at my answer.
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ocscottie
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9/25/2019 10:14pm
...oh and in a lot of my skateboarding dreams, if im not skating, i have to sit down on my board. Thats about as close as i come in my dreams to being in a chair...Thank God! Maybe they are my escape 🤷‍♂️
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ProKawi24
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9/25/2019 10:26pm
Do you ever dream about your accident? Like it happens again and/or you try to fix it so you don't get hurt? For the last 18 years every single time I try to fix my mistake but this was the first time ever I was sitting on my bike at the starting line and willing to not even try. I was frantically telling my dad it will paralyze me and we have to quit now.

I've had countless dreams where I'm riding my bike, just like you. In that moment I actually think to myself "I know I'm paralyzed, I know I can't walk or ride anymore...but I can right now." so I keep riding and it's the closest to heaven I'll ever get until I die. The sound of the engine, the feeling of the bike under me, that infinite freedom...I actually think to myself "this is a dream, but don't blink..don't do anything to force you to wake up right now".

I sometimes hate talking about this because I don't want to put these thoughts in anyones head that they should stop riding because I know myself as a rider I wouldn't want to hear it. I've done nearly every drug there is but nothing ever compares to that feeling of railing a berm and soaring through the sky like a bird with that engine screaming.

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ocscottie
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9/25/2019 10:57pm
"Do you ever dream about your accident? Like it happens again and/or you try to fix it so you don't get hurt?"

Strangely...no i never, ever have had a dream about my actual accident. Im going to have to ask around on that one to my other friends and see where they fall.

That must be torture! If it helps to talk more about it, on the board or wherever, spill it bro! Im here for ya.
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The Shop

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9/26/2019 2:18am
I rarely remember my dreams and when I do it's never a good thing. For some reason there's always a death or someone getting hurt.

I don't recall ever dreaming of reliving my accident.

That said, when I do remember a dream, I'm always walking. My mom and brother have both told me that if they dream about me, I'm always walking.

I would say that you dreaming about "fixing it" is normal. I've rarely come across someone that has said they wouldn't change anything about their situation.

Like you, if I was able to get up and walk tomorrow morning, I'd get a new bike. A lot of people have a hard time understanding that one.
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ocscottie
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9/26/2019 2:36am
"Like you, if I was able to get up and walk tomorrow morning, I'd get a new bike. A lot of people have a hard time understanding that one."

I have said the exact same thing for so many years, and yea, a lot of people cant quite grasp that. Proof that we are pure moto down to our core.
jemcee
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9/27/2019 6:36am Edited Date/Time 9/27/2019 6:38am
I go back and forth on walking and not walking.. Sometimes I'm still paralyzed but am 'easily' swinging my legs under me and using them just good enough to either stand or kinda walk and I convince myself (in my dream) that it's easy and I just have to try it haha..
I had a dream just last night that I was surfing and kept getting caught by the sets (which used to freak me out) but yeah I was able bodied (well maybe, I never got to stand up so maybe not haha)

Weirdest thing for me is my most common dream is me doing every day things but trying to hide my boner haha

And yep would ride tomorrow

Edit: Oh and never dream about my accident but maybe that's cause I got knocked the fuck out and don't really remember much about the day
ProKawi24
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9/27/2019 3:21pm
jemcee wrote:
I go back and forth on walking and not walking.. Sometimes I'm still paralyzed but am 'easily' swinging my legs under me and using them just...
I go back and forth on walking and not walking.. Sometimes I'm still paralyzed but am 'easily' swinging my legs under me and using them just good enough to either stand or kinda walk and I convince myself (in my dream) that it's easy and I just have to try it haha..
I had a dream just last night that I was surfing and kept getting caught by the sets (which used to freak me out) but yeah I was able bodied (well maybe, I never got to stand up so maybe not haha)

Weirdest thing for me is my most common dream is me doing every day things but trying to hide my boner haha

And yep would ride tomorrow

Edit: Oh and never dream about my accident but maybe that's cause I got knocked the fuck out and don't really remember much about the day
haha I'd take a boner dream any day over the ones I have. That's crazy dude.

To your last sentence...maybe that's a reason why I have the dreams I do because I was never knocked out. I was fully conscious the whole time. You guys remember the arenacross "catapult" finish double? I jumped it like I had done a hundred times but this once I was trying to hold off a block pass so I kept full throttle around the outside a little too long and over-cleared the landing. I totally pancaked the landing so I held the throttle wide open to soften the hit. I kept it wide open heading into the upcoming right handed turn but when I went to shut it off the damn thing stuck. The throttle casing cracked and got jammed wide open from the hard landing. By the time I pulled in my clutch and hit the brakes it was too late. It sent me straight up the berm, over the safety net and like being shot out of a cannon I was sent flying into the cement wall. I hit it a good 15 feet up, like a bug on a windshield and fell down to the ground. I had a serious concussion and my helmet cracked but I was never knocked out and I remember every second.

Every time in my dreams I try to do something different but the results are always the same. You may ask, "why not just single the double and not jump it?" believe me I ask myself that every time but during the dream that thought never occurs to me.

Also - like you guys were saying, every dream I'm always walking but it's usually with a severe limp or my legs feel heavy or no feeling at all. But not once in 18 years have I ever had a dream where I'm in my chair. Crazy.
jemcee
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9/27/2019 4:33pm
Like Scottie said that must be horrible to relive it like that..

I'm not a therapist but I'd suggest there's an underlying issue deep in your subconscious that you need to confront or fix (to stop the dreams that is)

I'd also be interested to know if you have another dream about 'fixing it' after that last one you had! Cause it kinda sounds like you had a bit of closure (again I'm not a therapist haha)
ocscottie
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9/29/2019 7:10am
Well fuck me running! Had a long ass reply typed, went to let the dog out and when i got out of my chair i sat on my mouse and it closed the browser LOL Fucking gimp shit!!

...guess thats what i get for having yet another sleepless night. Blink
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9/29/2019 8:40am Edited Date/Time 9/29/2019 9:53am
ocscottie wrote:
Well fuck me running! Had a long ass reply typed, went to let the dog out and when i got out of my chair i sat...
Well fuck me running! Had a long ass reply typed, went to let the dog out and when i got out of my chair i sat on my mouse and it closed the browser LOL Fucking gimp shit!!

...guess thats what i get for having yet another sleepless night. Blink
Right click, reopen last tab, your text should still be there.

Edit: Just saw you closed the browser and not the tab. Open a new one, check recent tabs, open the page. Might still be there.
ProKawi24
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10/17/2019 3:05am
Luckily I haven't had the dreams for about 2 weeks but now it's 3am and I'm up because stomach issues and I have to be at work in 5 hours. Luckily they just recently set me up with a home office so I can spend a few days each month at home working whenever I have bowel/bladder issues happen but this shit still sucks. Literally lol. Sorry to paint a bad image but I'm sure you guys know what I'm going through. People don't realize just being in the chair is only half the battle we face. Dealing with bowel/bladder incontinence or infections plays a daily role. I never opted to have the bags attached to me just because. Even just getting in and out of my truck and breaking down/putting together my chair to go anywhere is a pain in the ass. Maybe someday I'll be able to just work from home most of the time.
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ocscottie
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10/17/2019 6:35am
ProKawi24 wrote:
Luckily I haven't had the dreams for about 2 weeks but now it's 3am and I'm up because stomach issues and I have to be at...
Luckily I haven't had the dreams for about 2 weeks but now it's 3am and I'm up because stomach issues and I have to be at work in 5 hours. Luckily they just recently set me up with a home office so I can spend a few days each month at home working whenever I have bowel/bladder issues happen but this shit still sucks. Literally lol. Sorry to paint a bad image but I'm sure you guys know what I'm going through. People don't realize just being in the chair is only half the battle we face. Dealing with bowel/bladder incontinence or infections plays a daily role. I never opted to have the bags attached to me just because. Even just getting in and out of my truck and breaking down/putting together my chair to go anywhere is a pain in the ass. Maybe someday I'll be able to just work from home most of the time.
Man you hit the nail on the head, being in a chair / not walking is by far the least of our problems! I recently started taking cranberry pills, they really seem to help my bladder. Something you might want to look into, got them on Amazon HERE is the link.

Had a doc appointment yesterday, very proud to say that i have lost almost 25 pounds since being in the hospital (in 4 months) Part KETO diet and partly just watching what i eat. Im stoked, i was really getting big there for awhile, was 178 and my heaviest! Still have at least another 10lbs to go. I want to get down to at least 145.

What do you for work? Very cool that you can now do some of it from home and that they are accommodating like that. Do you take fiber capsules? Those really help me a ton with the whole bowel care deal. Though i still fucking HATE IT! Angry

Hope you feel better and check into those cranberry pills, they seem to work good for me.
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ProKawi24
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10/17/2019 12:46pm
ocscottie wrote:
Man you hit the nail on the head, being in a chair / not walking is by far the least of our problems! I recently started...
Man you hit the nail on the head, being in a chair / not walking is by far the least of our problems! I recently started taking cranberry pills, they really seem to help my bladder. Something you might want to look into, got them on Amazon HERE is the link.

Had a doc appointment yesterday, very proud to say that i have lost almost 25 pounds since being in the hospital (in 4 months) Part KETO diet and partly just watching what i eat. Im stoked, i was really getting big there for awhile, was 178 and my heaviest! Still have at least another 10lbs to go. I want to get down to at least 145.

What do you for work? Very cool that you can now do some of it from home and that they are accommodating like that. Do you take fiber capsules? Those really help me a ton with the whole bowel care deal. Though i still fucking HATE IT! Angry

Hope you feel better and check into those cranberry pills, they seem to work good for me.
I used to take cranberry pills, probably should get back on that. I used to get UTI's every 3-6 months but after switching to a different type of catheter I haven't had one in nearly 2 years. I had to have a bladder stone surgically removed about 3 years ago and I heard cranberry pills help prevent it. I've never taken Fiber pills - how do they help you? I tried probiotics for a month and didn't notice any difference. Usually I can sort of anticipate when to be on alert like after a night of heavy drinking or eating junk/fast food lol. last night came out of nowhere - no drinking since Saturday, all normal healthy food, stomach wasn't upset or hurting, no idea why it happened.

Good job on getting the weight down dude! Less stress on the shoulders pushing the chair and lifting in/out of bed, shower, etc. I wish I was as small as you, I last clocked in at 195 but I'm also 6'1. Still is a lot of weight to be pushing & lifting. I used to workout to stay more agile and fit but my shoulders are already so tore up it seems to do more damage. Best thing we can do is be careful with diet to make the biggest difference.

For work I'm a real estate back office employee. Basically, when you go to buy or refinance a home, you would send me all of your documentation and I work with an Underwriter on getting you approved and completing the loan. Different from a Mortgage officer - they sell you the loan, I just process it. I had to fight to get a home office setup, only after getting a Dr note and visiting my HR dept did they finally have to cave in. It's only for 3-5 days a month to work from home but that's a huge help for me. I wish it was everyday but I don't want to push for too much too soon, still trying to work my way up the ladder.
ocscottie
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10/23/2019 8:13am
I had the best fucking riding dream this morning! then one of our dogs had to fuck it up and start barking and wake me up, i wanted to kill her! It was so good though, so real i can remember every little detail, i couldnt grab a tear off for some reason and was riding practically blind for a whole straight and 2 corners, but just kept it pinned WFO and passed into the lead and finally picked a tear off....fuck it was SO REAL! There was this "wall" jump, they had dug it out with a tractor, everyone was breaking hard and going right up the middle and i just held it wide open and scrubbed the side of the wall, like we use to in MCM2....dammit i want back in that dream!
10/23/2019 9:22am
You would think within 10 years there might be some sort of breakthrough stem cell technology that will have you guys walking again. I sure hope so. With technology advancing at an exponential rate it could very well happen.

By then, all three of you will probably need to pick your favorite color electric bikes.

If you guys could walk tomorrow, what is the first thing you would do?
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ocscottie
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10/23/2019 9:25am
If you guys could walk tomorrow, what is the first thing you would do?

Drive to my brothers house and go ride with him and my best bro Craig.
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10/23/2019 9:26am
ocscottie wrote:
[i]If you guys could walk tomorrow, what is the first thing you would do?[/i] Drive to my brothers house and go ride with him and my...
If you guys could walk tomorrow, what is the first thing you would do?

Drive to my brothers house and go ride with him and my best bro Craig.
What bike would you be firing up for your first laps back in the saddle?
ocscottie
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10/23/2019 9:29am
What bike would you be firing up for your first laps back in the saddle?
Probably my brothers '17 YZ250.

This is my best friends Craigs house, he was with me when i got hurt.


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-MAVERICK-
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10/23/2019 9:57am Edited Date/Time 10/23/2019 9:58am
"If you guys could walk tomorrow, what is the first thing you would do?"

Go down to the dealership and pick up a KTM 250SX. Still a little bit of time left before the tracks close down for winter.

Edit: Not going electric. Fuck that!
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Uncle Tony
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10/23/2019 5:04pm
-MAVERICK- wrote:
[i]"If you guys could walk tomorrow, what is the first thing you would do?"[/i] Go down to the dealership and pick up a KTM 250SX. Still...
"If you guys could walk tomorrow, what is the first thing you would do?"

Go down to the dealership and pick up a KTM 250SX. Still a little bit of time left before the tracks close down for winter.

Edit: Not going electric. Fuck that!
No electric MAV!!! I hear ya
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-MAVERICK-
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10/23/2019 6:56pm
Uncle Tony wrote:
No electric MAV!!! I hear ya
Don't get me wrong, I don't mind the electric bikes. They're without a doubt the future but they're just not for me.

I like the premix bikes and I actually liked working on my bikes. Being in the garage with my brother and just shooting the shit, nothing better. Plugging it into an outlet is not my idea of wrenching on a bike.

To each their own.

Two wheels is better than no wheels.
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ProKawi24
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10/24/2019 11:20am
If you guys could walk tomorrow, what is the first thing you would do?

I would get me a early 00's Kawasaki KX125, drive down to Pro Circuit and get the engine mods/suspension done and a Team Kawasaki/Pro Circuit/Splitfire graphics kit from 99-00. Basically replicating the 85 & Supermini I last raced. I told Mitch when I got hurt the only way I was coming back to the shop is if I walked back in.

I think the 1 and only thing that would keep me from riding if I walked again is if everything went totally electric. Without the scream of a 2 stroke under me it just wouldn't feel right.
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