Please pray for my mum…

Been a few days since I saw an update. I hope that everything's going really well and You are enjoying the company of Your Mum. 

I used to feel like when I posted about a good thing happening, a string of bad ones followed and sometimes held off on posting for a while as a result .  It can be a rollercoaster ride and can suck at times. I really hope that things are going really well and that's the only reason for a lack of posts. 

A glass of red.

Nice.

French wine? 🤣

She looks so good in that pic! really happy and relaxed .  Glad to hear everything's going well! And moving in the right direction.   My mom used to like  some cheap strawberry wine. Boons farm strawberry wine. Other than a beer here and there that was the only thing she ever drank as far as alcohol . We had asked my Mom's nurse and Dr. if it would be ok for her to have some of it, and they said it would be fine to have a glass. But my mom decided she didn't want any.  I think it might have been 20 years ago the last time she had some of her own .  She had some positive memory's  from the 60's when she was in California  in a park with her friends listening to live bands she was friends with.  

Glad to see Your mum is getting to have some of her wine . Hope she enjoys it. Those photos remind me of when I was helping my Mum wash her hair and she asked me for a photo of her hair. I had made my hair all wild and all over the place. So we had matching hair , and she told me I looked like a "frizzy rat"  and then laughed and smiled . My hair was the longest its been in years, and I had decent sized beard going. So I  was pretty frizzy.

 I was working on restoring some old photos of hers today and its wild how much my younger sister looks like my mom did when she was her age.  I worked a little photoshop magic on one of me as a kid. Gave myself one of those signs that kids hold on the first day of school.  There was a rip across the one of my Mum. I still think I need to fix some of it where the rip was. But it looks so much better. And I used photoshop to add color to what was a black and white photo.      

My Mum also used to cut hair for my dad and me. my sisters would get a little trim here and there but they moved on to hair dressers. My Mum was cutting my hair up until a few years ago. The first time she used clippers resulted in some short hair and  tender skin.  She was moving them so quickly that it was also pulling hair out. She clipped  the tip of my ear onetime and it was bleeding pretty good. And she felt so bad. But we laughed about it. Up until that point she was always joking about how she was going to cut my ears off.    And she was always trying something different. and at the end would often say " well You wear a hat anyway" Some bad hair cuts , some good ones. But some  great memories. 

 Thanks for the compliments on my Mum. She used to hate having her photo taken so we do not have a lot of photos of just her. A lot of them with her and other people. I'm glad she eventually warmed up to allowing me to take photos. And videos.   

 Glad to hear You are all having fun and things are going well.  Hair grows back, and You have a story that will last forever.   

Just stopped by to see how things were going. Hope all is well and Your Mum is looking forward to SMX . 

I also wanted to say to not be too hard on yourself if You make a mistake here or there.  I held myself to an impossible standard , and would do it again. But its unhealthy and can stress family relationships.  Try and cut family members some slack as You all are dealing with things in your own ways. and learning how to deal with them better as You go.  Just keep trying and doing Your best, don't be too hard on Yourself  and keep up the great work! 

I know that it can be a rollercoaster of emotions , ride those highs  and keep focused on making today better than yesterday. But not be hard on Yourself if it isn't. Everybody will make mistakes when they are trying their hardest to do something. Its just unavoidable. Do what You need to do, to be able to know Your giving her the best shot at recovery, and helping her enjoy herself no matter what.  

 Post when You can, You have support if You need it. I'm still praying and sending positive thoughts her and Your ways.  And thank You so much for doing what You are doing for Your Mum, I know the sacrifices I made, and I imagine You have made many yourself. It is all worth it. And in the long run, You will be glad You are doing what You are doing.

You have taken on a lot in a short period of time. 

The only thing I can say is that I hope you can somehow be able to take a step back and have clarity of mind.

By that I mean you will be able to objectively see the path you have recently traveled and...the path ahead.

It is hard to separate ourselves from our emotions,  but do your best to plan a path forward with reasonable expectations. 

Don't be afraid to "burden " your sister with helping take of mum.

It is just as much her blessing as yours. This is actually a great family moment to include her kids in helping mum.

It used to be a household had 3 generations and that was normal. But we have been sanitized from witnessing death.

Sorry...just...you know, feeling like I came up short advocating for mom recently 

Hey Ezza, things with mom are really looking up. The glass of paint peeling Aussie red goat piss had me in stitches.

Some of the best wines in the world come out of the Cape Winelands here.

Don't be too hard on yourself.  I sacrificed a lot to do what I did for my mum and I still have feelings that I really should have done more, or done other things sooner. Or not made mistakes I made, the list goes on and on. 

 I spent many years by my mums side, sleeping on a recliner and unable to do much more than help her, eat and sleep. Trying to get work done at my shop to keep it going. I sacrificed a ton, and did everything I could think of at he time. And tried so hard to be perfect. And I have those thoughts of regret, feeling I let my Mum or Dad down. 

We are all human and nobody is perfect, I think its just a result of caring for somebody so much , that You feel like You should be doing more no matter how much you are able to do.  I know a little about your situation , just what you have posted on here. So not a lot. But You have done what you could to make sure your mother was in the best place she could be for her safety and health. And the health and safety of Yourself .  Be there for her now if that is still possible. and if not, ask yourself this question.  Is there anything at all that Your mother did or didn't do that you would still be upset about of hold against her. And if things were reversed, would You want her feeling the way You are over whatever You are worried about? 

 For me, I know there is nothing that's happened to me in my life that I would hold against my mum, if I found out she had been the cause . And I would never want her to feel bad about doing or not doing, saying or not saying anything.  I know that I feel this way because of how much I care for my mum. And I know she cares even more than I could ever imagine about all of the people she loves, especially her kids. So I know that she wouldn't want me to feel regret .  That helps me stop the feelings of regret , and I think its really true no matter how much or how little you feel You have done for a loved one. Its just always going to feel that way because of how much You care.  You will always have wanted to have done more. But in the end we can all only do as much as we have done.  

Came up short advocating for mom this week.  Made some assumptions that didn't happen.  I should have been on the phone with folks in charge to see that my concerns were being addressed. Now I know.

Labor day on Monday so first thing Tuesday I will make a phone call or two.

Have a plan, look forward and act on the plan making adjustments along the way.

Thats a great chair ! Your mum looks like she also has longer legs like my mum and she was not comfortable in regular wheelchairs as a result.  I tried all kinds of foot and leg rest combos. And was looking into chairs like that just before she started to have the really rough period near the end. 

My mum would also get sad about being unable to do stuff. I tried to find new ways for her to do stuff. And kept reminding her that the sadness was also a good thing because it meant that she still had the desire to do those things again, and to get better and do the work to get back to doing those things.  It is a good sign in a way, even as hard as it is to see her upset.  Its when she stops caring and stops wanting to get better that is a bad sign.  I wish I could be more of a help in that department . I did what Your doing as far as reminding her of how far she's come , etc. Other than that I would try and find new ways of doing those things  that could take her mind off of the things she couldn't do. Refocus onto things she can do. Sometimes even doubting myself helped her give me a pep talk and helped her feel better. Something that I didn't expect the first time it happened.

 Don't worry about making your posts too much  about you.  I know the stress I went through on the bad days. And the unnecessary BS I had to deal with that got me fired up. Stuff that really opened my eyes and showed me who people really were. You will have bad days, somedays You may feel like you can not do it.  I know from pushing through, that its worth the bad days so that I was there for the good times. Sometimes  there might have been a week or 2 that my Mum was having a rough time. And then randomly she would be feeling better and want to have a late-night chat at 3am. And I was there for it and many other great  memories  that may have only been a big smile one day. Or a squeeze of my hand, a hug, or a 3 hour conversation. Minutes , or days, a week or few seconds.  If I had not toughed it out through those bad times I would also not have been there for those great moments.

 Sounds like Your buddy is also going through some tough times of his own.  Tough times can be like pain in that the worst pain you have ever felt is still your personal worst , even if somebody else has had pain 20 or 1000 times as bad. Hopefully You will both be able to talk and move past the recent arguments. recognize that You both are going through your own battles. 

One of my sisters  was hit in the eye with broken glass as a kid that was shot from a lawnmower and she lost an eye. another sister lost her hearing on her 5th birthday due to complications from chickenpox. I had my own injuries and  flatlined and saw the light  during surgery  . And I used to think that my sister who had not really had any major injuries was being a bit silly about a sore foot or wrist, whatever it was , and I realized that it was still the worst thing she had experienced. And I started to think about how I used to think my previous injury was bad , but it just happened to be the worst up until that point. And how mentally , there is just so much that You can be stressed and so much pain that You can feel. And the worst experience for somebody is still their worst experience. That's how I started not letting it bother me so much when stuff like that happens.

 The idea of having Your sister and her kids come buy to give You a break that was posted above sounds great.  Even if its not a full on break. There were certain things my mum only would let me help her with. So I wasn't able to take very long breaks.  But even 15 minutes, or so just giving yourself some time to do whatever thing you might think will help you relax is a bigger help than You may think!  My mum loved being around my sisters kids and watching them be kids. The youngest ones (4-8 years old) were  more open to interacting and helping with her. While the older kids 12-15) were uncomfortable with helping.  But the energy of the visits was always a boost for her.  It may help your mum too. 

 But like I've been saying from the start, be kind to yourself, make some time for yourself .  I  didn't think I needed to hear those things myself. But when I did take a little time for a quick lap on my MTB around the trail behind my shop, or playing with a camera in the backyard . Just anything that could take my mind off of the giant task of helping my mum was a help for me. And that boost in my mood gave my mum a boost too. We were so close, but little breaks still helped us both. The little breaks will help you be able to be clear headed to deal with the stresses  that arise. 

  Don't be a stranger, if You need to talk, or just vent. send me a PM .  I used to go out into the woods and record a video to vent. It felt good to get stuff out and filming it made it feel like I was talking to somebody. Even if the video is never seen.  Or of course posting on here is a great outlet too. Don't feel bad about feeling bad. You are doing something not a lot of people do, and it can be both the hardest and easiest thing you have ever done. So don't worry about having some bad days here and there. Try hard to move on and learn from the rough times and not get too stuck on them.  Helping yourself , helps your mother out too. Seeing You happy and relaxed can help her feel better too.

 A quote I heard that really hit me. I don't know who said it. It was a random thing somebody said on a video.

 Keeping your mind healthy, helps you keep your life.  

Did much better for mom today. Met with her dr that i really like..  She fell a couple times this weekend as she is getting edema buildup in her legs.

I got her off blood pressure meds last Thursday,  got a urine test also and she has a UTI, which explains her goofy behavior,  got her diarretic upped for 2 weeks to hopefully get her legs drained. 

So, a plan is in place for the next 2 weeks. Her oxygen levels have been low and are worse now. Mom doesn't want supplemental oxygen as she has stated repeatedly she is ready to die.

So the next move will be hospice, not sure when. Moms breathing will probably determine 

Im exhausted friends but...charge on.

I'm sorry to hear that about Your mom.  UTI's really impact older people hard. Maybe things will look up after that is taken care of? With my Mom she was just unable to drink enough fluids and that was a big part in her having trouble getting rid of the stubborn UTI she had. 

  Unfortunately every bodies time comes someday. I'm glad that You were able to get some things sorted out.   Try to be there with her as much as You can.  It was really hard for me to be there and be the person giving my mother the meds( since she was at home I had to handle the daily meds and the way the timing worked out handle her last dose of pain meds)  that would ultimately help her drift off very peacefully.  Just do your best , and I truly am so sorry that Your going through this.   

 If she's ever had any reactions to meds make sure they know what she can and can not take so that they are able to make her comfortable and help her have a peaceful transition when that time comes. In my experiences with Hospice , it was great for my mom and they were great with my dad but my Mom was handling most of that stuff when he was on hospice. They did a lot to keep her in as good of a mood as possible and kept her feeling better. A lot of the annoying red tape goes away with hospice and new meds are faster to get, or meds that are not helping easier to get stopped , no intrusive testing, etc. There is a major focus on comfort. Unfortunately they will be asking some of the tough questions like funeral arrangements and lots of end of life questions that are not pleasant to have to think about when You go through the intake process.  Stay strong and  I am only a PM away if there is any questions or anything You think I may be able to help with. Or anybody that is in a similar situation. Even to just vent. No judgement . 

   I know its obvious, but read through whatever your signing and or make sure your mum or whoever in the family is her heath proxy understands what they are signing .