I need help or advice?

Guys I really need some insight. I just can't shake something.

8 years ago I met this girl at work. I was just coming out of a marriage and started flirting with the receptionist at work. Next thing I know we are dating. I was about 32 at the time and she was 22 so pretty young.

I noticed when we first started dating she was very jealous and controlling-always getting mad at me for stuff that I wasn't doing. Just a lot of red flags and very immature but I rode it out.

We moved pretty fast and she moved in eventually. She would leave me about every month over something and then come back. It got pretty old but I rode it out.

Then we got engaged. She even went and picked out the ring and said I have a ring at the store so completely ruined the element of surprise. We talked about it but I really didn't expect her to do it like that.

Then one day I came home and she said she was pregnant. I was happy. We were going through some rough patches because she was always leaving me and telling me she didn't love me and then would come back. I was hesitant to marry her and then she threw a guilt trip and said, "I don't need you-I will raise this kid on my own-my mom did it. I don't need you".

I said, that's not it I'm just scared. Anyways, we ended up going to the courthouse and getting married so we could get her on my insurance asap.

So I went to every pregnancy appt with her and then we had our little one. Things were pretty good. Once she was pregnant she was snoring a lot so I went downstairs and slept. Then once the baby was born she would stay downstairs and I slept upstairs. Fast forward 2 years later and we still weren't sleeping in same bed or have had sex at all for 2 1/2 years.

She was very bossy and controlling and just a bitch. She would tell me what to do-get mad at me for everything, threaten to leave all the time. It just sucked.

Then one day we had a birthday party at our house for her nephew who is the same age as our daughter. Our daughter wasn't feeling good so my wife took her to the doctor and her mom went with her straight from the party. I said, I will stay here and clean up. She called me about 30 minutes later and said I forgot her food can you bring it. I said just feed her when she gets home, she will be fine. She said, "Do you want your fucking daughter to starve to death?" So I took the food. When I dropped it off she had a pissed off look on her face so I just came back home.

She walks in the door an hour later without my kid with a pissed off look on her face and I was like where is Haley. She said, I can't do this anymore, I'm done. I'm like what the fuck are you talking about. She said I saw other families at the doctors office and you didn't come and just other stuff. I said you are divorcing me over me not going to the doctor with you? I said just get your shit and leave then-you leave me all the time. Then the next day she treats me like a complete stranger like we never met and of course the divorce went through pretty quick after that.

The thing that bothers me is that if anybody should of left it should of been me. I can't figure out why she would walk away from all this. I make great money, I gave her anything she wanted. We had a family together. Now she lives at home with her mom in a small room. We split time 50/50 with our daughter so she doesn't get to see her everyday. She gets shitload of money a month from me for child support. I just don't get it.

The biggest problem I am having getting over is feeling like why doesn't she love me? Like what is wrong with me. It completely killed my self-confidence that she would rather live the way she is living than try and make it work with me. I mean am I really that bad. I'm not a bad looking guy and I have a lot to offer. I mean sure the marriage sucked the last few years and we had no romance or anything but we were in a rut and just had a kid. I surely didn't expect a divorce. I got to the point where I couldn't stand to be around her anymore and would come home and just go downstairs but I was willing to give it time and see. I didn't want to get a divorce.

Now we get along ok. She still acts very cold towards me. I gave everything to this girl and she treats me like shit and I don't know why. It's like she has no feelings at all. She more sympathizes towards me than anything and that makes it even worse. I would love to have my family back but I know it's not going to happen. I just don't understand why she doesn't have any feelings for me. Is it because she's just a cold hearted bitch? I really don't know. I just know looking back she had a pattern of leaving, never saying sorry, being very bossy and controlling. I mean I know I'm better off but it's just the insecurity of it all. I just don't get people like her that are so cold. Now we are both alone and our daughter has no family. It sucks and I can't figure out why she is the way she is. Any help to help me get over this shit. It drives me nuts. I think if I was the one to leave like I did with other relationships in the past it would be easier but this time I was the one that got left and I've never felt that.

I honestly don't know why I just can't get over her. I honestly think she is one of the meanest, most self centered, self-righteous, cold hearted person I have ever met. When you think of a bitch you think of her. Like I just can't stand her sometimes. She's just so fucking mean and honestly just such a bitch and I hate saying that but she really is. I honestly don't know how I put up with being treated like that. I never been treated like that and it honestly just kind of ruins my self-confidence because it's so new to me. The fact that she is that bad and I still can't get over it is what bugs me. Maybe it's because I was dumped and it's an ego thing. That's the only thing I can think of because I just want to tell her to her face that you are one of the biggest bitches I have ever met in my life but yet I keep being nice to her and she keeps treating me like dirt for no reason at all. That to me just makes her a bad fucking person. What am I missing here?