Posts
289
Joined
2/20/2011
Location
TN
US
Edited Date/Time
10/24/2015 12:36am
So how did you know when it was time to pull the plug? We have been married for 15 yrs, together for 17 yrs and have an 11 yr old daughter. I'm so far down her priority list it isn't funny. I'm just tired of the feeling like I don't matter. She doesn't seem to appreciate anything I do and she doesn't put any effort into our marriage. For example, when she goes out of town for work, I will hide a letter in her suitcase - sometimes she will say something about it, sometimes she won't, but she would never do something like that for me. I regularly send her long texts telling her how I feel about her and how beautiful she is to me - sometimes she will respond with a quick "I love you too", but a lot of times she won't respond at all. If there is anything in our relationship that is emotional, it is instigated by me. For her to send me a message saying she loves me without being prompted is very rare. I try to feed her emotionally, but she does nothing in return, and I'm basically emotionally empty at this point. She just seems very disengaged and has been for years. We get along good for the most part. Am I just expecting too much? Before anyone says to try talking to her about it, I have in the past - pretty much everything is my fault - she is the type that won't take responsibility for anything. Sorry for rambling.....just needed to get it off my chest.
I suggest you find a private councilor in your area and take this conversation there.
Here you might will get a myriad of responses that are.........
Where there is smoke (suspicion) a fire very well might start.
What is your relationship with your daughter vs. what is the relationship your daughter has with here mother.
Again seek professional guidance.
I've been married twice .......it is a two way street.
One man's opinion, but I tend to err on the harsh side when it comes to relationships.
The Shop
If it does end at some point, nearly everyone I know that has tried internet dating has had fairly good luck with it.
I hope things improve for you.
Is she old enough to be menopausal?
If it is worth saving, seek counseling. Whatever it is, you need to talk to your wife.
The problems you have with your wife you will find just as irritating issues with another one.
My point is, tell her how you feel, to her everything may be peachy and all good and she may have no idea you're unhappy. Or she could be like I was and is blaming something on you. If she is willing to change, you better ask her how you need to change also. Marriage counseling to me is a scam, seek help from wise older people who are living it.
Remember, the grass is greener where you water it.
Find things that make you happy. If your wife is okay with those things, chances are you have a great companion and partner in life. If not, then perhaps it's not such a great arrangement after all.
Pit Row
P
Half the battle is getting both of you to sit down with a third party. Emotionally empty can't be a good feeling, you guys need to talk with someone that can try to set you straight.
My first ex pulled the plug. That one was a starter marriage.
I pulled the plug the second time around. On that one, she kept sabotaging us financially, and I finally couldn't take it any more. For example, we live in So. Cal. On weekends I was gone, she'd do things like go stay at the Chateau Marmont...which was less than an hour drive from where we lived.
personally i've been trying to figure out how to care "less" than i do about my current girlfriend. not because i don't want it to work out, because i do want it to work out, but because sometimes i realize i'm being way too needy and need a kick in the ass to snap out of it.
i had a long term gf cheat on me and i found out about it 8 months after. looking back and looking at the timeline of events, it was after she cheated, it seemed like she just stopped trying and caring. i was still trying but it was a one-way street. unfortunately, i caught on to how she was acting and did a little investigating. something you never want to learn and i had to go through it first hand. for the OP's sake, i hope that's not the case but it sounds all too familiar.
best of luck man, sincerely
We tend to look at the word "needy" as derogatory, and that isn't always the case. In this case, it merely sounds like he needs a higher level of attention than she seems to give. Her level may be simply her natural tendency, or it may be a sign that she has no interest in the relationship. Hopefully it's the former, but the overall issue is that his happiness is dependent on her giving him more attention, which is pretty much the definition of "needy". Chances are we've all been in relationships where we are the needy partner, and also in some where we've been the "withholder".
Usually it seems like the tables are turned, and most of the time it seems like the female is the needy one in the relationship, but this example shows that isn't the case. But the stereotype on this issue sure seems to back up my 50 years of anecdotal experiences.....
I remember once when my wife said something about me not surprising her with little things around the house and I nearly blurted out that she must have missed that I'd fixed the vacuum cleaner, bought her a new kitchen faucet and installed it, pruned her rose bushes for her, and changed the oil on her car. Thankfully I caught myself, and realized that the little things that I thought of as doing things to show her how much I appreciate her weren't the types of little things that she was talking about!
I think in most relationships this little picture sums up the usual levels of "needy" between the genders.
http://www.thefederalistpapers.org/us/woman-realizes-that-shes-been-acc…
Has she been gone for hours at a time?
Maybe you should just ask her?
But yes getting the cold shoulder like that is no way to live.
Something has to give and if you can't get her into counseling or talk with someone together, I'd say pull the plug, although that is easy for me to say from here.
The daughter is what makes it really difficult for you.
Good Luck
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