My Dad's dying

Related:
Create New Tag

2/21/2013 6:51 PM
Edited Date/Time: 2/21/2013 6:54 PM

I don't know what made me want to express this on here to a bunch of strangers. I guess it's a way to kind of vent to people removed from the situation.

My Dad was diagnosed with Stage 4 kidney cancer 6 months ago. Went to the doctor for back pain, left with a diagnose after a cat scan. Got his kidney removed a few days later.

Went to MD anderson a few months later for more information. Got started on a few meds and was told his prognosis wasn't very good.

Things have been getting worse this past week. Went in for a scan yesterday. Cancer is all over. It's all over his liver, his intestines, ribs, shoulder, and more.

Doctor said he has about a month or two left.

We went over to the house tonight and as you can guess everybody is a mess especially my Mom. I really don't know how to handle it. It all feels like a dream to me. I am sitting her writing this knowing that he probably won't be around next month.

On top of that we run a family car dealership. We have to rush to get the business transferred over to me and my siblings in the next week. Not only was I recently divorced, have joint custody of a 2 year old daughter, have the pressure of trying to run a large car dealership when I'm in way over my head, have been battling sinus problems which are making me ill for several months and then I have to try and deal with the loss of my Dad also. I think the stress is completely overwhelming.

How do I possibly deal with something like this?

|

2/21/2013 7:18 PM

Sorry to hear about your dad but it sounds like he has done pretty well for himself and your family. Keep your head up and run with it. One day at a time and hopefully there are some key people within the dealership that will help keep things running smooth through the transition.

|

2/21/2013 7:18 PM

I wish I could give you the answer to that brother. Luckily I haven't had to deal with that yet but I know the day is coming. My dad had to have part of his colon removed but so far so good on that. Be strong for your family and take care of that daughter. Very sorry to hear this and even though you don't know any of us we're here for you.

|

2/21/2013 7:18 PM

Damn Boyd, that is really heavy bro. Im wishing you and your entire family all the best...i cant even begin to fathom what that is like and how hard it is, that is a day that i dread ever having to face, stay strong man, i really feel for ya especially your mom. Kinda puts into perspective how petty the bullshit my family is going through right now.

"How do I possibly deal with something like this?"

No easy answer there man, support your momma the best you can and do whatever you can to make the time your pop has left and best you can.

I know that there are no words typed on a screen that can even come close to help ease the pain in a time like this...but you and your family are in all our thoughts and prayers.

Stay strong dude!!

|

-OC
"Feed The Bull"
Twitter: @ocscottie | Facebook

2/21/2013 7:21 PM

Man I'm sorry to hear about your dad! I lost my dad a year ago due to Alzheimer's. There are some excellent people that work for hospice groups that can help tremendously in situations like this.

Hopefully you have some team members at work that can help on the business end. You would probably be surprised at how supportive they will be. How's your dad's mindset?

I'm so sorry you have been dealt these cards.

|

Good sense is easier to have than use

2/21/2013 7:48 PM

My Dad's mood was ok tonight. It's just going to get worse though and I think he has come to grips that he doesn't have much time left. We all really don't even know what to say. It's the weirdest experience. How do you react when your all sitting around discussing somebody's inevitable death sentence and knowing that your body will be giving out very soon? It's really hard to even fathom and think about. It's all very strange.

As far as the business. It's rough. I know pretty much everything but there is a lot of money involved, taxes, etc. I think we can get it handled but there are a few key things that if they don't fall right could make everything real bad real quick. Mentally, I just don't know how well I'm going to be able to do. It's pretty much all on me.

|

2/21/2013 8:00 PM

A tough hand to play.......

My dad had a close call with colon cancer that caused a ruptured bowel.

6 weeks of touch and go in ICU but now has completely recovered.

I wish I had a good way to express how grateful I am that I got more time with him and how much I would hope for the same for anybody going through a situation like yours.

I don't know what else to say.....

|

2/21/2013 8:00 PM

Can you hire an outside consultant or retired dealership GM that you trust that can help with the transition? Maybe someone you or your dad know and trust that could come on board for a six-month contracted period??

On the sinuses, I had severe problems and it turned out to be from mold. They prescribed I think fluconazole for 30 days and it did wonders. 10 days of antibiotic therapy doesn't work for chronic sinusitis.

|

Good sense is easier to have than use

2/21/2013 8:13 PM

My dad had two strokes. I spent the last month trying to get him to remember his own name.

|

2/21/2013 8:21 PM

Sorry to here that level. We almost lost my mom a couple weeks ago, and she is still not doing great.

Stay strong dude.

|

2/21/2013 8:32 PM

Lost my dad, father of six,years ago. We tried to make his last days as good as possible and even now I think how wonderful
The time he had with us was. I would give anything now to have just five minutes with him. wish you the very best with your dad and your transition at the dealership.

|

2/21/2013 8:32 PM

What about finding some support groups in your community? or even online?

That is what i did dealing with all this bullshit w/ my mother. I went online and did some searching for "Bi Polar support groups" I didnt join in or anything, but just reading other peoples experiences on how they deal with issues and stuff, kinda helped my mind process and understand everything that goes on.

I dont know Boyd, im just tossing some ideas out there for ya bud.

|

-OC
"Feed The Bull"
Twitter: @ocscottie | Facebook

2/21/2013 8:57 PM
Edited Date/Time: 2/22/2013 6:59 AM

Sorry for what you are going through, man- it's tough. I lost my mom after a long, rough cancer ordeal and the only positive part of any of that was we all had chance to tell her how much she meant to us. Your old man has a business lawyer he trusts, I'm sure, make sure that guy is helping you though the transition and you should be ok.

|

2/21/2013 11:17 PM

I'm very sorry to hear this man.
I lost my Dad this October and it was/is the hardest thing I have ever had to do deal with in my young life.
Everyday I just miss him more and more.
It kills me he wont see me graduate college, see me get married, play with his grandkids, or that I cant even call him on my way home from school everyday like I use too, or write him emails telling him about the races and all the cool crap I am doing when he is away at work.

Be thankful for the time left and try to make it as great as you can for him.

My Dad was taken from me very unexpectedly, I hadn't seen him for a good 5 months , I was away at college and he was in the bush working when I had came home for a break. I missed him by one day when I left to return from school. I talked to him on the phone the day it happened. I never saw it coming but neither did anyone else.

To this day I kick myself for not going and seeing him one last time before he was cremated.
It's going to be hard to see him everyday get worse but be thankful you get his last days and get to spend it with him.

If you ever need someone to talk too my email is reyoldesign@gmail.com

|

2/21/2013 11:35 PM

This has got to be tough for you but I think that everyone from your Dad to your Mom and down to your child needs you to be strong now and not fall apart. Ultimately this deal is not about you, it's about your Dad and the very last thing he needs right now is to watch you go into meltdown just when he's relying on you to take over the reins and carry the family through for him.

Don't set yourself up to fail, think positive and make him proud.

|

E.A.S.S.C. - as fun as it gets.............

2/22/2013 1:39 AM

Sorry to hear about that level. Hold your head man.

If you got some time you might want to watch this documentary about curing cancer. It's pretty unbelievable.

|

2/22/2013 5:23 AM
Edited Date/Time: 2/22/2013 5:28 AM

I'm so sorry to hear that. It's fantastic you're with him, though. That's so important! My father died from a heart attack when I was 19 while I was at work. It really fucking blows not having the chance to say goodbye to him and tell him how much he meant to me. That day taught me to make sure every day my loved ones knew how I care about them. A day hasn't gone by where my son hasn't heard it from me. You just never know. Point is, you're with him. That alone might be the best that can be done at a time like this. Tell your pop the guys here say hello and send him our best. My thoughts are with ya.

Oh, it doesn't hurt to seriously consider some of the seemingly far-reaching 'cures'. The video above, which I haven't watched, is at least worth taking a look at. Trying some of those things doesn't preclude treatment from the mainstream medical community. You just never know. That said, seriously look into the paleo diet. There are some amazing stories out there about how getting away from the bad foods have done things you'd never expect. Ok, not going to push it anymore....just trying to help.

Tell pop howdy.

|

2/22/2013 7:37 AM

Hang in there.

Life isn't fair sometimes.

|

2/22/2013 7:50 AM

Level, sorry to hear this sad news.I went thru this as well ,it sucks.
You are a moto-crosser,you have been knocked down in the first turn.Pick your bike up and put your head down and GO!!!
You CAN do this, there is no quiting. If you dont really understand what im talking about ,take a look at that picture of Magoo with his bars bent to shit ,his foot on the side case, still charging, thats what you have to do.You will get thru this, it wont be easy,but you will make it!!

|

2/22/2013 9:00 AM

Very sorry for this very tough time for your family. My families prayers are with yours.

|

I don't have to be as smart as you hope to be some day anymore. wink

2/22/2013 11:09 AM
Edited Date/Time: 2/22/2013 11:10 AM

Sorry to hear that bro!
You can remove large parts of the liver if you have cancer there, it will grow back out. My father in law had 75% of his liver removed in order to get rid of the cancer in it. It grew back in a few months. It is pretty recently that they discovered they could do that and that it grew back out. For about only 10 years ago, you were pretty much doomed if you got cancer in your liver, not any more. Even if it is not isolated to the liver, the docs might be able to do something?

|

2/22/2013 11:47 AM
Edited Date/Time: 2/22/2013 10:11 PM

Hang in there man! I know what your going thru. I lost my dad this past July due to Cancer he was 67 years old. Out of nowhere with no indication of him being ill at all he was diagnosed December 2011 with Pancreatic cancer, he had several procedures and treatments performed to buy him some time but ultimately the cancer also spread to his Liver by summertime and became to much to overcome. It was the hardest experience of my life and I'm still struggling 7 months later with the reality of him being gone, but time does help heal. Although the wound will always be there it does get better....trust me you can get thru it! I Just think about the positives and the times we had together and be thankfull for all that. We spent countless hours and thousands of miles driving all over the country racing together with me and my brother so you become so very tight and close that it's a bond and relationship most kids never have with there dad. It was a tough deal, and one experience nobody is prepared for but it will make you stronger in the end and it will make you appreciate life more. My thoughts and prayers are with you, and even though I don't know ya I'm thinking of you and your dad and you always got friends here in the MX community

|

2/22/2013 11:53 AM

First off sorry for what you are going thru. I can relate 10 fold though. Some advice if you will. MAKE SURE you sit and tell him how much you love him and how proud you are to be his son!! I wish I would of done that myself. My Dad went from being normal to passing out of the blue in 3 days. I'm an only child so my family was/is very tight but I didn't express to him in those last moments how much he meant to me and my Mom and didn't thank him for the things he did for us. Granted he knew how much I loved him but I wish I would have made it clear. That is the mistake that has ate at me for the last 10+ yrs was did he really know how much he meant to me.

Anyways I think if I would of done that it would of made the healing process a little easier. What ever you do keep your head up and make HIM proud.

|

You're trying to use logic in your post and 4stroke doesn't appreciate logic! (FACT)


2/22/2013 4:03 PM

level wrote:

My Dad's mood was ok tonight. It's just going to get worse though and I think he has come to grips that he doesn't have much ...more

Boyd !! It's out in the open, don't let awkwardness ruin it. I can't imagine what you're going through, my dad and I are tight and I would dread this, but seriously, ask him what he wants to do ? go see? go eat? a bucket-list is kind of too late, but maybe he wants to go somewhere local he's never been????? I'd just ask him what he wants, to talk about? do ? Even though you're scared as all hell, assure him that you will take care of your mom, that's hard on a guy, good luck but don't let him go without showing him how much he means to you and how much you love him, hug, kiss, tell him you love him !!

|

2/22/2013 4:49 PM
Edited Date/Time: 2/22/2013 4:49 PM

Great advice Sondy!

Boyd, i shared your story w/ my whole family, you are in all of our thoughts and prayers! Stay strong bud, and just take one day at a time.

|

-OC
"Feed The Bull"
Twitter: @ocscottie | Facebook

2/22/2013 7:09 PM
Edited Date/Time: 2/22/2013 7:13 PM

How ya' doin', Level? We hope the best. Give your dad a huge hug and a kiss from all of us.

|

2/22/2013 7:56 PM

Sorry to hear man...thus is life.

Hang in there

|

2/22/2013 8:31 PM

My Dad is successful as well and I barley know him until losing my middle brother,Mom,Both Grandmas 4 years in a row.It sucks.He has home health 24hrs. a day now but still just getting to know him after ...all my life until these last few years because of death or sickness in the family.
IMO take a couple of weeks off somewhere if it happens and it is time for you to step up and believe in what your dad has built.Unless you have been given everything in life for just being a son ...well...I wish you the best.

|

2/22/2013 10:00 PM
Edited Date/Time: 2/22/2013 10:11 PM

I gotta be honest your post really hit home with me big time. I just got home from work and felt compelled to let ya know that after reading and replying to your post earlier in the day I could'nt help but think of you and your dad and the whole situation all night as I worked. I know exactly how tough it is to look at your dad and both of you knowing the time left is limited. It's so hard! I know the stress, fear, anxiety, and heartbreak you are feeling. It may knock you down but you will get back up. I was right where your at very recently man. My advice from my recent experience is....try and be as positve and thankfull as you can even though times are so dark and negative, otherwise you can find yourself becoming overwhelmed with sadness... spend as much time right now with your dad and family as you possibly can...and be prepared to comfort your mom cause she is going to need you to be strong and be that rock that holds it all together for her cause she will be needing your support very much to get thru everything. We all get the checkered flag in life someday so gotta just be gratefull for everday we have and enjoy it to the fullest. Peace brother and take care.

|

2/23/2013 12:55 AM

gar47mx wrote:

I gotta be honest your post really hit home with me big time. I just got home from work and felt compelled to let ya know that ...more

This is great advise. My prayers are with you and your family tonight. As difficult as this all seems to you I believe you will get through it all. God never gives us more than we can handle. Your a good dude for venting on here, we are your extended friends. Your dad just wants the peace that all will be ok with you guys and it will! So deliver that comfort to him even though you don't know what the future holds, your time now will mean a lot to all of you so embrace it and don't let fear take over. You alone can decide how you react to fear. It's not easy but use the gifts you have, you know what they are. Prayers sent buddy.

|

We got no food, no jobs... our PETS' HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!"