Married people- do you have separate checking accounts?

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9/24/2018 11:32 AM

My wife is a stay-at-home Mom, who has a small income, while I pretty much make the money and pay most of the bills. She has been on me for a long time to give her full access to my checking account, instead of giving her money when she needs it, which she says feels like "an allowance."
I see her point, but I transfer whenever she needs. And when I ask if I get full access to her income in return, she changes her tune and says I should just give her a lump sum at the beginning of the month. So really she wants control over her money and mine- she does the food shopping and does pay a couple of bills.
I hate feeling selfish for not giving someone else full access to my money (she's got a bit of an Amazon shopping addiction). But hell, having my wife being able to peruse every single purchase sounds like a total nightmare. I can see it now: "why did you spend $15 at the convenience store today. And what was this $50 at the bike shop? On and on..." Ugh.

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9/24/2018 11:47 AM

My wife and I share all of our financials. She pays all the bills. She stays at home with the kids. I work and also run a small business on the side. She and the kids are the beneficiary of everything I have.

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9/24/2018 11:51 AM

TXDirt wrote:

My wife and I share all of our financials. She pays all the bills. She stays at home with the kids. I work and also run a small business on the side. She and the kids are the beneficiary of everything I have.

Pretty similar situation here. My wife does work part time though a few days and nights a week.

I strongly suggest mixing financials, but its not for everyone.

We combined all of our accounts immediately after the wedding. There was a time, where my wife said she was going to be putting away a little bit "for herself" and I squashed that plan in no time flat. I told her that all my money goes into our family's account and so does hers. I'm all for financial independence, but to me a marriage/family is a single independent unit when it comes to money.

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9/24/2018 12:09 PM

I'm single but have you thought about maybe getting her a credit card with a maximum amount of $1000, $2000, etc.?

Sit down with her and go over the monthly purchases of the last few months and set a budget for the card that way you know you can pay it in full at the end of the month. It sure beats always having to transfer money in her account or going to the bank/atm to take out cash. Also helps build credit which is important.

Just a thought.

I know personally for me when that time comes it'll be separate accounts or 1 common account where we both deposit money into it.

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"Sorry Goose, but it's time to buzz the tower."

9/24/2018 12:19 PM

Married someone you can't trust?

My wife doesn't care about all my guns, ammo, motorcycles, parts, tools...whatever. You think I'm going to come between her and her shoes and 3000 pairs of earrings?laughing

She puts in as many hours at work as I do and does all of the bookkeeping and bill paying. If I didn't trust her with the money, I'd be in a world of shit trying to find someone I could.

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9/24/2018 12:26 PM

As soon as I hit submit, the mailman comes in with another pair of shoes...laughing

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9/24/2018 12:35 PM

Interesting thread. I am watching for advice as well.

My Wife and I have been married 2 years, she is 37 and I am 39. We both are very independent and used to managing our own finances and lives. She has a clothes habit and I have a gun/moto habit that eats up most of our disposable $$.

She makes about 25% of what I do, but works just as many hours. Some disagreements have come about when I buy expensive moto parts or rifles, and she expects to do the same with clothing and the salon which in my eyes is a waste but i understand so is a 800$+ exhaust pipe to her.

I guess this is part of being married but it is one hell of an adjustment, that compromise and agreement on spending is needed lol.

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9/24/2018 1:01 PM
Edited Date/Time: 9/24/2018 1:08 PM

My wife and I have a joint bank account. I have two credit cards that I use for the cash rewards back when they apply, but immediately pay off the balance each month. We use a budgeting app called YNAB (You Need A Budget) and thats basically how we discuss what we're going to spend that month. Each pay period, (bi weekly for me) we clear it out, enter the income we made, and then sit down and budget how we're going to spend/save our money. You create your categories and put in the amount you can spend in each category for that two weeks.

Example:

Groceries - $100
Fuel - $120
Electricity - $65
Medical - $80
Free Spend - $50


Each time you make a purchase, you enter it into YNAB and the amount available to spend goes down.
(If you spend $30.00 on fuel, the total left to spend goes down to $90).
When you're out of money in that category, you can't spend any more. This is how we make sure we are saving money each month.


I work full time at a sign company in the administration and play guitar professionally on the weekends. My wife is running her start-up business from home and she works part time at our church. I make most of our income and pay all the bills.

The beauty about YNAB or any budgeting app is that its a way we can decide together where we're going to put our money for that two weeks. We intentionally discuss it, agree on where our money goes (sometimes you have no choice if bills are high) and it keeps us both in line.

I have no trust issues with my wife, but we both spend too much if we aren't being intentional about where we're putting our money. It just happens. And when you have a limited income, it can be a problem.

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9/24/2018 1:06 PM

newmann wrote:

Married someone you can't trust?

My wife doesn't care about all my guns, ammo, motorcycles, parts, tools...whatever. You think I'm going to come between her and her shoes and 3000 pairs of earrings?laughing

She puts in as many hours at work as I do and does all of the bookkeeping and bill paying. If I didn't trust her with the money, I'd be in a world of shit trying to find someone I could.

This I can vouch for. Newmann's better-half puts in bigtime hours in their business and handles more than I think I could deal with. That gal is awesome.

Have no clue what she's doing with her mouth breather spouse. whistling

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9/24/2018 1:08 PM

My wife and I have separate accounts but we're on each other's account. I trust that she will ask me if she needs funds.

Before we set it up this way, it was a nightmare keeping the checkbook balanced. It was an absolute, teeth-gnashing, hair pulling nightmare. Now my account is 100% square at all times and only hers is a teeth-gnashing nightmare! laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing

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Braaapin' aint easy.

9/24/2018 1:08 PM

I have seen all arrangements. I have one friend who just turns his paycheck over to his wife and has no idea what's in the account . Then I'm with another dude and his wife is "paying him back" for some money he lent her!
It's not about keeping the money to myself but the management of the money, I guess.
Newmmann- I had three delivery trucks come in one day with little purchases. Females and push-button shopping are a potent combination. Not to sound sexist, just calling that one how I see it based on the females I know.

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It's impossible for a corporation or government to love you or care about you.

9/24/2018 1:08 PM

My wife and i both work full time , we have our own checking accounts and a joint account that allows us to transfer funds to each other . We pay all our bills with one credit card and at the end of each month pay off the credit card . For awhile we had a percentage figured out that we each had to put in the joint account to pay off the credit card . We decided to get more serious about having a budget and she does all the banking now . I'm not really sure how she breaks it up for paying but we still use the credit card for all our monthly expenses .

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9/24/2018 1:10 PM

My wife and I have been married 10 years. She has been a stay at home mom the last 7 years. She takes care of paying all the bills and watching over our personal finances. I'm self employed and take care of all the business finances. I came up with the idea at the beginning to have a "fun money" type account for each of us. I'm the only income earner, so somehow she has to have some spending money beyond necessities. I deposit all of my pay checks and she takes care of all the bills. Above that we give each other the same amount of money (each month) for spending on whatever we want. We both agreed that there will be things the other thinks are a complete waste, but whos to stop them if that's what they want. Larger purchases we just talk about and usually come to an agreement (usually me buying dirtbikes, snowmobiles, or UTV's).

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9/24/2018 1:38 PM

newmann wrote:

As soon as I hit submit, the mailman comes in with another pair of shoes...laughing

laughing Classic!
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9/24/2018 1:39 PM

Married 24 years, and never really thought about having separate accounts, assume it's probably because it's the same way both our parents were. I can't think of anything that I buy or she does that we haven't already discussed, or just the simple obligations of bill payments.

She pays the bills, does all the shopping and manages our accounts. I work full time, and she was able to pension out of a municipal job in her early 50's, and also draws a salary from my company that goes straight into our 401K and IRA's. She draws two salaries and doesn't work at either place.

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[Moto Creed-O: Take the High-Road.....Kick His Ass and Fuck His Chick

9/24/2018 1:47 PM

Coming up on 44 years in December and we've always had a shared account. Big ticket item? We discuss it. We've both always worked and put it all together. Now in retirement it's stil working fine.

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My wife calls you guys the Yahoos.

9/24/2018 1:55 PM

2 years into marriage here. The wife and I make about the same income. She thinks my hobbies are too expensive so we have separate checking accounts. I pay the mortgage and car payments, she takes care of the bills and groceries. We do have a joint saving account and if we have any big-ticket items we just move it from that account.

When I narrow the hobby list down or we have kids we`ll probably get a joint account.

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War Eagle

9/24/2018 3:07 PM
Edited Date/Time: 9/25/2018 7:51 AM

No. Just my opinion but, it screams that there are trust issues. I work with quite a few men that hide some pretty insane amounts of money from their wives and I just don't get it.

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9/24/2018 3:18 PM

Been married 17 years, and we keep our finances pretty separate.

We do have a joint checking account that we built up into our "reserve funds". That has the ability to cover about 6 months of "obligations".

Other than that, we keep our finances separate. We make about the same amount, and just split all the bills 50/50.

I have 3 motorcycles; 5 bicycles; a campervan and a motorhome.

She has a shit-ton of shoes, and likes to travel. Neither of us gives a rip what the other chooses to do with their money.

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9/24/2018 3:22 PM

This is a crappy picture, but the last thing I bought. She likes it. She will go in trips in it, but I paid for it. It just works well for us in this manner.

1977 GMC Birchaven RV. The "Urban Assault Vehicle".
Photo

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9/24/2018 3:24 PM

^^^ Nice. Have that thing wrapped.

Photo

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"Sorry Goose, but it's time to buzz the tower."

9/24/2018 4:09 PM

Shiftfaced wrote:

This is a crappy picture, but the last thing I bought. She likes it. She will go in trips in it, but I paid for it. It just works well for us in this manner.

1977 GMC Birchaven RV. The "Urban Assault Vehicle".
Photo

Shiftface is a cult member! Those GMC's are the coolest.

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9/24/2018 4:11 PM

-MAVERICK- wrote:

^^^ Nice. Have that thing wrapped.

Photo

One of the guys who used to vintage race with us had one pretty much a dead ringer for that one. He and his wife made many races with theirs throughout the 90's. Green shag carpet and spaghetti dinners at the track, good times.

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9/24/2018 4:18 PM

We will be married 34 years next Saturday. We've always had joint accounts and combine all of our financials. My wife works her ass off,probably harder than anyone I've ever met, however I still out earn her by 6x's. (probably not fair,lol) .
I've always been under the impression that once you're married, you become one breathing entity, just seems to work better that way---you know--- the "teamwork" mentality. Maybe I'm too old-school, but it seems to work better that way, share as much as you can. If you cant trust your spouse 110% ,then they possibly shouldn't be your spouse ??

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9/24/2018 5:01 PM

Been married 22 and have always had a joint account, if we intend to spend over $100 on something we discuss it with the other one first. I'm self-employed and make 100% of the money but we still sit down and go over every single thing every month about our finances.

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Only 2 things that money can't buy, thats true love and homegrown tomatoes.

9/24/2018 5:02 PM

OldPro277 wrote:

We will be married 34 years next Saturday. We've always had joint accounts and combine all of our financials. My wife works her ass off,probably harder than anyone I've ever met, however I still out earn her by 6x's. (probably not fair,lol) .
I've always been under the impression that once you're married, you become one breathing entity, just seems to work better that way---you know--- the "teamwork" mentality. Maybe I'm too old-school, but it seems to work better that way, share as much as you can. If you cant trust your spouse 110% ,then they possibly shouldn't be your spouse ??

I just saw where you are located at, I'm literally sitting on Bell Point Rd right now, yep I'm sure you can guess where I'm at.

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Only 2 things that money can't buy, thats true love and homegrown tomatoes.

9/24/2018 5:29 PM

great thread guys, my fiance and I have a joint account for joint expenses, and we have our own, i have been making up most the joint expenses since the birth of our little boy 3 months ago, and although she does not like relying on my, i dont think she would want to go to full joint account, shes always been pretty good with money and has savings, so thats good, i own property and businesses and have a fair bit of stuff that would be hard to bring into one, but we are getting married next year and like seeing how others do it,

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9/24/2018 5:34 PM

newmann wrote:

Married someone you can't trust?

My wife doesn't care about all my guns, ammo, motorcycles, parts, tools...whatever. You think I'm going to come between her and her shoes and 3000 pairs of earrings?laughing

She puts in as many hours at work as I do and does all of the bookkeeping and bill paying. If I didn't trust her with the money, I'd be in a world of shit trying to find someone I could.

She might request separate accounts when your F4 Phantom shows up!!! cool

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9/24/2018 5:51 PM

We initially had separate accounts and one joint account (for shared house bills) but found ourselves arguing about who pays for dinner, or who pays to fill up the car with gas, groceries ..etc.

Joining accounts added accountability to each other on what we spend money on...


NorCal- You sound a bit controlling (essentially giving her an allowance)...doesn’t mean you are controlling..it just sounds that way.
My wife and I have a in-home nanny for our twins so trust me your wife being a “stay at home mom” is saving you ALOT of money. Maybe she should charge you for watching the kids?!

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9/24/2018 6:38 PM

We share an account that we both put a set amount of money into each month which my wife uses to pay the bills. Since I make roughly twice as much as her, I put twice as much in. i don't know where it goes or how much is in there, don't care as long the bills get paid. We both have our own accounts as well and live by a "don't ask, don't tell" credo but it seems I still catch hell for some of the things that I buy. For some reason she doesn't see the value in motorcycles, UTVs, guns and tools until she wants a ride or needs me to fix something.

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