Posts
5452
Joined
3/11/2013
Location
San Clemente, CA
US
Fantasy
1333rd
sumdood
10/1/2019 5:34pm
10/1/2019 5:34pm
Edited Date/Time
10/5/2019 5:36pm
We all did some dumb shit when we were kids, lets hear em.
I was probably 8-9 years old living on Ave E in Redondo. A few of my buddies and I decided it would be fun to stick firecrackers in some of the model cars we built (multiple firecrackers in multiple cars) then have some make believe crashes and smash them up a bit, then put them together in a pile, pour glue all over them and set them on fire, "crash and burn", and then explode !, bitchin !!... right ? It was except the pieces of burning plastic tended to stick to you when they hit your skin and burn the living shit out of you. The next day we all looked like pepperoni pizzas. But no one lost an eye so it was all good 👍😉
What kind of dumbfuck shit did you do ?
I was probably 8-9 years old living on Ave E in Redondo. A few of my buddies and I decided it would be fun to stick firecrackers in some of the model cars we built (multiple firecrackers in multiple cars) then have some make believe crashes and smash them up a bit, then put them together in a pile, pour glue all over them and set them on fire, "crash and burn", and then explode !, bitchin !!... right ? It was except the pieces of burning plastic tended to stick to you when they hit your skin and burn the living shit out of you. The next day we all looked like pepperoni pizzas. But no one lost an eye so it was all good 👍😉
What kind of dumbfuck shit did you do ?
Bright one I was.
Being raised on a small farm, the outdoors was where fun could always be had. However, one Saturday morning in the winter, I saw something lying on the floor that just screamed idea......My mom's clear plastic garment bag that hangs in the closet. I get the brilliant idea ( I was 4 ), to zip myself up inside this thing, then jump in the large stock tank full of water behind the barn. I could "explore an aquatic underworld", while remaining bone dry. Gallons of water poured in this fucking thing while I'm flopping around like a damn trout, miracle I didn't drown.
Realized I couldn't fly either..... Took the large umbrella off the patio set, and proceeded to take a running leap off the roof of the barn. Float down slowly my ass, that Mary Poppins gal I watched on a Disney movie at Sunday school was full of shit. Broke nothing except my parents umbrella.
Lastly, fun with the spot light. My Dad brought my Mom a new Lincoln home one Friday, so that night we all load up to go out for dinner. Afterwards, they head to Walmart to get a few things to put in the new ride. One of which was the heavy, chrome, spotlight that plugged into the cig lighter. Dad fired that thing up when we got home, WOW! I could direct airline traffic with this thing..... Next morning, just before daylight, I'm out the door to the new car to play airline traffic controller. My attention span wasn't very long, so I just tossed this light onto the seat to go do something else, not unplugging it either. Within minutes, I see black smoke rolling out of Mom's new car, as I'm burning a hole in her new seat. I proceed to run into the house and get back in bed, passing my Dad as I go down the hall. He new whatever it was, it was probably bad, so he asked me "What's up?" "I didn't do it" I claimed....... Within 10 seconds all I heard was him yell "Shit!!!!".... Never a dull moment while I was growing up. And these 3 stories all happened before I was 5. It's a miracle I saw 5.......
The Shop
I had the hardest time memorizing anything and focused more energy on cheating in school than I did on trying to actually learn. I had a good plan for Spanish class, I wrote the answers on the inside of my shoe and then I would fold my leg up during the quizzes. It worked for weeks, and then totally out of the blue we were just bull shitting in class and I happened to have my leg folded up as the teacher walked by, so he grabs my shoe to go make a photo copy of it and then I got in-school suspension because of it.
i tried to fly like superman off the roof at about 6, didnt end well,
the trying to do wheel stands down the road after a session in the local pub after a supercross was rained out at 22 years old was not much better of an idea,
both ended up with stiches, and bandages,
When I was a bit older there were some fields behind my cousins house and for a while we were both really into Archery - we'd set up some targets and my dad and uncle would supervise, again no one cared. A lot of residents would even stop to watch. You wouldn't try it now... 80s early 90s was the last of that sort thing really, it was a different time.
It was getting well into the evening, feeling like Mr Cool Breeze, arm around my girl, knowing I was the shit. We pulled up to a stop light and thought now was a good time to light off the last of my fireworks, right at the intersection. It was one of those "Black Cats string" that are all connected together. Well the light turned green and with a wink of my eye to my girl, and the smirk to go along with it...I lit it up and tossed it right out the back over my friend and his girl. With a few giggles from the girls I looked in my rear-view as I was pulling away only to see it land on the hood of a police car that pulled up behind me...blasting away. Mr. Cool Breeze went to Ms. Wilted Flower pretty quick.
When we realized what had happened and cop speeding up to us, my girl who had two bottles of the wine on her freaked, and tossed them over her shoulder in to back seat where my friend was, hitting square in the head, and the second one breaking the first one she tossed. With all the shit he could of hooked me up with, for whatever reason he let me go with a warning.
I wasn't exactly a "kid" I was 16
Buddy of mine at the time had some family members that sold fireworks, well after July 4th they gave him a 3ftx3ft box of assorted fireworks. One was a 10'' tube with 6 different bombs, so we go out to what we called the powerline (basically a strip of land not owned by anyone where the big powerlines run, we also went mudding there too) so I grab one of these bombs that I expected to just go boom. So I light it, throw it and to my surprise it doesn't go boom. It jumps up about 2ft off the ground and spins throwing sparks everywhere, the problem is it hadn't rained in weeks and the sparks shot over into some dry grass/brush. Well you guessed it we started a damn fire, a big one. We panic, jump in my truck and haul ass home. No one ever came looking for us but the next day we drove back out there and the fire burned an area about half the size of a football field and burned itself out I assume.
Same buddy, same month we decide to use the aforementioned bomb and tube to shoot road signs while driving. He's driving my truck (86 Toyota 4wd) I'm riding shotgun. I lite one of the bombs drop it down in the tube and decide I'm going to aim the tube like a gun at this sign, well around the curve comes a car! He yells put it out, put it out! I'm like I can't put this damn thing its already lit and I can't see the fuse. So I hold the tube out the window as far as I can and close my eyes.....BOOM! the bomb shot out of the tube in some short pine trees and blew sparks all over this car.
Lastly, my great aunt had a '77 buick electra 225 two door boat with a 403 V8 in it. Me and my buddies used to sneak and drive it. Everywhere we went the back tires were smoking. I live in a mountainous area of TN so gravel roads are in abundance. Straight dukes of hazard with that car, drifting and slinging gravels. My dad finally found out what was going on and sold the car. Was fun while it lasted though. One time we put 6 people in that car (comfortably) and drove circles around a field, ended up tearing the muffler off that time.
Here's the exact car
2.5 years old: neighbor had the stairs off his deck and leaned up on the side, tried to climb up, they fell on me, broken collarbone.
12 years old: started racing quads instead of dirt bikes
15 years old: thought it would be smart to ride my bicycle off a loading ramp. Got to the top and the front wheel just dropped. cracked skull, concussion and 16 staples in my scalp.
My dad has the best one I've ever heard though.
His dad, my grandpa, ran the local fairgrounds, so dad had to do the cleanup after. One day he found a left over firework, not your store bought junk, a big ass, professional unit. He and his buddy brought it home and were looking at the magnesium wick arguing that it wouldn't light because it was metal.
Being the genius my 15 year old dad was, he started passing a lighter under it and whaddya know, the thing lit. He sprinted from his room to the bathroom and threw it in the toilet figuring that would put it out. Turns out, it didn't. The firework went off like a bomb, the toilet exploded, dad was hurled out of the room, the shower curtain was shredded by bits of porcelain shrapnel and the house filled with smoke.
After the ringing in his ears died down a bit dad ran through the house opening windows and down to the basement to shut off the water to the now flooded bathroom. He cleaned up as best he could and waited for his parents to come home. When they did his military vet father stared him down while he told the story of his slip and fall gone wrong in the shower, which somehow got him off the hook, albeit with a few raised eyebrows, not dad's of course, because he didn't have any at the time.
The whole thing was forgotten until his wedding, his friend, who was his best man, told the story at the reception and nearly got him killed
another time i was hitting plastic golf balls in the front yard. they weren't going far enough so i grabbed a real ball. put it through my uncle's back window of his Nissan pickup.
my 8 year old step son threw about 6 rocks in the pool the other day when i had it opened up to do a final vacuum before closing it. then he denied it and said a bird must have dropped them. in 3 years he's never thrown something in the pool. so i'd say that was pretty fuckin' stupid
One day in like 7th or 8th grade me and a friend wanted to make something go "BOOM" so i took a gallon milk jug and put everything in my garage that was flammable in it, ended up filling about 1/4 the way up. I went to light a match and it exploded in my face before i even got it close to the jug, burned my eyebrows, eye lashes almost off, i was freaking out! Scared the shit out of me, but i still was a little pyro most of my youth LOL
Pit Row
Fast forward 3 years, I found myself caught in that teenage “do or be labeled a pussy” trap as one of my buddies called me out on my boast that this “street jump” was doable. Here lies the scenario.
On a fall night in 1990 we sat 4 across in the seat of a 1979 Ford F-150 4x4 at a stop sign two blocks from the launch ramp. One of my friends says, “OK smartass, let’s see this jump.” Me being 17 with a bag of balls between my legs and a fervent thirst for danger checked the situation for cops and replied, “alright, fuck it..” I turned loose the raging 160hp of the big 351 which rested under the hood and barreled down the hill toward the ramp while drawing on every ounce of my Moto senses, trying to gauge my speed so that this deal didn’t go south. In those few seconds I sensed that everyone thought I was just fooling with them right up until that penultimate moment when the decision was made that it’s too late to turn back. As I felt three friends all draw that last gasp, everyone braced for the worst. The launch was perfect and I could see that we would easily make it, only problem was, I needed the ass end to kick out to the right but it went left. “Oh boy, this isn’t good” as I slammed the brakes in mid-air, waiting for the landing and what my next instinctual move would be. The landing was smooth as silk and I found myself thinking, “wtf, it’s like we never left the ground” but as the rubber once again met the road I was jolted back to reality by the right rear brake that had a habit of locking up before the other three would even consider doing their job. As the silence of the night was shattered by the right rear squealing out its mercy howl I had only one option, put the entire truck into a slide in order to force all four tires to scrub off speed. We went into a perfect drift and slid straight up to a parking curb, barely nudging it. The heavy braking had killed the motor but Def Leppard was still blaring at the top of the Pioneer speakers capabilities when I threw the poor old Ford into “Park” and sighed a bit of relief. As I turned the volume knob left the other three passengers went fuckin nuts and at that moment I had become a legend in that small town.
I’ve heard over the years others have tried but all have failed with one ending his life in an ill fated attempt.
The pic shows the takeoff and landing. The yellow circle depicts my planned escape route, had the rear kicked out to the right. Luckily the new part of the building, outlined in red was not there at the time which extended my roll out by another 50-60ft.
I'm not confessing any of it to you knuckleheads.
I also had kind of a alligator mouth and a hummingbird ass that led to some interesting scenarios.
Was going through a pyro phase when I decided to whack an aerosol can that was on fire with a golf club. It exploded and a fireball engulfed my body. It was emmense heat for like a split second, and I made it out unharmed somehow.
When I was 15 I had an annoying neighbor. Everybody on my block hated him and his family. They always called the cops no matter what you did. Start your bike they'd call the cops. Even the police hated them. Anyways, one morning I walk outside and the garage was open. My grandfather was pissed. Said while he was grabbing our fishing gear to head out, the neighbor kid who was my age walked into the garage and sat on my bike. Twisting the throttle , trying to kick start it. My grandfather was like WTF? You know your getting your ass kicked if Damien (me) sees you on his bike. So he left. Anyways, I walk out to the street and see him bent over his bicycle cause the chain popped off. I realize my uncles window is down on his Bug. Well, I dash over to it knowing he had a stun gun in the glove box. I pulled it out, sneaked up behind the guy as he was bent over, rammed the stun gun up his ass and pulled the trigger. It was like superman flying over the sidewalk while screaming. To top it off he flew into his moms rose bushes. True to their nature the cops were called. The officer that came out spoke briefly to my grandfather. I was cuffed up. As I looked up at my grandfather he winked. Well, I get driven around the block. The cop starts laughing and says don't worry its all good just don't do that shit again. He pulls over and my grandfather is behind us. Cop gets out , shakes my grandfathers hand, uncuffs me, and my grandfather and I went fishing all day. I asked him what happened? He said well, turns out the cops were tired of the neighbors to and do you remember your cousin from back east? Well, that cop was his son. He transferred out here a few months ago and don't tell anybody. I totally thought I was off to juvenile hall.
Chip....chip....chip.... CRACK and splash!! Through the ice and into the water below. I was 11 and remember thinking “shit!! I’m just a kid and now I’m dead!!”
My buddy Jim grabbed me and pulled me out and I think he was more scared than I was. We walked back to my house (at least a mile) and I was damn near frozen solid. Just about every part of me was covered in a layer of ice.
We got my mom and she used blankets and towels to thaw and peel my clothes off and she got me into a hot bath. No damage was done but, it scared the shit out of me.
I had a tree house 20 feet off the ground and a hammock was underneath. We used to jump from the tree house and land on the hammock. If you didn't lance dead center you would immediately flop out and spat the ground Family Guy fall style
Used to catch all kinds of critters. Snakes, alligators. Oh look a rattle snake. I can't wait to see Mom freak out when I bring this guy home!
That stage every boy goes through playing pyromaniac. Found out chain wax worked the best to light your arm on fire and not get burned.
Havn't gotten much smarter as I got older.
Launched mom's Volvo over a peaky bridge. Funny how I knew nothing about the puddle of coolant dad found under the car the next day.
In college we move the dumpster right under our 3rd story dorm window. Much easier taking the trash out that way...
Just this week I got a new drone. Wanted to fly it close to my face...you know, to test close up capabilities of the video camera. Crashed into my face and sliced my nipple.
This was pretty normal for us but there are so many good times.
Post a reply to: How stupid of a kid were you ?