Posts
695
Joined
3/8/2017
Location
CA
Edited Date/Time
1/6/2022 2:12am
I'm really struggling with this one to the point where I just don't want to live anymore. I know that sounds cliche and weak but it's honestly how I feel.
I'll be 42 years old and I've spent the last 18 years of my life with this women. We have been through a lot together and she had helped me get through some rough patches in my life.
We had struggled a bit this past year or more and I put a lot of effort into trying to better myself on being a better partner and get our relationship back on track. But in the end it wasn't enough and it was all over a couple weeks ago.
I just can't picture going on without her. I've been through some adversity in my life and managed to work through it and come out the other side. I just feel like I got nothing left in the tank to get through this one. I've barely eaten and have no desire to do anything, I'm just loosing it. My family is really concerned I'll do something to end my life.
We don't have kids, only our dog who is like a kid to us. So I now come home to an empty house and there's just nothing there...I've never felt more alone in my life I can't even describe the true feeling. The dog went with her as he's always been moma's boy but she also says I can still have him whenever I want to see him.
I mean I know what I have to do, get up and get back out there and meet new people...continue on with life, she was just one girl. I know this and it's what my younger self would have told someone who's going through this. I just don't have that drive now and it feels like I never will.
On top of this I was recently laid off so I can't even focus on work as a distraction. I started looking for work the other day and just got flooded with the feeling of what's the point.
This is a strange place to share something like this I know, I'm just getting desperate and had to vent and reach out for some help. I've talked to a therapist and although it helps a little I was looking to get feedback from real people who've been in this situation.
Thanks boys
I'll be 42 years old and I've spent the last 18 years of my life with this women. We have been through a lot together and she had helped me get through some rough patches in my life.
We had struggled a bit this past year or more and I put a lot of effort into trying to better myself on being a better partner and get our relationship back on track. But in the end it wasn't enough and it was all over a couple weeks ago.
I just can't picture going on without her. I've been through some adversity in my life and managed to work through it and come out the other side. I just feel like I got nothing left in the tank to get through this one. I've barely eaten and have no desire to do anything, I'm just loosing it. My family is really concerned I'll do something to end my life.
We don't have kids, only our dog who is like a kid to us. So I now come home to an empty house and there's just nothing there...I've never felt more alone in my life I can't even describe the true feeling. The dog went with her as he's always been moma's boy but she also says I can still have him whenever I want to see him.
I mean I know what I have to do, get up and get back out there and meet new people...continue on with life, she was just one girl. I know this and it's what my younger self would have told someone who's going through this. I just don't have that drive now and it feels like I never will.
On top of this I was recently laid off so I can't even focus on work as a distraction. I started looking for work the other day and just got flooded with the feeling of what's the point.
This is a strange place to share something like this I know, I'm just getting desperate and had to vent and reach out for some help. I've talked to a therapist and although it helps a little I was looking to get feedback from real people who've been in this situation.
Thanks boys
I really dont know what to say that will make you feel better. Be strong and surround yourself will good people.
Ill always be here if you need to talk.
The Shop
That said, no one human on this earth determines another persons worth or purpose to live. Don't let someone hold that power over you, you have the power to move on and better yourself and you'll get to a point where you are confident enough to do that. I wish you all the best! One thing I've learned, we are all going through some nasty stuff in life (I am currently). No one is exempt.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rxTHeNHEG7M
It’s tough. I remember when my first long term gf and myself split it took a long time for things to feel normal. There was no escaping it, the minute I would wake up till I went to bed it was on my mind and just picked away at me. Good news like a lot of things after some time it slowly started to get a bit better and then to the point where it was all good and I started enjoying life and going out with friends again.
You will get through this. I don’t have a bunch of good advice but with that said someone mentioned your in Canada (I’m on mobile can’t see locations) I am too. Ontario near Barrie. Shoot me a message I’ll send you my number if you want someone outside your circle to talk some bs, bench race whatever.
Keep your head up.
It is something to do.
It is constructive.
You will be the only dude, surrounded by a bunch of chicks who are taking care of themselves.
After your first class, you will feel good about going and doing something.
You will feel good because yoga makes you feel good.
You will feel good because 30 chicks will be saying “that dude has some balls” as you walk outta class.
You will be counting the hours until the next class.
In regards of being down in the dumps and, depressed many of us had been there. Thoughts of suicide were pretty common for me after my grandfather took his life. I won’t go into the details of that but, things do get better. Feeling like it won’t get any better and, what’s the point is just that. It’s just a feeling.
My only advice is, take your time. Focus on employment, come up with a routine that’ll keep you busy. Break down the day with things you can do from the time you wake up till the time you sleep. Include taking the time to make healthy meals, exercising, going for walks, drives. Consume yourself in hobbies you enjoy. After awhile, you’ll realize
you’re in a better place. That’s what worked for me.
Suicide only leaves your loved ones pondering over the if onlys. If only I moved my grandfather from California up here with me sooner. If only I called more. That became my cycle that lead to my negative thoughts of suicide. I can promise you, it does get better and, suicide is never the answer.
I will be easier as time goes by....
Hang in there brutha.
I saw that she took the dog. Maybe go get a rescue pup to keep your mind focused and give you a purpose to get up and out of bed, outside and walking and seeing/interacting with people.
If you ever get to feeling so down that you can’t come back, you need to get on that phone right away. Anyone and everyone will want to help you. Wether it is friends, family or even total strangers on a help line. Make a call and don’t go down the dark hole that you’ll never come back from. Lots of good life out there and this may be the beginning of something more beautiful than what you lost.
Viral is a great place to share your feelings. There are a lot of good people on here and it feels good to to vent to someone who cares. Best of luck to you
Yep I was surprised nobody mentioned rescuing a pup/dog till Kenny just did.
You could save two lives and a dawg will make you smile again and help take your mind off her.
Like others have said so no need to repeat, what you're going through is normal and part of this Rollercoaster of Life. We have all been there in the dark times and I too am extremely worried about my future as my girl battles cancer and I am 63, so my options don't look that good.
You're still young and there are plenty of great women out there just waiting for you.
Pit Row
A friend who I grew up with was having mental and marital issues. He would always comment Ill just kill myself and get all this shit over with. That went on for about a year. I got another dirt bike so I could go racing again with him doing hare scrambles. As kids we had our first MX race in 1974 and unfortunately my last hare scramble with him.
He was going to have a meeting with the lawyer on the divorce. He called me at 3 pm and I told him to just go there get it over with and think about the riding trip he and his buds were going on in the morning and to call me after the lawyer visit. He said if it doesnt go well I will just go home and kill myself.
I got caught up in my life and didnt think much of him not calling thinking they were getting loaded up to ho riding the next day. Sure as fuck his son calls me the next morning saying he had killed himself.
I was so mad at myself for not thinking of what he said and maybe I should have tried to call someone about it
I couldnt go to my friends funeral because I was so mad at him giving up..
I cant think of my friend because of what he did.
I know that sounds selfish and wrong of me thinking that way but I just cannot get over what he did.
My other friend who I also raced with since 1978 crashed his harley into a telephone pole and died.about 13 years ago
I think of him every day usually around 520PM his old racing number.
Not that my opinion matters but please get help please.
Exercise your ass off, pickup a hobby and start doing anything that has a social outlet..: not to meet someone, but to talk to people and open the opportunities up.
Nothing good happens from anything that sounds like no, or can’t, or not sure. Be a yes guy.
And that is just going to make the time go by quicker, which is the obvious difficult part. Fill your life up, you’ll have fun and have less time to think about the downs, and maybe you’ll meet someone too!
There are great suggestions in this thread. Yoga. Gym. A bike. A rescue dog
Don't: Eat too much.
Do: Eat well, you're worth it.
Don't: Hit the bottle.
Do: Exercise.
Don't: Check out her socials.
Do: Engage in positive discussions about thing that matter to you.
Don't Check out her friend's socials.
Do: Get a dog. The rescue dog idea is a winner.
Don't: Watch shitloads of TV.
Do: Let things go.
Don't: Go around unshaven or messy. (Unless you rock that look . . . )
Do: Watch GREAT movies.
Don't: Get into a keyboard war with anyone. If you make a comment and someone replies with something outrageous, let it slide. That's so empowering.
I am alone. I am sitting here engaging with strangers, but kindred spirits. This is a good place to share, to vent, to ask. I have been in a funk for a year, as finances shrunk due to stoopid decisions. One of the best things I did was to get off dating sites. For me, searching the sites for a match highlighted my being single. Focussed on what I did not have.
You might want to jump straight back into it. You may not. There is no right or wrong answer there, just take note of what you do that helps you and makes you feel good and what you do that does otherwise. Sit back and observe yourself and treat yourself like you would your best friend.
'cause right now, that's you.
getting a dog is a great starting point...
On a less serious note, best way to get over one is to get under another
Don't get consumed by the hurt and the frustration. That's just the emotions talking. Let your mind be the master for a while.
But yes can't imagine how much harder it would be with her taking children of your own, paying child support, alimony and having her badmouth you to them and now the kids hate you.
Had this happen to a close friend and yes it has set him back but I sold him a bike and we have a great time riding together like this upcoming weekend a 2 day Dualsport event.
So yes count your lucky stars you did not have kids with her.
You're both still relatively young, and maybe she feels like she missed out on something over the years. Just guessing, and I'd also be guessing that in the next few weeks she's really going to be asking herself if she made the right decision. Doubt she's leaving doing cartwheels and heel clicks.
Try looking at this way, you're not failing your marriage did, and it happens everyday to all sorts of people, and you two are no different. If the marriage does final out in dissolution, you guys are further ahead in making a clean break without lingering community issues than most divorces. But don't be so quick to scrap it just yet. Like I said, maybe you guys just needed a break.
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