Divorce

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6/14/2018 8:52 AM

Just found out today that the wife is calling it quits after 8 years. I’m an emotional wreck, what are some of the things that have helped you guys deal with this pain. I don’t have a bike anymore so riding is not in the answers.

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6/14/2018 8:57 AM

Kids?

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6/14/2018 9:07 AM

Oh man that sucks. Went thru one also and there is no easy way out of something like that.

I will spare you the clichés, but will tell you that things can be better later on than your mind can imagine right now. You just will have to weather the tough part first, but things can be WAY better than they ever were, with someone else.

Hang in there fella.

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"We don't rent pigs."

6/14/2018 9:18 AM

Take your mind off it by keeping busy and active. Still in contact with friends? They'll do wonders for you right now. Any other hobbies you enjoy or have ever wanted to take up? Nows a good time.

Sorry to hear the news, though if it's not meant to be then so be it. Just think ahead to the future and look after yourself.

All the best man.

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6/14/2018 9:18 AM

Na no kids. I think Hong’s would be different if that was the case idk.

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6/14/2018 9:26 AM

Spydee wrote:

Take your mind off it by keeping busy and active. Still in contact with friends? They'll do wonders for you right now. Any ...more

I have friends but I’m in Cali and they all went to North Dakota to make the big bucks on the oil rigs. I’m in talk right now to see if any of them could score me a job up there and might just move

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6/14/2018 9:37 AM

Drinking and strip clubs will definitely help ease the pain.. tongue





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6/14/2018 9:53 AM

keep busy!

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scte3.0 pro-line trinity tekin

6/14/2018 10:06 AM

Sorry to hear, keep your head up.

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6/14/2018 10:15 AM

Keep your head up man. You will get to the other side of this. Life will get better again. Sorry you've been going through so much shit lately.

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6/14/2018 10:22 AM

VilloFan951 wrote:

Na no kids. I think Hong’s would be different if that was the case idk.

My advice, having been through it, is to cut off all unnecessary contact with her. Even if it's an amicable split. The sooner she is out of your mind the sooner the sting will die down. It does go away eventually but continued or even sporadic contact makes it take longer. The sooner you start planning your life without her the better.
Cold turkey. Sorry to hear it. I know it doesn't feel like it now but you will feel normal again and maybe a little wiser.

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6/14/2018 10:23 AM

damn, sorry to hear that. my sister just went through a really ugly divorce (2-kids, new house, every toy you can think of) and it's hard to see someone go through that. divorce affects more than just the two people breaking the marriage. my only advice is to keep good influences around you and in your close circle.

anyway, keep your head up man.

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6/14/2018 10:27 AM

Thank you all very much for the kind words and advice. I’m reading it all and taking it all into consideration. Donovan I got your message and tried to reply but I can’t on mobile but thank you very much. I’m talking to my friends right now and they are going to try to help me get a new job in a different state

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6/14/2018 10:30 AM
Edited Date/Time: 6/14/2018 10:31 AM

VilloFan951 wrote:

Na no kids. I think Hong’s would be different if that was the case idk.

I got divorced back in 91' (no kids). Looking back, it was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Don't get me wrong, it sucked, and I hate that I had to go through it. I hate that I made that kind of commitment only to have to end it.

She came to me one evening out of the blue and said she wanted to end it. I told her to take some time and think about it, and make sure that it (divorce) was what she really wanted. I told her if she wanted to work it out, I was more than willing, but if she wanted her freedom, I wouldn't stand in her way. I slept in another bedroom that night with plans on coming home the next day and getting some clothes and stuff.

I walked into my house the next day after work and shut the door. I could hear an echo going through the house. I walked into the living room to find all of the furniture gone with the exception of a sh*tty recliner that she hated. I didn't even have a bed to sleep on. I stood there and shed some tears, and that was it. That day I began the process of moving on with my life.

No sugar coating it, it'll be tough for a while, but it WILL get better. Best advice is what Spydee said: Keep busy, keep your mind (and body) active and try not to let it consume you. Get into the gym, or mountain bike, or hike, whatever you enjoy. If you drink, be wary and don't let it become a refuge. That's nowhere to find comfort (I know). After being married for a while, we develop a bit of codependency. Reach out to your friends. My friends were a Godsend during my divorce. Also, you've got to learn to be comfortable being alone again. That's probably the hardest part. You've got to learn to be you own best friend. If you're spiritual, dive deeper into that aspect of your life.

As a result of my divorce, I met my current wife of 23 years. She has given me two beautiful children, and has been my best friend and cheerleader. Thing is, when I met her, I wasn't even looking to get back into a relationship. It just happened. Don't ever lose hope.

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6/14/2018 10:50 AM
Edited Date/Time: 6/14/2018 10:52 AM

^^ Good advice

Also at this point protect yourself- Often times divorces lead to financial ruin and damaged credit. Do whatever you can proactively to protect yourself...Lock down any joint credit cards and seperate your finances immediately.

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6/14/2018 2:32 PM

Sorry to hear about this,you do have some great advice from the gang here though.
Stay busy and and as positive as possible.

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6/14/2018 2:51 PM

Bummer man... I have never experienced what you’re going through. Like others have said, it doesn’t matter the situation and things will get better. Hang in there my friend and reach out if you need someone during the dark times.

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6/14/2018 3:20 PM

Don't drag it out! Had an employee who waited for her daughter to graduate before she divorced her deadbeat husband. He ended up getting an attorney (female) who knew how to drag shit out and it made her life miserable for over two years getting it all finalized. She fought him over every nickle and dime item and his attorney drug out every single one of them. She got the bad end of the deal and got stuck with most of the debt of the relationship.

Take the easiest way out, even if it costs you a little. Good luck!

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6/14/2018 3:38 PM

VilloFan951 wrote:

Na no kids. I think Hong’s would be different if that was the case idk.

borg wrote:

My advice, having been through it, is to cut off all unnecessary contact with her. Even if it's an amicable split. The sooner ...more

x2

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6/14/2018 4:28 PM

Lawyer up. Suck it up, put your emotions aside get ready to fight. You need to know what you want out of this. You need to protect yourself financially. I know lots of guys that ended up supporting their exes like they were still married because they folded up like a cheap suit with emotions. If she's a better income than you that can simplify things a little.

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The older I get, the faster I was.

6/14/2018 5:20 PM
Edited Date/Time: 6/14/2018 5:22 PM

I went threw one 2 years ago. Out of the blue like you but we had a little one ( 2 years old ). Like everyone said, stay busy (I did a lot of moto riding and still do). I totally committed myself to things that made my daughter life to seem as normal as can be. I also took the dogs and they went everywhere with me and that really helped keep my mind off things with long walks, weekend road trips, etc... I also told my closest co-workers what I'm going through and if I was having a bad day I would let them know. They covered my ass when I wasn't 100% in the game.

All I can say personally is get a good legal advice from multiple people and pick the one that fits your needs. The lawyer I went with was because of this statement. She looked at my papers and said the most compelling thing to me. It was, "what is the value of the relationship you want w/your daughter as she grow up?" I said "everything". She said, "bite the bullet, bend over and take it. Because if you give her what she wants (the way my ex's lawyer wrote the paperwork out) there's is leverage for you to see your daughter anytime as long as you fulfill your financial requirements to her and it was a clean break." So I did it ( we were only married for 3 1/2 years ) and I didn't drag it out. It was the best advice. In fact see was a bit surprised because she built me up to her legal team that I would fight this tooth and nail. But I was looking out for the best interest of my little one. I have a daughter that loves me it's a normal relationship. Heck me ex is now thinking she made a mistake because she see's how well I'm doing mentally and emotionally.

It will it get better and it's not easy. But I've made new moto friends, picked myself off the dirt and started my life over. I actually got asked out on a date by the girl that cuts my hair (lol) who is 10 years younger then me. Let's just say, "oh my".

Best of luck and all I can say is this will pass. The sky will get more blue and the grass will be greener. I hope this helps.

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6/14/2018 5:37 PM

If you've accepted that it's over. Make decisions that are what's right and not how to
inflict as much pain as possible to her. 1, it will help the process to move along faster,
2 you will feel better about yourself and help you to move on. 3 when all your friends
find out how it's going down it won't be awkward hanging out with them later. They will
be conflicted on which one of you to stay friends with. If you don't make them choose
you'll be able to keep your friends. In short, don't make decisions based on anger.
A couple of years from now when you look back, you'll be able to be proud of yourself.
Some people just are not happy together.
TM

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www.alljackedupinc.com home of the Switch Hauler®

6/14/2018 6:12 PM

Haven't been through it myself but have had a couple close friends who have. From what they've said you'll be better off the sooner you're done. Sorry to hear.

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6/14/2018 6:20 PM
Edited Date/Time: 6/14/2018 6:22 PM

VilloFan951 wrote:

Na no kids. I think Hong’s would be different if that was the case idk.

DoctorJD wrote:

I got divorced back in 91' (no kids). Looking back, it was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Don't get me ...more

This, all of it. I went through it in '06 and came away a better man. I took on extra work through a friend who was building an electrical business just so I didn't have to go home and sit alone in the evenings. It took 6 months for me to find my normal routine again. Just like you're doing, I spent a couple of weeks laying in bed at night worrying about my future, getting no sleep, wasn't hungry, etc...but it went away. I'm happily remarried and have a far better life than I would have had with my first wife. Learn from the mistakes and come away with an upbeat attitude that the next WILL be the one.

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6/14/2018 7:28 PM

My advice would be to steer clear of the booze. I'm a big drinker, but as soon as my ex-wife told me she was leaving, I put the beer down for probably 6 months. Then one day, I woke up, and it was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I stopped being pissed off at her for leaving, and I moved on. That was 5 years ago, and I like to think I'm happier now than I've ever been.

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6/14/2018 7:31 PM

Sorry it sucks. I am going through one right now. At least you don't have kids, I have two daughters. She has been dragiing mine out since April of 2017. I think she is just now getting close to signing the separation agreement, probably only because she is running out of money. Mine was 10 years.

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6/14/2018 8:50 PM

Okay I’m probably going to get forum gang attacked for this as it’s pretty opposite of all of the advice in here.

I have no idea what the circumstances are in your marriage. So maybe I’m waaaay off here and don’t want to get false hopes up. But are you sure it’s over? I mean it has happened with a lot of people in the past...rocky times. Where the husband/wife wants out, short separation follows, person changes their mind and wants to work things out. Me and my wife married at 18, had a separation of a few months several years into our marriage, and then got back together n now it’s been over 40 years.

Anyway stay strong.
Try not to get too nasty with her and be as nice as humanly possible.
Don’t drown, smoke, pop or inject your sorrows.
Try your best to keep on earning a living even though it may be hard to focus on work, it is best to stay busy to keep your mind off her.

If it does end up being over you will get through it and it will be easier as time passes. There will be someone else that comes along and many times second marriages are much better than the first time around so you have a lot to look forward to.

Sorry to hear about this and I wish you the best of luck

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6/15/2018 3:19 AM

You will get a million different answers to this so....
First things first my condolences as it sounds like it’s not a mutual thing....
I’ve been devorced once too but I was the one to leave, I’d still like to give you a tip that helped me and it came from my lawyer.
Be the bigger person and the most important thing you can’t beat hate with hate only love can beat hate. When I asked her what she meant she said everyone gets sick of listening to someone bitch about someone else but if you only have nice things to say eventually everyone is on your side. I had a nasty break up my ex dug her heals in but i always treated her with respect and dignity in a way that I would want to be treated myself and the judge awarded me everything I wanted as I was never vindictive as it gets you nowhere remember you always want to be able to look at yourself in the mirror so never do anything rash.
Now if you still love her give her some room to breeth then remind her why she feel in love with you in the first place and number one with any woman listen to her and never but in even if she is wrong as a man you can be one of two things you can be happy or you can be right but never both.
Whatever the future has for you I hope its bright and brings you happiness even if it seems out of reach today.
Cheers and best wishes to you

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6/15/2018 4:05 AM

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6/15/2018 8:07 AM
Edited Date/Time: 6/15/2018 8:09 AM

You don’t have to sign the divorce papers. Let her go on her way.

Gotta factor in your credit. And what your responsibility is because in my family the fucking judge gives all the assets to the women and the men are left with a “shitty chair she doesn’t want.”

My uncle hasnt signed papers in 12 years. And won’t. Has no contact with her. And goes about his life fine.....but that’s because of some family assets he refuses to lose. And I don’t blame him. Literally he lived in a trailer he paid cash for, for a while and bought a bike and just worked and rode his dirtbike. Keep busy.

So you gotta weigh your options.


And every woman that leaves you, there’s another one better in every way that you’re going to meet eventually. Keep your head up. Life is not over. 8 years in the grand scheme of life isn’t a long time. You still got the rest of your life to spend it with someone that wants to spend it with you. You’ll get through this buddy.

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GP740
Since 1987