How to be a "proper" 50 dad

EZZA 95B
Profile picture for user EZZA 95B
Posts
9113
Joined
11/3/2010
Location
AU
Fantasy
1151st
EZZA 95B 4/6/2018 11:33pm
4/6/2018 11:33pm
JM485 wrote:
This, this is the most important thing by far. And make sure everyone knows you've already sold your kid out for a 10% off deal with...
This, this is the most important thing by far. And make sure everyone knows you've already sold your kid out for a 10% off deal with every moto company who offers it. Also, ensure that everyone knows they're putting in the work, making progress, and putting the pieces together while seamlessly tagging at least 20+ companies in each post.


In all seriousness, do these idiot parents ever look in the mirror and go "What the hell am I doing this for?". Seriously, do companies really like seeing blatantly canned crap like that, is it some sort of ego trip for them or something? Do the parents feel empowered or something by stealing any sort of creativity and individuality from their kid? I see this crap all the time and I swear I want to throw my damn phone through the nearest wall/window/unsuspecting bystander. . .
Laughing "unsuspecting bystander"!
zeikei
Profile picture for user zeikei
Posts
36
Joined
4/3/2017
Location
FI
zeikei 4/7/2018 12:06am
4/7/2018 12:06am
Have a separate race bike with engine tuned for peak power at high revs by famous tuner and let everybody know that. However always practice with stock bike and then be mad at the kid as he / she does not keep the revs at the top when racing.
Rickyisms
Profile picture for user Rickyisms
Posts
4246
Joined
10/5/2017
Location
FL US
Rickyisms 4/7/2018 2:48am
4/7/2018 2:48am
Even if your kid wins every moto that weekend, make sure he knows he could've done better, discourage him so he becomes determined (reverse psychology), if your kid takes a nasty spill, don't worry about the possible damage done to your sons body, instead complain that he bent the pro tapers on his bike and he has to use that $5 off code sponsorship again, Get in his head, always be the bully he couldn't shake and make sure to have him burnt out by the time he's 16 and racing full size bikes.

The Shop

See All »
keinz
Profile picture for user keinz
Posts
2300
Joined
9/26/2011
Location
Tallinn, Estonia EE
keinz 4/7/2018 3:19am
4/7/2018 3:19am Edited Date/Time 4/7/2018 3:20am
Run fast
Bry145
Profile picture for user Bry145
Posts
366
Joined
6/12/2013
Location
Bridgeville, PA US
Bry145 4/7/2018 7:16am
4/7/2018 7:16am
Drag out race day and shorten the motos for everyone by demanding four 50 classes. Demand they also get four-lap motos to simulate the 20-minute motos at Loretta's. Demand the 50 classes run first, so they can be done at 1PM while everyone else is there until 5. Children should get preferential treatment right?

"Screw the Vet riders! Little Johnny is the future!"

Of course, if vet riders stop buying bikes and going racing, there will be no future outside of elite amateur events and pro racing. And that is where we are headed come 2025 or so.



JM485
Profile picture for user JM485
Posts
5409
Joined
10/1/2013
Location
Davis, CA US
JM485 4/7/2018 8:50am
4/7/2018 8:50am
EZZA 95B wrote:
Laughing "unsuspecting bystander"!
I swear, one of these days some poor bro is gonna get an IPhone 8 right to the cranium!Grinning


A few more I've considered essential for success:

1. Make sure to conduct yourself properly at races, and conform to whoever you're attempting to suck support off next because your broke ass can't afford to fund racing without pulling out of your retirement.

2. Ensure that your little superstar becomes a complete ass wipe by only having him hang out with his fellow ass wipes around the track, and make sure they know they are the absolute shit and nobody else can ever compare to their steeze because they race dirtbikes.

3. Practice your mini dad "shove". As long as your kid is still perceived to be too small to hold his bike up right, straddle the back wheel between your legs behind the gate, and when that sucker drops shoot that bike forward with a shove that should register on the Richter scale. It's the only way to ensure a holeshot and you know how important that is in the 50 beginner class.
Rickyisms
Profile picture for user Rickyisms
Posts
4246
Joined
10/5/2017
Location
FL US
Rickyisms 4/7/2018 1:23pm
4/7/2018 1:23pm
even though you're 40 find the DOPEST flat bill hat that one can obtain.
dcg141
Profile picture for user dcg141
Posts
2177
Joined
11/30/2009
Location
MS US
dcg141 4/7/2018 2:11pm
4/7/2018 2:11pm
I had a customer once that bought a 85SX and before they picked up the bike he had me send the suspension to 3 different companies....I kid you not.
Helder
Profile picture for user Helder
Posts
1045
Joined
5/16/2015
Location
AU
Helder 4/7/2018 5:03pm
4/7/2018 5:03pm
I throw empty beer bottles at my 5yo at the practice track...gets him going good

Keith72
Profile picture for user Keith72
Posts
390
Joined
7/17/2010
Location
Omaha, NE US
Keith72 4/7/2018 5:20pm
4/7/2018 5:20pm
TXDirt wrote:
Consume copious amounts of bush light beer to help with decision making.
Make sure there is one in each hand too.
Chains
Profile picture for user Chains
Posts
254
Joined
4/10/2012
Location
Fort Dodge, IA US
Chains 4/7/2018 6:32pm
4/7/2018 6:32pm
Don't forget to pack little guys line all the way to the first corner!
Neverclear
Profile picture for user Neverclear
Posts
228
Joined
12/30/2006
Location
NJ US
Neverclear 4/8/2018 8:30am
4/8/2018 8:30am
On a random Thursday afternoon open practice at a Florida track, I watched an asshole screaming at his kid on a 50 over and over again in one corner. He finally stopped him, started screaming in his face to keep his head down, and yanked his helmet by the faceguard so hard, I knew he was hurting the kid.

I'll never forget it, and I hope that kid grew up to eventually beat the shit out of his father with a baseball bat.
slipdog
Profile picture for user slipdog
Posts
10044
Joined
7/25/2009
Location
Nor Cal, CA US
slipdog 4/8/2018 9:09am
4/8/2018 9:09am
This is how I Mini Dad, I guess I've been doing it wrong...




steveada
Profile picture for user steveada
Posts
396
Joined
5/6/2011
Location
Evans, GA US
steveada 4/9/2018 4:40am
4/9/2018 4:40am
Maybe this applies a bit more to the 65/85 dads, but you have to stick in a big bore kit and be sure to teach you kid it is ok because everybody does it.
752dad
Profile picture for user 752dad
Posts
601
Joined
11/24/2014
Location
Hartland, MI US
752dad 4/9/2018 10:20am
4/9/2018 10:20am
Can’t take credit for this one


Polski934
Profile picture for user Polski934
Posts
84
Joined
5/20/2014
Location
Berkley, MI US
Polski934 4/10/2018 7:06am
4/10/2018 7:06am
Mx391 wrote:
Make 4 year old Billy his own Instagram account and act like 4 year old billy is saying big words and typing mile long inspirational paragraphs...
Make 4 year old Billy his own Instagram account and act like 4 year old billy is saying big words and typing mile long inspirational paragraphs all by himself.
Seems to have started with Dangerboy Deegan era of kids, and unfortunately trickled down to every local kid in almost every sport...

Pit Row

See All »

Post a reply to: How to be a "proper" 50 dad