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When I think about all the things I've gone through to be here. Shit, the chemo shots in my spinal fluid that go right up to the brain and your head feels like it's going to explode. And you're thinking of giving up?
There's a whole lot more life left to live brother and this is NOT the answer. Your ex is not worth it. One thing I can promise you is that tomorrow will be different. You are the only one who has control of yourself. Don't give her this control over you. You would do well to seek some professional help on this but no matter what you think right this minute, you have to find a way to get through this. A good start would be to stop the drinking, you can't think clear.
For now if you can't figure out why it's worth it for yourself, tell yourself you're need to be here for your kids.
The kids are much better off with you around than growing up with a memory of you giving up on them. Then get off
the bottle. No good ever can come from that. It wont be easy, nothing good is ever easy. I know right now this seems
like your world is crushed but the reality is that a year from now you'll look back and see how this was just shit that people go through.
TM
I don't even know you, and likely, you don't even know me, but one thing I do know, is that you have the power of choice and the power of decision making, and that power, is what makes you stronger than any problem or stupid person who comes in or out of your life.
I also know this, no answers are in a bottle or can. You will not think clearly and make informed, rational decisions as long as that glass, bottle or can is in your hand. You need to have a clear head moving forward. You need a clear head so you can make the right decision for your kids. Most phones have text blocking, so block her texts and if she needs to communicate with her, because of the kids, tell her she has to call, and do this through your lawyer. Get it on paper, and the why, even get a court order if necessary. No one has the right to mentally attack you, anymore than they have the right to physically attack you.
Lastly, and like I said, I don't know you or anything about you, but I do know that once I made the decision to change my life and become sober, life did become easier. I was able to focus more clearly on what's really important and phase out and ignore the garbage and noise. Try it for awhile, take time to clear your mind, so you can make the right decisions moving forward.
Worked for me, got my shit together, turned my life around and started a nice little business that's doing pretty good.
Bottomline, nothing will be found in that bottle, but more indecision, misery and unhappiness. Step away from it, clear your head, and let the sun shine in, and you'll see all the bright colors of the world, instead of that funky gray and darkness. Then you can make the right proper decisions to move forward, recover from the pain and focus on your kids.
We're all motocross racers here, where in the past or present, once a racer, always a racer, and as a racer, we have stronger mind than everyone else, it's why this sport and this forum is full of business owners, professionals and successful people, you just don't know that, but I do.
You'll be fine, but you have to decide to be fine and make the changes in your mind, the decision, to be fine.
The Shop
I watched my best friend go through some of the same shit when his brother took his own life a couple years ago and it was not pretty. Like some have said, the drinking is the worst way to go about this. My buddy was in rough shape for about a year before he started rebounding. He made a conscious decision to quit with the chemicals (drugs, alcohol, pills...) and start with something different: he bought a pair of running shoes and a punching bag. If he wanted to get out his frustration, he'd go punch the shit out of the bag, or run till he couldn't anymore. It becomes an addiction and it gives you the satisfaction of beating the shit out of something (or yourself) without actually doing any harm to anyone. It really is therapeutic. Running or boxing releases the chemical rush in your brain that you're looking for and WILL improve your outlook on life. Plus it's something you can do with your kids. Kids fuckin love running, especially with dad...
Stay strong, brother, and be sure to keep us posted on how you're doing. We're all in this together.
I would suggest counseling first, then run. Yes, run. Get a decent pair of shoes and start running. It helped me cope with issues in life. Think half marathon and run 3 or 4 days a week as a release. I hate running and grew to enjoy it.
but first, counseling. My mother committed suicide when I was 23 on Christmas day. It took me years to forgive her for that.
2. Fuck that bitch. If she is doing that she isn't worth getting upset about or even having any feeling for and she certainly isn't worth your life.
3. Do for you............meaning do things that are going to allow you to enjoy life and if you can't find someone to do something with then go solo. Be happy with who you are. That's the most important thing.
4. Last, but not least, and I would say it's first is think about your kids. That joy will override any love that a chick can give you. That's just MHO.
P
When I went through my divorce 14 years ago, the bike saved me. Every day I would pound out my frustrations on those peddles rather then drink. Its amazing how much better a guy will feel after a good cardio workout. It clears your head up.
You asked;
"How do i cope with life's problems?"
and quite simply, "It ain't through drinking"
"Having lots of fun- meeting lots of new people!!"
Things that will help you get through this:
Time. As the hours and days tick away the power this has over you will diminish.
Get busy with something. Time is a burden if it's empty. Other have made good suggestions. What helped me was hanging with another person in a similar situation. If you don't know somebody then try a support group.
Things that wont help:
Brooding. This is a struggle but trust me, it get's better. I wont tell you how long it took me but you will be able to clear your mind and find some happiness.
Alcohol. If you have trouble controlling it, this is the worst time to succumb to it. It's like piling on with your other overpowering emotions.
12 years ago I spilled my guts on here just like you did. (It was Motodrive then). But the point is, it was 12 years ago which means I came through it and became happy again. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, I promise you.
I have woken up feeling strangely ok today. Im not hooked on the beer, i just have a week off from work orels i would not even bother with it.
I just dunno wot to think, im 32 and have broken up with ppl before so i do believe what u all tell me. Just wish i had mates to keep occupied, but no i only see them weekends.
Travis
Go do something, anything
Go look at some bicycles, road or mountain, talk to the dealer, and consider the possibility of it being something to do. You don't have to buy, but get the info, because it'll burn time on the clock and right now, that's what you want to do, take things one minute, one hour and one day at a time, so look into new ways to occupy your time, both now and in future.
As time passes, you'll feel better, just need to get out of this funk.
Go for long drives, back you favorite music into your car or iPhone, and take a day trip somewhere...lake, mountain, park, river, whatever....just get away, and do it each day, as a way to get away and a way to burn time...take in a ballgame or two if you can
I've had my moments in my brief 25 years where that kind of shit seems unbearable. I've thought the same thoughts that you have. But I promise it's not worth it.
Honestly, this may not be best received, but look into herbal supplements. I've found a great ability to control my life by adding stuff from mother earth to my daily routine. I'm not talking pot, but if that's your gig then so be it. You can pm if ya need.
Thanks for asking
Hope all is well with you
That's a great feeling isn't it? After my ex-wife left, I had a similar feeling one day. It just seemed to happen out of the blue; all of a sudden I was OK. I knew I wasn't going to live in the past anymore, I was going to concentrate on myself and my kids, and do everything I could to make our lives better. That was 2 1/2 years ago, and - like I said in my last post - today, I'm more comfortable with myself than I ever have been before.
Drop me a message through my profile if you want to get some shit off your chest. I may not have all the answers, but I'll help as best I can.
Pit Row
Like others, I've lost someone to suicide. Coming up on 3 years in October. His body has never been recovered, most likely at the bottom of a local reservoir. What is sad and I can't forget is he had plans with several of us the day he went missing.
It's not worth it. People love you and will miss you.
I spent a lot of time trying to make my first marriage work and when she finally left....I couldnt believe how good I felt. It was like a large anvil of negativity had been lifted from my shoulders.
Im still getting shit out of her but im coping, went for a walk to town today in the shitty rain lol. Had a sandwich and a carrot cake
There's a lot of brain chemistry that goes on with the people we choose as partners, so it makes perfect sense that this is tearing you up right now. Nothing to be ashamed of. But as time passes and you get to moving on, that won't be the case. So take solace in that. Its like eating shit on your bike, you know the pain is only temporary, and at some point it will subside. That being said, I don't have kids nor a mother of my kids, so I understand there's a bit more at play here. Just breath deep all day long, stay as busy as you can, and be proactive in bettering your overall well-being. None of us have any time to lose so get back to living brotha!
Go seek professional help. Don't drink or party while you go through this. I wish you the absolute best.
Dont let it become an argument, mind u if it is right the other poster wont respond at all. We know y
I really focused on me - I bought a road bike, made a list of goals, used a calendar to figure out how I would spend my time, and started going to the gym. From there, a lot of things started falling into place. When you realize how capable you really are, it makes you want to work even harder and not settle for anything. Make your health, goals, and your relationship with your children priority.
We're all pulling for you Travis!
Ive relapsed. Sat in my boxers and socks, but i have blocked HER and deletrd her. Im drinkin red wine.
Sorry guys, its hard.
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