Shop Tool Explained!

Arkmx
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1625
Joined
10/6/2006
Location
35 miles west of PHX..., AZ US
5/17/2012 1:02pm Edited Date/Time 5/18/2012 9:21am
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Got this from a friend.

Most can relate to this in one way or another.



DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light . Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh--!'

SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes , trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER : Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

SON-OF-A-***** TOOL: (A personal favorite!) Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a *****! ' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

Hope you found this informative and if none of this happened to you, you are not old and a dirt bike rider/racer, dad, grandfather mom, grandma etc, etc....

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Top End
Posts
453
Joined
2/28/2010
Location
Upstate, NY US
5/17/2012 1:21pm
Having R&R a lot of engines, I like the floor jack and engine hoist ones best.
neverwas
Posts
2571
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8/17/2006
Location
Tucson, AZ US
Fantasy
868th
5/17/2012 1:38pm
Some of those tools work exactly how explained.Blink
kardy
Posts
1229
Joined
8/2/2006
Location
Newport, OR US
5/17/2012 1:57pm
Gold Jerry, gold! Sounds like a Rupert X how-to article. I have a short vid I have of his use of a pair of needlenose pliers that is epic.

The Shop

jeffro503
Posts
27442
Joined
7/22/2007
Location
St Helens, OR US
5/17/2012 5:14pm
That list is great! LMFAO! Perfect description of every single one of those tools. It had me laughing pretty good , printed it out and put it in my shop so all my buddies that come over can check it out.
Spergen
Posts
754
Joined
5/16/2011
Location
GB
5/17/2012 6:43pm
Very good indeed, I know exactly where you coming from with this list, one other tool i thought of though is circlip pliers ! They are amazing for initiating a good game of hide and seek Angry
pecu_83
Posts
347
Joined
10/27/2010
Location
Parola FI
5/18/2012 1:34am
Laughed out loud on so many tools! Especially the engine hoist brought back some memories! Smile
MX690
Posts
783
Joined
11/13/2009
Location
AU
5/18/2012 6:13am
That was good, and pretty accurate, I espeacialy like the engine hoist.
dl117
Posts
1549
Joined
2/8/2007
Location
Cambridge, MN US
Fantasy
2546th
5/18/2012 7:57am
jeffro503 wrote:
That list is great! LMFAO! Perfect description of every single one of those tools. It had me laughing pretty good , printed it out and put...
That list is great! LMFAO! Perfect description of every single one of those tools. It had me laughing pretty good , printed it out and put it in my shop so all my buddies that come over can check it out.
i just did the same for the shop fridge......LOL
dkg
Posts
1863
Joined
9/12/2010
Location
Rancho Cucamonga, CA US
5/18/2012 9:21am
Laugh, thanks for sharing I needed that this morning.

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